by Leslie Gould
Jessie introduced us to her parents, Bill and Becky Berg, and then to her siblings—eight in all, five brothers and three sisters. Her parents looked too young to have so many, especially one as old as Jessie, who was the firstborn. The youngest, also a girl, was probably two or so. She pointed to Robbie, who ducked behind Pete’s leg and laughed.
“Molly’s the girl I was talking about,” Jessie told her parents. “The one who used to be friends with Phillip.” Friends. The word was definitely coded.
“Oh,” her mother said. “I see.” She sized me up and then looked at Jessie. As far as looks, her daughter had me beat by a long shot. As far as capturing Phillip’s fancy, she’d won there too. And I was happy about that, truly. So why did it all feel so awkward?
I was determined not to let it bother me and instead tried to recall all of the kids’ names—which I couldn’t, but I did register the name of the girl in the chair. Bella. I knew it meant beautiful.
I tried not to stare. Her mouth moved as if she were trying to say something. She probably had a metabolic disorder—a genetic condition, that was hereditary and unfortunately all too common among us Plain people. I couldn’t help but wonder what Phillip, with his need for perfection, thought of the possibility of having a disabled child. True, most of us were raised to accept everyone—but I thought it would be a bigger challenge for Phillip than for most.
Jessie stepped to her sister’s side and leaned close. “Jah,” Jessie said. “They’re staying for a while.” Then she undid the brakes on the wheelchair and pushed Bella between two lawn chairs.
“How about some lemonade?” Jessie’s Mamm, who seriously looked young enough to be the big sister of the family, grabbed a stack of plastic cups and stepped toward an insulated jug. She had the same dark hair as her daughters, and the same dark brows and striking hazel eyes.
Jessie passed out the lemonade to all of us guests first and then to her family members. She handed Phillip a cup with a lid. He gave her a questioning look and she nodded toward Bella. Phillip sat beside the girl and helped her tip the cup. She gave him a wide smile after she swallowed, and he patted her arm, a little awkwardly, as if he didn’t quite know how to behave. So instead he started to talk, describing Bill Berg’s farm in detail. It seemed the family was quite wealthy. Jessie gave him a wilting look, but Phillip kept on talking. Finally she said, “Phil, no one wants to hear about our farm.”
“Sure they do,” Phillip said.
She shook her head and said, “So what are your plans for the rest of the afternoon?”
Martin mentioned fishing, but as he spoke Robbie grew fussy again. Pete said he’d head back with him. Mervin, Hannah, and Leon volunteered to go too. I glanced at Bea. She was sitting next to Jessie, seemingly enjoying herself for once. Martin and Ben looked awfully comfortable too.
“I’ll head back to camp also,” I said.
“Me too,” Beatrice said, jumping to her feet, holding up her book. “I want to get some writing done.”
We thanked the Bergs, leaving Ben and Martin to weather another of Phillip’s stories, this one about the farm he worked on, and left quickly.
Robbie started out in Pete’s arms but soon ended up in Hannah’s. Leon and Mervin fell in behind her.
I walked a few steps back, my muscles stiffening more.
“You know . . .” Beatrice said, catching up with me. I expected some sort of commentary about Leon. Instead she said, “You’re really lucky Phillip broke up with you.”
“Ach,” I whispered. “I don’t need your thoughts on this. Especially not now.”
“No really. He’s the kind of man you were bound to marry. Someone shallow and full of himself. You’re lucky he was in such a sorry state after Addie dumped him—otherwise you two would probably be married by now.”
I shook my head and slowed down even more, not wanting the others, especially Leon, to hear Beatrice. “I have no idea what you mean.”
“Phillip never would have appreciated the real you—I don’t know if you would have even been able to be the real you. It would have been all about him. You need someone as strong as you are—but caring. Someone who will rein you in.” She laughed at her joke, drawing both Leon’s and Mervin’s attention.
But not for long. In a split second they’d both migrated to Hannah’s side as she put a sleeping Robbie over her shoulder with the grace of a woman who loved children.
