“I’m not perfect.”
“You are to me. You’re so damned beautiful that sometimes when I look at you, I forget to breathe. That’s pretty fucking perfect in my book.”
His hands seize my hair, winding strands around his fingers. “What else did I tell you in the hospital?”
His gaze is so compelling, I find myself talking before I’m aware of it. “You told me that you were so afraid when you thought I was hurt.” I swallow and place my hands on his cheeks. “And that you love me and you didn’t want anything to happen to me.”
His mouth imprisons mine and there is no more conversation after that. He backs me into the closest wall and we’re manic as our hands find each other. When he discovers that I’m soaked for him, he slides into me and I moan at the fierceness of him. He’s rough and dominating. This is about his need for control; I recognize that. And it’s about the power. It’s about the fact that we both survived and he wants to assure himself that he’s as strong as ever. And I need for him to be. I want him to be like this.
Suddenly, he stops and I cry out in protest. But he spins me around until I’m facing the wall and he raises my right arm. And then he’s back inside me, filling me so deep, touching me and making me want to scream. I don’t think I can take it like this, but I’m so needful of him. His fingers lace with mine and it’s weirdly intimate, this soft gesture, as he roughly thrusts into me.
Then his cheek rubs mine and his voice is gruff in my ear. “I can feel you’re so close. Let it go, babe. I need to feel you come on me.” His left hand slips around me and finds the place that will set me off. Within moments, my orgasm crashes into me and then he pulls out and cries, “Oh, my sweet Gemini.” He leans against my back as he climaxes and I feel his come running down my butt. His breath is hot as it fans across my shoulder and I flutter back to reality like a soft snowflake falling to Earth.
“Drexel?”
“Yeah.”
“You didn’t need to pull out.”
“No?”
“I called Brady and he said that the pill starts to work right away if taken every day.”
“Oh. That’s good.” His lips leave a trail on my neck. “And you need to know that I’m safe. I’ve been checked. I’m healthy.”
Is it bad of me that I never even gave that a thought? He has my mind and body in so many twists and tangles, his sexual health never occurred to me.
“Drex?”
“Hmm?”
I turn around and wrap him in my arms. “I need your mouth on mine, but first, I never thanked you.”
“For what?”
“You saved my life. Our lives.”
“Not according to Huff.”
“Whatever. You were there for me when I needed you. You held me and didn’t let me go when I was so scared. So yeah, you saved my life.” Then I kiss him. When I stop, I say, “Let’s go lie down.”
“Good idea. My girlfriend’s worn me out.”
I hook my arm through his and walk the short distance to the bedroom. As we move, he asks, “Are you finding the apartment comfortable?”
“Not until now.” He gives me a bewildered look. “You weren’t here, so I was out of sorts.”
“Ah, I see. Well, I’ll try to change that,” he says.
“Oh, I have faith that you will.”
I pull the covers back. He moves gingerly, which tells me he’s in pain.
“When was your last pain pill?”
“I’m in need of one now. And can you bring me a damp cloth?”
I retrieve water, the pills, and a cloth. Upon my return, he’s waiting for me, propped up on the pillows, a smirk on his face. “What’s that smile for?”
“I wish you’d been my naked nurse in the hospital.”
“Oh, you tried. Believe me. You were the horniest patient on record, I’m sure. You said the naughtiest things to me.”
“Well, sweet thing, they were all true.” He swallows his pill and thanks me. “Turn around.”
“Huh?”
“Turn around. I need to clean you up a bit.”
“Oh!” My face is on fire.
He laughs. “Why does this embarrass you?”
“Because!”
“Come on, Onyx, turn around.”
I do as he asks and he cleans me up. “There, my mess is all gone now.” He’s all smiles. “You have the prettiest ass.” He pats the bed next to him. “Get in here. I want you next to me. I’m tired.”
“So am I. I don’t think I’ve slept since this whole thing happened.”
