Beyond Valor

by Lindsay McKenna

  Luke opened his arms. “Come here, Megan. Let me just hold you?”

  He didn’t need to ask again. She set the cup down on the sink, took an uneven breath and walked those few feet into his arms. As he drew her close, a ragged sigh issued from her lips. Megan buried her head beneath his jaw, soaking up the care radiating from him. He rested his cheek against her hair and she relaxed completely against his strong, unwavering body. Hearing his heartbeat slow and strong beneath her ear, Megan let go of the lingering stress. There was something calming about Luke.

  “You’re okay,” he rasped against her hair, the strands tickling his cheek. He felt Megan surrender fully against him. Hotly aware of her breasts pressing against his chest, her hips melded against his, Luke fought his own desires. Right now Megan needed a sanctuary of safety, not a lover. This morning had been a traumatic welcome to Afghanistan. He bussed her hair and whispered, “You’re safe, Megan. I’ll always be here for you....”

  Melting into his body, his arms making her feel as if nothing could ever harm her again, Megan heard the slight tremor in his huskily spoken words. There was so much to Luke she wanted to explore. She nuzzled beneath his chin, absorbing his male scent, cherishing the strength of his body protecting her. Nothing had ever felt so right. His lips were against her hair, placing small, chaste kisses here and there.

  The minutes trickled away and Megan closed her eyes and allowed herself to be held. Finally, her stomach stopped roiling and the jagged emotions subsided. Luke smoothed away errant strands of her hair. Every grazing touch sent wild tingles racing through her. Megan realized she was over the initial shock when she felt a powerful desire to kiss Luke as if this were her last moment on earth. Megan’s eyes flew open over the sudden realization. This man had shown her nothing but kindness, humor, strength and understanding.

  Luke released her as he felt a shift of energy around Megan. She eased out of his embrace and reluctantly stepped away. He saw chagrin in her eyes. Smiling a little, he held her gaze. “At least you have some color back in your face.”

  Touching her cheek, Megan felt the heat and knew she was blushing. She managed a soft smile of thanks. “Luke, you’re good medicine. Thank you.”

  He forced himself to remain relaxed, his hands at his sides. It was the last thing he wanted to do. The idea of kissing Megan, cherishing her lips, giving her all the feelings he held for her in that one contact, ate away at him. How many nights had he dreamed of kissing her? Loving her? Exploring every inch of her slender, strong body? But he could tell Megan was fragile. “I’ll send you my bill once we get back to the company,” he teased.

  Megan slid a hand through her hair. She turned and looked in the mirror for the first time. Her hair was filled with dust that had been kicked up by the medevac helicopter at Lar Sholtan. She felt the grit of it on her skin. Turning, she noticed the humor banked in his thoughtful hazel gaze. “I’ll always be there for you, too, Luke. You can count on it.”

  “I never doubted that, Megan. You’re loyal, you care deeply and you’re incredibly strong.” He wanted to say so much more, but it was the wrong time and place. “I’ll bet you’d like to get a shower. They’re located in the basement of the hospital. They have towels, soap and washcloths available. I’m going to clean up myself.” He looked down at his bloody desert camouflage blouse.

  “That sounds wonderful,” she murmured, taking the rubber band out of her hair and allowing the strands to swing free around her shoulders. She saw a hungry expression on Luke’s face. And just as suddenly, the look was gone. There was something sensual about a woman’s hair, she realized. For a moment, Megan wanted to feel his fingers threading through her hair, touching her, loving her....

  Luke eased away from the door and pulled it open. “Come on, follow me....” He wished they could be alone. He wanted to shower with Megan, to run the soap lovingly across her body, to erase the blood and trauma once and for all. Somehow, this morning’s experience had ripped away all pretense of how he felt toward Megan. It could have been one of them who had stepped unknowingly on that IED. And one of them could be dead, instead. The urgency to take her, to love her, made him dizzy for a moment. Never had he wanted a woman the way he wanted Megan.

