Freakshow

by Jaden Wilkes

  Tonight, I felt it. My dark eyes were lined with smoky eye shadow and my lashes looked about a mile longer than usual. My cheeks were flushed pink with excitement...and booze...and my lips were painted a dark red to match the dress.

  “Wow, you’re fucking hot,” Cara said when I came out of the bathroom.

  “Holy shit girl, why do you hide all that from the world?” Rose asked and handed me another glass of wine.

  “I don’t know,” I replied. “I don’t like a lot of attention I guess.”

  “Well, you’re going to get it tonight,” Rose told me. “Speaking of attention, are you ever going to tell us the details about kissing Cairo?”

  “There isn’t much to tell,” I said. “We were interrupted.” I stared pointedly at Rose who squirmed under my accusation.

  “I wanted to make sure you were okay,” she protested.

  “It’s all right, you saved me from doing something stupid,” I said.

  “Why stupid? As long as you are both on the same page, and you know he’s not the type to settle down, what’s the big deal?” Rose asked.

  “I guess there’s no big deal. But...” I trailed off. I wanted to tell them about Orion’s command to stay away, but was embarrassed that he thought so little of me that he’d order me to leave Cai alone.

  “But what? You can’t leave us hanging.” Cara said.

  “Orion kinda told me to leave Cairo alone,” I admitted.

  “Fuck that, it’s not his dick, right?” Cara blurted and the three of us giggled.

  “That’s true, Cai’s a grown ass man who can make his own decisions,” Rose said. “Here’s to grown ass men making the right decisions.” She held her glass up and the three of us toasted to it.

  I just hoped that Cairo really was man enough to make his own decisions. Now that the drink had cocooned me in a fuzzy glow, I couldn’t wait to see him and find out.

  Chapter Nine

  The party was loud by the time we got to the performers tent, and all three of us were well on our way to being drunk. The girls shivered in the cold night and stumbled a little. I was immediately grateful that I hadn’t been talked into high heels as well as a slinky dress. At least I’d remain upright as the night went on.

  There were enough people inside the tent that the crush of bodies would warm me up. Along with my lack of pain receptors came an inability to regulate my body temperature. In short, I could easily freeze to death because my body didn’t fucking tell me, “Hey, dude, we’re dying over here.” Or by the time I realized I was freezing, it would be too late. Just another aspect of my fabulous abnormality.

  Tonight would be good though. I put Orion’s demand on the top shelf and found the buffet table. I was mid-way through a plate of pasta salad when Cairo found me. Of course he couldn’t have found me with an elegant glass of wine in my hand, or dancing seductively on the impromptu dance floor.

  No, I had a forkful of curly pasta and broccoli stuffed in my face when I saw him. Him and his perfect teeth, beautiful smile, and those lips.

  My brain shot back to last night, his lips pressed to mine, his tongue swirling endlessly in my mouth. I almost dropped my plate at the image I had in my head.

  “Hey there, Miss Normal,” he said and flashed his smile. “You look amazing tonight, even with broccoli stuck in your teeth.”

  I set my plate on the table and covered my mouth with one hand and picked at my teeth with the other, mortified. I finished picking at my teeth, grinned at him and said, “How’s this?”

  “Perfect,” he said and leaned in to kiss my cheek. I was startled and moved my face towards him to say something and his lips landed right on mine.

  I sucked in my breath and waited for him to pull away, but he didn’t. He kissed me full on the lips, there by the food table, in front of the entire Cirque.

  It lasted a couple seconds, but it felt like a lifetime. It felt significant somehow. Public, open, acknowledged. As if it were real, not just a fling to be hidden in the shadows and never spoken of again after it was over.

  We broke apart and I pulled back, drew in a deep breath and said, “Hey there!” I smiled and he smiled back.

  “Hey you,” he said and picked a piece of pasta off my plate, popped it in his mouth and chewed like nothing was out of the ordinary.

  I felt deeply aware of people watching us. I glanced around the room and saw Rose and Cara staring in twin expressions of shocked admiration.