“Me neither, babe. It was hard sleeping without you.”
“Are you comfy?” I need to know this. I don’t want him to hurt.
“Yeah. So tell me about your headaches.”
I smile when I tell him that I have only had a couple and they’ve been minor. Nothing that I couldn’t handle and the Maxalt took them away.
“That’s awesome. Now lay on your back, so I can see your gorgeous face.”
“Oh, Drex.”
“No words, babe. Just let me look.”
But he’s the gorgeous one. His blue-grays watch me intently, as if he’s afraid I’ll disappear. He’s playing with my hair, wrapping it around his fingers and holding it against his face. He lets my hair go to hold my hand and brings it to his mouth to kiss. It’s hard to lie next to him and not touch him. I want to run my hands all over him, feel every bit of him as much as he wants to feel me.
“You wanna know something?” I ask.
“Maybe. It depends on what you’re gonna tell me.”
Smiling, I say, “God got it right with you too.” Then I press a kiss to the little hollow at his throat.
He runs his hand down my chest until he hits my pearled nipple. Taking it between his finger and thumb, he squeezes and rolls it until I groan. Then he does the same to my other one. I arch into him, wanting more. His hand travels across my body, setting my blood on fire. My nerves tingle and I cry out for him.
When his hand slips between my thighs, I melt. He slides a finger into me. “I love the way you feel inside, all warm and slick.”
I can’t help but pull his mouth to mine. “More, Drex. I want all of you.”
“On top. Now.”
He leans back on his elbows while I straddle his hips and when he slides into me, he’s in so deep, it’s almost too much. But then he starts thrusting and the friction is so exact, he hits me just right. I know when I explode, it will be exquisite.
“Ah, fuck, Gemini, kiss me, babe.”
I put my lips against his and his tongue plays with mine. My hair falls forward and curtains our faces. He whispers in my mouth, “I love it when your hair does that.”
Then he surprises me by sitting up. “Touch yourself, babe. Lean back a bit and touch yourself. I want to watch.”
Whoa. He’s never asked me to do this. This is a little weird.
“Don’t be shy. I’ve fantasized about watching you do this. Please indulge me.”
“You’ve fantasized about this?”
“Oh yeah. A lot. Do it for me.”
“Where?”
“Wherever it pleases you the most.”
If I do it, I’ll come right away and maybe he’d rather this lasted a bit longer. So I start elsewhere.
“Like this?” My hands slide across my breasts and then I imitate what he does to my nipples.
“That’s nice.”
I let my hands move south until they get to where we’re joined. First I touch him. “Mmm, this feels good.”
“Yes, it does. But I don’t want you to touch me.”
My fingers massage my clit. I feel awkward, almost clumsy at first, but only for a few moments. Then I’m into it so much I forget. He starts moving again and I can hear he’s close. I’m right there with him. It hits me hard and I open my eyes to see his on me. Right as I do, I watch his orgasm nail him, and dear God, he looks amazing. I can’t stop my hand from touching his face. When he calms, he takes my fingers and sucks on the
m, one at a time.
“You’re a fucking sex princess. The things you do to me, Gemini. I should be incapacitated, but you … you make me want to fuck you all day long.” He moves his hand to where we’re still joined. “You’re always so warm and wet and luscious. Every damn time. So tight around me. And when you come, it’s …” His voice trails off as he shakes his head.
“Sex princess, huh?”
“Yeah. That’s exactly what you are. Now get your ass over here so we can sleep.” I kiss him and pull the covers over us.
I put my arm around him as he lies on his side and I look at him for a little while. He’s asleep quickly, and I wish I could hop into his mind. What exactly is going on between us? Part of me wants to push him away, but I know that isn’t possible. One look from him and all my big talk dissipates, and it’s just mushy old Gemini. And what’s going on with him? He seems so desperate right now. As I watch him, my lids get too heavy to fight sleep anymore.
