He might be right in theory; it might have worked when I was younger before my family was killed in front of my eyes… What about adult comyentis with so much sadness and pain in their past?
Aigle laughed, not having heard his father’s thoughts. ‘Sounds ironic doesn’t it? Switching off an essential part of who we are, like asking a dog to stop using his nose to smell for scents.’
‘Yes, we could never stop feeling; that may be our curse in our dealings with people. It is in many ways a blessing. But what you’re saying sounds almost too good to be true, Aigle. If you’re right, it could save all of us one day, son,’ He looked miles away in thought. Why haven’t I thought of this?
Because you wouldn’t have believed it, Aigle responded in thought.
‘Look, “Switching off” isn’t the right thing to call it,’ Aigle started, his eyes darting from left to right in the same way his mother did when she was deep in thought or excited about something. ‘All the feelings that we experience in a particularly threatening or dangerous situation for example; fear, anxiety, aren’t even ours. We pick them up from other people; their fear, loathing or hatred and all that affects us. It is those thoughts, those feelings that we somehow have to shield ourselves from. We acknowledge them as being outside us, and I think last time I ignored it. I felt the creature’s darkness, pure evil and his lust to use and hurt us, but it couldn’t reach me. That was something new! I sensed it, but decided to ignore it, and think only of my mother lying in her bed, fighting for her life. Nothing else mattered. That evil couldn’t hurt me as long as I thought of my mother’s love for me and my love for her.’
‘Alright, I hear you,’ Shazar spoke impressed. ‘Hope is our survival. Have you practised it since?’
Aigle shook his head. ‘No, but I need to. By fully controlling our emotions I believe we can all do this. Through meditation we can master not only the mind but also the body. In a way we deceive the body already by doing the most extraordinary things our humanoid bodies would normally never be able to do when we inhibit the qualities of certain animals. Else we would not able to run so fast, let alone fly with no visible wings high up in the freezing air. No wonder we were hunted, people thought we could do magic!’
‘Very true. The mind is a great deceiver. If you believe hard enough, by being that mouse or that eagle or that fox; your mind can order your body to believe it really is that animal and hold that state for a very long time thereby being able to use all of its special abilities. As long as the mind is the master, not the body. If we can do all that, why shouldn’t we be able to control our emotions to go into a Mindmode in a dangerous situation as well when we most need it?’
‘Right,’ Aigle came to sit nearer him as if in conspiracy. Valera was already lost in talk with Twello at that moment, having lost interest. ‘When you meditate, your mind is empty and completely at rest and no upsetting thoughts or emotions bother you. It is pure. I have even practised lowering my heart beat and breathing.’
‘I am aware of the effects of meditation, but if you’ve ever been in a stressful situation like a raid or a kill as an adult, you will know that meditating away the hurt and anger, the memories, won’t bring back our abilities at that specific moment. One, there is no time, and two you will never find the peace of mind at such a drastic moment.’
‘Hmm, not if I develop a technique that skips the time needed for that. After all we can use our unique abilities at any normal moment very quickly by just being that particular creature.’
Shazar picked up on Aigle’s thought of the scene of him impregnating Sula, using the ability of a rare bird species. Had that memory been so obvious on Shazar’s mind that his son somehow knew? If that was the case, Shazar had to be even more careful with what he thought…
‘If I could learn to master my emotions just as quickly, even in stressful situations, by focusing on my love for my family just like last time, I could become immune and then bam…I would potentially have access to any natural weapon I needed.’
Shazar looked at him with a new sense of admiration. He had potential, indeed it had been years ago that Aigle had tried this out and had succeeded. Most importantly, the boy thought about ways to defend his family, and by doing so acknowledged his comyenti side. So, naturally, his proud father wouldn’t discourage him in any way.
Aigle sensed his doubt though, and saw that the time was ripe to search the man’s mind for his true intentions. But what he found was only love and smugness. Perhaps it had not been the right time to enter his thoughts and he pulled back.
‘I will practise and find a way!’ Aigle smiled haughtily.
Shazar grabbed his shoulder and pressed it, giving him his strength and love and nodded confidently.
