Tragic Desires

by A. M. Hargrove

We’re both dripping with sweat afterward. I love the way she brushes my hair off my forehead as I lean over her to nuzzle her neck.

  “Unlike any other.”

  “What?” she asks.

  “You. You’re unlike any other. Your taste, smell, the way you feel.”

  “I don’t quite know what to say to that, Drex.”

  “Hmm, no witty comeback?”

  She looks at me and then touches my cheek. I suppose this is one of those tender moments that two lovers share. I can’t really say, because I’ve not had any like this before. I’ve always been a fuck and go kind of guy. But not with her. Never could I do that with her. It’s impossible to refrain from kissing her. How the hell could I get up and walk away from this? She’s so alluring as she lies there, gazing at me. She has my head and guts tied up in knots like they’ve never been. I dip down to her mouth and trail my tongue across her lips. Knowing I can’t just remain silent, I break it with, “I take it your headache is gone?”

  She nods, still staring at me.

  I grin at her. “You know, you’re going to have to say something, sooner or later. My preference is sooner rather than later.”

  She grins.

  “You sure know how to make your girlfriend think.”

  “Think? My intentions were to make you come and to get rid of your migraine.” I think my comment went way too deep. Why did I speak my mind?

  “You certainly did that. Did you really mean it?”

  “Mean what?”

  “Don’t play dumb on me here, Drex. You know damn well what I mean.”

  “Yeah, I meant it. I wouldn’t have said it if I hadn’t.”

  “This scares me. I don’t want it to be my lifeline. I used to be this girl who had no fears. My dreams were to take on the world, like anyone feels when they get out of school. From the first time I rode a mountain bike, I was hooked. That’s when I knew I wanted to turn it into a career. My knowledge of the sport could put me ahead of the competition in marketing. I would dream about it. But then that dang crash stole everything from me. And now all this about my mom. I’m worried I’m latching onto you because you offer me an out … a safety net.”

  Her voice trembles with her words. “I don’t care, babe. If you want to latch on, do it. I’ll worry about that later. Right now I want you like I’ve wanted nothing else before. If this thing between us fizzles, then it fizzles. But let’s ride this wave while it’s here. Stop overthinking it.”

  “Have you been with a lot of women?”

  Her question derails me. “What?”

  She doesn’t look away. “Women? Have you been with many?”

  “Damn, Gemini. Why would you want to know that? Especially now, while I’m still deep inside you?”

  “I don’t know. I just do. Because I’m curious. And because I haven’t.”

  “You haven’t been with many women?”

  “Funny. No, I haven’t been with many men.”

  “That’s nice of you to share, but you want to know the truth?” My fingers trace the outline of her brows.

  “Yeah.”

  “I don’t care about any of that, because I would feel the same about you if you’d been with a hundred men.”

  “You really would?” Doubt echoes in her voice.

  “Yes. Because it wouldn’t change what’s here.” I point to her head. “Or here.” I lay my hand over her heart. “Do our mistakes define us? And should we pay for them forever?”

  “I don’t follow,” she says.

  “Let’s say you slept with a hundred guys. You were trying to figure yourself out. Or you were lonely. Whatever the reason. Should you hate yourself for that and pay for those mistakes forever? I don’t think so. Because they wouldn’t define the true you.”

  “I think I see what you mean. You really are a good man, Drexel Wolfe.” She kisses my cheek.

  “Maybe, maybe not. And, yes, I have.”

  “Huh?”

  “I’ve been with a lot of women.”

  “A lot?”

  “’Fraid so. But I won’t apologize for my behavior. I never made false promises to any of them. And I’ll never make any to you, either.”

  She nods and I see her swallow. “Fair enough. I don’t want you to. I want complete honesty between us, always. And if I get in the way of things, just let me know. Got it?”

  “Oh, Onyx, you getting in the way isn’t what I’m concerned about. It’s my past that’s the issue.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  She laughs. “Oh, and my past isn’t?”

