Forever, For Always

by Quinn, Sabrina

  Big fat drops of tears begin to fall from my face onto my dress. “No. He was killed the day after we were married.” I barely get the words out before I succumb to my reality and sob as I openly grieve my husband for the very first time. Isaac pulls me into an instinctive embrace and holds onto me until I’m finally able to compose myself. I pull away and wipe my face with the palms of my hands. “I’m sorry, I really should go now. Thank you again for dinner,” I say as I open the door to step out of the car and reach in the back to unfasten Benny.

  “I can carry him in for you if you would like.” Isaac has gotten out of the car and is now standing beside me as I stand up shifting Benny’s body in my arms.

  “I’m okay, really. Thanks anyway.” I walk straight to my door without ever looking back at him.

  Before I can shut the door, Isaac walks in and sets Benny’s car seat down in the entryway. I’d completely forgotten about it. When he stands back up we are face to face. He stares into my eyes and for a moment I’m frightened that he might try to kiss me. “Thank you again for coming tonight. I know it wasn’t something you really wanted to do, but I had more fun than I’ve had in a while.”

  “Me, too,” I answer softly.

  He walks backwards until he is out of the doorway. “Goodnight, Vada.”

  “Good night, Isaac.”

  Once I shut and lock the door, I lean my back up against it, still cradling Benny in my arms, until I hear him take off.

  Good riddance to Adaline’s birthday. It never was a day to celebrate.

  Chapter Four

  I wake up with puffy, bloodshot eyes. After laying Benny in his room last night, I retreated to my own and cried until I was too exhausted to cry anymore and finally fell asleep. I hate June second. It means another year has passed without Dominic. I hate myself even more though, because I caught myself forgetting about Dominic last night for the first time ever. I was actually enjoying life. I caught a glimpse at what life should be like for those few short hours we were with Isaac. I really messed up when I fell victim to the moment and told Isaac I was a widow. Even though I never let on any other details, I have to be more careful. I can’t let myself get close to anyone. This is why I made my no friends rule. Acquaintances are fine, but I mustn’t let myself get that comfortable again. Gloria is a slight exception because she takes such great care of Benny. She respects me and already knows my limits, so I don’t see much of a bad outcome other than when it comes time to leave her. That day is going to be unbearably hard.

  Benny runs into my room with his crazy thick black hair pointing every which direction. He climbs up onto my bed and begins to jump up and down. “Good morning, Mommy! I had so much fun last night, Mommy! When can we see Officer Monroe again, Mommy?” He plops down onto his butt beside me, wide eyed with a cheesy smile that mimics the one Dominic had.

  “Officer Monroe is really busy protecting the city, so I don’t think we’ll see him very often. You have to remember that superheroes have a big job to do. He is probably really tired when he isn’t out fighting crime.”

  Benny frowns. “You’re right.”

  “How about we go to the beach today and look for more washed up jelly fish? You had fun doing that last night, didn’t you?”

  Benny hops back up to his feet and begins to jump on my bed again. It’s so easy to distract a three year old. “Can we buy a bucket and shovel on the way to take with us? We can dig up treasure with it!”

  I hop up to my feet and take both of his hands into mine to jump along with him on the bed. “That is a fantastic idea!” I grab him and fall to the bed tickling his sides as he giggles uncontrollably.

  He tries to speak through his fit of laughter but can’t, so I surrender my tickling to hear what he has to say. “What are you waiting on?” his little voice squeaks as he wriggles away from me off the bed to get his swim trunks.