~~~
‘The sea is so different from the river or the lakes we are used to, but it doesn’t hold many secrets from me anymore,’ Aigle said to Shazar a little later when they were talking about all the creatures they’d met so far. ‘We’ve been on many holidays by the sea, but it still sometimes has the tendency to sweep me off my feet once in a while when a new creature shows me her magical ways. Magic, that’s the word, and to master that magic became one of my goals.’
‘Yes, the ocean has much to offer us comyentis. Many of my abilities I have to thank the inhabitants of the sea for,’ Shazar nodded. ‘and it is good to hear that you, too, have discovered this.’
They had joined Twello and Valera and they had all started talking passionately about this and that creature, and whether the other could to this or that, just to compare and see if they knew everything there was to know. It was only Shazar that had been able to merge with the only invertebrate so far: a spider.
‘This spider was so enormous that it was as big as my hand,’ he said and the others gasped. ‘Was it her size that made the difference, and the size of her brain, I asked myself. I suspect it was, as I’ve not been able to do the same with her smaller cousins.’
Twello soon felt left out of that subject and Valera sensed this and leaned into him and said, ‘You know, as much as I love my comyenti side for the simple fact it has much to add to my world, I still never craved powers as much as my brothers and sisters who are so much prouder than me.’
She spoke to him quietly, so that her parents couldn’t hear.
Twello nodded. ‘When I was a child, I too wished I wasn’t so different from everyone else and that I did not have my gift,’ he confessed to her. ‘Sometimes I felt so much I could hardly keep it inside and then with my dreams always coming true, I heard and saw much more than the other children did. It seemed they had much easier lives without gifts, but at the same time so much more boring than mine. Now that I’m older I have gotten my wish. I hardly have any gifts left. Not since my Mum, Ashanna, died. I’ve not had many premonitions, just the one…’ He smiled at her. Twello had told her about seeing her face in one of his dreams after his mother’s death.
She reached over for his hand and squeezed it.
‘I know what you mean. When I was younger I cursed my ears, desperately wanting to be like the other girls at school, so I could finally fit in, wouldn’t have to be so careful and so emotional about everything. To play on an equal level with them, not to be the best at everything, never failing, not to be so perfect anymore. Not to get all the attention, or only when I really deserved it. Sounds silly, yeah?’
‘No, I understand, it’s only natural. When you’re different, you’ll always stand out and you’ll be noticed, while all you want is to blend in; to be one of them for example, not to be in the spotlight when you say something that is strange to them. In the end you just close your mouth and then they think you weird all over again and then… they call you mute or weirdo.’ He twisted his mouth at the memories of his youth. Even in Randaria it hadn’t always been easy.
‘No, it’s never simple being different when all you want is to be treated equally and be part of something. For children it is so much worse.’ He bit his lip.
Va
lera looked at him with sympathy.
‘Luckily, I found out I was part of something. I had family with whom I could truly be myself,’ Valera said. ‘a tribe. Now I accept both parts of who I am, human and comyenti.’ She stared at Twello. ‘You should be proud that you are able to feel more than most people, Twello. To see more, hear more, be aware of things, listen to your dreams which warn you, and protect you. You still have your powers, I know you do, they’re just lying dormant within you.’
‘Oh, creepy, like some kind of bear waking up slowly!’ And he growled and tickled her at which she started laughing. They both giggled.
Shazar looked up to see Twello laughing. It did him good to see and hear that. It must have been the first time he had heard him laugh since Ashanna had died. Sula cast a glance at him while Aigle was talking to her. She could tell his mind was somewhere else and wondered where it was. She saw a sudden image of Ashanna in his mind, reflected to hers. A tall blond woman, special, and with kind wise eyes. Eyes that had seen too much hurt and known too much pain. But she recognised love in those eyes when the woman looked up at Shazar. Loyalty, friendship, passion and even more: unconditional love. He had been blessed with that and she felt pleased for him and sad that he had lost her so soon.
Felix followed Sula’s eyes and saw that she was looking at Shazar. The dimming light concealed her shifting eyes, so he couldn’t tell if she was reading his mind or not. Softly, he touched her hand and she looked startled at him as if he had woken her up. She looked at her husband who stared back with a grim but questioning look. She smiled at him reassuringly.
