“Ah, you would, huh?”
“Yup. Can we go?”
“I don’t think so honey. Maybe we can go somewhere else.”
“Okaaaaay.”
“Maybe we’ll go there another time.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
My brain switches to another time when we had a huge argument over when I wanted to go on a school trip.
“But Mom, it’s a school trip, for crying out loud.”
“They don’t have enough supervision.”
“Then go with us and be a chaperone. Everyone else is going.”
“Gemini, we’ve had this discussion before. I don’t care what everyone else does. I only care about you.”
“Then come with us.”
“There is no us because you’re not going.”
“Mom, please. I never get to go anywhere. Don’t you see? I have no friends. Everyone thinks I’m weird because I can’t ever go anywhere or have anybody over. Please, just this one time.”
“I wish I could say yes, but I can’t.”
“Why can’t you? I don’t understand.”
“I know you don’t, sweetie, and I wish I could explain. I just worry about you. It’s not a safe world anymore. There are people out there who would hurt you.”
“Oh, Mom. You’re so dramatic.”
“I know you think that. But it’s not drama, Gemini. It’s fact.”
I stomped out of the room.
We had so many arguments like this, but she would never give in.
My mind spins. We chatted about so many things but there is nothing that stands out. Something nags at the back of my mind and I can’t bring it forward.
“Think, Gemini, think,” I say out loud to myself. The only times we ever left town together were for vacations. We went to Austin, San Antonio, or Panama City. That’s it. But then it smashes into me. We were playing trivia one night. And we started discussing things we always wanted to do. I was in high school, maybe a junior. I told her Disneyland was still high on my list of places to go. And that I wanted to see the Pacific Ocean and big mountains so I could learn how to mountain bike. She nearly died and told me under no circumstances should I ever try such a dangerous sport. I laughed and then asked her where she would like to go. She said the Grand Canyon and the Hoover Dam. And then she told me if anything ever happened to her that I should go there as a memorial to her. I thought she was just being weird but now I’m not so sure.
“The Grand Canyon or the Hoover Dam!” I holler as I jump to my feet. “Try the Grand Canyon or the Hoover Dam.” I share the memory with Drex, as best as I can remember.
“It points to what the guys are thinking too. Look at this.” He shows me what they’ve been working on. All the documents from the box are posted up on boards. They’ve highlighted all the things we missed the first time around. There are addresses that point to Nevada and Arizona.
“How did we miss that?”
“It’s not like it was obvious. It’s just a mention of both states in one document.”
“But still. Now what?” I ask.
“We decide after we get back from Panama City. Our hopes are that we’ll find more clues there. They’ve come up with another possibility in Austin too. There’s another storage facility at 1991 W. 15th Street. So we’ll try there next.”
“Sounds reasonable.”
“I’m glad you agree.” He pivots on his heel and winces.
“Hey,” I say, “when was your last pain pill?”
“This morning.”
“We’re both due. We also need to eat.”
“Hang on. I’ll go with you.” He tells Huff, “You guys need to break for the night. We’re leaving to eat too. Why don’t we reconvene at nine?”
“Nine? Why so late?” Huff asks.
“Because I recently got out of the hospital and I thought you’d give me shit if I said any earlier.”
“Oh. Okay, yeah. Nine’s good. See you then.”
“If you decide to keep at it, check out the Nevada-Las Vegas link and see what you come up with. I’d go with the Vegas suburbs, maybe on the side of town that’s closest to the Hoover Dam. My gut is singing to me on this. And thanks guys, for everything. I appreciate all your hard work and efforts here. Call if you need me.”
We wave to the guys as we leave.
IT’S DIFFICULT TO stem my anxiety. In order to ensure we’re not being followed, Gemini and I catch a cab downtown. After some quick moves through a couple of cafes, Ellie picks us up and drives us to the airport.