  ~

  We ended up spending the entire day at the beach. I packed us lunch before we had left so we could have a picnic on the beach. On the way home, we stopped by the ice cream shop and ate ice cream sundaes for dinner. In the words of Benny, I’m the best mommy ever! It has not even been five minutes since walking through the door and Benny has already crashed on the couch. Poor guy is beyond exhausted from our long day as pirates. We even brought home a sand bucket full to the top with shell treasures we discovered. Every day I love that little boy more and more. Words can never express how much I love him. I’ll never understand how my own mother could just leave me abandoned in a dirty towel, on the bathroom floor of a busy Manhattan hotel. Not that I have any memory of it of course. I honestly don’t have any clear memories of the many foster homes I was in and out of as a child either. The mind is a funny thing. It can make you forget bad things that should never happen to little children. My first real memory is of the first day I met Dominic. It was right before Christmas that year. I was only eight years old.

  ***

  I was given a brand new green dress to wear when I was picked up from social services today. It has glitter on it that makes it sparkle. It is so pretty. It even poufs out like a princess dress when I twirl around in circles. The nice woman who helped me get ready this morning tied matching green ribbons into bows around each of my pigtails. I got to be on TV with the man who is taking me to live with him. It was a whirlwind day of news interviews and so many pictures that I can hardly see now from all of the bright flashes. We don’t arrive to Mr. Vincent Rossi’s home until after dark. His house is nothing like all of the other foster homes I’ve stayed in. This place is on the top floor of the biggest building in Manhattan. He calls it a penthouse. The inside of the penthouse could easily hold five or six of the houses I’m used to living in. I walk around in amazement at how nice, big, and clean everything is in the vast building. It reminds me of the castles that you see in movies. Maybe I really am going to get to be a princess!

  Vincent is standing in the kitchen pouring a dark brown liquid into a glass. He turns around to take a sip just as I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his waist to give him a big hug. He told the news lady he’s adopting me. I finally have someone who wants me. I’m finally going to have a family. This is the best day of my life.

  I don’t even see it coming when he back hands me across the face. “Don’t ever do that again,” he firmly says, while taking another sip of his drink as if nothing happened.

  Holding my hands to my split open eye, I try my best not to cry. “I thought that’s what you do when you love someone. You hug them when you’re happy,” I say in the smallest voice.

  His laugh is haunting. “You think I love you? Little girl, you better listen, and I mean really listen to what I am about to say to you.” He crouches down slightly to be eye level with me.

  Words do not come out of my mouth, just a slight head nod in understanding.

  “Only when we are out of this house are you to speak to me. When we are in here,” he says, standing back up and pointing all around him. “You only speak once you are spoken to first. When we are outside of this house, you will smile, you will be courteous, and you will be the good little girl that you are. Do I make myself clear, Addy?”

  I shake my head yes to him which somehow seems to infuriate him more.

  “I said you speak when you are spoken to! Do I make myself clear?”

  “Ye…ye… yes,” I stutter.

  “Dominic!” Vincent yells looking toward a long, dark hallway and finishing off the rest of the liquid with a big gulp. Not a minute later a little boy rushes in the room, stopping right in front of Vincent. He stands up tall with his shoulders straight and his chin up high. Just like a little soldier.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Clean up her eye and put some ice on it before it swells.” He looks to me now as he speaks. “When you are asked what happened, you tell whomever it may be that your new brother did it to you. He was jealous that I brought a beautiful little girl into our home, but I took care of it.”

  My good ey
e is wide in shock at the blatant lie he is commanding me to tell. I don’t dare speak until he walks out of the room.

  “Don’t worry, I won’t lie for him,” I whisper to the boy.

  He takes a wet cloth and wipes the blood from the cut right below my right eye, I flinch from the sting. He then gently places an icepack on it. “Yes you will. If you don’t, next time will just be worse. I’ll be okay. Just do as he says. It’s easier that way.”

  I watch him as he grabs a small tube of medicine from the cabinet and lightly slathers it on the cut, as if this is something he is a professional at. For some reason, that makes me sad, even though no one has ever taken care of me like this before.

  “My name is Adaline.”

  “I thought my dad called you Addy,” he declares without question.

  “I don’t really like being called Addy. I like Adaline better.”

  He lays the icepack back on my eye that is now practically swollen shut. “Okay, Adaline.” He smiles for the first time since walking in the room. “I’m Dominic. I’m nine years old. How old are you?