“Actually, the issue at hand may no longer be who will rein you in. . . .” She looked from me to Leon to Hannah and nodded her head in a knowing way. “And to think I thought I might have a chance with him.”
“What does that mean?” I practically hissed.
But she skipped ahead, away from me without answering. I was sure she never really thought she had a chance with Leon. It was more of a competitive reaction toward me.
However, I could see why she thought Hannah had a chance with him.
I fell even farther behind, fighting off the despair growing inside of me.
Leon didn’t ask me to ride again that day. He took Storm up the trail while Hannah and Mervin led Lightning around the campground, talking as they did. I was horrified when Hannah asked Cate if she could give Robbie a ride on Lightning, fearing a dog might come tearing through camp. “I’ll put him in front of me,” she said.
Cate actually seemed to consider it but then said, “No, not this trip. Let’s wait until he’s older. Or Betsy and Levi are around.”
The afternoon air hung warm and heavy. I pulled the box of Dat’s shirts from our tent and took it to the picnic table, pulling out the diamond pattern and my scissors. The others came and went, but no one asked me what I was up to. I felt melancholy thinking about Dat as I cut the fabric, about our camping trips all those years ago, and then about Leon off riding Storm by himself. If only I were braver.
Before it was time to start supper, I put the diamonds I’d cut on top of the shirts and then stowed the box away in the tent.
After bean and bacon soup and corn bread for supper, prepared by me—all alone, since Leon didn’t return until just before we ate—Martin and Ben went fishing while the rest of us sat around the fire. The weather had cooled some, and the heat of the fire felt good. Leon and I sat side by side on a stump. I’m not sure which one of us scooted over—maybe both of us—but soon our legs were touching. All was well. I’d been foolish to think otherwise.
Except for the question of Montana . . .
Mervin glowered at me for a moment, but then turned toward Hannah. As darkness fell, though, the horses started stomping around, and Leon said it was time for him to turn in.
He leaned toward me, his shoulder touching mine, and looked me in the eyes. “See you in the morning.”
I nodded. After he left I decided to go to bed too, and Cate, Pete, and Robbie soon followed. The others, however, stayed up and laughed long into the night.
Consequently, the others slept in the next morning. This time I didn’t mind. I enjoyed the time around the campfire drinking coffee with Pete and Leon while Cate tended to Robbie.
I’d put Mervin and Hannah down on the chart for breakfast—which meant we ended up eating late.
Afterward, we all walked around the lake except for Cate, who stayed back to read, and Martin, who went fishing. The others stopped in and said hello to Phillip and Jessie, but I kept on walking. The day was already warmer than the day before and muggy.
I waited for the others to catch up at a trailhead and we continued on, walking away from the lake and getting in a good hike before it was time to go back and start the noon meal. But when we arrived back at camp, Cate had everything out for sandwiches.
After lunch I headed over to the horses, and Leon. I still wasn’t going to ride, but I did want to try to pet Lightning again. But when I arrived, Hannah was already there, putting a saddle on Lightning.
“Leon said you’re going riding again,” she said, looking up at me, flashing her cute dimples. “I told him I’d saddle Lightning for you.
”
I shook my head.
“Oh, come on,” she said. “It will be good for you.” She bent down to fasten the saddle.
I squatted, peering at her from under the horse, and lowered my voice. “Hannah, please. I can’t.”
She popped back up. “Then I’ll go.” Her dimples flashed.
I stood. That wasn’t exactly what I wanted.
Leon’s deep voice came from the other side of the trailer. “Molly, the sooner you get back on the better.”
Hannah met my gaze and then, speaking about me again, said, “She’s too sore.” Then she mouthed “Right?” to me.
I shrugged. I actually hadn’t felt that bad, but now that she mentioned it . . .
She whispered, “Do you mind if I go?”
Of course I minded! But I answered, “No. Not at all.”
I headed around the trailer to Leon. He was holding Storm’s reins in his hands, looking into the horse’s eyes. “Later then?” he asked.
