Nathan cut his steak sandwich in half and gave her the other piece. “Here, this is too much for me.”
“No, it’s yours. Save it for later.”
“No, I insist.”
She took the sandwich and bit into it immediately. She noticed Nathan staring at her, an amused expression on his handsome face.
“What’s so funny? Is it the way I eat?”
He chuckled. “Yes, I love it when women actually eat instead of pick on their boring garden salad.”
He grabbed a napkin and, without warning, dabbed her lips. He did it so gently and so intimately that Darcey felt the tension building up between them. Her heart started to pound, she could have sworn she could hear it. Judging from the way Nathan was looking into her eyes, she could tell he felt the same tension. There was longing in his gaze, or so she imagined.
For a few seconds they stared at each other, each seemed to be waiting for the other to speak first. Darcey was about to say something when Nathan beat her to it.
“Darcey.”
He put his hand on her right shoulder and gently pulled her towards him. Without warning his mouth came upon hers. Darcey knew she had to stop it. But her mouth accepted his without as much as a slight protest.
It was a gentle kiss but it was also full of hunger. He nibbled her lower lip and she opened her mouth, fully allowing him to kiss her. She placed her hand around his neck and sighed softly. He angled her face and slowly kissed her cheek, and then he lightly nibbled kisses down to her neck.
“Nathan.” She sighed again.
He kissed her deeper, with so much passion. It was as if the kiss was what they both needed to survive. After several seconds of kissing, Nathan seemed to recover his senses. He pulled back. While his hands remained on her shoulders, he leaned back and placed a small distance between them. It was so abrupt Darcey was knocked back to civilization. They were both out of breath. Darcey could hear his heavy breathing along with her own. She felt shaken from the kiss, right at her very core.
“I’m sorry, Darcey. It must be the medication I’ve been taking. I’m sorry, I don’t know what has gotten into me. I don’t want to ruin what we have.”
Please don’t apologise, Nathan. It will only mean the kiss was nothing to you. It will only mean I was right all along. She wanted to say her thoughts out loud but didn’t trust herself to speak.
She wanted to cry. She wanted to tell him it was okay and that she loved being with him and that she wanted him to kiss her more. She wanted to tell him he was everything she ever wanted in a man, wanted to thank him for being so thoughtful, a great listener, a true gentleman. He told her he believed in her when she didn’t believe in herself.
Instead Darcey looked down, reminding herself to breathe. Before she would break down in front of him once more, she gathered all the strength she had left and stood up.
She tried to steady her voice and swallowed hard, forcing down a ball of unidentified emotions down her throat. “I’m going to go now before I catch your bug. I hope you get well soon.” She sounded robotic, even to her own ears.
She said all that without looking at him. She stood up and grabbed her coat and bag. Darcey didn’t dare turn around, afraid of what one look at him might do to her resolve. She vowed not to cry in front of him again or, worst, show him just how much he meant to her.
Chapter 18
Darcey closed the door of Nathan’s apartment behind her and walked quickly down the street, her head down. She heard Nathan call her name from behind her. She quickened her steps and turned around the next corner.
Tears started spilling down her cheeks. She hated how she cried easily these days. Luckily this time she left before Nathan had a chance to see her cry. She saw the train station several meters in front of her and hastened her steps even more. She wanted nothing more than to go home and break down on her bed, away from prying ears. Away from Nathan.
Damn tears. She wiped them away with her right hand. She thought of passing by Nick’s café then quickly changed her mind. It would be unfair to drag a friend down with her silly situation, her foolish assumptions that Nathan wanted her anymore than a friend. She should have listened to her own thoughts. There she was, she reminded herself, enjoying what she thought was the most romantic kiss. But all along it was simply the medications talking.
She wanted to kick herself. Of course he wanted nothing more than to be her friend. She knew that. Problem was her heart had ideas of its own, ideas of a “happy ever after” with the most amazing guy she ever met. A guy who believed in her, held her like no other, made her feel safe without having to utter the words ‘It’s going to be all right, Darcey’. His touch, his presence and kisses said it all.
But in the end, it was all her imagination.
She was about to enter the station when suddenly someone grabbed her shoulder. She gasped.
“Darcey?” It was Nick’s voice.
“Oh, my gosh, you scared me.” She turned to face him.
Nick’s face studied hers intently. He knew something was wrong. “Are you alright?”
“Yes, I was just on my way home.”
“You were crying.”
She shook her head and looked down, not wanting Nick to study her face further. “No, it’s just...”
“What happened? Did that asshole make you cry?”
“No, really Nick, I’m fine and I wasn’t crying.” But her unsteady voice and the redness in her eyes betrayed her.
“Come to my flat. Let’s go talk.”
“Don’t you need to work?”
“I own the café Darcey, I can leave work when I want to.” Nicholas grabbed his mobile phone from his coat pocket and dialled. “Rosa, it’s Nicholas. I won’t be coming back. Tell Trevor he has to run the kitchen. Something has come up. No, it’s nothing serious. If it gets quiet you guys can close early. Thank you.” He placed his hand on Darcey’s back and led her away.