The other teams should be in the air. We sent two look-alikes in our place, just in case. The plan is to meet late this evening in our hotel rooms. If all goes as planned, we should be on the Gulfstream 550 by tomorrow afternoon, heading home. I only hope we find the file to solve this damn thing.
Gemini and I enter the airport and go our separate ways. I think it’s best this way, but I’m keeping a close watch on her. I’m not comfortable at all with this situation because I can’t carry a weapon, but there’s no alternative. We’re flying first class, but we’ll be sitting across the aisle from each other in the last row.
As we wait for our flight to board, I check out the other passengers. Everything appears normal. There’s a young woman flying with two toddlers and an infant. I feel sorry for her because she has her hands full. Gemini sits next to her and plays with the baby. I overhear her tell Gemini her husband is in the military and she’s moving to Panama City. When it’s time to board, I walk over to assist her. She looks at me in gratitude as I offer to take her infant carrier and other bags aboard, freeing her to handle the kids. Gemini smiles at me and I nod.
The flight is uneventful. Once we reach Panama City, we grab our rental and drive to our hotel. The warm air feels nice after the chill in Denver, and the orange glow of the setting sun over the deep blue ocean is appealing. I wish we could relax on the white sandy beach instead of jumping into work, but we’re not here for a vacation. We settle into our hotel and grab a quick dinner through room service. My mind churned the entire flight, so I have a lot of questions for Gemini.
“Hey. I have to ask you some things. And don’t think this is for anything other than this case.”
“Okay.”
“How long did you know Nick?”
The question throws her, as I knew it would. Her mouth works around a bit and then says, “A few years. I met him not too long after my mom died. Why?”
“And he was with you until after your accident?”
“Um, yeah. I told you what happened with that. Drex, I really hate talking about this. I feel so terrible about what happened to him.”
“I know you do. But, tell me exactly how you met again.”
“I was sitting in the campus union where everyone hangs out, drinking coffee, looking over lecture notes, and he asked to sit with me. I thought he was kinda cute so I said yeah. And then we started seeing each other. Hanging out at first and then we were together. It was pretty fast, now that I look back.” She looks at me and says, “Kind of like us.”
“Do you doubt me?”
She’s silent for a long minute. So am I.
“Why all this about Nick?”
“I have reasons. So, you started seeing each other and then you’re together. Like that?”
“Yeah. Like that.”
“Okay. What did he study?”
“Engineering. He was a senior. I was a freshman.”
“What did he do after he graduated?”
“He went to work for a small local company. He said he wanted to be close to me.”
“And what did you think about that?”
“Drex, I was eighteen and thought I was in love. I was thrilled. What would you think?”
“Then what?”
“He got his job and I moved in with him. I was alone, no family. I didn’t have anyone to guide me. He was a nice, sweet guy. He never did anything mean or bad to me. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t in love
with him. He just happened upon me at the right time. I was vulnerable. I had no one and he fit at the time.”
“Gem, it wasn’t a coincidence.”
“What are you saying?”
“He was sent. To watch you. To track you. To get information from you. And I think he was killed because he messed up somehow.”
“No. Not Nick. He was always …”
“I know. Sweet. Kind. Almost nerdy, right?”
“Yeah. Precisely.”
“The perfect tracker and a trained assassin. One you would never suspect. Even-tempered. Did everything for you or anything you wanted. Was always there for you. He was working for them. But here’s what doesn’t make sense. Why would he post the missing person’s report? He had to have known it would bring everyone down on you.”
Gemini’s head swings like a pendulum as she listens to my preposterous story. I can see the wheels spinning, her thoughts almost screaming to me.
“Nick? An assassin? You’re crazy. Not possible. I would’ve known if he were a bad person.”
“Would you? Think about it. Did you know about your mom? I’m not trying to destroy your faith in everyone …”
“Well, you’re doing a damn good job of it!” She glares at me.
“Gemini, listen.”
“No! I think I’ve heard enough for now.” She moves toward the door.
“Please don’t walk out there. It’s not safe.” My voice has an edge to it. I’m frightened I’ve scared her to the point that she’s going to run.
