The Obscurati

by Wynn Wagner

“Sorry.”

  He looked at me and winked.

  Just then the doorbell rang. Within a minute or two, one of Menz’s human staff members ushered a woman into the library.

  “Schmidt,” Menz said. “You look ravishing.”

  “Please, Menz,” she laughed. “I like women, and you like men.”

  “You still are the prettiest lesbian vampire I’ve ever seen.”

  She spoke to the guards in German, just saying hello.

  “Mårten?” she said in my head. “While Menz and Hamlet are working on that batch, how’s about you and Oberon come sit with me?”

  Oberon started moving to a large table in the library. He was able to hear Schmidt.

  “Sure,” I thought. Hamlet didn’t even look up, so she must have been able to send mind-words just to me and Oberon. I really do need to learn that trick somehow.

  “I’m Schmidt,” she told Oberon aloud.

  “Oberon,” he said quietly as they shook hands.

  “Let me see. I think you want one account with both your names on it.”

  We nodded.

  “You know that causes divorce sometimes.”

  We nodded.

  “Before I agree to it, I need you to sign a piece of paper that says if the two of you ever break up, the money is divided equally. It also says that if one of you tries to drain the account, that one is left with only a tiny bit of the assets.”

  “I don’t think….”

  “I know you don’t, and I wish you to be happy together for thousands of years. Please trust me on this, as I have seen really nasty divorces. This agreement is as much for me and my bank as it is for you.”

  I shrugged and signed the paper. Oberon signed too. He leaned over and gave me a kiss.

  “Next, the account itself. I put yellow stickers where you both need to sign.”

  We each signed in four places.

  Next, she presented us with a black box that had American Express embossed on the outside. The box also had a drawing of a Roman soldier in profile. The box itself looked expensive. Inside we found our two charge cards.

  “These aren’t credit cards,” Oberon said as he lifted his from the box. “Credit cards are plastic.”

  “What you have is an American Express Centurion card. They are made of metal.”

  He slapped his card on the table, and it went thwack.

  “There are only a few thousand of these cards in the world,” Schmidt said quietly. “I got them for you for five years. After that, AmEx will expect you to use them for about two hundred thousand euros a year.”

  “Holy shit,” I said loud enough that Hamlet turned to look. “Two hundred….”

  “Go buy Romania or something if you want to keep them,” she laughed quietly, “but you will be absolutely amazed at what you can do with these cards. Oberon, read the booklet in the box. I think you’re the business person of the marriage.”

  He smiled.

  “Questions?”

  I was sort of in shock at the whole scene. I didn’t know what to ask.

  “Well, you have my number. Use it any time. During the day, you can have somebody call it for you, and they will be connected to a human. The people at AmEx are awake all the time, and they all take people with black cards very seriously. If you need something, just ask them, so long as it is legal.” She winked.

  “I think we’re done, you two,” she said, standing up. “Thanks for your business. Between you and Hamlet, I just qualified for a toaster for getting new accounts.”

  I think she was kidding. I think.

  “Hamlet, honey,” she said aloud. “Are you about finished loading up your gold?”

  He nodded. “It was….”

  “It’s okay, no need for words,” she said. “Come over, let’s talk and sign papers.”

  He wanted Menz to be with him, so that left Oberon and me to deal with the guards and our gold bars. We overloaded the first cart so much that one of its wheels came off inside the vault. Menz was there in a flash. Gold bars were everywhere, but they didn’t damage any of the boxes or drawers in the vault. They didn’t even damage the floor. The only damage was to our egos, and a few bars got scratched or dented.

  By the time we had everything picked up, the guards were there with several larger carts.

  “Why don’t you stay out of the vault,” Oberon told me. “I can do this. The guards need somebody to be with them as they log in each bar.”

  I saluted my husband.

  Oberon worked as fast as the guards, and I could count the bars. Each one had a serial number stamped into the bar, and a guard wrote down each number and had me double-check the number.

  Being filthy rich isn’t as simple as you might think.