“Nick, you don’t have to, I’m fine. Besides, I have nothing to tell you.”
“OK, fine if you have nothing to say. I do. Will you be a friend and come and listen to me then? There’s something I feel you should know.” He looked more serious than Darcey could ever remember.
She looked at him curiously. “Sure. Is it about last night?”
Maybe, she thought, listening to his story would take her mind off Nathan and how embarrassed and hurt she was feeling.
Nick simply nodded and she finally agreed.
“OK, you’re a better listener anyway. And I have some leftover goulash at home and can make you some warm garlic bread.”
Darcey smiled and walked away with him, happy to have the company of a good friend.
*****
“So, what happened?” Darcey took a bite of the warm garlic bread fresh from the oven.
Nick sat down next to her and helped himself to a bowl of steaming soup. “Well, I went to the party alone because you preferred going to Luis’ party.”
“Yeah, right. Like you would need a date when you can easily find one at the party,” she retorted. “Carry on.”
Nick rolled his eyes at her and proceeded to tell Darcey about running into his ex-girlfriend. “Well, Madeleine was already there before I arrived so I couldn’t just turn and leave because she was there. It was awkward to say the least!”
Darcey didn’t say anything, she simply nodded. Her mouth was too full with food anyway.
Nick went on, “So, I said hello, and she said hello. I took two glasses of wine to ease my nervousness and it did work its magic. Thanks to Mr. Barolo.”
Darcey picked up her glass of red wine. “Cheers to the magic of alcohol!” She pretended to do a toast and took a sip before she waved a hand to tell Nick to continue with his story.
“So, apparently she’s not married.”
“Did you ask why?” Darcey’s curiosity shot up. She stopped between bites.
“Well, apparently they called off the wedding because of me!” Nick exclaimed.
; Her face dropped. “What? Oh my gosh.”
Nick paused dramatically and took a sip from his own glass. He looked hesitant, as if he didn’t know if he should continue. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and iced cold, anger was in his eyes. “Darcey, she broke my heart, remember? And left me for some man. That man didn’t have the decency to respect that she was with me. Remember when I told you that she and I were at that restaurant and he happened to be there? He went to our table and asked her to come with him. That bastard didn’t even have manners to respect that she was with me. She then calls me to break up with me.”
His voice cracked and Darcey could tell he was shaking a bit. Tears welled in his eyes. Darcey gave him a hug and patted his back. “Oh, Nick. It’s OK. We don’t have to talk about this right now if it’s too difficult for you still.”
“Darcey, you saw me break down last year.”
She stared at Nick with compassion. She remembered the previous year when Nick got drunk and he told her how his ex-girlfriend was engaged to someone else. Nick had been beyond angry and heartbroken.
“Darcey,” he had told her during one his many hard drinking sessions the previous year. The pain was fresh. “She left me for that guy and she’s going to marry him!”
“What?” Darcey had replied. She had spent plenty of evenings at Nick’s place, being the good friend.
“Yes, Darcey.” Beer bottles, and empty alcohol bottles had been lying around Nick’s usually pristine flat.
How could Darcey forget Nick’s brutal heartbreak? She remembered consoling him every day for weeks on end. The news of the break up surprised her almost as much.
She had asked, “Why? I mean, you’re handsome, intelligent, funny, nice, an amazing man. How could she pick him over you?” Darcey had meant every word.
“Darcey, she told me she loved him more than she loved me.”
“Oh Nicky.” She had hugged him. Never in her whole life had she seen him so distraught. He was usually the one who made girls cry. Nick was always the one leaving them cursing him and throwing shoes at him.
Nick had been a mess. He recovered and a different Nick was sitting next to Darcey drinking soup. But it was clear to Darcey that bits and pieces of his broken heart still managed to pierce his armour.
Looking at Nick a year after the horrible break-up, Darcey’s heart broke for him all over again. Her pain from Nathan’s admission that day made her already empathic nature feel even more for her friend. She didn’t like seeing Nick sad or, worse, heartbroken once more.
Darcey thought of how she had gone through the same type of betrayal with her ex Ollie. Tears started to form in her own eyes.
“Nick, that was the past. You need to let it go.”
He took another sip of wine. “I know. I know.” He forced a smile.
“I know you loved her and, sometimes, that is enough. If we love someone, cliché as it sounds, we need to be happy for them even if it breaks our heart. Some people even love from afar. But, wait, you said she didn’t marry him. So you might still have your happy ending with her, you mean?” She placed a gentle hand on his face.
“Is that why you let Ollie go? Without a fight?”
Nick’s question surprised her. A tear fell off Darcey’s check. Hearing Ollie’s name out loud brought back wonderful and painful memories at once. “I wanted to tell him not to leave me. I wanted to ask him why he would throw away a wonderful four-year relationship for an affair that was barely a month old with a woman he just met. But you know what? If he really loved me like I thought he did, he wouldn’t even think twice of cheating on me. Maybe it wasn’t love.”
