Finding Bliss (Bliss #1)

by Cassie Strickland

  The lies are bitter now. I can’t believe I fell for it all. Hook, line, and sinker, I thought it all was me. He made me think I was crazier than I was. Not that I’m crazy; I’ve just had issues in the past.

  I guess I should start from the beginning. When I met Jon, he was starting his ministry. He’d been working with runaways for a bit in Indianapolis, which is where we’d met.

  I grew up on a farm about a hundred miles from the city. At sixteen, I made the stupid decision to run away from home. I was off my meds, thinking I knew what was right for me, and it caused a big breakdown. Jon found me almost starving to death. I’d been on the streets for about a year, so my condition wasn’t very good, if you could imagine.

  To me, Jon was like an angel sent from God to save me. And he did. He got me cleaned up and in the home where he volunteered. Once finding out about my condition, he set up the appointment with the doctor and got me back on my medication. He did everything for me. Everything. It was like something dreams were made of. I fell in love almost instantly, and his love for me seemed to blossom just as quickly.

  As soon as I turned eighteen, I went to live with him and we married within days. We moved to Bliss not long after that. He said that was where God called him to start his church. I was on board with this, completely. The man that Jon made himself out to be was so grand, so captivating, I thought I was doing God’s will, as well. There wasn’t any way I’d say no to Jon.

  Life has been great. I didn’t have many complaints. Jon’s treated me well, doting on me, loving me wholeheartedly. Yes, I noticed things, but again, he made them seem like I imagined things.

  We opened a runaway program after we built our church and house in Bliss. My role was to help make sure the children were fed and clothed, things like that. It was Jon’s role to help minister to them, counsel them. He’d have group therapy and one on one sessions with the kids. Boys and girls of all ages were welcomed into our home. Sometimes our house was full, sometimes it was empty, and sometimes there were only one or two there. He’d go to Asheville and other major cities in the state to find kids in need. I can honestly say that we’ve done a lot of good in our time here. There have been many joyous reunions with parents. There have also been times where we’d find out why the children ran (most were in foster care), and we’d help get them the real counseling they needed. If there was foul play, we worked to right those wrong with the authorities. Then there were the sad times when some would go missing in the night, back on the streets again. I hated those cases. I’d fall into a deep depression afterward. All I wanted was to help these children, ones like me before Jon saved me.

  After a while, I started noticing things the girls were doing, strange things. There were looks that confused me. Some of the girls loved Jon almost desperately, but some were scared of him. Really scared. I tried to talk to some of them, to counsel them, but no one would talk to me about anything that had to do with Jon. No one would open up. I couldn’t figure out what was going on.

  Why would they love and hate him so greatly?

  A month ago, I found a room hidden in our closet. I was getting rid of old clothes and shoes when I accidently pressed on the wall. Astonishingly, it swung open. I don’t want to tell you what I found, but I know that I have to so that you understand why.

  There were pictures of you, Clara. All over, hundreds of them.

  Why would he have those of you?

  Because of this, I searched the room, trying to find answers. It was then that I found a hidden hallway that led along the rooms. There were windows to every upstairs room in the house, to the kid’s bedrooms and bathrooms. We had two girls with us and one was in the middle of undressing. Undressing!

  I was wrecked, completely devastated. I started putting the pieces together after I got over my disbelief. All of the looks from those girls… He was doing things to them. Awful things. Things unimaginable and ones I wish not to name. He was using what we had built for this purpose. It was sickening.

  And then there was me. How blind could I be? I felt like a fool.

  All of those pictures meant that he had a sick obsession with you, Clarabelle. What better way to possess your obsession, than to marry the doppelganger of that said obsession. It was perfect for him.

  I didn’t go to the authorities. I know that I probably should have once I found all of that, but I needed to make sure he wouldn’t hurt anyone else. I wanted to follow him, but I was a new mother. Caring for Bella, our daughter, put a chink into my plans, but I had to have more proof. Jon was too smart for me, though, and covered his tracks well. Whatever he did to them, he didn’t do them in our home.