  “Oh, you have no idea.” It was Menz in my head again.

  “Would you teach me how the fuck you do that?”

  “I could, but then I’d have to kill you,” he said aloud. The guards looked at him like he had blurted out something. They thought he had Tourette’s syndrome. I just shook my head and returned my attention to the guard.

  By the time all the gold was counted, checked, and re-checked, I was exhausted. Oberon even looked a little tired. He did the hard part; gold is really heavy.

  I saw that Hamlet had a stack of papers, but he didn’t have a black box from American Express. His was silver. I hope he doesn’t get annoyed with us over the fancier card. He makes just as much, but there are two of us. If it had just been me or just been Oberon, I’m sure that we would have gotten the silver-colored card too.

  The guards were finished. Everyone signed papers for the guards, and they gave us all copies of everything.

  Schmidt talked with Menz for about an hour. Oberon, Hamlet, and I walked to the far end of the library. I pushed the vault door closed when we passed it.

  “Turn the lights off first, twist the combination knob, and then turn the big wheel to lock it,” Menz said in my head. I didn’t know the combination, but I could certainly seal it and lock it.

  The three of us just sat and relaxed. We didn’t say much.

  “Wow,” Hamlet said.

  “I’ll second that,” I said.

  We were all pooped. Give me a sniper rifle or a bar fight, and I can go for hours. Get me into bed with Oberon, and I can go all night. I know; we’ve tried it. But this banking stuff was exhausting.

  Oberon was so tired that he didn’t even hint that he wanted to fuck. That was a first.

  “Wait, I have a question,” I said aloud.

  “What’s that?” Schmidt said. I walked down to the other end of the library.

  “I want to avoid this kind of trouble in the future.”

  “I agree,” Menz said.

  “Do you have any kind of night depository?”

  “Sure,” Schmidt said. “I’m sorry. I should have gone through that with you. Hamlet? Oberon?”

  They both flashed over to our side of the library.

  “When you have bullion in the future, just bring it to Zürich. When you are close, just think of my name. Tell me who you are, or if I’m not available, somebody else will answer. Whoever it is, we will be at the bank door before you can be there. It happens all the time. We’ve been doing this for centuries. Day or night. Even Christmas and Easter. Just drop it off on your way home, and we’ll have a receipt ready for you.”

  “Thanks,” Oberon said.

  “You’re great,” Hamlet said.

  “That’s what Pierre said about you, honey,” she said with a wink. Yes, vampires can definitely blush.

  Chapter 14

  WHEN it was time to leave for the yacht, Pierre was right on time. He and Hamlet hugged and kissed.

  Kissed? Okay, I wasn’t really ready for that.

  “How many humans can you carry?” Pierre asked.

  “Two, I guess,” I said. We all agreed.

  “How many do you have?”

  “Twelve,” Oberon said, “if there’s space for everyone.”

  “Ple
nty. Are they ready?”

  “I will have them meet us behind the house,” I said as I walked to the back door of the library. It led to a kind of day room for our human blood donors. The room was full of computers and televisions. There was even a bowling lane at the back.

  The twelve humans who were going with us each had either a backpack or duffel bag. Some had both.

  “Everybody who’s going, meet us in the back,” I said at the door. I heard a flurry of movement as I walked back into the library. I think the staff was excited. We weren’t just abandoning Menz. He didn’t want to go, and he said Paco didn’t want to go. There were plenty of blood donors staying behind. They either didn’t like boats, or they had schoolwork.

  The queen’s yacht was to meet us in Trieste (Triest in German). It is a seaport on the Adriatic and the northeastern point of Italy. Pierre had given all the vampires GPS units. I don’t think we would have gotten lost, but it was nice to have just in case.

  Trieste lies about four or five hundred kilometers southeast of Menz’s house. It’s a five-minute flight for me. Oberon and Hamlet can make the trip much faster. That was three trips for each of us, plus another one for our own luggage. I had each human tie himself to my waist and hold on. Dropping a human would get everybody in a grumpy mood.

