The Fall: Illustrated Edition (An Anna Kronberg Thriller Book 2)
Page 23
A shy flutter — as though I had swallowed a butterfly and it now brushed its wings along the inside of my uterus. I put my hand there, trying to feel more than just the touch. Where was the love I was supposed to feel for the small being inside? For the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where to find the energy to keep fighting. Hadn’t I found solutions to the most impossible situations? Even the fact that women were prohibited from studying medicine hadn’t kept me from entering a university. Having been abducted by James Moriarty, a master in manipulating the human mind and will, hadn’t kept me from changing my fate and manipulating him in return. But giving birth to his child and raising it seemed a very high mountain to climb. Too high for me.
I listened to my own heartbeat. How fast was the child’s heart beating? Like a sparrow’s, perhaps?
Was this non-love based on my hate for its father? Or was I so egoistic and driven that I could not endure the life of a woman? Being the lesser man and unable to disguise my sex any longer, medicine and bacteriology were out of my reach. A single mother was hardly acceptable, but a widow and mother who refused to marry long after her mourning year was over wouldn’t stand in much higher esteem.
No medical school would take me as a lecturer. The only alternative for me was to open a practice. But who would choose to be treated by a woman if there were plenty of male practitioners? No one, certainly. But these were mere difficulties, easy to overcome with enough willpower and energy. Why could I not welcome this child? Was it truly so dreadful to be a mother? Until a few weeks ago, I had no reason to even think about it, for I had believed myself sterile. Mothers were the other women and I was something else entirely.
Gradually, the knowledge crept in and a chill followed suit. I was terrified of never being able to love my child, of not being the mother a newborn expects to have. All my accomplishments had been won by pretending and lying. I had pretended to be a male medical doctor, affected the wish to develop weapons for germ warfare, and faked love for James. I would never be able to feign love for my child, the only other person who would be able to see through my charade.
Holmes began to stir, coughed into his blanket, and cracked one eye open. ‘You did not wake me,’ he noted.
‘You said two hours.’
‘How long did I sleep?’
I shrugged. How would I know? His watch had produced its last tick yesterday when it fell in a puddle.
‘It stopped raining a while ago,’ I noted. ‘Sleep. I’m not tired.’ At that, my stomach gave a roar. He reached for the bag, but I stopped him. ‘At my rate of food intake, we’ll have nothing left by tomorrow morning.’
He looked at me and I wished I were far away. ‘I’ll hunt fowl,’ I said.
‘We cannot make a fire,’ he reminded me.
‘Humans must have eaten raw meat before they discovered what fire is good for.’ I pulled my crossbow and the bolts from the rucksack. It was an old and worm-eaten thing, once made for children to hunt rabbits and help provide meat for their family. I had found it hanging on the wall of my cottage, and its small size and lightness served me well.
I pushed the oilskin aside. Water dripped from the trees. The ground was muddy.
‘I will stay close and watch for any movements. This,’ I held up a bolt, ‘is as silent as Moran’s rifle. Go back to sleep.’
Holmes grunted, pulled his blanket tighter around his shoulders, and closed his eyes as I slipped out of the tent.
Find The Journey here
Extras (making-of, historical background, and more)
— credits —
All images and illustrations used in this book are in the public domain, except when stated otherwise. I have made every reasonable effort to locate, contact and acknowledge right holders, but I’m only human. Should you feel that I have infringed upon your rights or the rights of any third parties, or if images have not been properly identified or acknowledged, please contact me at:
www.anneliewendeberg.com
The raven at the beginning of each chapter is a drawing by the author. The scene break is from The Last Drawing Room. A Novel, by Alexander Fraser. London, 1886. Credit: The British Library.
— THE DEVIL’S GRIN —
(1) Photo is a courtesy of Magnus Wendeberg (copyright protected)
(2) Cheapside, London, between ca. 1890 and 1900. Title from the Detroit Publishing Ca., Catalogue J - foreign section, Detroit, Michigan. 1905. Print no 10784. Forms part of: Views of the British Isles, in the Photochrome print collection. Credit: Library of Congress, USA.
