by Sarah Morgan
Heart pounding, her mouth dry, she stared at him for a moment and then turned and ran back into the safety of the lodge.
She was the only woman he’d ever loved.
And she was still running from him.
What the hell had he been thinking? Finn closed his eyes and silently cursed his lack of tact. He shouldn’t have mentioned the baby. Or the wedding that never was. He hadn’t planned to mention any of it but when he’d seen Simon with his hands on her he’d been driven by a primitive urge to protect and claim his woman.
Which was ridiculous, he reminded himself with a humourless laugh, because Juliet Adams wasn’t his woman. She wasn’t anyone’s woman.
She was wild and restless and difficult to handle and he knew that better than anyone. She’d been the same as a child and she hadn’t changed when she’d grown into a woman. She kept her relationships superficial and she kept them short.
Juliet wasn’t anyone’s idea of a sure thing.
And he knew why. He understood why. His mouth tightened into a grim line. She’d lost her father and her brother in these mountains and she guarded her heart so carefully that no one was able to get close.
He knew all that.
But even with his experience of handling her, he’d managed to get it all wrong.
He retraced their conversation in his head and muttered a soft curse. Hadn’t he learned anything over the years? Cornering her never worked. She always panicked and backed away. She always ran.
She was utterly terrified of being pinned down, tied to one place or one person.
In fact, given the sort of person she was, it was amazing that he’d even managed to get an engagement ring on her finger.
And if she hadn’t been pregnant, she wouldn’t have said yes.
With a sigh of exasperation he turned away from the lodge and took a few deep breaths of the freezing air.
Ten years.
It had been ten years since they’d last met and seeing her again had stirred up emotions that he’d kept well and truly buried.
But now he’d opened the box. He stared out into the darkness, in the direction of Everest.
Climbing that mountain required the utmost concentration. Eight thousand eight hundred and forty-eight metres above sea level was no place for emotional entanglements and complications.
And yet how could they avoid it?
They were here now and, as far as he was concerned, her trick of pretending they didn’t know each other just made the situation even worse.
It was typical Jules, he thought to himself. Vintage Jules. Stick your head in the sand or, in her case, travel to the ends of the earth and the problem just might not catch up with you. Climb high enough, drive fast enough and you just might leave it behind.
Whereas he—he always preferred to face the enemy. Deal with issues, no matter how difficult or uncomfortable.
Finn’s jaw hardened. He’d seen the look in her eyes and knew that her feelings were as raw as ever. She wasn’t indifferent—she was frightened. And deep down he’d always known that.
He should have tracked her down sooner. The moment he’d realised that she wasn’t going to show up for her own wedding, he should have gone after her and forced her to talk. And he’d intended to, of course, but then circumstances had changed everything.
Her brother had died. His best friend. Climbing Everest.
And because of the pain and the grief and the muddle of their lives, he’d let her go.
Finn ran a hand over the back of his neck and admitted to himself that letting her go had been the biggest mistake of all. He’d let her go because dealing with her had been like handling an explosive substance. He’d let her go because he’d convinced himself that she didn’t love him enough to make the commitment that he’d demanded of her. But most of all he’d let her go because he’d come to realise that there were some things you just couldn’t hold onto. Some creatures that just couldn’t be tamed.
And Juliet Adams was one of them.
But now she was back here, in this most dangerous of places, and he knew instinctively that she wasn’t climbing for herself.
She was climbing for her brother.
And that made the situation more dangerous than ever.
CHAPTER FOUR
Namche Bazaar, Nepal, 3450 metres above sea level
BREAKFAST was a quiet affair.
After the trauma of the night before, Juliet would have preferred to have a day on her own to think and get her head together, but she had a responsibility towards the trekkers, particularly as they were now at a height where altitude could become a problem.
Her head throbbed and her eyes felt gritty and heavy from lack of sleep. She wished she could blame it on the altitude but she knew that the way she was feeling had nothing to do with where she was and everything to do with Finn.
Sally also seemed tired and the guys said very little. Diane didn’t make an appearance at all.
‘Is she all right?’ Juliet drank a large glass of water and wondered if there was trouble brewing.
‘I think so. Just tired. She’s not the only one. I wish I’d opted to stay in bed and skip breakfast. I’m not hungry anyway.’ Sally dropped her fork, leaving her omelette untouched, and Juliet put a sympathetic hand on her arm.
‘It’s normal to feel a bit drained after a day like yesterday.’ Her tone was gentle. ‘You’re doing really, really well but we’ll see how you go today.’ His eyes narrowed as she scanned the two men.
‘How did you sleep?’
Gary took another sip of tea. ‘Fine.’
Simon didn’t meet her eyes. ‘Great.’
He hadn’t apologised for his behaviour the night before and Juliet could hardly remember it now. All she could think about was what had happened afterwards with Finn.
For ten years she’d engineered it so that their paths didn’t cross.
For ten years she’d avoided talking about what had happened between them.
And now they were both here, in the same place at the same time, and he was refusing to keep his distance.
She felt panic flutter inside her like a wild bird.