Another tear slowly escaped her eyes. She quickly brushed it off with her forefinger. “Grandfather always said, ‘love means never having to say you’re sorry.’ I know people make mistakes. I know sometimes we can’t help it and we hurt the ones we love. But you know, Nick, it was he who came clean and told me about the affair. He wanted to tell me because he must have been really in love with her. It’s not how long you know someone. Sometimes it’s how much you love someone. What I had with Ollie was my longest relationship but I guess it was just not meant to be.”
She brushed off another tear that was threatening to spill out. Nick patted her hand and put an arm around her.
“He could’ve lied, Nick, but he told me all of it, leaving nothing. He told me he felt distant towards me before he left for Russia. Eventually it wasn’t the long distance that ruined our relationship. It actually set the both of us free. After a while I realized, if I was truly in love with Ollie, I would have tried to stop him at least once, I would have tried. But, no, I let him go without even demanding explanations which any long-term relationship deserves.”
“I’m sorry, Darcey. I was out of the country when you were going through this.”
“It’s fine. I am OK now. I am really over it, honestly. I just get sentimental. Plus today wasn’t the best of days.” She fished tissue out of her bag and blew her nose. “But enough about me. Are you holding up OK? I mean, she’s free to date you now. You can pursue her. Maybe, unlike my love story, yours has a continuation.” She smiled at him, hoping to offer some comfort.
Nick shook his head. “I don’t know what I want anymore. My feelings are not concrete. When I saw her last night and when she told me her engagement got called off, I wasn’t as happy as I thought I would be.” He looked at his bowl of soup. “The soup’s gone cold.”
“Food can be reheated. And besides, I’m sure you have lost your appetite. Do you still love her?”
Nick looked at her. “I thought I still am. I thought I wasn’t over her. But it doesn’t seem to be the case.” He sighed. “Darcey, sometimes I think maybe I didn’t realize something.”
He looked at her, an unguarded expression on his face. His eyes were like soft coal in a burning fireplace. She prompted him to continue with a nod. Nick instead grabbed a spoon and twirled it around his soup.
“Come on, Nick, she’s not with that guy anymore. That means there’s a chance between you and her. I saw how much the break-up tore you apart last year. When you used to be with her all the time I was even a tad bit jealous.”
He stopped pushing the spoon around the bowl and looked up at Darcey. “Really?”
She poked him in the rib. “Yes, because my friend had no time for me.” She smiled. “Think of it this way, this could be your second chance. The rude ex-fiancé’s loss is your gain. See, now who gets the last laugh? That man must be somewhere thinking, ‘That lucky man, she chose him instead’. He must be a better kisser. Chefs usually are.”
Darcey wanted to be funny to lighten the atmosphere. Something in Nick’s face told her something wasn’t right, however. When Nick looked at her, he looked like he was figuring out how to say something.
Finally, Nick grabbed his wineglass and took a swig. He then placed the glass down and stared at her intently. “Darcey, there’s something else you need to know.”
She looked at him, her heart pounding. Something was definitely not right.
“Darcey, her ex-fiancé is...”
There was a long uncomfortable pause. Darcey could feel her anxiety rising. “Her ex-fiancé is what, Nick? A movie star? A politician?...Dead? Is he in jail?”
This time Nick couldn’t look Darcey in the face. He took another big gulp of wine and placed it down in front of him. He still had his eyes on the glass, avoiding her gaze, when he finally uttered the words that shattered Darcey’s already broken heart.
“Darcey, the man my ex left me for was Nathan. Nathan Cromwell is Madeleine’s ex-fiancé.”
Chapter 19
For the first time after years of working for the Leightons, Darcey was actually glad of the pile of work she needed to do. She found herself wishing for more tasks to take her mind off her troubled heart.
“Are you sure you don’t need me to do anything else? I could babysit tomorrow night,” she offered her boss.
Mrs. Leighton eyed her. “You need a ra
ise, Darcey? You need to make extra money?”
“No.” Darcey shook her head, fighting the urge to burst out laughing. Although asking for a raise would have been ideal, Mrs. Leighton might have thought she had ulterior motives. “I just thought maybe you had parties or dinners to attend. Or perhaps you might want to watch a movie or have dinner with Mr. Leighton.”
“Darcey, I pay you to be my PA, not my therapist.” The older woman waved her away.
Darcey was about to return to the pile of paperwork she had to sort through when Carmen came down the stairs in a rush.
“Darcey!” Carmen did a little adorable dance before continuing. “Don’t forget you need to take me to that Christmas light show near St. Onslow Square in South Kensington. My classmates are all going. But Max won’t join us. He’s going ice skating with Thomas tomorrow. Besides, he’s annoying.”
Be Mine This Christmas: A Lovers in London Book Page 15