  * * *

  Luke met Megan on the surgery floor. He’d gotten cleaned up and dressed in a fresh set of utilities first. They’d agreed to meet here to see how the children were doing. He had just talked to the head surgery nurse when Megan stepped off the elevator. Her hair was damp and clean. She had on a new set of clothes as well and they were a bit big for her slender form. There was life back in her eyes as she approached.

  “Good news,” he said. “Their surgeries are going well and they’re stable.”

  Relief flooded Megan. She halted, closed her eyes for a moment, her hand pressed to her breast. “Thank God...”

  “Those kids will live. I just finished speaking to Captain Hall. He’ll send word to the mother of the children.” An ache grew in him as he saw Megan’s eyes widen with joy and tears. How easily touched she was. She seemed to trust him enough to show her real feelings. He felt an incredible happiness threading through him.

  “Wonderful,” Megan whispered. She smiled up at Luke. “We did good work out in the field, and this is the result.”

  “It is,” he agreed. He pulled the utility cap from his back pocket. “I thought we’d go check into our TDY rooms and get something to eat afterward. Are you at all hungry?”

  Turning, she walked with him to the bank of elevators down the hall. “Oddly, I am. It’s crazy, isn’t it? One moment I’m upchucking and the next I’m hungry.” Megan added in a lower voice, “Over in Iraq I was the same way.”

  Luke stood near her as they waited. “I was wondering how you survived Iraq.”

  “One day at a time,” she said grimly. “Just like I will here.”

  Nodding, he understood only too well. “Did you have friends there who you could go to?”

  “Yes,” she said. “There were a number of us women at the combat support unit medical facility and we all bunked together. It was easy to get off a shift, go there and cry our hearts out to one another. No one can hold that kind of horror inside them.”

  The doors to the elevator whooshed open and Luke gestured for her to enter first. When the door closed, he pushed the button for the first floor. “I lost track of the times I went to hide in a supply tent to cry.”

  Reaching out, Megan shyly slid her hand into his. His hands saved a little boy’s life. Squeezing it, she whispered, “I’m glad to know men cry, too.”

  He absorbed her unexpected touch. Returning the squeeze, he released her hand. “It’s an occupational hazard, but it isn’t one that will kill us.”

  Megan smiled a little and nodded. She walked at his shoulder through the lobby. She placed her utility hat on her head before they walked through the large doors.

  The wind was warm because Bagram sat on the desert floor near Kabul, the capital of Afghanistan. Outside, the wind was breezy, hot and dry. Megan pulled off her soft cover for a moment and pushed some strands of hair off her face. Settling it back on, she asked, “Where are the TDY barracks? I’ve never been to Bagram before.”

  Grinning, Luke said, “You’re in good hands. We’ll go get our rooms at the temporary duty barracks and then hit the chow hall.

  “Lead on,” Megan said.

  The TDY barracks were for military personnel who were coming and going from the massive air base. She was assigned a small room on the first floor. Just the luxury of knowing tonight she had a hot shower raised her spirits. There were several sets of women’s utilities in the closet. Megan found a dark green T-shirt and quickly pulled it on. She allowed her hair to swing around her shoulders and put her light camouflage jacket on over the T-shirt. Now she could take off the jacket when she was hot.

  Megan looked forward to bei
ng with Luke. Finally. How badly she wanted to get to know him. Heart racing with anticipation, she left her medic pack in the room, grabbed her soft utility hat and made her way toward the lounge. Megan wasn’t prepared for the look he gave her when he saw her. Standing tall, his broad shoulders thrown back with natural pride, he appealed completely to her yearning heart. The fact that Luke was single was far too tempting. As Megan stepped forward to meet him, she tried to remind herself of the reasons not to get involved with this handsome Navy medic.

  Luke was careful not to be anything but professional toward Megan as she walked up to him. Despite the baggy clothes, nothing could hide the soft sway of her hips or her long, long legs. When his gaze settled on her mouth, heat throbbed unexpectedly through his lower body. Her shining hair lay across her shoulders like a gleaming cape. An ache centered in his heart. He’d been too long without a woman. But he didn’t want just any woman. He wanted quiet, gentle Megan.

  “Ready to eat?” she said.

  “Let’s go,” he invited, gesturing toward the front door.