He’d looked at her in that steady, determined way that made it difficult to breathe. And maybe she did feel a little guilty that she’d left him standing in the church, but she’d done them both a favour. Couldn’t he see that?
Surely he should be thanking her for saving him from making the biggest mistake of his life?
Next time they were on their own she’d talk to him, get him to admit that he had only wanted to marry her because she’d been pregnant. Then they could both move on.
Their past would finally be behind them.
Decision made, she turned to Sally. ‘Did you have a bad night?’
Sally managed a smile and a shrug. ‘Oh, you know—strange bed and all that jazz.’
In other words, she hadn’t slept at all. ‘Difficulty in sleeping is common at altitude.’ Juliet drank more water herself. ‘Do you have a headache?’
Sally pulled a face. ‘Doesn’t one always after a bad night?’
Juliet studied her for a moment. ‘Possibly,’ she said quietly, and made a mental note to check on the other girl later. ‘We’re going to stay here today. I recommend that you join Neil on a walk. He’ll take you higher up and then you’ll come back down here to sleep. It’s an important part of the acclimatisation process. Climb high, sleep low.’
Sally’s face fell. ‘We’re going higher?’
‘And then coming back down again. It will help your body adjust to the altitude. But if you don’t feel well enough, stay here and rest.’
And if Sally’s symptoms hadn’t improved, she’d be sending her back down the valley. She wasn’t risking anyone’s health.
Sally breathed out and then gave a smile. ‘No. I want to climb with Neil. He was telling me last night that the views of Everest are fantastic from the walk he has planned.’
Juliet looked at the two men and Simon s
hrugged. ‘I’m in. No problem.’
But he looked tired and there was something about his eyes that made Juliet wonder if he was suffering. Merely the amount he’d drunk should have been enough to give him a headache, without the altitude.
She’d have to warn Neil to keep a close eye on him. She finished her water, picked at her omelette and then rose from the table. She wanted to be away from the dining room before Finn turned up.
The next time they talked was going to be at a place of her choosing.
Juliet collected her day pack and made her way out of the lodge, intending to explore, when there was a shout behind her and Simon caught up with her.
‘Hey.’ He ran a hand through his hair and hesitated, obviously searching for the right words. Then he spread his hands and gave a boyish shrug. ‘I’m sorry about last night. I behaved like an idiot. Too much fresh air and chang beer.’
Surprised and touched by the unexpected admission, she smiled. ‘Forget it. But alcohol and altitude don’t tend to mix. You might want to remember that.’
‘Don’t worry.’ He gave a rueful smile. ‘I’ve well and truly got that message. My head feels as though Everest is sitting on it.’
Suddenly he seemed to have dropped the macho act and she found herself warming to him.
‘Just how bad is that headache of yours?’
He pulled a face and lifted a hand to keep her at a distance. ‘It’s just a hangover, Doc. It’ll be fine. I don’t need any lotions or potions.’
‘Well, if it isn’t fine, you need to let me know. An alcohol headache will clear up. An altitude one doesn’t.’
He nodded. ‘I’ll get some exercise with Neil today. See if it clears. Oh, and, Dr Adams…’ He gave her a sheepish grin as he turned back towards the lodge. ‘I still think you’re sexy as hell, so if you ever change you mind…’
She smiled, knowing that this time there was nothing threatening about the comment. ‘I won’t change my mind.’
He gave a shrug. ‘I suppose I can hardly blame you. Finn McEwan is unfair competition. There aren’t many guys who could compete with him.’
Her smile faded and she stood still as Simon strolled back inside the lodge.
Was that what he thought? That she was interested in Finn?
She bit back a groan. That was all she needed. Simon suggesting that there was something going on between her and Finn.
She’d wanted their past to remain a secret, didn’t want anyone speculating on their relationship because they didn’t have one any more. And they never would again. It had all been a dreadful mistake, one that had escalated out of control.
She wasn’t the right woman for Finn.
She wasn’t the right woman for any man.
The headaches cleared, Diane felt better after a rest day and over the next few days they slowly trekked upward, gaining altitude, closing the distance to Everest Base Camp.
They walked to the village of Tengboche with its famous monastery and spent the night camping then trekked up to Pheriche where they had another day acclimatising.
Pheriche was home to a medical clinic run by the Himalayan Rescue Association, staffed by volunteer Western doctors. Juliet had worked there a few years before and she knew that Finn had also spent time there. It had been established to treat and advise trekkers on altitude sickness but they also provided a medical service for the local population.
Sally was coughing badly, as was Gary, and Juliet examined them both to exclude the possibility of chest infection.
‘It’s not infection,’ she said finally, pulling the stethoscope out of her ears. ‘It’s high-altitude cough. The relative humidity up here is very low,’ she explained. ‘The air is dry and cold and that irritates the respiratory tract. On top of that you’re breathing more to make up for the lack of oxygen, and mouth breathing and increased ventilation all dry the respiratory mucosa. Climbers often wear masks so that the air they breathe is warmed and moisturised. You can try covering your mouth with a scarf but this high up it can just make you feel suffocated.’
