Someday My Prince Will Come
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18 Not that I would be caught dead with an actual backpack. My friends had them, but I insisted on a small piece of luggage with wheels. (I also insisted on packing a travel wardrobe that allowed me to blend in with native Europeans—nothing screams American more than sneakers, tracksuits, and baseball caps.)
19 Finishing school is a private all-girls institution that prepares girls for life among the social elite and is intended to “complete” one’s educational experience. The most famous finishing schools are in Switzerland and lessons include things like skiing, cooking, and French. While girls as young as sixteen can attend the average age for entrants is twenty. Princess Diana attended Swiss finishing school at the Institut Alpin Videmanette in 1977.
2 Peter was one of four pages at the wedding of the Duke and Duchess of York on July 23, 1986. Press reports described him as “a pageboy in midshipman blue.”
20 Sir Mick Jagger was registered at the LSE between 1961 and 1963. But he ultimately opted for rock stardom over finishing his economics degree.
21 Husband of the aforementioned Crown Princess Mette-Marit
22 £45 = approximately $88. Converting pounds to dollars is never a good idea if one wants to enjoy the U.K.
23 Savile Row is a famous London street known for its many shops offering traditional bespoke tailoring.
24 Which was really floor number six since the Brits strangely insist on calling the first floor the ground floor, and the second floor the first floor
25 Kombucha is derived from a strange mushroomlike fungus (a symbiotic culture of yeast and other microorganisms), which, when nourished with the right amount of black tea and sugar, reproduces a “baby” fungus in a rather disturbing fashion. Ancient Chinese and Russian medicine claims that drinking the liquid by-product has unparalleled health benefits. Personally, I’m not convinced. And actually rather traumatized.
26 Paying for a TV license is required by law in the U.K. for all television owners and is used instead of commercial advertising to fund the BBC’s public broadcasts.
27 That’s more green space that any other city of its size in the world.
28 The Drowning People, written by nineteen-year-old, floppy-haired Oxford student Richard Mason
29 In 1992 Windsor Castle (the largest inhabited castle in the world) suffered severe fire damage, which destroyed some of the most historic parts of the building. It was announced that up to 70 percent of the cost of restoration (estimated at approx £50m) was to be met by charging the public admission to Buckingham Palace. Her Majesty The Queen was to personally contribute £2m.
3 My godparents owned one of the largest tipi factories in North America.
30 Some of the most exceptional and historic jewels in the world can be found in the Tower of London’s royal collection, including the Great Star of Africa, the largest top-quality cut diamond in existence (set in the Sovereign’s Sceptre with Cross, it boasts 530.2 carats and an estimated worth of $400 million), and the infamous fourteenth-century Black Prince’s Ruby, a crimson jewel the size of a chicken egg set within the Imperial state crown.
31 Built in 1911, the Victoria Memorial is a massive marble structure standing eighty-two feet tall and situated directly in front of Buckingham Palace. Vaguely resembling a giant wedding cake, the memorial features a thirteen-foot statue of Queen Victoria surrounded by three bronze angels representing the classic Victorian virtues of justice, charity, and truth.
32 Husband of the aforementioned Princess Masako
33 Continental-style cheek kissing for both greeting and parting appeared to have been adopted in the U.K. Not sure if this existed only in my particular social community or if it was a more pervasive kissing movement. (Debrett’s Etiquette for Girls claims that you should aim for the right cheek first.)
34 A mini cab, unlike a black cab, is a taxi that can be arranged only by phone and does not stop to collect passengers in the street.
35 Or “polo neck jumper” as the Brits would say
36 I even tried to transfer to Oxford completely. But the programs weren’t equivalent and I was already too far along in the academic year.
37 All U.K. universities are free (there are no private institutions) and supposedly merit-based. Although Oxford and Cambridge are often accused of elitism, upper-middle-class students account for less than 45 percent of Oxbridge entrants.
