The First Time (A Time For Love Book 2)

by Amelia Stone

  Jamy and I flew apart, and she swiped a hand across her mouth, staring down at it, then back up at me, like she couldn’t understand what had just happened. Damn it.

  I breathed deeply, trying to get myself under control. I turned and took a step away, trying to be stealthy and readjust my suddenly too-tight shorts. Christ. That was hands down the hottest kiss I’d ever had. I really, really hoped Jamy wasn’t regretting it, because I needed about a thousand more of those. And then some. I turned, locking eyes with her once more. She still looked shell-shocked, and I bit back a curse. I opened my mouth to say something, but I was interrupted by my cousin.

  “Cable man called five minutes ago, they rescheduled for tomorrow. After I waited all damn day, of course. I’m late, so I need to jet. Harriet Jones, Prime Minister has been fed and medicated. Oh, and I ordered that chicken alfredo pizza you like for dinner. I put the leftovers in the fridge.” Sabine charged between us, speaking a mile a minute. Her tone was breezy and light, like she didn’t care that she’d just interrupted the single best kiss of my life. She nodded to me as she passed, her frohawk (her own word) bobbing. “Welcome home, cous.”

  “Hey, cous,” I replied, my eyes still trained on Jamy. “Who’s Harriet Jones, Prime Minister?”

  “My cat,” Sabine replied, turning to smile at me. “She’s a total badass, but dignified. Like her namesake.”

  “Why not Harriet Jones, MP?” I asked.

  “Because this cat is the motherfucking boss lady.”

  “Right on.” My eyes were still trained on Jamy. She cleared her throat, her eyes sliding away from mine. She looked a little embarrassed, and more than a little terrified. Goddamn it.

  “Do you need a hand with your gear?” she asked Sabine, her voice scratchy.

  “Nope, I loaded everything in the car while I was waiting for you.”

  Jamy winced. “Sorry, I got tied up at Hannah’s.”

  Sabine waved a hand as she walked over to her car. “It’s all good,” she said, raising her voice to be heard over the jangling of the bracelets lining her arm. “I won’t be home until probably after two, so I’ll just catch you tomorrow.”

  Jamy nodded. “Have a good show!” she called.

  Sabine waved again as she pulled away, the slinky sounds of the jazz she played for a living filtering out through the open windows of her ancient Volvo.

  I turned back to Jamy, dismayed to see she was already standing inside her apartment, her hand on the door like she was about to close it. She looked spooked, her eyes wide and haunted. Fuck fuck fuck.

  I smiled as I stepped forward, trying to reassure her. “Need help finishing off that pizza?” I held my breath, begging her with my eyes to say yes. I just needed her to invite me in. I needed some sign that I hadn’t pushed her too far. I’d promised myself I’d be patient, but that kiss had been anything but patient. I needed to know that my lust hadn’t blown the whole damn thing.

  She pressed her lips together in a frown. We stared at each other for a long moment, until finally she shook her head.

  “Good night, Sam.” And then she shut the door in my face.

  “Dude, will you fucking snap out of it already?”

  My head moved slowly, almost like it was being turned against its will, until finally I was facing my best friend. We were at Brian’s favorite dive in Tempe for an impromptu welcome home party with the guys. We were the first one there, which was just as well. I was distracted. I’d been tuning out pretty much everything Brian had said for the last half hour, choosing instead to stare at the clock above the bar. It was neon and had little beer bottles for hands. I’d been mesmerized by it, watching as the lights flashed with each ticking movement, making it seem like the beer was sloshing around in the bottles. Clever.

  Brian shot me a brief, annoyed look before his gaze flicked to something over my shoulder. “Todd!” he called, sounding grateful for the interruption. “Finally.”

  I turned, watching as a couple of guys approached our table. I gave them a wave, and the taller, blond guy grinned at me.

  “I’m glad you guys are here,” Brian continued as I got up to do the bro hug thing with one of my oldest friends, Todd Carter. “Even if I am so, so sorry.”

  I turned to Todd’s friend, ignoring Brian. “Eric, right?” I hadn’t seen the guy in years, but he looked pretty much the same.

  “Yeah, good to see you,” he said, smiling. “Hope it’s okay I tagged along tonight.”