(3) Entrance Gates, Guy's Hospital, late 19th or early 20th century. From a postcard without further information on its back. Author’s archives.
(4) Cliveden from below Cookham Ferry. Title from the Detroit Publishing Co., Catalogue J - foreign section, print no. 10643. Forms part of: Views of the British Isles, in the Photochrome print collection. Credits: Library of Congress, USA
(5) Hampton Waterworks. From: The Illustrated London News, July 19th, 1884
(6) Zooloea ramigera 200x (1); Zooloea ramigera 500x (2); Spirillum undula 500x (3). From: Verfahren zur Untersuchung und zum Konservieren der Bakterien, by Dr Robert Koch, Volume I Plate II, Figure 1-3. Credit: Wellcome Library London
(7) The Flower Walk, Regent’s Park. From: The Queen’s London. A Pictorial and Descriptive Record of the Streets, Buildings, Parks, and Scenery of the Great Metropolis in the fifty-ninth year of the Reign of her Majesty Queen Victoria. Publisher: Cassell & Company, London. 1896. Author’s archives.
(8) Chertsey. From: Saint Annne’s Hill. A poem, by P. Cunnigham. Chertsey, 1833. Credit: British Library, London.
(9) The amphitheatre in the medical school of Montpellier, France, 1940. From: Edition du Photo-Hall, Montpellier. Credit: Wellcome Library London
(10) Report on the cholera outbreak in the Parish of St. James, Westminster, during the autumn of 1854, presented to the vestry by the Cholera Inquiry Committee, July 1855, by Dr John Snow. Credit: Wellcome Library London
(11) Blackfriars bridge, London. From: The Queen’s London. A Pictorial and Descriptive Record of the Streets, Buildings, Parks, and Scenery of the Great Metropolis in the fifty-ninth year of the Reign of her Majesty Queen Victoria. Publisher: Cassell & Company, London. 1896. Author’s archives.
(12) Dudley St., Seven Dials, Engraving 1872, by Gustave Dore. From: London: a pilgrimage. Credit: Wellcome Library London
(13) Detail of The Sack-'Em-Up-Man, by H.Meredith Williams. From: The Sack-'Em-Up-Men, 1928. Credit: Wellcome Library London
(14) Execution of the notorious William Burke, the murderer who supplied Dr. Knox with subjects. From a contemporary print, c. 1820’s. Credit: Wellcome Library London
(15) Asylum for Criminal Lunatics, Broadmoor, Sandhurst, Berkshire. From: Illustrated London News. 1867. Volume 51, page 208. Credit: Wellcome Library London
(16) Wood engraving depicting cramped and squalid housing conditions. From: Sanitary progress:- being the fifth report of the National Philanthropic Association ... for the promotion of social and salutiferous improvements, street cleanliness; and the employment of the poor : so that able-bodied men may be prevented from burdening the parish rates, and preserved independent of workhouse alms and degradation. 1850. National Philanthropic Association (Great Britain), Second edition Lettering: (No. 4.) No. 7, PHEASANT COURT, GRAY'S INN LANE - Second-Floor, Front Room. Credit: Wellcome Library London
(17) Institut für Infektionskrankheiten. Robert Koch's Institute. The old building. Credit: Wellcome Library London
(18) Pöppelmannbrücke, Grimma, circa 1890. From: Grimma, Archivbilder. Credit: Stadtbibliothek J.G. Säume, Grimma.
(19) King's College, Cambridge. From: Le Keux’s Memorials of Cambridge: a series of vies of the colleges, halls, and public buildings, engraved by J. Le Keux; with historical and descriptive accounts by Thomas Wright. Published by Tilt & Bogue, London, 1841.
(20) Perspective view of a workhouse for 300 pauper
s. From: Annual report of the Poor Law Commissioners for England and Wales, by The Great Britain Poor Law Commissioners, 1835-1847. Credit: Wellcome Library London
(21) Crowded dark streets full of dead and dying people, bodies are being loaded onto a cart; symbolising an outbreak of cholera. Watercolour by R. Cooper. Late 19th, early 20th century. Credit: Wellcome Library London
(22) Plan of the Men's Division at Broadmoor Criminal Lunatic Asylum. 1885. From: Reports upon Broadmoor Criminal Lunatic Asylum, with statistical tables, for the year 1885. Credit: Wellcome Library London
— THE FALL —
(1) Detail of “The August Moon” by Cecil Lawson, 1880. From: Mary Chamot, Dennis Farr and Martin Butlin, The Modern British Paintings, Drawings and Sculpture, London 1964.