My words must penetrate because she stops. My hopes are that she sees I’m right, that it would be stupid to leave.
“I know this hurts you.”
It’s obvious I’ve pissed her off. “Yeah. How would you feel?” she asks.
“Destroyed. Crushed. Exactly what you’re feeling.”
“I feel like I’ve been played my entire life. Like everything’s been a sham and I don’t know anything anymore. What’s real and what isn’t. I’m not hurt, Drex. I’m pissed. At my mom, mostly. I mean, come on! And then the first person I get close to allegedly used me? Now I’m wondering …”
“About me.”
“Yes. Do you blame me?”
“No. After everything you’ve learned, it would make perfect sense for me to fall in line with the rest of them.”
“That’s exactly what I’m thinking. But then I ask myself why would you put yourself in danger? Why would you risk your life? Logic tells me that you can’t be like the others. Please, Drex, tell me you aren’t. Right now, and right here. Look into my eyes and tell me what I need to hear, because I need to know the truth … to hear something that grounds me.”
I grab her hands and hold them tightly. Then I look at her. “I’m not playing you, Gem. I’m telling you the truth. Think about it. Why would I go through the trouble of having my home blown up? If I were working with them, all I’d have to do is put us out in the open and let them find us. Or when they had you, I could’ve left you there. Or when we were at your house in San Angelo, I could’ve stayed and let them get us. I’m not with them. I’m with you. And only you. And I’m true to you. I swear it!”
Her eyes search mine. She simply stares at me and finally, finally she gives me a slight nod. When I see that, I don’t waste time wrapping my arms around her. “I’m sorry I had to bring this up, but it was a necessary evil. I promise you this. I’ll always have your back. You got that?”
“Yeah.” Her voice is muffled, her face buried in my chest.
When I move to pull away from her, she stops me. “Thanks, Drex. You’re the first person who’s ever been honest with me.” She stands on her toes and kisses my cheek.
“We’ll figure this out, babe. Come here.” I take her to the small sofa. “Sit. We still need to talk about Nick. You okay with this?”
“Yeah, I guess. It’s hard to believe because he always seemed so meek. I can’t believe he could be an assassin.”
“Maybe he wasn’t, but he fits the profile. You have to think outside the box. When someone is trained to do a job, there are all sorts of things they do. Maybe Nick wasn’t really meek and mild. Maybe it was all a put-on for your benefit.”
“How could I have been so duped? I lived with him for three years!”
“Babe, he was a professional. If I wanted to, I could do the same. I was trained to do the same things. I’m not telling you this to dispel your trust in me … when you’ve just given it back. But you need to understand this. He was recruited for his ability to perform.”
“Were you? How do you know all this?”
She’s hit on something I’m not prepared to discuss with her. And yet I can’t avoid it or this tenuous trust will be destroyed.
“Have you ever heard of the Black Ops?”
“Yeah, but I don’t know specifics.”
“Black Ops are hand-selected from the Special Forces. They’re an elite group of soldiers who go in and perform top-secret missions. If they get caught, the US government denies any knowledge of their existence. In other words, it’s plausible deniability. But they operate within a strict code of ethics, some of which are to tell no one about each other, share no information about each mission or take it to your death, and leave no man behind, alive or dead. Gemini, I was Black Ops. I’m violating more than one code by telling you this. The sworn oath isn’t just for the time spent in the military, it’s for life.”
“What does this mean?”
“It means that I understand a lot more about covert operations and how these people function. If Nick was undercover and trained as such, he would’ve had no problem fooling you. I could do the same thing. As bad as it sounds, it would be easy as hell. I’m not. I swear to you I’m not. But I could. You have to understand this, Gem.”
“Was this something you wanted?”
“That’s a tough question. In the beginning, yeah.”
“And then?”
My body freezes.
“What is it, Drex? What happened?”