  You have no idea how hard it has been living with him, knowing that he was a monster – the worst kind of monster that preyed upon young, innocent girls.

  After too much time of this, I’m through. I can’t find proof, and I don’t believe that room will be enough to put him away. He has to be put away forever. I can’t chance him hurting any more people.

  I am taking things into my own hands for you and those girls. I realize that it’s only a matter of time before me, your almost twin, won’t be enough for him. He’ll eventually come for you. And what of Bella, my daughter? She looks so much like me, like you. What happens when she grows up? I can’t stomach it. I can’t.

  I will be mailing this letter in the morning. Tomorrow, Jon and I will be heading to the city. Hopefully, if it goes as planned, you will get this before you come to Bliss. Maybe even before we are found.

  Much to my suggestion, we had a will drawn up. You will be appointed guardianship over Bella. It was me that requested you stay in Bliss. Please, don’t be mad when Mr. Lyndon gives you the specifics. There are people in Bliss that are true and so very good. I want Bella raised with them. I want her to know part of me through them.

  Are my actions irrational and severe? Yes, probably. But I see this as the only way. I can’t take his life and live with myself. I will be taking mine, as well. It’s the only way to save Bella, you, and any other girl out there from him.

  One thing Jon made me do after we met was change my name. It’s another thing I didn’t realize until it was too late. He wanted to isolate me, never to have anything but him. It fit into his perfect little world.

  My name isn’t Stacy. It’s Abbigail. Abby Montgomery. My parents, Teresa and Albert Montgomery, are still alive and live in Indiana. Please, once you have this, find them for me. Let them know that I am so sorry for running and that in the end, I am doing something truly good. Let them know Bella. I want them to have a piece of me, as well. I’ve missed them.

  I’m sorry for unloading this on you, but I wanted someone to know, someone to tell my parents and know the truth about Jon.

  I don’t know what he did to you, but I know that it’s bad. You’ll never have to worry again, Clarabelle. Never. I hope you may find peace in Bliss.

  Tell my baby that I’ll watch her from heaven, loving her always.

  Thank you and God Bless,

  Abby

  Chapter 21

  Clara

  “Clara? Clara! What’s wrong?! Clara?!”

  Emma was shouting at me as I stared at the pages, my face wet with tears. I could feel them, I could hear her, but it was a million miles away.

  The truth had, yet again, ripped my world open.

  She killed herself.

  She killed herself because she thought she was saving us.

  “Clara! What’s goin’ on?”

  “She’s quakin’, Mom. Jesus, her whole body is vibratin’.”

  “Go, get Grey, Sam. Run.”

  Emma turned my face to hers, shaking one of my shoulders. “Come on, sweetie. Snap out of it. I need you to tell me what’s wrong.”

  “She…she…” I whispered, in shock.

  “She what? Who did what, Clara?”

  “She wanted to save us.”

  Vaguely, I noticed Emma’s head rock back in surprise. “Who saved you, baby? Talk to me.”

/>   I heard Grey’s voice. “What’s wrong?” He paused, his footsteps sounding against the hardwood. “Shit, Clara? Darlin’? What’s this? What happened, Mom?”

  Emma glanced over her shoulder at him. “I don’t know. I came up to check on her – she was taking too long – and saw her starin’ at those pages, cryin’. It’s like she’s gone, Grey…somewhere else. I can’t get her to answer me.”

  “Let her go, Mom. I’ve got her.”

  As Emma released me, I rolled into a ball on the comforter, having no recollection of how I’d gotten here. The papers crinkled in my fist as I clutched them to my chest.

  How could she do this?

  How could she do this to Bella?

  My mind swirled. My heart ached for her and Bella, but mostly, I was in turmoil. I was the cause of all of this. If I hadn’t of spaced out for those years, I could have stopped Jonathan. If I turned him in after I left the facility, I could have stopped everything.

