An Encore for Love

by Alexandra Warren

  “Yeah. To get between my legs which we fulfilled years ago,” she replied stiffly as she snatched another outfit for baby girl off of the rack, taking a peek at the tag before tossing it in the cart.

  “That was just a means to an end, Ri.”

  She clapped her hands together sarcastically and baby girl mimicked her thinking it was a game. Though I knew it was anything but once Amerie said, “An end. Yes! That’s exactly what I was thinking. How you can end this bullshit storyline you’re steady trying to create. We had a… thing. And now we don’t. The end.”

  “Yeah. That’s what you say now,” I muttered, distracting myself with a rack of shirts all spouting a bunch of girl power shit; the perfect backdrop for Amerie and baby girl’s little tag team approach.

  And while I thought the message had gone completely unheard, Amerie leaned in to ask, “What was that?”

  I quickly brushed her off, knowing there was no use in fighting her over what I knew I could eventually control with a little patience. But I also knew it was going to take a lot more than just being around her to get her to see the truth. So while my mind went into overdrive with ideas, I only offered her a cover up.

  “Nothin’. I got you. I won’t bring it up again.”

  “Good,” she stated proudly as if she had really won whatever we called ourselves doing. And I’d let her think that for now. Let her think my pursuit was really over with and allow her to get comfortable with my presence again so that I could take a more… backdoor approach.

  “So… what happened to your little dinner date?” I asked casually as we made our way to the checkout line.

  And Amerie had no problem attempting to keep me in my place when she coldly stated, “None of your business.”

  “You wanna trade nights so you can still make it?” I offered, trying to at least gain a little positive traction.

  But she still managed to play tough when she brushed me off to say, “It’s fine, Knox. I’m good.” While emptying the cart onto the conveyor belt.

  I quietly leaned against the handle of the cart watching the way her face remained in a scowl as she waited for our turn to checkout. I could tell she was struggling not to return the attention I was giving her, choosing to look at just about everything but me. And since it seemed as if taking the simple approach didn’t warrant much of an improved response, I quickly reverted back to my old ways when I insisted, “He must really be a lame if he’s not even worth a reschedule.”

  To no surprise, it was that that really got her attention, causing her to snap when she said, “It wasn’t even a he, asshole. It was a she.”

  “A she? Damn, Ri. I ain’t even know you got down like that now,” I teased just to get on her nerves since that seemed to be the only way she’d actually pay me any mind. And while I could tell she wanted to go off on me once again, she kept her response measured as we approached the cashier.

  “No. Not like that. It was a business dinner.”

  “You got dressed like that just for a business dinner with another woman?”

  She rolled her eyes as she dug in her purse for her wallet while responding, “I know you don’t dress up for hardly anything these days, but this dress is incredibly regular.”

  “Well you make it look everything but regular. And put your money away. I got it,” I told her just as she unsnapped her wallet.

  “Knox, I can afford diapers and wipes, and these little clearance rack outfits. It’s not a big deal.”

  “Amerie, I said I got it. Quit bein’ difficult for the fuck of it,” I whispered near her ear, keeping the smile plastered on my face as the lady from the baby section appeared again, offering us a smile of her own in reference to our “happy black family”.

  Amerie cringed the same way she had done before while I gave the lady a thumbs up before lifting baby girl out of the cart and slinging her against my hip. Then I dug in my pocket for my own wallet, pulling out a few twenties to hand over to the cashier who seemed way more interested in me than in taking my money.

  “Cute baby girl you have there,” she offered with a smile before turning to flip through the register for my change.

  And once she turned back my way, I couldn’t help but flirt, “Just as cute as you.”

  The girl blushed immediately, though it didn’t last long once Amerie grunted in annoyance nearby as she grabbed the sacks from the carousel. And while I was curious about her motive, I could only offer a pleasant parting smile to the cashier before we headed towards the exit.

