Just Exes

by Charity Ferrell

  Hudson and Stella’s relationship is ending up in marriage. Willow and Dallas’s sex ended up with a baby and a relationship. You penetrate the person in more ways than one. No matter what anyone says, when you have sex, you give a part of yourself to the other person.

  “Thank you,” Stella says. “Hudson invited Gage, by the way.”

  I scrunch my face up. “What? I thought you supported my decision that Gage was no longer a word to be said in my presence.”

  “To be honest, I hardly know the guy, but Hudson went to his work and asked him to come.”

  Gage has been Voldemort in the Barnes family since we ended things again. I don’t want to hear his name. Don’t want to think about him. Nothing.

  Unfortunately, there’s not much I can do to Stella or Hudson today. You can’t exactly smack your brother on his wedding day. It’ll fuck up his gelled hair.

  “Why would he have done that? I told him we weren’t on speaking terms. It’d be a major buzzkill for you to walk down the aisle at the sound of our arguing.”

  She sighs. “He identifies with the situation. Your brother and I had a hard time giving in to each other at first. We’re both stubborn. If we had never admitted our wrongs, we wouldn’t be here today.”

  The wedding was beautiful.

  Small and intimate in my parents’ expansive backyard, which surprised me, given Stella’s celebrity roots. The only people present who’d graced the covers of magazines were her castmates and her supermodel sister.

  The bride and groom had their first dance, and the bouquet was thrown. And, if you think I went for that thing, you’re absolutely wrong.

  That doesn’t mean I didn’t shove Willow to the front of the group and then jump up and down in celebration when she caught it. She and Dallas need to tie the knot.

  This family deserves another fairy tale since mine is nothing but Nightmare on Elm Street–worthy.

  I take another sip of my champagne, hoping it moves me into positive vibes, but something about weddings brings out the PDA craze in couples. All it does is remind me of how much I want to see Gage and smack him with some PDA.

  I’m not sure which loss was the worse—the one when I was young and naive or the one when I was old enough to know better but couldn’t break another man’s heart. His dad’s health was deteriorating. My conscience couldn’t let me reveal our secret now.

  I lick the buttercream frosting off my fork and am washing it down with strawberry champagne when Amos comes barreling toward me, looking frantic and carrying his oxygen tank behind him.

  I jump out of my seat and sprint his way, meeting him in front of my parents’ house.

  “Amos,” I say, grabbing his arm to make sure he’s stable, “what’s going on?”

  He bends down at the waist to catch his breath. “You need …” Gasp. “He needs …” Gasp. “He needs you.”

  “Gage needs me?”

  I’ve caught the attention of my family, and all eyes are on me. I notice my dad getting up from his table to see what’s going on.

  “It’s Andy,” Amos spits out. “Gage came charging into the house and said they … they found Andy’s body. He packed a bag, left, and said he’d answer my questions later.”

  My heart sinks in my chest. “Oh my God. Where’s he now?”

  “On his way to the airport.”

  Gage never gave information on what had happened after Missy suffocated Andy, and I never exactly had the chance to ask any further questions.

  I help Amos to the front porch and situate him in a chair. “Do you need a ride?” I rush out. “You can come with me. Let me grab a bag.”

  I don’t think twice before running to my bedroom and throwing clothes into a carry-on. Amos is talking to my parents when I walk out. Their faces are sympathetic. I don’t know how much Amos told them, but I can’t imagine he would spill the news about Andy without Gage’s consent.

  “It’s not exactly safe for me to fly,” Amos says as Hudson and Stella join us on the porch. “I have my truck, a full tank of gas, and am not scared of getting a speeding ticket to take someone there.”

  I look at my family in torment.

  What do I do? Ditch my brother on his wedding day or go track down the man I’m in love with, who’s going through something unbearable?

  “Go,” Hudson says.

  “I’ll drive you two,” my father adds.