  “You’re right. Yours is as bad as mine, although mine is all my doing. You didn’t have a choice in yours.”

  I move to get up.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Condom.” I point down. After I take care of business, I crawl back in bed and pull her next to me. She’s got that just-fucked look, and I tell her so.

  She laughs. “What do you expect? You just thoroughly fucked me.” Then she tilts her head. “Is that water I hear?”

  “Yep. We’re going for a swim.”

  “Huh?”

  “Come on.” I take her hand and pull her behind me. The tub is half full by now so I tell her to add the bubbles. “I’m not a bubble kind of guy.”

  “I never took you for one. I’m surprised you even have bubbles on hand.”

  “I just got them. For you. Since I’ve never used this damn thing, I thought you and I would christen it. And it wouldn’t be proper without bubbles, now, would it?”

  She giggles. “I haven’t had a bubble bath since I was a kid.”

  “Then this will be a blast.”

  She pours in the bubble bath and we get in as the water continues to rise.

  I spin her around, pulling her back against my chest. Brushing her hair to the side, I lick her neck. Next, I move to her shoulder and my fingers tease her nipples.

  “I want to kiss you,” she says.

  I release her arms and she turns in my lap. Her hands grip the sides of my face and her mouth is on mine, hungry and wet. My dick has turned to stone as it stands firm between us, and I don’t want to get out of the tub for another condom. When she takes my bottom lip between her teeth and bites down, I almost lose it. My groan makes her release it.

  “How’re we gonna do this?”

  “You play dirty, Gemini. Look at me.”

  “I am looking at you.”

  “No! I mean here.” I take her hand and put it on me. “This is what your mouth does to me.”

  “Well, what are you gonna do about it?”

  “Well, smarty-pants, the condoms are on the counter.”

  “Um, I can’t be smarty-pants because I’m not wearing any pants.”

  My hand spreads across her chest and I gently push her aside. Then I stand and shake the water off. Her eyes are glued to my erection.

  “Is this what you want?”

  She nods.

  I step out of the tub and head for the condoms.

  WHEN DREX STANDS up, I want to put my hand around him. He’s magnificent. His body is all muscle and smooth skin. But mostly raw sexuality. He’s utterly beautiful. It’s impossible not to suck in my breath; I know he hears me when the corner of his mouth lifts.

  Water sloshes as he gets out of the massive tub. His ass is unreal. Droplets glisten as rivulets roll down his backside. I’m mesmerized by the sight of all that glory, packaged in one hot man. I can almost feel the drool dripping off my chin.

  “How long before those pills take effect?” he asks.

  “Huh?”

  “Your birth control pills?”

  “I’m not sure. I think one full cycle, but I need to check.”

  “Good. Then we won’t have to worry about these things. Are you okay?” he asks as he notices I still haven’t blinked.

  “Oh, yeah. Just enjoying the view.”

  “Stand up.”

  “What?”

  “You heard m
e.”

  I rise to my feet. He leans against the side of the tub and stares at me. I move to cross my arms.

  “Don’t do that.” He stares for a moment, then says, “Turn around.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I asked you to.”

  “No, you didn’t. You told me to.”

  “Will you turn around, Gemini? I would like to enjoy the view, too.”

  I do, and my body heats even though I can’t see him.

  “Bend over and lean on your hands against the side of the tub.” I do as he says, because I’m anxious to see where this is going. “Damn, you have a pretty ass.” Then I feel his fingers. They slide along me and then penetrate deep. If he keeps this up, I won’t last very long and I tell him.

  “Is that a bad thing, Onyx?”

  “No, ahh, but I want you.”

  He chuckles. “And you’ll have me … soon.”

  Holy hell, his fingers are magic as they swirl and circle inside and out. When he stops, I want to scream.

  “Don’t move. I want you just like that.”