  Outside, the day was hot and Megan could feel the burning sun on her exposed hands. Bagram was a massive air base—a helicopter and jet base as well as headquarters for all the military branches. Luke pointed down a narrow street.

  “Would you like regular chow or something more exotic like pizza?”

  Melting beneath his boyish grin, she said, “Pizza? Really? Wow, I’d love some!”

  “Great minds think alike. Come on, I know the owner of this little pizza joint. He’s one of the good guys.”

  Megan saw how popular the little restaurant was. There was a line of men and women outside it, waiting to order a pizza to go. Luke pulled out a chair for her to sit on beneath one of the red umbrellas. There were several small, round tables covered with red cloths and shaded from the burning sun. He disappeared around the rear of the building. What was he up to?

  Megan waited fifteen minutes to find out. When Luke reappeared, he had a large pepperoni pizza in one hand and a huge pitcher of Pepsi in the other. A look of triumph was written across his face as he placed the pizza on the table.

  “You forget, I’m a scrounger,” he told her in a conspiratorial tone, pulling out napkins, knives and forks from his pocket.

  “You are incredible,” Megan said, the fragrance of the cheese and freshly baked bread making her stomach growl.

  Sitting down at her elbow, Luke smiled. He picked up the napkin and laid it across his lap. “Thank you. Go ahead, eat all you want. Afzal is the owner. We go a long way back with one another.” He hooked his thumb over his shoulder. “He’s a stand-up guy.”

  “And he makes pizzas?” Megan bit into the wedge and groaned with pleasure.

  “Yep. Afzal was born in America and came back over here when Bagram was built. He loves America and Americans. He wanted to do something for the war effort to help us, so he went through channels and got permission to create his pizza restaurant here on-base.”

  “Wonderful.” Megan sighed. The cheese and pepperoni melted in her mouth. “Thank you.”

  Luke gave her a wolfish smile. “Do you realize we have the rest of today here at Bagram? We’ll go over to Supply and get our medical stuff for the return trip, but that will only take an hour. And we get to sleep in real beds with real sheets. We don’t have to go back until 0900 tomorrow.”

  The look in his eyes sent her heart pounding for a moment. “I feel like I’m in a dream and I’m afraid to wake up.”

  “I can keep this dream alive for both of us, Megan.” He lowered his voice and held her gaze. “How would you like to go into Kabul later with me? I have a friend who has a home outside the city, a safe place. And I’m welcome there at any time. I can call him and let him know we’re coming in for the night.”

  Megan’s eyes widened as she considered his idea.

  Luke could see the gold flecks deep in her eyes. “This has to be mutual, Megan. I can’t tell you how much I’ve wanted time away with you. I want to know a lot more about you. What do you think?”

  Megan’s heart began to pound in earnest. “I want the same thing. Ever since I met you there’s been something about you that touches my heart, touches me....” She shrugged, giving him a helpless look. “It’s tough to put into words.”

  “I know.” He stopped himself from reaching out to grip her hand. “This is your call, Megan. I’m not asking you to do something you don’t want to do. But there’s a hunger in my heart I can’t ignore. I’ve never been drawn to anyone like this. Ever.” Digging into her widening eyes, he asked the most important question of all. “Do you want to come with me?”

  Chapter 7

  Before Megan could answer Luke’s question, a long wail of a siren began. Everyone sat up and took notice.

  “What is it?”

  Luke scowled. “Bagram is on lockdown.” Twisting around, he glanced toward the airstrip in the distance. “That siren means one of our patrols or a drone spotted enemy activity somewhere outside the base. When that happens, it means no one comes or goes from the base.”

  Her stomach became queasy and she stopped eating. There was more activity; Humvees sped toward the airstrip.

  Luke focused on Megan, who suddenly went pale. Her eyes were dark. “Feeling sick?” he asked.

  “Yes, it’s hitting me again. One minute I’m fine and then...”

  “Would you like to take a walk? Maybe that will help.”

  “Yes, I’d like that.” Megan stood and Luke gestured for her to walk down the street filled with personnel. The siren finally stopped screaming and her nerves settled down once more. She was grateful Luke was at her side.