Aigle had given up on talking to his absentminded mother and had turned his attention to the fire and put the last logs on.
‘You haven’t talked to him yet,’ Sula said to Felix.
‘Why should I?’
‘To lighten things up. To settle your differences.’
‘I have already done that,’ Felix answered plainly in his head, sending her the picture of him punching Shazar in the face and he grinned, taking a big gulp of his cider.
~~~
‘Why do you call your father by his name?’ Aigle asked Twello.
Twello rubbed his knees and warmed his hands at the fire as the air was growing cooler. Valera was talking to her mother. Shazar sat by himself with his arms crossed in front of his chest, staring at his feet, deep in thought.
‘It used to be different.’
‘What happened?’ Aigle asked, not realising the magnitude of that question.
Unaware of Aigle’s mind reading skills, Twello thought of Ashanna and when she jumped, and Aigle, who didn’t even realise he was mind reading, saw the same image and felt Twello’s pain and grief wash over him. His sudden loss, the emptiness, and the rage that had followed. All those emotions engulfed him in a way he had never felt before. All he could do was sit there gasping for air, unable to move. Twello, wrapped up in his thoughts, didn’t notice.
‘He used to be my hero. He saved me and my mother. They were happy together for a long time, or so I thought, but when she…died I knew there was something wrong.’
‘You blame Shazar for her death?’ Aigle managed to say when he could breathe again, though it sounded high pitched. That’s why you can’t call him Dad anymore?
‘He is to blame!’ Twello said through gritted teeth, looking at Aigle now.
‘She jumped,’ Aigle whispered. ‘Does Shazar know?’
Twello looked with big misty eyes at Aigle, turning pale, shaking his head.
‘How did you-?’
‘Sorry, the image of her, that image came to me so strong just now, I…saw.’
Twello swallowed hard. ‘It was your mother who he truly loved and wanted to be with, not us.’ Twello said.
Aigle bit his lip at that. What could he say? He hadn’t known anything about that.
‘Ashanna always knew, she felt it, but he had given her his word; his Comyenti Oath, that he would stay so obviously he couldn’t leave. He must have regretted that promise! And by jumping she set him free,’ he whispered.
‘Great Bhan, how do you know for sure that he is the reason she jumped?’
‘He saved her, gave her a reason to live again. But I saw the pain in her eyes when he mentioned Sula thus indicating that he was thinking of the life he could have had with her! He drove her to do it, like a python; slowly, painfully squeezing and cunningly strangling the life out of her. He made her feel guilty; she felt that she was a burden to him. She saw no other solution! And she was right; it was only days after she died, that he left for Rosinhill, to seek the love of his life; your mother!’
‘You must tell your father this! I’m sure he doesn’t know the complete truth!’ Aigle begged him.
‘No! What would it accomplish?’ Twello cried, but keeping his voice level and his face away from Shazar. Aigle felt that Twello was being a bit harsh.
‘Surely it would help the relationship between the two if you discuss it. You can’t keep this to yourself. At least give him a chance to tell his side of the story. There might be some information you are missing.’
Twello fumed inside, hot tears dripped down his burning cheeks.
‘You don’t know anything!’ Twello got up quickly and took off at a fast pace. Valera looked up with raised eyebrows as she glanced at her brother who shrugged his shoulders.
Valera rose and walked after Twello.
~~~
‘Where would you find a willing victim for that?’ Shazar asked Aigle when he mentioned wanting to experiment with emotion control. Aigle had not wanted to think about Twello’s mother and Shazar’s connection anymore, so instead he occupied his mind with his plans and shared them with Shazar, knowing he would be interested. Besides, he had to give Shazar the benefit of the doubt; it could just be the boy’s interpretation of the situation mixed with his grieving and emotions. After all, it was only one side of the story, and really Aigle couldn’t blame Shazar all that much. But then again, the image had been quite clear: the woman stepped off the cliff…
Aigle tried to think about his mother instead: Sula was an amazing woman and he could imagine she would be unforgettable in any man’s mind. Aigle was sure that Shazar had only wanted to be honest with Ashanna about it, but that didn’t have to mean he felt any less love for her. Honesty was one of the comyenti traits. The truth could hurt and comyentis could hurt others just as much by telling the truth. Perhaps that had indeed become too much to bear for Ashanna, but was that really Shazar’s fault? He wanted to protect her and Twello after all, what was wrong with that? Should he have left when he found out he still loved Sula? He would have broken the Oath and lost all his powers. Was that the real reason he stayed? Had his father actually been selfish by staying? He shrugged it off and focused on their conversation: A willing victim…
‘You for example,’ Aigle said with narrowed eyes, concealing his thoughts.