  Grey soothed my hair from my face, whispering, “I’ve got you, baby. Come here,” and then I was being lifted. I tucked my head into his neck and wrapped my arms around him, needing my anchor, my lifeline. He was the only thing keeping me from dropping into that deep, dark abyss again.

  “I’m gonna take her to the bedroom. I’ll…I don’t know. I’ll calm her down and be back.”

  “Just make sure she’s okay. We’ll wait downstairs for however long you need.”

  Absently, I continued to stare at his shirt as he hurried down the hall to my bedroom. He climbed into the bed and leaned his back against the headboard, cradling me in his lap. He rocked me and whispered, helping me come back to myself.

  I wasn’t sure how long it took, but his words finally penetrated. “What happened? What’s goin’ on? You’re scarin’ me, Clara darlin’.”

  I breathed in deeply, letting his comforting scent calm me more. Once I felt a bit more centered, I leaned back and wiped my face.

  “Here,” he whispered and handed me some tissues from the nightstand.

  “Thanks,” I murmured, about to take them from him when I noticed the pages in my hand. My breath hitched, feeling a whole new wave of tears coming on. I pushed the emotions back, battling them with all I had, and sat the pages aside, taking the offered tissues.

  He stole glances at the letter on the bed, though he mainly focused on me as I dried my face and nose. Once I was done, he grabbed them and threw them on the nightstand next to the box.

  “All right, darlin, I need you to tell me what happened. Can you do that?”

  “Yeah,” I croaked, my heart racing and my stomach sinking.

  This wasn’t about me, though. Even though I was dealing with my demons over this, the letter needed to be known. It affected a lot of lives, especially Bella’s and Stacy’s – or Abby’s – family.

  “Start from the beginnin’, Clara. When I left you in the room, you were all smiles. What changed? Is it those papers?” He motioned to them.

  “Yeah,” I whispered, my voice thick. “I found a letter underneath the bed. Paige must have dropped it.”

  His face transformed with confusion. “Paige? What does she have to do with this? She’s back in Chicago.”

  “Remember when she brought my mail? I went through it, but it was all junk. You threw it away for me.”

  “Okay…” He didn’t remember, but he was waiting for me to continue.

  “She had it when she was here and gave me the pile on our way down the stairs. The letter was sent to my address in Chicago, before I’d left for Bliss. I should have gotten it a long time ago. Hell, it might have been in my mail the day I left for Bliss, and I didn’t know.” My breathing picked up, my emotions spiraling again. “I didn’t know!”

  He placed my head against his chest again, combing his fingers through my hair. “Shhh, darlin’. It’s fine. Take a deep breath and calm down for me.”

  “I should have known!”

  His voice was firm. “Clara, calm down.”

  I squeezed my eyes closed, imagining a fortress around my brain, where hurts and feelings didn’t exist. It took another few minutes, but I finally felt like myself again.

  “Okay. I’m okay.” I shrugged off Grey’s arms and climbed off his lap, settling against the headboard next to him. I grabbed the pages and handed them to him. “Read. Just read it, Grey.”

  “Okay,” he gave in and straightened the pages out in front of him. His eyes widened, then turned to me again. “Stacy wrote you?”

  “Just read it, Grey. I…” I shook my head and looked up at the ceiling, fighting tears.

  “Okay,” he murmured and began reading once more.

  I watched as he did, giving the words all of his focus. The same emotions that went through me played out on his face – confusion, disbelief, sorrow, and finally horror.

  He didn’t say anything after he finished and sat the letter down on the bed next to us. He stared at my bedspread, processing for a good while, and then looked at me. I hurt all over again when I saw his pain.

  “Why didn’t she come to me? I would have believed her. I would have helped.”

  I shook my head, keeping a tight hold on my fortress. I didn’t need to break down again. “I don’t know, honey. I don’t.”

  “She was drivin’,” he disclosed, tortured. “I thought it was odd at first, but I didn’t think about it again. Stacy was drivin’. She killed herself and him.”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  He closed his eyes and shuddered. “Dear God…” His jaw clenched as his breaths grew ragged. “I can’t believe this. I…”

  “What if I’d never found it, Grey? We’d never know what truly happened.”