  I smile back at him. He’s nice. “I’m eight.”

  Dominic frowns for a moment before speaking. “I’m sorry this happened to you. You didn’t know any better. I promise for now on I’ll try my best to protect you so he doesn’t hurt you again.”

  “But what if you get hurt instead?” I ask, worried as I put my hand up to the icepack so that he doesn’t have to hold onto it anymore.

  “Don’t worry about me. Just remember that I’ll always have your back.”

  From that day forward, he did just as he promised.

  ***

  Being out in the sun all day yesterday wore both of us out. I talked Benny into staying inside and having a movie marathon today, popcorn and all. We watched all of his favorites. Somewhere in between Superman and Hulk, Benny fell asleep.

  There is a knock at the front door so I jump up and grab my wallet to pay the pizza delivery man before he knocks again and wakes Benny up from his nap. He rarely naps and can be pretty grumpy if he doesn’t sleep long enough during one of those said naptimes. When I open the door, I’m greeted by a police officer instead.

  “You are not the pizza guy,” I say out loud and slip the cash back into the pocket of my jean shorts.

  Isaac halfway smiles. “I’m sorry to disappoint you. I may not have pizza but I do have something. I was in the area and thought I’d stop by to give Benny this.” He holds up a small toy police car.

  “That is very kind of you, but Benny is taking a nap right now.” I step the rest of the way out of the door and quietly shut it behind me. I cross my arms across my chest, debating about the best way to say this. “Isaac, honestly, I’m not sure this is really a good idea. Benny has already seemed to become enamored by you in such a short time, so you randomly stopping by doesn’t really help.”

  “I’m sorry. I guess I don’t understand what the big deal is. I thought we all had a good time Friday night. I’m just stopping by to see a friend and to bring her son who loves police cars, one of his own.”

  “When I said that I didn’t need friends, it was for a good reason. It’s just what is best for Benny and me.”

  Isaac taps the toy car against his other hand, trying to hide his frustration. “Alright, I get it,” he says, defeated.

  “Thank you,” I say sincerely, hoping he does not take this too personally.

  Isaac makes it halfway to his police car before stopping and spinning back around. “I would still like to give Benny the car sometime, if that’s okay with you.”

  Now I feel bad. He really seemed to enjoy Benny’s company as much as Benny enjoyed his. If I have to be honest with myself, I actually enjoyed it as well. If our situation were a little different, I may even want to be friends with him. That is why I have to keep my distance, though.

  “That’s fine. We can work out a day sometime this week.”

  Isaac nods his head and walks away as I head back into my apartment.

  Chapter Five

  Monday morning starts off slower than usual. Everyone must be having coffee at home today or something. I make a Café con Leche and catch myself adding a stupid extra shot of espresso to it. I sit down on the little stool behind the front counter and take a sip. Mmm. That does give it that extra kick it needs. I look up at the door as I hear the bell chime for the first time this morning.

  Isaac walks in with another officer in tow that looks to be about around the same age as him. They are busy chatting, from what it sounds like about a recent run, when they make it to the back side of the cafe to the register.

  “The usual?” I ask him.

  “Yeah,” he answers nonchalantly as he rests both of his hands on the edge of the counter.

  I make his drink and hand it over to him as he hands me a five dollar bill in exchange as usual, putting the entire change into the tip jar, also as usual. I was worried today would be awkward after dinner Friday and his surprise visit yesterday evening, but thankfully he is acting as if nothing ever happened this weekend.

  “I’ll have whatever it is he got,” the other officer says handing me exactly two dollars and fifty cents.

  I put the money in the drawer and begin to make his drink. Isaac doesn’t know that I see him do it, but he throws in an extra couple of dollar bills into the tip jar when he realizes his partner did not tip me. I’m so perplexed by it that I start to ask him why he always tips me the exact amount as his order, but my voice is cut off by their police radios before I have a chance.