(2) Neither man or animal is immune to the plague. Illustrator: Weiditz, Hans. From: Von der Artzney bayder Glück, des guten und wederwertigen, by Petrarca, Francesco. Publisher: Augspurg: Heynrich Steyner, 1532. Credit: US National Library of Medicine.
(3) Kensington Gardens, the fountains, between 1890 and 1900. Title from the Detroit Publishing Ca., Catalogue J - foreign section, Detroit, Michigan. 1905. Print no 1506. Forms part of: Views of the British Isles, in the Photochrome print collection. Credit: Library of Congress, USA.
(4) Britain’s motorised war car with it’s developer, Frederick Richard Simms, 1902. Unknown photographer. Credit: Wikipedia.
(5) Corner of a special bacteriology laboratory in the United States Army Hospital Center Mars-sur-Allier, Nievre, France 1918. Credit: US National Library of Medicine.
(6) Van Leeuwenhoek’s protists. Drawings of the specimens from letters published in 1700. From: Antony van Leeuwenhoek and his ‘little animals’ Being some account on the father of protozoology and bacteriology and his multifarious discoveries in these disciplines, Clifford Dobell (1932). Credit: Galerie de l'Observatoire Océanologique de Villefranche-sur-Mer
(7) Grosvenor Road, London. From: London City Suburbs as they are to-day. Illustrated by W. Luker from original drawings. Author: Percy Hetherington Fitzgerald. Published by Leadenhall Press, London, 1893.Credit: British Library, London.
(8) ‘La Marguerite’ leaving Tilbury. From: The Queen’s London. A Pictorial and Descriptive Record of the Streets, Buildings, Parks, and Scenery of the Great Metropolis in the fifty-ninth year of the Reign of her Majesty Queen Victoria. Publisher: Cassell & Company, London. 1896. Author’s archives.
(9) The Opium Poppy. From: Flora von Deutschland, Österreich und der Schweiz, by Prof. Dr. Otto Wilhelm Thomé . Published 1885 in Gera. Credit: Wikipedia.
(10) The Thames, London. From: The Queen’s London. A Pictorial and Descriptive Record of the Streets, Buildings, Parks, and Scenery of the Great Metropolis in the fifty-ninth year of the Reign of her Majesty Queen Victoria. Publisher: Cassell & Company, London. 1896. Author’s archives.
(11) Fig 1: Blood of a septicaemic mouse; fig 2: White blood corpuscles from the veins of the diaphragm of a septicaemic mouse; fig4: Blood of a mouse affected with anthrax; fig 12: Section of the ear of a rabbit -parallel to the surface of the cartilage. From: Investigations into the etiology of traumatic infective diseases, by Dr Robert Koch. Published by the New Sydenham Society, London. 1880. Credit: Wellcome Library London.
(12) Kensington Palace Gardens. From: London City Suburbs as they are to-day. Illustrated by W. Luker from original drawings. Author: Percy Hetherington Fitzgerald. Published by Leadenhall Press, London, 1893.Credit: British Library, London.
(13) The Strand, London. From: The Queen’s London. A Pictorial and Descriptive Record of the Streets, Buildings, Parks, and Scenery of the Great Metropolis in the fifty-ninth year of the Reign of her Majesty Queen Victoria. Publisher: Cassell & Company, London. 1896. Author’s archives.
(14) A treatise upon the true seat of the glanders in horses, together with the method of cure, Étienne-Guillaume La Fosse (London: T. Osborne, 1751). Credit: US National Library of Medicine.
(15) The Thames, Lambeth Bridge. From: London City Suburbs as they are to-day. Illustrated by W. Luker from original drawings. Author: Percy Hetherington Fitzgerald. Published by Leadenhall Press, London, 1893.Credit: British Library, London.