I nodded. Although I had no idea when that would be. “Anything I can do to help?” I kept my voice cheery.
“No,” he answered. “We might be gone awhile.”
I felt my eyes narrow—I forced them wide. I wasn’t going to be clingy—it was just a ride. They probably rode together all the time back at Paradise Stables.
“Well, have fun.” I turned away from Leon. “I’ll see you when you get back.”
Perhaps Leon acknowledged what I said, but I didn’t hear him. I stepped around the trailer. Hannah was standing with her nose to Lightning’s. Both of them had their eyes closed, as if they were kissing. If I were allowed a camera, I’d have taken a photo. If I knew how to draw, I would have gone back to my tent to sketch it. But as it was, I blinked, committing the image to memory. As much as Hannah was driving me crazy at the moment, she was still my best friend.
And she loved horses.
Something I never would.
But that didn’t mean I’d lose Leon to her, did it?
Hannah stepped into the trailer for a moment and came back out wearing Leon’s cowboy hat. The gall of her! I willed myself not to react. Then she stepped to the side of Lightning and hoisted herself up in one graceful movement. She looked as if she were the queen of the world on top of Lightning, who, perhaps because of Hannah’s confidence, held her head high.
I marched around the trailer, where I watched her and Leon meet up as they headed toward the trail. Hannah nodded toward Leon, her profile toward me, her dimple flashing as she smiled. She was flirting with him, I was sure. He smiled back, causing my heart to fall, and then they took off at a trot in unison. Neither jostled in their saddles. Both held their horse’s reins in a relaxed manner. Lightning and Storm both seemed at ease—and eager to get going.
“How come you’re not riding with him?” Mervin poked my arm.
“I’m a little sore,” I answered.
“So?”
“Leon wanted to go on a long ride.”
“Great,” Mervin groaned. “Just when I come to my senses, Hannah rides off with the cowboy—someone who shares her interests, someone much taller than me.” He pulled his sunglasses from atop his head and put them on his face. “Someone much better looking.”
“That’s not true,” I said, even though it was.
He sighed. “They make a good couple. She’s so beautiful. He’s so handsome.”
I nudged him. “So you’re over me, then?” I felt relieved, but also a bit rejected.
“Jah,” he answered, pushing his glasses up on his nose. “Sorry about that. I lost my senses for a time. But being with Hannah, seeing her with Robbie, knowing what a great Mamm she’ll be . . .” He shrugged. “I don’t know what I was thinking to stop courting her.”
I nodded and then swallowed hard. “You two are sweet together.”
“Denki,” he said. “And doubly so for being so understanding. Something will work out with your farm, right?”
I smiled.
“Ivan buying it wouldn’t be so bad,” Mervin said. “Maybe he’ll let you live there for a while longer at least.”
“Mervin,” I snapped. “Don’t say such a thing.”
He shrugged. “Hopefully things will work out with you and Leon.” He smiled. “Maybe you’ll end up in Montana, if Hannah doesn’t—”
I couldn’t bear to hear another word, so I interrupted him. “Beatrice brought a set of dominoes.” Causing her bag to weigh a ton. “Let’s go play.”
He shook his head and started toward the trail.
“Where are you going?” I called out.
“After Hannah.”
“You’ll never catch them.”
“I’ll do my best.” He took off at a run.
I shuffled back to camp. Pete and Robbie were sleeping on a quilt spread in the shade of their tent. Martin and Ben had returned and they were sitting at the picnic table with Beatrice, who had pulled out her ten-pound set of dominoes. She had her back to the fire pit.
Cate looked up from where she sat in a lawn chair, her feet propped on the stump, a book her hands. “Ach, Molly. What’s the matter?”
I slumped down in the chair beside her and said, “Nothing.”
“Where’s Leon?” she asked, turning her head toward the horse trailer.
“He and Hannah went for a ride—because I didn’t want to.”
“Of course you didn’t,” she murmured.
“And Mervin took off after them.”
“On foot?”
I nodded.