  “OH, MY God,” I screamed at the end of the first trip. “That isn’t a yacht. It’s a friggin’ ocean liner.”

  “It is a hundred fifty meters long,” Pierre said in my head. “There’s a heliport on deck. Land there and ask the humans to keep the area clear for more incoming.”

  “Holy shit, that is the biggest yacht I have ever seen.”

  “Don’t dawdle,” Oberon said. “You’re burning nighttime.”

  I wasn’t really able to keep up with the others, but I did my best. When I was back at Menz’s house for my last human cargo, Oberon was already there, loading up as much of our luggage as possible. I didn’t wait to catch my breath (because vamps don’t have to breathe), and I wanted to make the trip so I could get back to finish carrying luggage.

  Menz and Paco were outside when I came back for the last trip.

  “Have you seen that ship?”

  “Oh, yes,” Menz said. “I was with the queen when she went to Blohm and Voss to order it. At the time, it was the largest yacht they had ever built.”

  “Didn’t they make battleships for the German Navy?”

  “They did, even the Bismarck during the Second World War. I think you and Oberon will be really happy on the trip. Do you know where you’re going?”

  “Nope… don’t care, really. Are you sure you two don’t want to come?”

  “We’re going to have some alone time,” Paco said with a wink.

  I gave them both big hugs and kisses.

  “Holler for Pierre if you need us.”

  “Not a problem. Have fun.”

  I got all the bags and straps and everything into the air. I’m sure it wasn’t the most elegant sight, but I got everything down to Italy without dropping anything. Oberon was waiting for me near the heliport. He hadn’t gone inside to explore.

  “Good evening, sir,” said a young man with a white uniform and white gloves. “Please follow me, and I will show you to your stateroom,” he said as he picked up some of the luggage.

  I reached for a bag, but he stopped me. “We’ll get it,” he said. “If you do all the work, there’s no reason for me to have a job.”

  “You’re really cute,” Oberon said. “You’re decorative, so you don’t have to be functional.”

  “Yes, sir,” the young man said with a wink.

  We followed, and he took us to a lift. A friggin’ elevator in a yacht! We were just under the top floor, according to the button he pressed.

  “The top is the bridge. You are welcome there, but it is all business, I am afraid.”

  In a moment, the lift dinged and the doors opened. Our floor or deck or whatever you call it was much fancier than the one down below. The walls of the hallway were wooden, and everything made out of metal was polished brass. It must have taken half an army of people just to polish everything.

  “Here is the dining room, which I suppose you won’t be using for dining.”

  A little further on, he pointed to a double glass door. “This is the sitting room. You have satellite television and a good assortment of DVDs, all the way from Disney to naughty.”

  We finally made it to another door. He set down the luggage and fished out a key. He unlocked the door and motioned for us to go inside.

  “Your stateroom,” he said. “Here are keys for you both.”

  “Posh” didn’t cover it. The room had to be about a hundred square meters (a thousand square feet, roughly). There were electrical outlets here and there of all kinds of shapes and sizes. The lights were on, but I couldn’t see a single light bulb. There were two seating areas and a king-sized bed.

  “The door across the stateroom leads to a private balcony,” said the delicious man. “My name is Ruprecht. Americans call me Bob. I answer to either,” he said. “I’m your butler while we are at sea. Push that button”—he pointed to a button on the wall—“or that button.” He pointed to a button beside the bed. “Or you can dial me on any of the ship’s phones. My number is 33.”

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “You don’t sound convinced, sir,” Ruprecht said.

  “I’m just used to taking care of things myself.”

  “I understand, but give me a chance,” he continued. “When you are hungry, it is my job to find you a blood donor. If you are horny, just tell me what body type you like, and I will have someone at your door immediately. If you need help with the equipment or shore excursions….”

  “Danke, Ruprecht,” Oberon said.

  “Bitte sehr, Meister,” he said with a slight bow, “und willkommen auf unserem Schiff. Ich freue mich sehr Sie sind hier.”