STRANGE SOUNDS SURROUND me and I’m disoriented, but I can’t see because I’m blindfolded. Then I feel hands on my arms and someone’s carrying me. Someone ties me up and I cry out for help, but no one comes. My blindfold is removed and I’m under bright lights. I’m blindsided by a fist to my face and stars burst in my head. Then the pain hits. When I try to examine the damage, I can’t because my hands are bound behind me. I know I’m whimpering, but they strike me again and again. My eyes swell and I can’t open them. Why are these people beating me? They won’t speak to me. I beg them to stop, but the punches keep coming. When they stop, I crumple to the floor.
One of them speaks, but I don’t know which, because I can’t see. “You think we are finished? You are mistaken.”
Footsteps approach. Then I hear a deep growl. Someone pulls my eyelids up so I can see.
“Now, you will give us what want, or your friend here dies.”
What I see is beyond horrific. They have Drex and he’s bloody. They’ve beaten him and two men are holding him up because he can’t stand on his own. A third stands behind and has his hand in his hair, holding Drex’s head up. The man’s other arm is around Drex’s neck, a large knife in his hand. I know if I don’t tell them what they want to know, they will slit his throat. He will die right before me.
I can’t give them what they want because I don’t have anything. I scream, “I don’t have anything, I swear! Don’t hurt him. Please.”
“Baby, wake up! Gemini, babe! Wake up!”
Drex is shaking me when I’m dragged out of my sleep. My whole body quivers and my face is soaked with tears. “Shit!” I say, swiping my cheeks. He grabs my hands in his.
“What was that about?”
“A nightmare.” Even my voice is trembling.
“Tell me.”
That’s the last thing I want to do after the way he’s been acting. “No. I’d rather not.”
“I’d rather you did. I’ve not seen you this upset since I first found you and you were in the midst of one of your head-splitters. Talk. Now.”
The ever-commanding Drex is back and in a way, it comforts me.
“Some men had me and were going to kill you if I didn’t give them the file. Of course I couldn’t because I don’t have a fucking thing.” As I speak, panic pushes my voice to the point of shouting.
“It’s okay. Calm down.”
“No. You calm down. You didn’t see what I saw. You were …” I cover my face and try to stop the horrors from flashing through my mind.
His arms encircle me. “It’s gonna be all right.”
“No! It’s not, Drex. These guys aren’t going to give up until they get what they want and I would gladly give it to them if I only had it! I think Huff is wrong. I think that bombing was a message to me. They’re telling me if I don’t give them what they seek, they’re going to kill you! And I can’t live with that.”
“Oh and you think I can? You think I can live with something happening to you? They came to my house, invaded my space, and tried to hurt you. And you think I don’t mind that?”
“No! That’s not what I mean at all.”
“Gemini, I have the best guys on this. We’ll get this solved. I promise you. And my word is good, if nothing else. One other thing. You’re safer here than any other place. Our security is tighter than anywhere else. I’ll protect you with everything I’ve got.”
“Why? Why are you doing this, Drex?”
He doesn’t say anything, but his blue-grays pierce me. They pin me down and paralyze me.
His voice is deep with emotion when he asks, “Why do you think, Gemini?”
I’m afraid to answer him. That question has been poking around in my mind for the last week and it honestly scares me as much as those crazy people who want to kill me. His lids finally drift down, cutting me off from the intensity and emotion of his gaze. I sigh—this is clearly a topic I’m not prepared to address.
My dream has me so worked up and sweaty. I need a shower. Before I can get in, I sense his presence behind me.
“You can only go so far before I come and find you, you know.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Don’t run from me.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“I don’t mean in the physical sense, Gemini.”
This is ridiculous, him talking to the back of my head. I turn off the shower.
“There are so many things whirling through my mind right now, I don’t know what to say, Drex.”
Damn his eyes! They have a way of digging into mine, and searching for the truth. He won’t let up until he’s satisfied. “That nightmare shook me up.”
He nods but is silent.