  “Do you know anything else?” I ask Amos when we get into my dad’s truck.

  He shakes his head. “He got the call, packed his bags, and left for the airport.”

  I grab my phone and hit Gage’s name. It rings a few times before going straight to voice mail. I smack the glove compartment.

  Shit!

  I call him again. Voice mail.

  This isn’t the time to be angry with me, Gage Perry.

  “No answer?” Amos asks from the backseat.

  I shake my head.

  “I told him,” Amos says.

  I glance back at him. “Told him what?”

  He clears his throat as I silently stare at him. “What I asked you to do.”

  No. Why?

  “Amos, you didn’t have to do that.”

  “While I appreciate your word, it was time I did. I robbed my son of years of happiness, and I needed to own up to my actions. Had I not selfishly asked you to leave him, he would’ve never moved to Chicago, would’ve never met Missy, and would’ve never gone through this hell. Andy might’ve moved in with a different family and had a mother who wasn’t mentally ill. My son wouldn’t be bearing these burdens today. He wouldn’t be on his way to see his dead son’s body had I not asked you to do that. I knew it’d tear him apart, losing you, but I was selfish.”

  “Amos, none of those things can be blamed on you or Gage.”

  “I know what it feels like to lose someone you love too early. I was selfish and should be blamed.”

  Thirty-One

  Gage

  My mind is racing.

  My flight can’t come fast enough.

  Minutes feel like hours.

  Luke has been regularly updating me, but there hasn’t been much information.

  A boy's body was found in the lake where Missy’s car had been seen earlier on the day of Andy's disappearance, even though she has denied disposing of his body there. Her story changed dozens of times, and it was hard for police to keep up.

  My little boy’s body had been in that lake for all this time.

  I shudder, wishing I could’ve been the one to go through that pain instead of him. Missy should’ve saved my little boy and taken me. Killed the person she was angry with, not a little man who was obsessed with Spider-Man and watched too many episodes of SpongeBob Squarepants. Man, what I would do to be hanging out on the couch, watching that with him.

  Missy left him there to decay in a shitty-ass lake like the heartless bitch she is. She left his body for two fishermen to find early one morning.

  Call me a bad dude, but she’s a fucking bitch. Period. Point-fucking-blank. Missy is the only woman I’d ever call that name, and she deserves it. She deserves a stronger punishment than prison. I hope what she did haunts her until she takes her last breath.

  I’ll be present at every appeal her attorney files, fighting for my boy who never got a chance. Andy was my sunshine after Lauren left me in the dark. Those five years I had with him kept me going, woke me up, and made me look forward to the day, and in the end, I was his death.

  “Missy’s father booked you a private flight,” Luke says when I answer his call.

  I grit my teeth. “Decline. I want nothing from that motherfucker.”

  “Take it, bro. No doubt, I wanted to tell him the same and hang up on his ass, but my love for you stopped me. It’ll get you here faster, and I know you want that more than anything.”

  “That’s the problem!” My voice rises and breaks at the same time. “I’ll never be able to be with him again.”

  Luke doesn’t reply, not trying to pu
sh it and giving me plenty of time to calm down. He gets my pain. He knows no words will ever heal my grief. I’ve been waiting yet dreading this day since Missy admitted to hurting him. Finding him will at least give me the answers that have been killing me.

  I went to that lake for weeks, dragging Luke with me, but we never found anything.

  There will always be a part of me that knows I could’ve saved him, should’ve done more when the signs of Missy’s breakdown started to come through, when I realized she hated me for what I couldn’t give her.

  “The flight leaves in five minutes. I’ll text you the info.”

  I snatch my bags and follow the directions in the text.

  Twenty minutes later, I’m boarding a private plan.

  Thirty-Two

  Lauren

  “It’s the only flight to Chicago,” I tell Willow over the phone, nearly out of breath from walking around the airport in search of him. “Unless he’s hiding out in the restroom, I can’t find him.” I do another scan of the waiting area. “Should I check in there?”