  “Of course, man. It’s always good to see an old friend.” Friend might have been stretching it a bit. Eric Levy had been Todd’s neighbor growing up, but because he went to private school, he hadn’t been close with our group of friends. I’d only hung out with him a few times in my life, in fact.

  “I’m surprised you remember me,” Eric confirmed.

  I smiled mischievously, my eyes flicking to Brian. “Sure I do. Didn’t you date my sister for like five minutes?”

  He grinned. “Yeah, but I don’t think her heart was really in it.” He flashed Brian a sheepish look as he rubbed the back of his neck.

  Brian raised his glass. “Damn straight it wasn’t,” he said, and we all laughed.

  “Seriously, though, no hard feelings?” Eric looked a little wary as he sat across from Brian. “I swear, I had no idea you guys were together.”

  Brian waved a hand carelessly. “Nah, man, it’s all water under the bridge. Besides, if Hannah and I had just fucking talked to each other like grown-ups, none of us would have gotten hosed.”

  Eric shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “Well, things worked out for you and Hannah in the end.”

  “Yeah, I guess they did.” Brian grinned.

  “So why’d you say you were ‘so, so sorry’ a second ago?” Eric asked, obviously wanting to change the subject.

  “Because you came out tonight just to cry into your beers with this mopey motherfucker over here.” Brian scowled at me.

  I gave him a salute of the one-fingered variety before signaling our waitress. Since it was a Tuesday and the bar was dead, she came right over. She had a huge smile on her face as she planted herself next to Todd. I laughed softly. She could bat her eyelashes and flash her cleavage all she wanted. For as long as I’d known him, the man had only ever had eyes for Celia.

  “Did anyone ever tell you that you look exactly like Armie Hammer?” The waitress bent over, brushing her breasts across Todd’s arm. He leaned as far back in his chair as he could, trying to get away from her, but she didn’t seem to notice.

  “He’s not Armie Hammer,” Eric explained helpfully.

  “He’s also taken,” Brian added, pointing to the wedding band on Todd’s left hand.

  She pouted. “Well, that’s a shame.”

  Todd shrugged, and I chuckled. The nonverbal response was typical of him. Why use ten words when none will do?

  “I’m single,” Eric offered, giving our waitress a hopeful smile.

  She gave him the once-over, her eyes lingering on his bow tie. She raised a dubious eyebrow. “Um, I actually have a boyfriend.”

  I shook my head at the obvious lie. She hadn’t had a ‘boyfriend’ when she was drooling all over Todd.

  Eric’s answering smile was sad. “Story of my life,” he muttered.

  She made quick work of taking our orders after that. As soon as she left, Brian leaned in, narrowing his eyes at me.

  “So are you gonna tell us why you’re so fucking dejected tonight, or am I gonna have to beat it out of you?”

  I frowned at him. “I’m not dejected,” I lied.

  He rolled his eyes. “Sure you’re not.” He looked over at Todd. “He’s been staring at that damn clock since we sat down half an hour ago.”

  Obediently, everyone’s eyes flicked to the clock in question. In my defense, it really was pretty cool, as clocks go.

  When I pulled my gaze away from it, I saw three sets of eyes – two blue, one brown – staring back at me expectantly.

  “Come on, dude.” Brian t
ilted his head. “Out with it.”

  I raised an eyebrow at him. “You sure you want to talk about touchy feely shit?”

  “Fuck no, I don’t,” he said, and we all cracked up. “But I haven’t seen my best friend in two fucking years.” He frowned. “I’d like to have a pleasant motherfucking evening.”

  Before I could answer, our waitress arrived with a tray full of drinks. “That’s an awful lot of F words,” she observed, earning chuckles from the rest of us.

  “Completely fucking necessary,” Brian said, drawing her eyes to him. She leaned over him a little farther than was necessary to serve his drink, smiling wide.

  He gave her a shake of his head, too. “Just got engaged,” he told her.

  “But I’m still single,” Eric assured her.

  “Um, sorry. Boyfriend,” she called as she headed back to the bar again.

  “You know, methinks she’s not being totally honest there,” Brian said, taking a sip of his beer.

  “Probably not,” I agreed. I felt bad for Eric. He was a decent guy, even if he was a total dork.