  ”10-57 address is 1466 Sierra Pass Apt C. Over.”

  Isaac takes a sip of his drink before pulling the radio to his mouth. “10-4 We are on our way.”

  “That is the second missing person reported in less than a week, Monroe,” the other officer says as he turns to Isaac while taking his cup from my hand not even acknowledging me.

  “It’s probably just another runaway.”

  I don’t fail to hear what they just said. As often as runaways happen, I can’t help but assume from my own jaded past what the reason may really be. I keep myself busy the rest of my shift to keep the memories hidden away in my mind.

  ~

  When I turn the corner to my apartment, I see Benny and Gloria sitting outside. Benny is sitting on his knees, covered in colorful dust from head to toe. “Look at all the pictures I drew, Mommy.” He proudly boasts. The entire sidewalk in front of the building is a mural of sidewalk chalk drawings.

  I dust him off a little before picking him up to give him a kiss. “You did all of this?” I’m amazed at all of the different things his little imagination came up with to draw. For being drawn by a three year old, they are actually pretty good.

  “Want me to tell you what they all are?”

  I set him back on his feet as he runs to the farthest picture and begins to explain that it is of our pirate adventure at the beach the other day. He drew what looks like a treasure chest with different sized circles in it. “Those are the shells!’ He pulls my arm to follow him to the next picture, a yellow circle with lines coming out of it. “This is the sun because I’m your sunshine. I love when you sing You Are My Sunshine to me, Mommy.”

  My eyes fill with tears. “Well it’s true. You really are my sunshine. Your light shines bright each morning and makes me wake up for a new day. It keeps my heart warm and makes me forget about all the rain.” Benny smiles as if he understands what I mean, even though I know he doesn’t, he just drags me along to the next picture. It’s of three stick figures. The tallest one has colorful scribbles all down it’s arms, the second one must be a girl because it has long hair and what looks like a dress on, and the third is much smaller version than the first one.

  “This is me, you, and Officer Monroe when we were looking for jelly fish on the beach! But Officer Monroe is really Clark Kent here, because he wasn’t wearing his uniform. That was the best day ever, Mommy. Do you think we can do it again soon?”

  My face falls s
ullen, not sure how to answer him. We can’t keep hanging out with Isaac, but how do I explain that to a three year old boy? I almost forget that Gloria has been sitting on the cement step this entire time, listening to these private little moments with my son. She’s a smart woman. She has to be piecing some of the puzzle together by now. “Why don’t you go inside and change out of these messy clothes into something clean and we can go get cheeseburgers. Does that sound good for dinner?”

  “Can we walk on the beach and look for more treasure after?” I soak in every little innocent piece of the childhood I was robbed of through him. Because of this, Benny pretty much always gets his way.

  “Of course, little man!”

  After he runs into the house, I walk over to Gloria who has been silent this whole time and I sit down beside her.

  “I heard all about Friday night. That is all Benny has talked about today.” Gloria turns to face me and grabs both of my hands into hers. “That is all Isaac spoke about to me Saturday, as well.”

  “He really is good with Benny.” I sigh. “I can tell he is a good person Gloria, but we just can’t get close to anyone. I’m sorry I can’t tell you why, but you have to trust me when I say that I’m doing this for Benny’s safety.”

  “Vada, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but Isaac is pretty smitten with you already. Isaac has never spoken about a woman to me the way he has about you. He really likes Benny too. Just try to give him a chance.”

  “I really wish I could, Gloria, but I can’t. Benny and I don’t stay in one place long. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us.”

  “Whatever or whoever you are running from, my dear; no one could keep you safer than a police officer could.”

  “I wish that were true.” I exhale. Really, truly, wishing that could be true. I’m tired of running.

  Gloria puts her arm around me, pulling me to her. I lean my head on her shoulder as she pats my arm. “Well, I’m one tough old lady, so I hope that doesn’t mean you won’t at least let me in.”