  “So what did you do today?” I asked, looking away from my roommates before I started doing some dorky victory dance. I felt like it though, at least a drunken fist pump. But I managed to remain perfectly composed.

  “What didn’t I do?” he replied, “Set up is always crazy for me. I generally love it as the distraction makes things go by so much faster. Today though, I just wanted to see you.”

  “Me?” I asked and felt my body warm immediately.

  “Yes you,” Cairo said and laughed. “Why does that seem so unbelievable to you?”

  “I was with your father,” I said and the smile dropped from his face.

  “What did he want with you?” he asked, his voice low and demanding.

  “He’s using me in his show,” I said.

  “The knife act? What the hell does he have in mind?”

  I felt weird, talking about his father to him. I didn’t want to let him know the full story, to tell him all the crazy things Orion had told me. I wanted to shield him somehow, protect him from the bizarre encounter. “We didn’t have a chance to go over it,” I said, leaving it simple.

  “What did he tell you?” Cairo asked. He grabbed my forearm with his hand and grew intense in his questioning.

  “He told me nothing,” I said and immediately felt guilty for lying to him. I dropped my gaze, unable to maintain eye contact with him.

  “I know there’s more, Liv. You have to let me know what he said. My father’s a dangerous man, if you’re going to be working with him I have to know what was said.”

  “He told me to stay away from you, that our kind wasn’t meant to mix,” I blurted in a rush. “And he told me if I didn’t agree to the show, he’d have me arrested at the border.”

  “Fuck,” Cairo said under his breath. He sounded pissed off, but not at me. “You need to stay away from him. We’ll figure something else out. My father has...let’s just say once he gets something in his mind, it’s hard to get him off it. But I’ll work on him.”

  “You’re freaking me out, Cai,” I said. “He’s not going to try and hurt me, is he? Because he can’t hurt me, but he could harm me.”

  “He most likely won’t do anything deliberate,” Cairo said, “but sometimes he’s a bit of a loose cannon. He’s unpredictable, especially when he feels threatened. And especially around...well, his moods are dictated by certain natural cycles and my father is not a refined man.”

  “How would I threaten him? That’s ridiculous.”

  “He’s threatened by me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He knows that I like you, that I’m drawn to you,” Cairo said and shook my world upside down with those few simple words. He liked me and was drawn to me?

  “I like you too, you’re a good friend,” I said, trying to blow him off. I wasn’t ready for this kind of admission, even though it was undeniable.

  He went on though, and my stomach clenched as he said, “I think we both know that’s not what you mean. That’s not what I mean.”

  Yes, my stomach was clenched, but my heart was fluttering and my mouth felt dry. I was usually so calm and slightly aloof when it came to matters of the heart, but Cairo demanded my full attention, and I wanted to give it...in spite of Orion’s disapproval.

  “I think I do,” I said and didn’t think it was the wine I’d drunk that was making everything have a warm glow, I thought it was his presence. Being close to Cai was like being drunk, it made me feel reckless. Our attraction was almost a physical entity, it was indescribable and it was unavoidable. B
eing with him felt natural, like everything in the world was telling me that I belonged to him.

  “You wanna dance?” he asked and I nodded mutely. Anything to be close to him, anything to keep him distant from my racing heart. I could touch him, but couldn’t kiss him in the crowded tent.

  The music was throbbing when we started to move on the dance floor. It was a simple wooden platform, wide and low, but enough for people to move to the DJ’s sound. He was South American, a little person, part of the Freakshow as his regular job but made music as his secret identity.

  The beats were electronic with Latin undertones, sensual and energetic. Cairo held me in his arms, and we moved our hips against each other. I could feel the heat of his body as the wine began to wear off.

  “You are so sexy,” he said in my ear, his breath was as hot as his body. I felt warm myself, and could only imagine how intense it would be if the music slowed down.

  “You’re not bad yourself,” I yelled at him and laughed. It was impossible to have a conversation in the midst of this noise.