She looked as if she might laugh but didn’t. “It sounds as if everything is working out.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“Ach,” she said. “Hannah’s crazy about Mervin. And Leon’s crazy about you.”
Beatrice responded from where she sat at the table with a “Harrumph.”
I lowered my voice more. “Beatrice doesn’t think I’m good enough for Leon.” I sighed. “It’s funny, because when Hannah first met him she thought he was a country bumpkin. Now she probably doesn’t think I’m good enough for him either.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Cate said. “Mervin likes Hannah and Leon likes you. What’s not to work out?”
I shook my head. “They’re both crazy about Hannah.”
“Why do you say that?”
“They both want to be with her.”
“Ach, I’m sorry.” Cate closed her book. “As far as Leon, it’s probably a misunderstanding.” She chuckled. “Pete and I had a few of those.”
I shifted in the chair. “But you two adore each other.”
“Jah, that’s true,” she admitted. “I’ve been blessed in marrying my soul mate. But it wasn’t that way at first, let me assure you. I felt horrible about myself.”
I grimaced. I knew they’d had some problems.
“Which doesn’t mean I think you feel horrible about yourself,” she quickly said. “You don’t. Just about not having a knack with horses and children. But that’s not enough to scare Leon away.”
My sister turned around on the bench, away from Ben and Martin. “But your bossiness is,” she said looking straight at me. “It’s enough to scare anyone away.”
“Bea,” I snapped.
Cate patted my arm again.
“Denki for trying to help,” I said. I stood and, without addressing my sister, turned around and left the campsite. I started along the pathway to the lake but feared I might bump into Phillip and Jessie.
If I started up the trail I might meet Mervin coming down. Or Hannah and Leon. But perhaps, if Cate was right, Leon would let Mervin ride and Leon would walk with me. I wasn’t going to run after them the way Mervin had, but I wasn’t going to give up either.
Chapter
16
I stopped halfway to the meadow to catch my breath. The day had grown hot and muggy, the cool mountain air long gone. Through the trees a doe stood statue still, watching me. When she finally turned away, a fawn followed her deeper into the forest.
As I s
tarted walking again, I noted more columbine, Queen Anne’s lace, and then the purple flower I couldn’t identify. I thought of Dat when I spotted trillium in the distance—but I didn’t go off the trail to get a closer look. Not today. Not in the emotional state I was in.
A hot breeze began to blow, stirring the treetops above my head, sending down a shower of pine needles onto my Kapp. I brushed them off and tilted my head back. An especially tall red pine caught my attention. I remembered when Dat turned seventy he said, “I’m not old—for a tree.” We’d all laughed. The tree above me was much older than seventy, anchored by deep roots in the same place all these years, only seeing—if trees could see—what came by it. Hikers. A dog. Wildlife. A man and a woman on horses.
I kept walking. Next I noted a half-dozen seedlings that had sprouted on a log, now partly rotted and covered with moss. That made me think of Dat too, and Mamm, of what they wanted for Beatrice and me. For us to follow the Lord, join the church, and then marry men who loved God. And have families of our own. That was the Plain way.
In keeping with his feelings about nature, besides saying the forest was more beautiful than any cathedral, Dat also said it was far more holy. I believed him. I’d been drained dry since Dat’s passing, but for a moment I felt God’s presence as I walked along, felt him beside me. But then my thoughts drifted back to whether Leon might be falling for Hannah.
It wasn’t as if Hannah and Leon hadn’t spent time together before the camping trip. They lived on the same property. If they were interested in each other, why hadn’t they figured it out before?
But maybe that had been Leon’s plan. To pretend he wasn’t interested in her. To use me. And then win Hannah over.
And why not? Perhaps he thought it would be a way into the family business, into training and raising horses for a living. After all, what did I have to offer him? Nothing but a flower farm—and a failing one at that.
Or maybe he’d realized in the last day that Hannah was far more likely to follow him to Montana than I was. She wasn’t attached to her family’s land, and she didn’t have a parent and sibling she was responsible for.