  I look over my shoulder when I hear water splashing. He stands and puts on the condom. Soon I feel him pushing inside me, and I’m so full, so stretched. It’s almost too much like this. And then he starts to move hard and fast. Rough. His hands are on my hips and he’s moving in and out, but he’s making those groans that spur me on.

  I cry out … loud.

  He stops and asks, “Too much?”

  “No! Don’t stop.” He picks up where he left off. Forceful, aggressive. His hips slap into my ass and then his hand reaches around and finds my sex, but it isn’t necessary. I’m in orgasm land anyway. I squirm something fierce. And his fingers work me in unison with the motion of his body. I want him to stop. I need him to stop because I’m overly sensitive now, but he doesn’t. He’s on a different track altogether. And he holds me so tight I can’t move away.

  “Come on, babe, again. Do it for me again.”

  What the hell is he talking about?

  He pounds into me and I’m imprisoned by his arm and hand. I’m almost screaming, locked between pleasure and pain. Right when I think it’s more than I can bear, another climax rips into me. He follows, calling my name. I’m oblivious to all else. My legs can barely hold me up, but his arms have me. He pulls me back in the water onto his lap, holding me against his chest.

  “Are you trying to fuck me to death?” I pant.

  His chest rumbles with laughter.

  “I was just getting you back.”

  “For what?”

  “For working that mouth of yours on me like you did.”

  “It was just a kiss. And I still think you’re trying to kill me.”

  His hand grabs my chin and turns my head so he can look at me. His eyes smolder. “Gemini, there’s no such thing as just a kiss with you. You unravel me.”

  He’s earnest and my core tightens. “I’ll keep that in mind the next time.”

  “See that you do. I would hate for that to happen at an inopportune time.”

  What does he mean by that? He doesn’t give me time to think about it because he starts washing me from top to bottom. He’s turned on the jets so the bubbles multiply. I can’t stop the giggles.

  Before we know it, bubbles are threatening to overtake us. “I think we may have used too much bubble bath,” he says.

  “Whatever gave you that idea?” I’m dying with laughter. Bubbles everywhere. “Think you need to shut the jets off?”

  He hits the off button and then stands. “Let’s get in the shower.”

  “The shower?”

  “How else are we gonna get all these suds off?”

  We’re covered about three inches deep. You can’t see any skin.

  “Next time, buy bath salts. They don’t make suds.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  NOW THAT WE’RE squeaky clean, we wait for the hair stylist to arrive that Drex has arranged to come to his place.

  “I’m going to tell her my boyfriend wanted to try his hand at hairstyling.”

  He smirks and grabs my hand. “I think you should have them change the color.”

  “You don’t like my color?”

  “I love your color and would keep it like that forever. But I’m thinking about your safety. And don’t let them cut it. This way you can still pin it up. Besides, I love it like this too much.”

  “Wouldn’t it be better to get wigs?”

  He’s quiet for a brief moment. “Yeah, and I should probably have a couple different IDs made up for you too. After we get the wigs, we can do that.”

  The doorbell rings and he lets Stacy in.

  Ninety minutes later, I’m newly coiffed and ready for the big reveal. Drex stands as he sees me walk toward him. He appraises me without uttering a word. He wears that brooding look that he sometimes gets and I wonder if my cut displeases him. I don’t have time to ponder it because he grabs a wad of cash, stuffs it in Stacy’s hand and practically shoves her out the door.

  “Whoa. I take it you don’t like it,” I say.

  He doesn’t say anything but tromps toward me. When he reaches me, he leans over and says against my mouth, “Don’t you ever think of cutting your hair. Ever.” Then his mouth is on mine … possessive and insistent. It ends as abruptly as it began. He straightens, gives me one more look, and says, “You look perfect.”

  “GET OUT OF here,” I say.

  “No. I’ve seen you naked. I don’t know why this is such a big deal.”

  I cross my arms. “It just is. Now scram.”

  Since this is our first official date, I want to surprise him. This is so new to me that I want to look special. That’s why I’m kicking him out of the room.