  Even though Amerie was a few steps ahead of us, surely on purpose as an attempt to avoid any and all conversation, I still called after her, “Yo, Ri. What was that all about?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she tossed over her shoulder as she unlocked the doors to her car and climbed inside, leaving me to get baby girl all strapped in by myself.

  I could only shake my head as I told little Mackenzie, “Your T.T. RiRi has an attitude problem.” Though it wasn’t like she actually understood me. In fact, she only giggled, blowing a spit bubble as I sat her in the car seat.

  “I’ll take that,” I told her with a smile before slowly shutting the door behind me. But when I went to open my door, it was locked.

  “Amerie, unlock the door,” I said loud enough for her to hear through the window.

  Still, she acted unfazed, peeking back to check on baby girl before putting the car in reverse.

  “Quit playin’, babe. For real,” I said with a nervous laugh as I grabbed the door handle, though the pull of the car going backwards forced me to take a few steps with it.

  And I was grateful when Amerie hit the brakes, though it didn’t come with her unlocking the door as I expected her to. Instead, she rolled down the window, bending her head to give me stern eyes as she demanded, “Once I let you in this car, I don’t wanna hear any more of your shit. Today has already being trying enough as is.”

  I leaned into the window so we were on the same level when I told her, “I’m not here to start any real trouble, Ri. You know I’m just playin’ with you.”

  Her eyes went tight as she quickly fired back, “And that’s exactly your problem. You’ve always treated things as a damn game. You always wanna play with somebody. But I’ve never been in the mood to be played with. Not then and not…” She paused for a second, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before changing the course of the conversation.

  “Come on. The faster you get in this car, the faster I can get rid of you.”

  I was honestly a little stunned as I heard the locks click over signaling for me to open the door. I couldn’t move, couldn’t stop… processing her words that completely contradicted the “I never cared about you” feelings she had expressed earlier even if she had caught herself from going too far. But I had already heard everything I needed to hear, already heard what she was holding onto; the fact that she didn’t appreciate the way I had so foolishly played with her heart way back when.

  Of course I knew that was the case, had heard it from Blaise more than a few times. But to hear her express it, even if it was just the beginning of her thoughts, clued me in on just how hard I’d have to work to gain her trust back.

  I tried to shake it off as I climbed into the car, Amerie not even waiting for me to close the door completely before she was already pulling off. And while I allowed us to ride in silence for at least a few moments, the weight of the apology I still owed her was sitting on my tongue heavier than a sumo wrestler after a meal.

  But what was I really supposed to say? A plain ol’ apology hardly seemed sufficient. And even if I did say it, I was sure Amerie would just brush it off the same way she had done with everything else I had already said to her.

  Unfortunately, before I could come up with the proper words, we were already pulling in front of my hotel. I could tell Amerie was out of her element, keeping her eyes trained towards the windshield as she said, “So I’ll um… text you or something tomorrow, before I’m ready t
o drop her off.”

  I only nodded as I told her, “Yeah, aight. I’ll be free. So whenever you need to handle business, just let me know.”

  Then I turned back in my seat to tell Mackenzie, “Later, little mama.” Before turning back around to take one more look at Amerie.

  Even if we weren’t on good terms, I still found her beauty just as captivating as I did the first time I saw her audition. But I also knew my physical attraction to her wasn’t nearly enough to get her to see things my way. It was up to me to take her words, take what I had learned, and somehow turn that into what I wanted. And while the task might’ve been a little intimidating, there was no doubt in my mind that Amerie was worth it.

  Amerie

  “Wait a minute… so you stopped by Knox’s hotel room last night and didn’t do anything? Like, at all? Not even a kiss?”

  I nodded my head as if Miranda could see me, using the speakerphone to chat with her as I made the drive from my condo to Knox’s hotel so that I could drop off Mackenzie. After clueing her in on the craziness of the night, from showing up to Knox’s hotel room intentionally dressed to impressed, to finding out about Malia’s mom, and then staying up half the night trying to get baby girl to sleep after her usual schedule had gotten completely thrown off, talking it out with my sister seemed like the only viable option. Especially compared to driving myself half-crazy about it all.