  “Well, there goes her tip.” Brian frowned.

  Eric shook his head. “It’s cool. Lots of girls suddenly have a boyfriend around me.” He shot Brian a rueful smile. “Or they actually have a boyfriend, and just don’t tell me.”

  Brian laughed. “Chin up, man. One day you’ll get your own girl.”

  Eric held his beer up in a salute. “From your lips to Cupid’s ears.”

  Todd cleared his throat, and my eyes snapped to his. He leaned forward, setting his elbows on the table. “Is it Adriana?” His voice was low and gravelly. We actually used to rib him about that, telling him his vocal chords were rusty from disuse.

  I shook my head at his abrupt question. “No, it’s not her.”

  Eric asked, “Who’s Adriana?”

  “His girlfriend,” Brian explained.

  “Ex-girlfriend,” I clarified.

  “Ah.” Eric nodded in understanding. “Rough breakup?”

  “No.” I exhaled noisily, frustrated. “Well, yeah, but I’m over it.”

  “Bullshit.” Brian pointed at me. “You were together for years – as long as Hannah and I have been together.” He swallowed hard. “I’d be fucking wrecked if it was me.”

  I shook my head. “It’s not the same, though. You and Hannah are happy.”

  Brian flashed me a smug smile, unable to resist an opportunity to gloat. “Sure are.”

  “So you weren’t happy with your girl?” Eric asked.

  I shook my head, unsure how to explain. “We were at first, yeah.”

  “But not lately,” he observed, taking a sip of his beer.

  I frowned, my eyes fixing on that frigging clock once more. “Not in a long time. We’d been fighting for years. I’m not really sure why we stayed together for so long.”

  “Makeup sex,” Brian suggested with a goofy grin, and we all laughed.

  “Maybe,” I conceded with a smile. I shrugged. “I dunno. Things were really great at times. It wasn’t all bad.”

  “So you want to get back together?” Eric asked, his brow furrowed.

  I shook my head emphatically. “No, I’m positive it’s over. And it’s for the best. I’ve moved on.” Really moved on. Like, left-the-country moved on.

  “Well, then tell us what’s eating you, man.” Brian drained his beer. “And then we can braid each other’s hair, because we’ve turned into a bunch of middle-school girls.”

  Todd grunted in protest, and I tossed a peanut at Brian, nailing him right between the eyes.

  “What the hell was that for?” he asked, rubbing the red spot with his thumb.

  “It’s not an insult to be called a girl,” I pointed out. “If you weren’t such a fucking Neanderthal, you would know that.”

  “Says the guy who once told me that his sister couldn’t be trusted to pick her own dates,” Brian shot back.

  “That was a dig at you, not her,” I retorted. “Clearly she has no taste.”

  Brian flipped me the bird in response while the other guys chuckled.

  The waitress came by with another round, distracting us for a minute. She came and went in silence this time, thankfully.

  Once she’d left, Brian fixed me with a glare. “Alright, enough fucking around, Sammy. Spill.”

  I licked my lips, thinking about how to put it. After a moment, I settled on one word. “Jamy.”

  Todd nodded like all was explained, but Brian looked confused. “What about her?”

  I grinned, leaning back in my seat. “Well, for starters, I kissed her last night.”

  Brian let out a low whistle. “No shit?”

  Todd nodded again, smiling broadly. “Finally.”

  I stared at him for a moment, wondering how he could have expected this. I’d never told anyone about my feelings for Jamy, past or present. Not even my sister, though I’d often thought she had her suspicions. I swear, Hannah could read my damn mind sometimes.

  Brian looked back and forth from Todd to me, his brow furrowed. “Why do I feel like I’m missing something here?”

  “Because you have the emotional intelligence of a toddler,” I replied, unable to resist getting in another dig at him.

  He gave me the finger once more, but he was grinning. “Fuck you, Mr. Smarty Pants.”

  “You can’t handle me. One redhead is already too much for you.” I flexed my biceps, wiggling my eyebrows. “Too bad for you. I’m the prettier twin.”

  “Like I could ever be attracted to that scraggly ass beard,” Brian countered, and I laughed.

  “So, you and Jamy?” Eric prompted. “How long has that been going on?”