  “No, don’t. None of this is your fault.” His muscles visibly relaxed as he hauled me onto his lap once more. “We’ll figure this out. I don’t know how, but we will.”

  I rested my head on his shoulder. “I think we need to call the cops. Maybe…”

  How do we handle this?

  “Maybe,” he agreed, keeping me cuddled close.

  “We need to find her parents. They need to know what happened to her…that they have a grandchild.”

  “Yeah,” he sighed. “I believe you’re right.”

  “Should we keep this to ourselves? I mean, I don’t want to, but what about her parents? God, Grey! Finding out that she took her life is going to destroy them!”

  I knew what it did me, and I didn’t know her.

  “She’s been gone a long time, Clara. Probably, at this point, all they want to know is what happened to her, no matter what.” He let out a pained noise from the back of his throat. “I’ll talk to Dad. Get his advice.”

  “Not yet,” I rushed. “Just hold me for a minute. After that…”

  “I know. Me too.” He held me tighter.

  ♥♥♥

  Everyone sat in the living room as we waited for a detective to arrive. After some advice from Brad and Emma, we agreed that it was best to get the officials involved. The truth of the accident needed to be known.

  Decorations and lights were strewn around the living room, reminding me of what we should have been doing. Finding that letter had definitely put a damper on the Christmas spirit, but no one seemed to care.

  Sam marched into the kitchen and found a bottle of whiskey that I’d kept for Grey. He liked to have a bit in the evenings, now and then, so I grabbed it one day when I was at the market. It was still unopened. Sam grabbed small glasses from the cabinet and carried them back to the living room

  She’d just finished pouring everyone a couple of fingers worth into each glass when she said, “I think this is in order.”

  “Understatement of the year,” Adam muttered, shooting his back. He held out his glass to Sam again. “Keep ’em comin’.”

  “I still can’t believe she killed Jon and herself, rather than tellin’ anyone,” Brad stated, bewildered.

  “I know. The poor dear thought she was doin’ what was right,” Emma sadly agreed.


  “Am I the only one that realizes she had a few screws loose? Who changes their name just because a man told them to?” Sam took a healthy pull from her glass and pointed at me with one finger. “Even if she didn’t kill them, that right there screams crazy. If a guy told me that, I’d tell him not to let the door hit him in the ass on the way out.”

  Even if she was a bit crass, I had to smile at Sam.

  “What happens now?” Emma asked, ignoring Sam. She seemed to do this when she was exasperated with her daughter.

  “We wait,” Brad answered.

  “And what of Bella?” Grey questioned thoughtfully.

  The doorbell sounded before anyone could answer. I sat my glass aside as I stood. “It’s time,” I announced to no one in particular.

  Grey followed my lead and got to his feet. He took my hand and smiled sadly down at me. “Come on. The worst is over…just remember that, Clara.”

  I nodded and let him guide me to the door. The bell went off again when we were a few feet away. Grey pulled the door open before whoever was behind the door could do it again.

  A man’s broad back was to us, but he slowly turned when he heard us. My breath left me. It was probably the most inappropriate time to have these thoughts, but Holy Mother of God!

  Paige was right. Bliss was a beacon for gorgeousness – they flocked to this town.

  The man had dark green eyes that seemed liked they’d pry out every deep, dark, dirty fantasy you had. His hair was long and wavy, almost to his chin, and kept tucked behind his ears. His chest was wide, thick, straining against the shirt under his jacket, and his waist was slim, his whole body sinful.

  When Grey cleared his voice, I blinked a couple of times and peered up at him. His lips were twitching, and his eyes danced. Belatedly, I realized I’d just been caught checking out the man. I flushed to my ears, I was so embarrassed, and bit my lip. Grey chuckled. He was getting a kick out of it, the sod.

  “Again, this is my girlfriend, Clara,” Grey informed the man, his voice vibrating with amusement.

  Hell, we needed some laughs right about now, so I let it go.