  They came upon some empty picnic tables at the end of the block. “Let’s go there and sit down,” Megan suggested.

  “Sure,” he murmured.

  Sitting down opposite Luke, she rested her elbows on the roughened wooden surface. She forced a smile she didn’t feel. “I’m really okay. I just have to let my body work through what it saw earlier.”

  “It’s normal,” he agreed. Her hair glinted in the sunlight, the strands turning copper and burgundy. Luke wondered how soft they would feel between his exploring fingers. And explore her he would. “Kid tragedy affects everyone. You can’t sit there and cry when you’re trying to save their lives. You have to stuff your emotions down in order to think through how to help them.”

  Rubbing her face, Megan said, “Exactly.”

  “Generally, I have the same reaction as you and it lasts about twenty-four hours.”

  “I try to go off by myself afterward because I know it’s coming.” Megan looked up at the blue sky dotted with white clouds. The thunk, thunk, thunk of Apache helicopters could be heard off to the north of them, near the airstrip. The loud sound blotted out the quiet. Pulling strands of hair away from her face, Megan said softly, “I have no way to shield myself from a wounded person’s pain, from the pain loved ones are going to feel.”

  Luke looked around and made sure there were no prying eyes. He leaned across and placed his hand over hers for just a moment. “Don’t feel embarrassed about this, Megan. Hell, I’ve cried until my throat hurt so much I was hoarse the next day. The stuff we do, the things we see, we can’t escape. Nor can we ignore it.”

  His hand felt comforting and warm. “Thanks. Where I was in Iraq, I worked in an E.R. outfit at a base camp. None of the doctors or nurses showed their feelings. I sucked it up, too. After my shift, I would go back to my tent. Me and my roommates would cry where we couldn’t be seen or heard.” She unclasped her hands and squeezed his. “It’s nice to be able to admit this to you. Thanks for understanding, Luke.”

  He had to remove his hand. Someone would inevitably see them. He pulled away, wanting to hold Megan. That’s what she needed, Luke realized. But there was nowhere to go for that kind of privacy on a l
ocked-down air base. He quelled the desire eating away at his heart. “I’m here for you, Megan. It’s better to talk this stuff out than try to hide or ignore it. This morning, you saved that little girl’s life because you were able to think above the fray and do what had to be done.”

  Giving him a wry look, Megan said, “I’m not battle hardened like you, Luke. You go out on Marine patrols almost every day where there’s every chance a bullet could cut you down. Or the enemy can fire a rocket or grenade launcher at you. I haven’t been in those situations.”

  “And I don’t ever want you to be,” he said, his voice deepening. “I think Captain Hall was right to keep you at the village or our compound. Out there—” he gestured to where they were stationed “—it’s no-man’s-land. The enemy hates us. No one is safe.”

  Wistfully, Megan studied his serious features. The desire for her burning in his eyes was clear. “Life is always dangerous to us in some way, don’t you think, Luke? If not physically, then emotionally.” She smiled. “Humans are always putting themselves in the line of fire when they get into a relationship. There’s no assured outcome. And although it isn’t life-threatening on one level, it can really injure us.”

  “No question,” Luke agreed, his voice becoming a rasp. He recalled his contentious marriage to Hope. Both had been severely wounded by the situation. It hadn’t been anyone’s fault, but his emotional wounds were deep. “For a while, after the divorce, I thought I would die of a heart attack. I literally felt pain every day in my heart.”

  “It was grief.” Megan saw the way his mouth tightened.

  “Yes.”

  “Wounds of war. Wounds of love.” Megan opened her hands and looked around the area. “Since Iraq, I’ve come to the conclusion that humans are always putting themselves out there in dangerous lands. It might not be like it is here at Bagram or at Lar Sholtan, but we’re doing it in other ways. After my relationship in Iraq, I understood the other threat to my emotions and my heart.”

  “And when I asked you back there if you wanted to go off-base with me to spend the night at my friend’s villa, I saw you hesitate. Now I know why.” And could Luke blame her? He gave her an apologetic look. “I’m sorry for asking, Megan. I was out of line.”