38 “BBC English,” or the educated spoken English of southeast England used by news anchors on television produced by the British Broadcasting Corporation, is generally considered to be the prestige British accent (though it is somewhat politically incorrect to admit it).
39 Hassinger, Kris. “Binge drinking problem exaggerated,” CollegiateTimes.com, Nov 2003.
4 Also known as “Rocky Mountain Oysters.”
40 CV: curriculum vitae. Used in the U.K. instead of the word résumé. CVs can be several pages long and usually include personal information that is practically illegal to disclose to U.S. employers—including age and marital status.
41 Debrett’s (founded in 1769) is internationally recognized as the arbiter of etiquette and behavior, as well as the main authority on significant individuals in British society.
42 In fact, a popular bumper sticker for many of these pickup trucks was “Get ’er drunk.”
43 Meaning Charles didn’t have much say in the matter.
44 The annual Sunday Times “Rich List” catalogs the thousand wealthiest people in Britain, the richest Britons living abroad, and the richest people in the world.
45 Freddy’s father is Prince Michael of Kent (the Queen’s first cousin).
46 Park House, where Princess Diana was raised, is also located on the Royal Sandringham estate.
47 As Oscar Wilde once said, “All charming people are spoiled. It is the secret of their attraction.” In this context, I couldn’t agree more.
48 Or “plaster,” as the Brits would say
49 Bizarrely, in England the h in herb is not silent.
5 According to legend, Lady Godiva was an eleventh-century noblewoman who rode naked through the streets of England with nothing but her long hair to cover her.
50 As seen in the Woody Allen movie Match Point (2005)
51 Or “dinner jackets” as the Brits would say, also known as “DJs.” Most boarding school boys have owned one since their teens.
52 The elite Eton College, located right next to Windsor Castle, is a private boys’ boarding school (ages thirteen to eighteen) founded by King Henry VI in 1440. Tuition is approximately $46,500 per year and up until recently, one had to be registered at birth to even be considered for a placement. Famous alumni include Prince William, Prince Harry, Prince Michael of Kent, The Duke of Kent, George Orwell, Ian Fleming (creator of James Bond), and eighteen British prime ministers.
53 Pronounced “Sinjin”
54 Hyphenated last names—or “double-barrelled surnames” as they are called in the U.K.—are common among the British upper classes. They were originally created to ensure that property and titles would be inherited from both sides of the family upon marriage.
55 Harrow is another elite (and expensive) boys’ boarding school that was attended by at least half of Rupert’s friends. Famous old Harrovians include seven British prime ministers (most notably Winston Churchill), Cary Elwes (the prince in the movie The Princess Bride), and Lord Nicholas Windsor (youngest son of the Duke and Duchess of Kent).
56 Out of respect to the family, the exact region will not be named.
57 “Let other people play at other things. The King of Games still remains the Game of Kings.”—phrase carved beside an ancient polo ground in South Asia.
58 Called “Sherwanis”
59 “Namaste” for those of you who do yoga. The direct translation of Namaste is: “The god in me sees the god in you.”
6 I didn’t win the state title, but I won “Best Speech” and still got to wear a ball gown and tiara.
60 On July 1st, 2000, Diana would have been thirty-nine years o
ld.
61 I recommend visiting www.theworkcontinues.org for more info about the memorial fund. When I first heard the news of Diana’s death, donating to this fund was instrumental to my healing process.
62 Peter graduated from Exeter University with a degree in sports science.
63 Admittedly, my social policy degree was categorized as social science but I found this highly entertaining nonetheless.
64 The Home Office is the British governmental department responsible for immigration, justice, and security.
65 Well, sort of.
66 Because accommodations in London are so insanely expensive, most young professionals live in “flatshares” made up of two to six people. See the movie Shallow Grave (1994) for a better idea of how these viewings and flatmate interviews work.