  We danced together for a few songs, I saw Cara and Rose each time we made our way close to them. Finally I saw them with two hot young guys, the four of them laughing and talking. I was pleased to see my friends getting a little attention and having some fun too.

  I covertly caught Cara’s eye behind Cairo’s back and gave her a thumbs up. Cara laughed and returned the gesture, her guy noticed her looking at me and turned to see what was up. I dropped my hand to Cai’s ass to cover up my silly communication and Cara laughed.

  We made it through another fast song and the DJ finally slowed it down. Cairo pressed his hard muscled body against me, I parted my legs and he nudged his thigh between them.

  I laid my head on his chest and he held me close, encircled me in his arms, and sang softly to the music as we ground ourselves against each other.

  I felt his cock growing hard and my own pussy responded in kind. I was dripping wet and a little concerned I’d leave a mark on his jeans when he pulled away.

  I couldn’t blame the wine now though, and didn’t care. I didn’t want to leave his arms.

  He kissed the top of my head and cupped my ass with his hands, lifted me slightly until I was essentially riding his leg to the music.

  “Beautiful girl,” he whispered hoarsely and kissed the top of my head again. I wanted to tilt my face up and kiss him, but I didn’t want to do it in front of everyone. I wanted our next kiss to be more private. In a business where everything was put on for show, I wanted something of my own.

  The music sped up again, but we didn’t. I was lost in a sea of want and need and lust and could feel it all pooling in my core. I couldn’t quite believe the sensations that were coursing through my body, and was afraid if I spoke and broke the spell, I’d never get there again.

  “Can we go talk?” he asked at last as he pulled back and set me down. We stopped moving as everyone continued around us, we were in our own little world. He touched my elbow to indicate he wanted to leave the dance floor.

  I glanced over to Cara and Rose and their two men. Both girls were having a great time. They had big grins on their faces and were getting closer to the men they’d picked up. They had obviously had too much to drink, their cheeks were red and their eyes glassy, I could see it from where I stood, but they were together so they were safe.

  Was I too drunk to do this? Was I too drunk to follow him out of the tent to talk? I felt like the wine had worn off, but you could never be certain until you left the party.

  I knew what he meant by talk, talking would lead to touching, and then that would lead to fucking.

  Was I ready for it? Could I take that step and risk things with Cairo?

  I looked into his eyes, his gorgeous, dark eyes and saw a hopeful eagerness in them that matched my own. Perhaps he wasn’t as self-composed and cool as he came off. Perhaps his insides were tumbling around fast enough to match my own.

  Besides, I still remembered how his hard cock had pressed into my thigh. It had felt massive and I swore I could still feel the spot it had touched. So there was that. I really really wanted to see it.

  And this was me we were talking about, when had I ever backed away from something that frightened me? I grabbed the hand that was touching my elbow, winked across the room at Cara and Rose, and told him, “Yeah, let’s go.”

  Something in the universe clicked just then, I was sure of it. As we exited the party in full view of everyone in Cirque, I felt as though something had changed in my life. In our lives. I’d looked my greatest fear right in the face and chosen to face it full on.

  My fear was falling in love with Cairo, love that wouldn’t be composed and reserved, like my feelings for Jason. This love would be messy, hot and unpredictable, like nothing I’d ever encountered. This love was meant to be, it was predestined and I was walking right into it.

  He led me across the Cirque grounds to his place I assumed. I begged the universe to let him live alone; I would die if he shared it with Orion.

  “In case you’re wondering,” he said and turned to me as if reading my mind, “I have my own place. Are you okay with that? Coming back with me? Alone?”

  “We’re just going to talk, right?” I said and smiled slyly. “I’m perfectly capable of talking on my own.”

  “I think you’ll be just fine then,” he replied and we continued to walk. We reached the side of his RV and he pulled me against him without warning. I gasped and found my face buried against his muscular chest. He was so big up close, so strong and forceful. “You will have to excuse me for this,” he said, “but I’ve been wanting to do it since we pulled apart the other night. I’ve been unable to think of anything else, you have consumed my thoughts.”