  “If you don’t mind seeing random men’s cocks pissing in urinals, go right ahead,” she answers. “Your brother followed me into the women’s restroom there once.”

  “No details, please. I don’t want a conversation that consists of cocks and my brother.”

  “Do you think Gage might’ve taken a private jet?”

  “A private jet?” I snort. “Gage doesn’t have access to those types of luxuries.”

  “You never know. Let me see what I can do, okay? I have connections with people who can look up flights. I did it for Stella all the time. Call you back.”

  “Thank you, Willow.”

  “And, whenever you’re ready to talk about it, I’m here.”

  Willow has been my lifesaver and my new best friend since I lost mine to the cheating-on-Hudson scandal. We’ve been each other’s rock during hard times.

  My dad and Amos are on their way home. My mom has been calling for updates every five minutes, and I know she’ll be pressing my dad for as many details as she can get.

  I’m unsure of where I’ll go and what I’ll do when I land.

  Time for me to figure that out.

  Guilt sweeps through me when I go to call Kyle next. I should’ve called him on my way to the airport, but all I cared about then was getting here. My phone nearly falls from my hand when it rings with an incoming call.

  Perfect timing.

  “Hey,” I answer. “I was about to call you.”

  “The hell is going on, Lauren?” Kyle shouts. “Gage texted me, asking for time off for an out-of-town emergency and isn’t answering his phone. Did something happen between you two? Did you break up with him again?”

  “I wish it were that simple,” I answer, grabbing my bag and walking down the hallway, away from eavesdropping ears.

  “I told you not to make him flee,” he grits out. “I lost my best friend once, and I won’t let it happen again.”

  “It’s not my fault.” I clear my throat. “Did Gage ever tell you about his life in Chicago?”

  “The man has been a sealed-up coffin about that shit.” His tone lowers. “What do you know?”

  I sigh. “It’s not my place, but find me any information you can about where he might stay in Chicago. Maybe a friend he still keeps in touch with?”

  “Answer me on why he left,” he demands.

  The severity of the question breaks me down. “Gage had a son who went missing and was assumed to be dead. They found his body today.”

  “Holy fuck. Give me a few minutes, okay?”

  He hangs up, and I walk around the airport, looking for Gage and ignoring the silent and curious looks from people. I’m wearing my bridesmaid dress, sporting an updo, and my cheeks are stained with mascara.

  I want to be there for Gage, wrap my arms around him, and absorb slivers of his pain. My job and life are about healing and helping, and it’s killing me that the person I most want to heal doesn’t want it.

  I’ll be Gage’s backbone while he’s crumbling.

  I redial his number.

  No answer.

  I’m grateful when Kyle calls me back and gives me what information he has.

  I board the plane, knowing I’ll be facing a broken man … if I find him.

  Thirty-Three

  Gage

  It is no surprise that Missy’s parents are waiting for me when I land.

  The private jet wasn’t an act of sincerity. It was bribery.

  I accepted the favor to get to my son faster.

  Her parents didn’t want Missy to keep Andy. He was dark-skinned, didn’t fit into the perfection of their Christmas photos, but they took to him when they realized Missy wasn’t breaking. They then made it their mission to scream to the world that their daughter had been such a humanitarian to take an orphaned baby into her home. They didn’t make it as known after they found out she was a murderer.

  I ignore her parents and stroll straight to Luke, who’s waiting for me on the opposite end of the section. I see the dirty looks he’s throwing her parents. He despises them as much as I do.

  “Thank you for picking me up,” I tell him.

  His face is sullen, heartbroken. He was Andy’s godfather. “I got you.” He hugs me—our second one of our entire friendship. The first was after he arrested Missy. “My guest room is cleaned out and ready for you. Let’s go.”

  Missy’s mother yells my name at the same time I go to turn my back to them. She frantically scurries over to us, her husband on her trail, with stress and worry spread over her face like a rash.