  He groans as he moves to leave.

  “You’re forgetting something.”

  “Oh yeah? What?” he says.

  “Your clothes.”

  He nods, heads for the huge closet, and pulls out what he’s going to wear. My eyes are closed because I want to be surprised too.

  Even though we had the bubble bath and shower earlier, I hit the shower again. My legs need a quick shave and I have to make sure I’m smooth as silk for my date. Next, it’s makeup. Running on some eyeliner and then brushing on blush, I look to make sure I’m presentable.

  Now it’s dress time. Pulling the garment out of the bag, I smile at how pretty it is. I slip into my lacy undergarments, or what little bits of them there are, and smile. Drex loves those tiny lacy things, as proven by the second delivery from the personal shopper. I step into the dress, a side zip so I don’t have trouble fastening up. And last, the shoes. The man must love sky-high heels. Too bad he doesn’t have to wear them—maybe he’d change his mind. On second thought, no, he wouldn’t. As I look at myself in the mirror, I know exactly why he chose these shoes. And dress. They’re perfect.

  When I walk into the den, I look around and I’m surprised to see the place is lit by dozens of candles. Drex is waiting for me on the sofa, holding a glass of amber liquor. Upon seeing me, his lips part and he slowly licks them. He sets his glass down and stands. When he gets about a foot away, he reaches out and brushes the hair off my shoulder.

  “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he says, moving his lips to my neck. When he straightens, he asks me to turn around. He says, “Perfect.”

  “Thank you. And thank you for the dress. And the shoes, too.” My heart bangs so loudly I’m positive he can hear it. I move to kiss him, but he stops me.

  “Don’t. If you do that, I’ll start something I can’t finish.” He smiles to soften his rejection. I still want to kiss him so I tug him to me and kiss his cheek instead.

  The ring of the doorbell interrupts us, signaling the arrival of the caterer. We’ve decided it would be safer for us to eat at home. Drex lets him in and we wait while he sets up our dinner. Fifteen minutes later, it’s just the two of us.

  WE’RE SEATED AT the candlelit dining room table, si
pping a glass of wine and eating our appetizers.

  “You know, this is my first official dinner date,” I confess.

  He cocks his head. “You’re joking.”

  “Nope. That’s why I wanted to get dressed without you in the room.”

  “But what about Nick? Didn’t he take you out?”

  My face falls. I think back to Nick and his death.

  Drex’s hand is on mine. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

  “No, it’s okay. I still can’t believe he’s dead. All because of me. And Drex, I didn’t love him like that. I mean, I think I loved him more as a friend, you know? The thing about Nick and me—he was very sweet and all, but there was never any spark. When things went south, they went south fast. There wasn’t any substance to us. As for dating, we didn’t have any money. Or at least he didn’t. I never told him I had money. I thought that if my mom felt it was important enough to hide from me, then I’d better not let anyone know about it, either.

  “So I continued to live the way I’d always lived. I worked in a mountain bike shop and earned money that way. And that was my only extravagance too … mountain bikes and all the accessories. Nick never took me out like this, and I didn’t care.”

  “You’re so different.”

  “Different? From what?”

  “Just different. And let’s leave it at that.”

  “Okay.” I’m not sure what to say. “I hope that’s a good thing?”

  Drexel laughs. “Oh, it’s a very good thing.”

  A grin spreads across my face. “That’s nice to know.”

  “And you speak your mind.”

  “Yep, that’s me,” I say, scrunching my face.

  “But that’s what I like about you. I don’t have to guess at what you’re thinking. You usually tell it like it is. I love that you don’t give a shit about things most women do. You’re not materialistic.”

  I shrug. “That’s probably because I was raised without the fluff, and then I never had any friends so I didn’t know what it was like to have it.”

  “It’s nice. Really nice, Gemini.”

  “It’s not something I’m even aware of.”

  “That’s what’s so great about it. I wanted to ask you earlier … your headaches seem to be doing better.”