  So as I pulled up to the stoplight, I finally replied, “That’s right, sis. I told you, I’m not interested in training a dog. Knox is who he always will be and I’m good on that. He even made sure to remind of that fact by flirting with the damn cashier at Target.”

  I still couldn’t believe he had the audacity to pull that shit knowing good and well I was watching. And I was hardly surprised to see the way the girl fell right into the palm of his hand, similarly to the way I had foolishly done years ago. Though back then, it felt different. I didn’t mind his ways as much because I knew at the end of day, he’d be with me, spending time with me, sharing a bed with me. In fact, instead of being frustrated by his actions, it made me feel even more special to know that I was the one who really had his attention.

  What a joke.

  While I was busy replaying the past in my head, Miranda threw me a curveball when she asked, “Were you a little jealous though? And be honest, Amerie.”

  This time I shrugged, keeping my hands planted firmly on the steering wheel as I pulled off at the sight of a greenlight and answered, “I wasn’t jealous, but I was definitely bothered.”

  It honestly didn’t make sense for me to care about what Knox was doing considering it was nothing new. He had always been a flirt, always been a charmer, always gotten the attention of any woman he came across. And it wasn’t like he owed it to me to not make good on that fact. Still, I found myself feeling slighted by his actions no matter how innocent they were.

  But regardless of how much I was struggling with it internally, Miranda saw things way differently when she asked, “Are you so bothered that you’re about to pull up to that hotel and get your man back?”

  I smacked my teeth, whipping around the corner as I replied, “He is not my man. Hell, he technically never was my man, even back then. And I already told you, I don’t want him. We’re just doing this little show together, and that’s it.”

  Saying it out loud served as the perfect reminder. But that didn’t mean it was enough to convince my sister as she insisted, “Amerie, you know good and well the only reason you and Knox never hooked back up was because you did everything in your power to avoid him. But now that you’re going to be around each other again… I don’t know. I guess we’ll just have to see what happens.”

  “We’ll just have to see what happens” was exactly what I was afraid of, exactly why I had pushed off this level of interaction for so long hoping the feelings would somehow disappear over time. But the truth was… they hadn’t, which did nothing but make me feel silly for agreeing to get back involved with him so soon, even if it was on a professional level.

  Still, I had no choice but to assure my sister, “Nothing is going to happen, Miranda. Yes, Knox is still fine as hell. And yes, I might’ve taken a few peeks at the print in his pants while we were shopping. But other than that? He’s the same as any other stranger on the street.”

  The line went completely silent as if the call had dropped.

  “Miranda? Miranda, you there?” I asked, taking a quick peek down at my lap to find that the call was indeed still connected just in time to hear my sister burst with laughter.

  “What’s so funny?” I asked, taking a moment to think back on what I had actually said to her.

  And her answer didn’t exactly clue me in on the joke when she replied, “You! You’re already fighting it with all your might which means this won’t take long at all.”

  “What won’t take long?” I asked as I pulled into the circle drive of the hotel, right up to the valet station before putting my car in park.

  Then I clicked the phone off of speakerphone, putting it to my ear as Miranda answered, “This… next chapter. Second round. Encore presentation.”

  “Why don’t you have any faith in me?” I whined a little louder than necessary, mouthing “Ten minutes” to the valet attendant as I went to the backseat to grab Mackenzie.

  And as I tossed her diaper bag over my shoulder, I listened to my sister reason, “Hello. Have you seen Knox? That’s your answer.”

  I rolled my eyes, struggling to peel baby girl’s sleeping body from her car seat as I replied, “Easy for you to say. You aren’t the one who got embarrassed by him, belittled by him, made a fool of in front of your peers by him.”