‘Oh, right,’ Shazar smiled weakly.
‘Yes, it’s perfect, because any damage I might cause you, or the other way around, we can ward off with our powers, so nobody will get hurt.’
‘But you are not scared of me, nor I of you?’ Shazar said confused.
‘Yes, I have been thinking about that, but there is a solution. We would have to create a dangerous scenario which will trigger either fear or anger, or other strong emotions.’
‘Trigger real danger? How?’
‘Get into real dangerous situations, like you falling off a mountain or drowning. Do you know if it works then?’
Shazar had, many times, been in dangerous situations where his life had been in jeopardy, but he had always been able to call on his abilities, and he explained this to Aigle.
‘But how was that possible?’ Aigle asked intrigued.
‘I wasn’t being attacked,’ Shazar responded calmly. ‘It was threats from nature itself hanging over my head, or from an animal I was trying to save, but whereas humans are concerned, so many emotions grab at my heart that I’m powerless!�
� And he clenched his fists and punched at his chest, feeling that helpless feeling again.
‘You see? That’s what I mean? Their emotions become yours.’ Aigle implied. ‘So we have to work on that aspect specifically. Once we are finally able to control all the emotions involved, we’ll…be invincible.’
Shazar gazed at him with one eyebrow raised. What were the boy’s intensions? To be invincible and powerful?
‘I am not a violent person,’ Aigle explained to him, sensing what Shazar was thinking. ‘On the contrary, like I said before, all I want is to protect my family and our legacy from history repeating itself. With my powers I would fight for a just cause. To protect the weak and innocent from harm.’
‘Son, I don’t know what to say…I don’t know if I should be happy or sad about you saying all this. You know how I value our lives, and that of other animals, but we are with so few and all I want is for you to be safe. Your life is precious. This seems like a perilous experiment! Nevertheless, I will encourage you to experiment with controlling emotions, and I will be behind you all the way.’ Shazar nodded at Aigle who smiled relieved. He glanced at Sula and Felix who were talking. Just by seeing the two of them together their love for each other was obvious. Shazar suddenly realised profoundly how Sula felt about Felix, he saw it in her eyes and her body language, heard it in her voice, perhaps even through what little was left of their Heartmerge; she loved him deeply. Why was it so hard to believe she could have loved two people like she had? It wasn’t wrong; that would be human thinking, but why was Shazar so jealous? If she had loved two people before at the same time, perhaps she could again…The Heartmerge. It suddenly dawned on him that the reason Feline wanted to know about it all those years ago was because she had loved Sula…and she wanted to know what would happen if they…So they hadn’t been intimate yet. Oh, how terrible he felt now. It all fell into place, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. How wrong he had been about Feline, who only wanted the best for Sula and their relationship, and surely for her brother as well. The pain they must have felt, the guilt towards Felix that must have tugged at their heartstrings, and the desire of wanting to merge whilst they couldn’t. What a terrible crime he had committed! But Shazar had done them a favour unwittingly as well; Sula and Felix were happy again. Were comyentis monogamous by nature? Oh, it was so hard to think about how comyentis lived on their home world, and what norms they had by nature, so little was known. How did he know he had not accidentally, in his subconscious, imitated the behaviour of human beings and their thinking and norms of love and marriage? How authentic was he really; how much a comyenti and how much human? They were after all both humanoids, and in many ways the same, however in just as many ways different.
The Comyenti Series Book Bundle, Volume 1 and 2 (Epic Romantic Supernatural Fantasy) Page 52