  Before I was able to ask what he meant, or stall for time, or add my own admission of all consuming obsession, he kissed me again.

  This time it was a much more demanding kiss, his tongue parted my lips and he slid it into my mouth, pinned my own tongue down and groaned against me. He brought his hand up and took a fistful of my thick, dark hair and pressed me tightly against the side of the RV.

  His other hand traveled, moved along the curves of my body to cup my ass and pull me harder against him.

  I whimpered, with want and need and uncertainty. And desire, overwhelming, crazy, out of control desire. The wine must have still been in my blood, the entire world felt drunk with lust tonight.

  He bit my lower lip and I supposed it should hurt. Of course it didn’t, but the sensation was remarkable. His beard rubbed my skin, his teeth gripped my flesh and his body was hard and huge against mine.

  I felt heady, I could feel joy bubbling up inside my chest and I felt like laughing.

  It was the strangest thing I’d ever experienced. Pleasure and joy racing around my body, taking up residence but for a moment in each sense, then jolting into another part of my body.

  I pulled away before I fell over laughing and said, “What is this? What’s going on here?”

  “This is what happens when you set flame to paper,” he said and smiled, loosened his hand in my hair and stroked my cheek with it. His other one was still firmly on my ass.

  I did feel hot, burning up, which was unusual given my condition. Or talent as they said around Cirque, I thought and smiled at him. “It’s crazy,” I said, “It’s just a kiss but it is just so...much.”

  He leaned down, breathed into my ear and said, “This is so much more than just a kiss, I promise you that. In time you will know what I mean, when it’s all revealed.”

  His words didn’t register, I felt consumed by the experience and everything else fell away as unnecessary.

  He scooped me up in his arms and I let out the building sensations, giggled, and pressed my face to his chest.

  He was so broad, his body thick and seemingly almost super human. I wasn’t heavy, exactly, but he picked me up like I weighed nothing.

  “You look like a lumberjack,” I said, not knowing wher
e my unfiltered words were coming from, “I thought that the first time I saw you. Like you’d cut down a tree and drag me back to your cabin in the woods by my hair.”

  He laughed and said, “It’s the beard. I’m fresh faced and innocent under this thing, I swear. Like a newborn baby.” He opened the door to his RV and stepped up inside, I was still in his arms, my hands around his neck, clinging to him and this moment in a poignant desperation.

  I wanted to whisper to him, “Please don’t hurt me,” but didn’t think he’d understand.

  Sometimes men took my condition to mean that I wasn’t able to suffer heartbreak, like it didn’t hurt when they treated me callously.

  This, I supposed, was where I’d developed part of my wall, the impenetrable distance I kept between myself and others.

  I could feel Cairo at that wall, dismantling it, brick by brick.

  Instead of warning him of my fragility, I sighed and nuzzled my face into his chest, inhaled his scent and let the entire evening wash over me.

  “I like your place,” I said when he finally set my down. He turned and locked the door, pushed a button on the front console and privacy shades dropped down. I looked around and was impressed at how homey it was, for being an incredibly state of the art RV. It was essentially a traveling mini mansion with his personal touches everywhere. I took in the photographs, books and paintings with awe. He was more refined than I’d anticipated.

  “Thanks,” he said and reached for me. “I like you.” He ran his hand up my shoulder and took a fistful of hair again. I loved the way he wove his fingers between the strands, the way he held me possessively, as though he were entitled to having me linked to him.

  “I like you too,” I said and held my breath as he made his next move. He slid his hand beneath my ass again and pulled me up against him. He kissed me again and walked me backwards towards the kitchen area. I edged up against the table, but he kept pushing with his insistent need.

  I moaned and hooked my fingers in the belt loops of his pants and wrapped my legs around him. With his mouth on mine, and my legs around him, and his hands all over my body, it became undeniable how we felt. We wanted this, we wanted each other and I no longer had to worry about how to communicate this to him.