Abruptly, I stand. This is something I never talk about. I’m fighting with myself about what to tell her. My fists clench, anger streaming through me. When I feel her hands on my shoulders, I flinch. Then they begin to squeeze and my muscles relax.
“It must be terrible to elicit this type of response.”
If I tell her, I’m not sure I can look at her when I do. Her hands move and I know she’s walking around to face me. Shit, what am I going to do?
My eyes are so tightly clenched, the muscles in my face ache.
“You can tell me. I won’t judge you.”
I open and look at the pure innocence reflected in her face—I know in my heart what she said isn’t true. When she hears what I’ve done and what’s been done to me, everything she believes about me will change.
“Oh, Gemini, if only that were true.”
“Drex, let me help. You’ve proven yourself to me. At least let me do the same.”
My breath rushes out of me with such force I think it shocks her. She leaves me with no choice and I know this will be a game changer for us.
I motion for her to take a seat. “When you’re first pulled in, they put you through strict, severe testing to see if you’re a true candidate. When they confirm you are, then your training begins. It’s physically and mentally rigorous. They push you until you break. And then they build you back up. It’s all about endurance and going beyond the mental and physical pain.”
“What does that mean?”
“Beyond what you can imagine.”
“Spell it out for me, Drex.”
“Torture. Mental and physical.”
“Oh my God.”
“They have to, Gem. How do they know you’ll perform when you need to if they don’t put you through it to see? Then they teach you to push past the pain so it doesn’t break you. That’s probably why I wasn’t even aware I was wounded in the bombing. My adrenaline takes over and I go beyond it.”
She frowns, but says nothing.
>
“So it happened in Iraq. We were sent in to infiltrate this official’s home. Take him out because we had intel that he was tied in with Aali Imaam. It was covert, of course. No one ever knows where we are, except for the ones on the mission, the officer in charge, and maybe two government officials.”
“So what happened?”
“All of our intel had this dude at home and in bed. His schedule was pristine. He never deviated from it. We watched him for weeks. We went in and the thing about these guys is they pretty much revere their male kids. Especially their firstborn, so they always keep them safe. That night my job was to take out the Iraqi official.”
“As in kill him?”
“Yeah. It’s what I was trained to do. I know it sounds abhorrent, but these guys are evil, Gemini. They don’t think twice about killing thousands of innocent people.
“I go into his bedroom and do what I’m trained to do. But we always require confirmation of our kills—photos and DNA. When I pull off the covers and roll him over, it’s a kid in there with a bunch of pillows stacked around him to make him look like an adult. He’s maybe ten years old. It was his son. The guy put his son in his bed to protect himself. My guys on the outside kept calling me on my headset, telling me to get the hell out, but I froze. I couldn’t believe I took out a kid. And it cost me. Big. My radio kept buzzing with the guys, screaming at me to move because the house was coming to life, but I was paralyzed by then, and subsequently caught by the enemy. They put me in a box for weeks and did their usual torture routine. I’m not even sure how long I was there. The government does its song and dance of saying they have no knowledge of this activity. I’m the fuck-up. I should’ve ID’d the figure in the bed before I fired the shot and I didn’t. That was my fatal error. My training allows me to retreat into my mind and eventually my men come and get me the hell out of there. They did it without the knowledge of our commanding officer. They found out where I was and busted me out. Ended up killing an assload of people too … and not just guilty ones. Innocent people lost their lives because of my negligence. I made a grave error and I’ll never forget that.
“When I get back to base, I’m a total wreck. And then I was court-martialed and dishonorably discharged from the Special Forces. Of course, I was given strict instructions not to ever speak of this incident. You’re the first person I’ve ever told. My family all but disowned me because my dad is ex-military and the story that was publicly told made me look like I went on an AWOL killing spree. The select people who knew the truth were the ones who helped me with the business. I’m sworn to uphold this secrecy indefinitely. I knew that’s how it all worked going into it, so I have no legal recourse.”
Tragic Desires Page 20