“I can’t tear apart my feelings right now, so please don’t ask me to.”
“Fair enough. I only ask one thing. Honesty between us.”
I nod. “Okay. I can do that.”
Then he leans in and lightly touches his lips to mine.
“You wanna shower with me?” I ask.
“Yeah, but I can’t. I still have to be careful with this incision. It’s better I don’t. I was threatened by my surgeon.”
He leaves me standing there alone, and I suddenly miss him. I’m a screwed-up heap of emotions. In the shower I think about how badly I want to know what my mom hid. For everything I knew about her, it’s so hard for me to believe what I’ve learned. At least I know she wasn’t involved in terrorist activities. Her letter assured me of that. But what file could she have taken that put us in such danger? What did you do, Mom?
IT’S LATE AFTERNOON when we make our way to the conference room. Ten men are already working, and Drex jumps right in like he hasn’t been gone for several days. The whole thing confuses me because they’re using unfamiliar terms, doing things on their computers I can’t follow. A wall of monitors shows maps of Panama City, Austin, Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon. They also have all sorts of dates and timelines up for Aali Imaam. It all looks like absolute chaos to me. It must work for them, though, because they all function cohesively and keep adding notes on their computers as I see them pop up on the monitors. I decide to take a seat and observe until they need me for something.
“Gemini, I need you over here please,” Drex says. When I move to his side, he takes my hands and says, “Hear me out a second. We think your mom stole a file that either tracked the patterns of Khalid Ahmad, the head of Aali Imaan, or the location of some kind of nuclear warhead.”
“Holy crapballs! If that file contains information on the whereabouts of a nuclear warhead, we need to find that thing fast.” Oh my God, Mom! What in the hell were you thinking?
“Stay calm here, babe. The other thing is just as important. Khalid Ahmad is invisible. No one, and I mean no one knows where this guy hangs. If this file has that kind of information, it could help us take him out.”
What is he saying here? “You mean like kill him?”
“Yes! This is geo-terrorism we’re talking about Gem. This guy is responsible for so many deaths
, it’s incomprehensible. So either way, we’re looking at something epic.”
“Shit! This is crazy. Why aren’t they trying to kidnap me or something?”
“It’s only a matter of time, in my estimation. That’s why we have the bodyguards now. I need you to focus. Try to search your memory for every single relevant thing. Think about church, school, things your mom said, did, places she mentioned, people she knew, phrases, anything at all that sticks out in your mind. And I mean anything. It may seem minor to you, but it may be exactly what we need.”
He’s so animated, it’s almost like he’s on speed.
“Hey, are you all right?” I ask.
“Yeah, I’m fine. The guys pieced all this together and I’m psyched.”
“Have you had a lot of coffee?”
He really laughs this time. “Not a drop. Come on. Think, Gem. I need your brain engaged here.”
“Okay.” I sit and let my mind wander to when I was growing up.
“Relax if you can. Close your eyes. Picture your mom. Go back and remember the way things were with the two of you.”
Nodding, I smile. Her face comes into focus. She’s so pretty. I used to love watching her put on her lipstick. She would let me brush her long hair and I would tell her I wanted to be as pretty as she was when I grew up.
“Why, darling, you’re prettier than I’ll ever be.”
“No, I’m not, Mommy. I want my eyes to look just like the sky. The same way yours do.”
“Well, I want mine to look like dark chocolate. That’s what yours remind me of. What could be better than chocolate?”
“I know. Chocolate on vanilla ice cream.”
And she laughs. She has such a lovely laugh, it makes me laugh too.
“So, what do you want to do today?”
“Let’s go to the lake. I want to go swimming.”
“How about we go to the pool instead?” she says.
“Yay! The pool. Then can we go and get an ICEE afterward?”
“We sure can.”
“Mommy, can we go on vacation this summer?”
“Maybe. Where would you like to go, missy?”
“Disneyland to see Cinderella.”
Tragic Desires Page 19