(16) Bacilli of Anthrax from a culture. From: A short history of medicine, by C. Singer. Publisher: Clarendon Oxford 1928. Credit: Wellcome Library London.
(17) The Thames at Low Tide. Mortlake, London. From: London City Suburbs as they are to-day. Illustrated by W. Luker from original drawings. Author: Percy Hetherington Fitzgerald. Published by Leadenhall Press, London, 1893.Credit: British Library, London.
(18) Juniperus communis. From: American Medical Botany, by Jacob Bigelow. Published by Cummings and Hillard, 1820. Credit: US National Library of Medicine.
(19) Chingford Old Church, London. From: The Queen’s London. A Pictorial and Descriptive Record of the Streets, Buildings, Parks, and Scenery of the Great Metropolis in the fifty-ninth year of the Reign of her Majesty Queen Victoria. Publisher: Cassell & Company, London. 1896. Author’s archives.
(20) Piccadilly and the Green Park, London. From: The Queen’s London. A Pictorial and Descriptive Record of the Streets, Buildings, Parks, and Scenery of the Great Metropolis in the fifty-ninth year of the Reign of her Majesty Queen Victoria. Publisher: Cassell & Company, London. 1896. Author’s archives.
(21) Feueresse Döben. From: Grimma, Bilder einer Stadtgeschichte. Credits: Stadtbibliothek J.G. Säume, Grimma.
(22) Markt Grimma. From: Grimma, Bilder einer Stadtgeschichte. Credits: Stadtbibliothek J.G. Säume, Grimma.
(23) Old Thatched Lodge, Woodberry Down. From: London City Suburbs as they are to-day. Illustrated by W. Luker from original drawings. Author: Percy Hetherington Fitzgerald. Published by Leadenhall Press, London, 1893.Credit: British Library, London.
— THE JOURNEY —
(1) Beachy Head from above, Eastbourne, England, 1890s. Title from the Detroit Publishing Co., Catalogue J - foreign section, print no. 10276. Forms part of: Views of the British Isles, in the Photochrome print collection. Credits: Library of Congress, USA
(2) Map of Sussex. From: Excursions in the County of Sussex: comprising brief historical and topographical delineations; together with descriptions of the residences of the nobility and gentry, remains of antiquity, and other interesting objects of curiosity ... With fifty engravings, including a map of the county. Published: London, 1822. Credit: British Library
(3) Lewes Castle, Sussex. From: Excursions in the County of Sussex: comprising brief historical and topographical delineations; together with descriptions of the residences of the nobility and gentry, remains of antiquity, and other interesting objects of curiosity ... With fifty engravings, including a map of the county. Published: London, 1822. Credit: British Library
(4) Lover’s Seat. From: Picturesque Sussex. Drawings, by S. E. Slader. Published by S. E. Slader, London, 1881. Credit: British Library
(5) Ticehurst private asylum. Archive and Manuscripts Collections Ticehurst House Hospital ('Private Asylum for Insane Persons') A North View of the Asylum at Ticehurst, Sussex, c.1828-29. Credit: Wellcome Library, London.
(6) Pier and harbour, Littlehampton, England. Between 1890 and 1900. Title from the Detroit Publishing Co., Catalogue J - foreign section, print no. 11330. Forms part of: Views of the British Isles, in the Photochrome print collection. Credits: Library of Congress, USA
(7) Seven Dials. From: The Queen’s London. A Pictorial and Descriptive Record of the Streets, Buildings, Parks, and Scenery of the Great Metropolis in the fifty-ninth year of the Reign of her Majesty Queen Victoria. Publisher: Cassell & Company, London. 1896. Author’s archives.
(8) The Bank of England & Royal Exchange. From: Pictures of London. With short descriptions by A.W. Dulcken. Author: Henry Williams Dulcken. 1892. Publisher: Ward & Lock. Credit: British Library, London.
(9) Newgate, the central courtyard, London. From: The Queen’s London. A Pictorial and Descriptive Record of the Streets, Buildings, Parks, and
Scenery of the Great Metropolis in the fifty-ninth year of the Reign of her Majesty Queen Victoria. Publisher: Cassell & Company, London. 1896. Author’s archives.