  The day was one that would forever be engrained in my head. Though thinking back on it, it had really been a series of days. Somehow Knox and I had gone from spending every day together, to only spending a night or two, to not spending any time at all. And while I assumed it was because he was busy making sure the last leg of the tour went accordingly, I quickly learned that it wasn’t really about the tour at all. It was about him and… whatever her name was.

  When I caught them getting cozy after one of our last shows, I thought I was just imagining things, thought it was just Knox being Knox. But when I asked him about it, he showed no remorse in the fact that he had moved on from whatever we were doing without giving the courtesy of letting me know, even going as far as making a scene in front of the people I danced with night after night.

  My chest was still heaving from the show we had put on, the days of the tour winding down forcing me to think about my next step. But thoughts of my career had been put on hold thanks to the uncertainty that existed between Knox and I. He had been completely standoffish, avoiding me at every turn. And even though it didn’t make sense, that didn’t stop me from trying to make it work as I headed towards the dressing room he was assigned to.

  When I stepped into the room, I saw a girl – a dancer – sitting on his lap with her arms wrapped lovingly around his neck as he praised her for her performance.

  “You were the best one out there,” he said, something he’d usually say to me.

  I cleared my throat to get their attention, the girl popping up from his lap with an urgency that proved she knew she had been caught red-handed. Still, Knox remained cool and calm, rolling his eyes at me as if I was somehow wrong for being there.

  “Knox, what is this?” I asked, trying my best not to overreact; the fact that we hadn’t been off stage long being on my side since that meant what I had saw with my own eyes was the most they could’ve done.

  But Knox held nothing back, did nothing to ease the tension when he casually tossed out, “Why you trippin’, Ri? Ain’t like you my girl or somethin’.”

  I peeked over to the other dancer who made a point to avoid my eyes, the air in the room uncomfortably tense as I told Knox, “But I thought…”

  “You thought wrong,” he spewed, cutting me off and making someone behind me chuckle.

&nb
sp; I couldn’t even turn around to see who it was, too embarrassed by the fact that Knox was brushing off everything we had shared, all the memories we had made, and belittling them to a basic, “Ain’t like you my girl or somethin’.”

  But I wasn’t his girl, no matter how much our interactions might’ve said otherwise.

  “So he made a mistake. A terrible, ugly mistake, but still a mistake. Are you going to stay mad at him forever?”

  I mouthed a quick “Thank you” to the valet attendant for closing the door behind me since my hands were tied before answering, “I don’t know. But I guess we’ll find out soon, huh?”

  “Just know I support whatever you choose to do, Amerie. And I won’t judge you if you choose to do “the do” for old times’ sake,” she said with extra intonation, letting me know exactly where her mind was. And I honestly couldn’t blame her considering the many times I had bragged to her about all that Knox was working with.

  Still, I could only shake my head as I stepped into the lobby of the hotel to find Knox waiting in the sitting area looking… shit.

  “Why does he have to look so good?” I asked myself as I told Miranda, “Girl… I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Love you, sissy. And remember, condoms are cheaper than diapers.”

  “Bye Miranda!” I yelled with a laugh, getting Knox’s attention as he peeked up from his own phone with a smile that instantly made me weak in the knees.

  It had only been a little over twenty-four hours and he was already back to making me weak in the knees with a simple smile which meant I was in big trouble. But I was still going to at least try to hold my own, keeping my face neutral as I told him, “She’s sleeping, but she should be up soon.”

  I handed Mackenzie over, being sure to touch Knox as little as possible on the exchange. And once he got her in a comfortable position on his shoulder, it didn’t take long for him to give me another one of those panty-wetting gazes, looking me up and down before he asked, “You’re dancin’ today, babe?”

  I suppose it was my completely dressed down attire of a hoody, joggers, and tennis shoes that clued him in on my next destination. And as I stuffed my hands in the front pocket so I could fidget my fingers in peace, I explained, “Blaise and Malia are busy trying to get everything with her mother all sorted out, so I told him I’d take over a few of his classes today.”