  I spun my glass around in my hand. “It hasn’t even started yet.” And after the way things ended last night, I was starting to fear it never would.

  She shut the door in my face. She shut the goddamn door in my face. I’d been stewing about it all day.

  I’d always been the kind of person who leaped without looking. If it seemed like fun, if it felt like an adventure, if I thought it would make me happy, I wanted it. And damn the consequences. It’s why I’d begged my parents for surfing lessons when I was twelve, even though we lived almost four hundred miles from the nearest ocean. It’s why I’d signed up for a study abroad program in Portugal, without even knowing the language. It’s why I’d gone after Adriana, despite the fact that she looked like a Victoria’s Secret model, and I was a skinny, sunburned ginger with no game whatsoever.

  I also had a tendency to stubbornly stand by my decisions, whether they worked out or not. Sometimes they did. I learned to surf during a vacation in Hawaii, and I had an absolute blast. It became one of my favorite pastimes, and I did it every chance I got. And sometimes things didn’t work, like the six years I spent with Adriana even though I knew, deep down, that it wouldn’t last. We were so obviously not right for each other, but I refused to admit defeat. In the end, she had to be the one to end it.

  But last night, standing in front of Jamy’s door, my habit of diving into things without thinking seemed to work like a charm. I wanted to kiss her, wanted to taste her, and I went for it. And for a minute there, it was perfect. Until, suddenly, it wasn’t.

  The whole encounter was enough to make me examine my usual M.O. in a way I never had before. Clearly, I’d spooked her. The haunted look in her eyes – not to mention the fact that she’d shut the fucking door in my face – were enough to tell me that for her, it was too much, too soon. She’d seemed so scared, in fact, that I was worried the whole relationship might be over before it even started.

  In light of all that, was it really the right move to jump in head first? Definitely not in this case. And maybe not ever.

  Across the table from me, Brian clapped his hands, rubbing them together like he was scheming. “Okay, so what are we doing about that?”

  I frowned. “Who says ‘we’ need to do anything?”

  Brian gave me a look that plainly told me he thought
I was a moron. “Look, asshole. I came out here to have a good time with my best friends. And Eric,” he added with a cheeky grin, earning a laugh from everyone at the table. “But I can’t do that if you’re all ‘woe is me’ over there. So let’s figure out a way for you to get the girl, so we can get on with the fucking welcome home party.”

  I chuckled, but it was half-hearted. “It’s more complicated than that.”

  “It doesn’t have to be.” Eric took his glasses off, cleaning them with a handkerchief he pulled from his pocket. I bit back a grin. The dude reminded me of my grandpa, minus the swagger. “Do you want her?”

  I blew out a frustrated breath. Did I want her? Yes. Yes I did.

  My first thought after Adriana and I had broken up was that I would now be free to fix things with Jamy. In the weeks since, I slowly remembered how important she’d once been to me. I’d never understood just how important she was, if I was being honest. It took me a while to figure it out, the puzzle taking shape piece by piece.

  I’d had a crush on her when we were kids, but I’d always thought it had faded, in the way those things usually do. It wasn’t until I was free of Adriana, when I was thinking clearly for the first time in years, that I understood it hadn’t gone anywhere. I realized I’d craved her smiles, that I’d give anything to hear her laugh again. I realized I’d been searching for her pale green eyes in every crowd, and that I’d thought of her every time I heard rap music or watched The Office. I realized that my first thought whenever something good happened was that I wanted to share it with Jamy. When things fell apart, I’d needed her particular brand of solace.

  I just needed her.

  In the last few weeks, I realized that I’d never given Adriana everything I had, because a huge part of me had always belonged to Jamy. Now, I wanted all of me to belong to Jamy. I wanted her to have all my joys, all my sorrows, all my wins and losses, all my smiles and laughs, all my kisses, all my fucks. And I wanted all of her in return. I wanted us to belong to each other.

  Now I just had to figure out how to convince her of that. I was pretty sure we were on the same page, even though she was obviously scared. She’d been so responsive when I kissed her, her lips so pliant beneath mine. And I had a feeling that she could get used to the idea of being with me, once she pushed past her anxieties. We were already friends. We just needed to take that next step.