  Even though the distance is short, she’s nearly out of breath when she makes it to me. “Please … we need to talk.”

  I bite the side of my lip to inhale the words I want to scream in her face. “Not right now. There’s nothing I have to say to you.” Other than you and your family can step the fuck out of my face.

  Missy’s mom, Janice, has always been an honest and generous lady, a stay-at-home mother with the full-time job of organizing charity fundraisers. She had my full respect until she defended the woman who’d murdered my child … her grandchild.

  “Five minutes, please. That’s all I’m asking for. Don’t you think we at least deserve that?” she begs.

  I toss my bag on the floor in frustration and rub at my temples before replying, “You aren’t entitled to shit. When you stop sticking up and fighting for the woman who killed my child, that’s when you’ll deserve my time. I don’t owe you or her anything. You want my time? My respect? Do the right thing and stand up for Andy. For the love you have for your grandson. Accept that she deserves punishment for what she did.”

  “I can’t stop protecting my child. Nothing she does will ever change the love I have for her in my heart. I don’t look at her and see her terrible actions. I look at her and see the scared woman I raised, and I wish I had instilled more strength into her. I look at her and see my heart.”

  “At least you get to see your child. That luxury got taken from me!”

  This is the first time I’ve listened to Janice’s words and taken them to heart. I hear her pain. She raised a daughter who did something horrible, and she’s dealing with the guilt of that.

  “Gage, let’s go, man,” Luke says, grabbing my elbow, but I pull out of his hold.

  Robert is quiet as he stands next to her. A change from what I’ve experienced since the first time I met him. The loudest man in the room isn’t used to being powerless.

  “She’ll never parole,” I hiss. “You’ll have to kill me before I stop fighting for my son.”

  “We loved Andy just as much as you did,” Robert says.

  I snatch my bag from the ground. “Fucking prove it then.”

  They get my back as I follow Luke out of the airport and to his SUV.

  “You’ve got to calm down, dude. You know how powerful that prick is,” he says.

  Robert is the mayor of Chicago, and his family litters the politic
al scene.

  “He could be the president of the fucking United States, and I wouldn’t give a shit. I moved away from this city, so I wouldn’t have to look at them, think about them or the hell I went through here.” I look out the window. “All I do is think about what happened. How I hadn’t stopped it.”

  “There was nothing you could do.”

  I ball my hands into fists and hold them against my legs. “I don’t know what type of hell I’m walking into.” I stare at him with watery eyes. “Tell me what I’m walking into, man.”

  “You want raw or sugarcoated?”

  “Fucking hit me.”

  “They’re running DNA and dental records right now.” He stares ahead. “You know, it might not be him. Maybe it’s not over yet.”

  “They found the body in the same lake Missy was seen driving from. You wouldn’t have called me and put me through this hell had you not thought it was Andy. You were at the crime scene. You knew my son. Tell me, do you think it’s him? Tell me what you saw.”

  He tips his head down and lowers his voice. “The body wasn’t … wasn’t easily identifiable. It’d been there too long, but from the size, the details, and everything else I know about the situation …” He stops to look away from me. “I’m sorry, buddy, but I think it’s him.”

  “Fuck!” I open the door and release everything in my stomach in the parking garage.

  “Let’s get you back to my place. I’ll talk to everyone involved and provide any information. It’ll be too hard for you. I’ve got this.”

  I shut the door and use the back of my hand to wipe my mouth. “No, I’ve got this. I want to know everything, so I can make sure that bitch goes down for what she did. I won’t stop fighting for him until I’m fucking dead. She never gave me the chance to say good-bye. Now, I can.”

  He nods, hands me a fresh water, and we stay silent on the short drive to his house. Luke lives in the same South Side neighborhood he grew up in. A block deemed as the wrong side of town. Even though he has the means to move somewhere safer, he chooses not to.