Sally coughed again. ‘So it’s just one of the benefits of taking a holiday in this part of the world.’
‘Mountain air isn’t always that healthy when you climb this high.’ Juliet put her stethoscope away. ‘But it’s a lot more exciting than lying on a beach in the Caribbean. I’ll give you some throat lozenges to suck, they sometimes help.’
Diane was complaining of headaches again and Juliet suspected that the two guys were also feeling the altitude, although they refused to admit as much when questioned.
‘Are we falling behind our schedule?’ It was Simon who asked the question and Juliet shook her head.
‘We always work “spare” days into our itinerary. It means that we’re able to spend extra time acclimatising when we need to.’ She zipped up the bag that contained her medical kit. ‘The increased incidence of altitude sickness among trekkers is largely among those who come in big organised groups. Everyone walks at the same pace and there’s no scope for flexibility. That’s why we keep our groups small. That way we can accommodate each individual.’
‘So what happens tomorrow?’
‘All being well, we’ll make our way up to Lobuje. And, believe me…’ she scraped her hair away from her face ‘…we won’t be lingering.’
Lobuje, Nepal, 4930 metres above sea level
They left behind any trace of green and moved slowly up the boulder-strewn valley into the biting wind and eventually arrived at the lower end of the Khumbu glacier.
Here the air was thinner, the outlook barren and part of the trail towards Base Camp was still buried under winter snow.
The yaks, struggling under their heavy loads, sank to their bellies in the deep snow while their drivers urged them on.
Lobuje consisted of nothing more than a few teahouses and huts. It was cold, high and bleak.
‘This place is seriously filthy,’ Juliet warned as they picked their way through stinking, muddy water to a place above the huts where the Sherpas had chosen to establish their camp. ‘I think people are too weighed down by the altitude by the time they reach here to be bothered by a little thing like hygiene. We’ll be staying here for as short a time as possible.’
She was intending to minimise the time they spent in Lobuje in the hope that she could move all the trekkers on before they caught something nasty.
The cook was melting snow ready for boiling but she had no confidence that they would be able to stay long in the place without picking up an infection.
They ate dinner and retired to their tents, but during the night she was woken by Sally, who had been struck down by a nasty attack of diarrhoea and vomiting.
‘It’s nothing to worry about. It’s pretty much to be expected in this part of the world,’ Juliet said sympathetically as she helped Sally back to her tent and encouraged her to drink. ‘I could give you some Imodium but, to be honest, it’s best to get it out of your system. We’ll see how you go.’
Sally was ill for most of the night but the next morning she was feeling weak but decidedly better and announced that she was more than ready for the final trek up to Base Camp.
Unfortunately for the two men it was a different story.
‘Your trekkers have altitude sickness.’ Finn strolled over to Juliet as she finished her tea and she scrambled to her feet, caught off guard by his sudden appearance, the rest of the liquid spilling over her feet as her shaking fingers lost their grip on the mug. She hadn’t known Finn was in Lobuje.
Her heart gave a lurch and her immediate thought was that he was the best-looking thing in the place. His trousers had moulded themselves to the hard muscle of his thighs and his hair gleamed dark in the wintry sunlight. He looked strong and tough and very much in control, a man totally at one with his surroundings. But Finn had always been at home in the mountains.
‘I didn’t know you were here.’
‘Did you think you’d lost me?’ He gave a slight smile. ‘You could say I’m
on your heels, Jules.’ He glanced up the valley and then back towards her, a challenging gleam in his dark eyes. ‘And you’re running into a dead end.’
Her heart gave another thump. What exactly did he mean by that?
Was he talking about the walk or something else entirely?
‘Finn—’
‘Where are you going to run to once we reach Base Camp?’ His tone was pleasant. ‘To the summit?’
‘I’m not running.’
‘You’re avoiding me.’
‘I’m not avoiding you.’
‘So could we manage to have a conversation without you leaving before the end?’
‘Finn.’ She swallowed, and her hand shook slightly as she pushed the hair away from her face. ‘All right—you want to do this now? Let’s do this now. Maybe I do owe you an apology for leaving you at the church and I’m certainly sorry for embarrassing you, but I’m not sorry that we didn’t get married. I did us both a favour, Finn.’
‘How’s that?’
She stared at him in exasperation. ‘You didn’t want to get married any more than I did, but you were too much of a gentleman to do anything about it!’
A muscle flickered in his cheek and a strange expression flickered across his handsome face. His dark eyes dropped to her mouth and lingered there for endless seconds. ‘You thought I was marrying you because I was too much of a gentleman to break it off?’
‘Of course!’ She looked away from him, unsettled by the look in his eyes. She wished he wouldn’t keep looking at her mouth. It made her think what it was like to kiss him and she didn’t want to remember that right now. She was sure there wasn’t a man alive who kissed like Finn. ‘You offered to marry me because I was pregnant, and when I lost the baby I did what was right for both of us. I did us both a massive favour.’
His eyes lifted to hers, his expression thoughtful. ‘Do you truly believe that?’