67 To snog: British slang meaning “to kiss passionately.”
68 Canary Wharf is a modern business development, boasting three of London’s tallest buildings. It’s located in the London Docklands and rivals London’s traditional financial center.
69 Please note that this was back in 2000—Britney Spears had yet to enter her trailer-trash phase and was still generally considered to be wholesome and sexy.
7 Known as Dandelion Day or “D-Day.” In the 1980s, Newsweek ranked it as one of the nation’s top fifteen college parties.
70 By law, almost all bars in England must stop serving alcohol at 11 P.M. Only nightclubs and members bars have special late licenses.
71 slapper: a U.K. word meaning “slut”
72 Lee Carroll and Jan Tober, The Indigo Children, Hay House, 1999.
73 Postcodes are like zip codes, except they also contain letters. London postcodes begin with N (for north), S (south), SW (southwest), and so on. In snobby London social circles, only several areas (primarily SW1, SW3, and only barely SW6) are deemed acceptable.
74 The extravagant dinner bill was always picked up by Adam’s inevitably wealthy boyfriend-of-the-moment, otherwise neither Adam nor I could afford so much as a single round of drinks.
75 That’s Pringle as in the royal purveyor of knitwear for Her Majesty The Queen, not the potato chips.
76 Harvey Nichols is an extremely upscale London department store; the U.K. equivalent of Neiman Marcus or Barneys.
77 Ponce: a person who is ostentatious, snobbish, or effeminate
78 Goswami, Nina and Orr, James. “The Thames: Awash with Cocaine.” The Sunday Telegraph, November 5, 2005.
79 Of course my ideal man was Peter Phillips. But I felt when it came to national TV, it was best to leave the royal family out of it.
8 Apparently one of the indicative warning signs that you’re not coping was “drinking too often.”
80 To shag: U.K. slang meaning “to have sex with”
81 Uni: U.K. informal meaning “college”
82 To pull: U.K. informal meaning “to succeed in starting a sexual relationship”
83 To nick: to steal
84 According to the Mayans, 2012 is a crucial juncture, signifying the culminating point of the 26,000-year cycle of human evolution.
85 Crown Prince Alexander of Yugoslavia (son of King Peter of Yugoslavia, who was exiled in 1941) was actually born in Claridges—Suite 212, July 1945.
86 Liveries are the official garments worn by coachmen, footmen, chauffeurs, and so on.
87 Dress code prescribed to High Sheriffs when in the presence of a Royal court or a court of law.
88 Manifest (adjective): “clearly apparent or obvious to the mind or senses,” from the Latin manifestus, “clear or evident,” c. 1374
89 Honor played Pussy Galore in Goldfinger (1964).
9 “Pants” (plural noun) refers to underwear in the U.K. and what the English would call “trousers” in the U.S.
90 This is a nice English way of describing a person whose job it is to empty people’s dustbins and take the rubbish away. The U.S. equivalent would be “garbageman.”
91 Party conference: A national symposium given annually for each political party in the U.K. and attended by everyone who’s anyone in British politics—regardless of political leanings.
92 Tory: U.K. slang for a member of the British Conservative Party, which is traditionally right-wing.
93 Chartwell, a Victorian manor situated on eighty acres of English countryside, was Sir Winston Churchill’s family home from 1922 until his death in 1965.
94 “Never give in, never give in, never, never, never!”—Winston Churchill, October 29, 1941
95 The duchess authored a series of animated children’s books called Budgie the Little Helicopter.
96 Which included losing 50 pounds and becoming an official spokeswoman for Weight Watchers.
97 The couple’s friendship is so strong that they continue to share their original family home in the U.K.
98 Major Ronald Ferguson had served as polo manager for both the Duke of Edinburgh and the Prince of Wales.
99 Trousseau: nineteenth-century French word referring to the expensive collection of clothing and linens that an upper-class Victorian woman brings to her marital home. (Not many boys have even heard of this word, much less are able to use it in casual conversation.)