  I guess Ruprecht and Oberon hit it off. They both seemed pleased. Everyone likes Oberon, so I wasn’t surprised.

  “He feels like the ship is his,” Oberon told me after he left us alone. “Not in those exact words, but he is really proud of the ship and the staff.”

  “You didn’t jump his ass,” I pointed out.

  “He was so formal. Maybe when he is off duty, or maybe he’s straight.”

  “Push the button,” I said.

  “Why?”

  “I could use some food. How’s about you?”

  Oberon pushed the button, and Ruprecht appeared in seconds. He knocked and opened the door without waiting.

  “Did I forget something?” he asked.

  “Nein, nein,” Oberon said, “aber wir sind hungrig.”

  “Blut?” he said. “I’m so sorry. I should have thought to offer that. Nur Blut? Oder Blut mit Sex?”

  “I am going to really like Ruprecht,” Oberon said in my head.

  “Blut mit Sex, bitte,” Oberon said.

  “As you wish, sir. Top, bottom, or both?”

  Okay, we just moved away from the original discussion. I know some German, but….

  “Both,” Oberon said.

  “I will find you at least one of each, sir,” Ruprecht said. He left the room just like we had ordered hamburgers or soda pop.

  In a couple of minutes, there was a knock at our door. Ruprecht opened it and let four young men into our stateroom. Instead of any introductions, Ruprecht just closed the door. I heard him lock it.

  “Guten Abend,” Oberon said. “Sie sind hier….”

  “Blut,” one said.

  “Und Sex,” the second added.

  “Wir sind hier zu ficken,” a third said, the fourth beside him.

  “Okay,” Oberon said. “The two on the left are blood donors, and they know that’s why they are here. The two on the right are here for sex.”

  “Ficken. Yeah, I do know a word here and there,” I deadpanned. I’d been with him a hundred years. Of course I’d picked up some German along the way, even if I hadn’t made the eff
ort to be fluent. “The one in the middle wants to give blood and have sex?”

  “Yes, sir,” said the one in the middle. “I am very versatile.”

  “Wow,” I said.

  “Danke,” he said.

  “I can do blood and sex both, if you wish.” It was the sex-only man on the right.

  Oberon pulled the arm of one of the blood-only men toward him and took about thirty seconds of blood. When he was finished, they spoke in German. I guess it was instructions, because he left, and another of the men followed, locking the door behind him. The other two just stood by the bed.

  “Komm,” he said with a smile. I guess that was their signal, because in a matter of a few seconds, we had two naked Germans in the bed with us.

  “We all speak English, sir,” one said.

  “Can you not call me ‘sir’?”

  “Yes, sir,” he said. “I mean, yes.”

  “Who likes the top?” They both said they did.

  “Who likes to bottom?” They both said they did that too.

  “Cool,” I said. “I’m a bottom, and Oberon’s a top. Let’s play.”

  One of the Germans, the one who had been standing in the middle of the line earlier, moved on top of me. He wasn’t sure whether we wanted to kiss or just fuck. I got him to relax by pulling his neck closer to my mouth. At first he thought I wanted to feed off his neck, and he would have let me. I wanted to kiss. We did, and he was a good kisser. My young man was blond with blue eyes, so he had some Norse blood somewhere. I let him take charge, which he was very willing to do. He worked my body like there was no tomorrow.

  “Oh man,” I groaned. He just smiled as he ran his fingers along my ass. One finger went up, and I just grinned. It was a signal to him that I didn’t need to be stretched. The next thing I felt was the wet tip of a dick pressing against my hole.

  Wait. I can get this from Oberon. That was where home was. If I was going to have sex with a stranger, I might as well take what Oberon couldn’t give. I grabbed the man and rotated around at vampire speed. The poor man was on his back before he even knew we were moving. It took him a few seconds to understand, but he finally spread his legs for me.

  It was a moment where my life changed. Everything before that moment was a kind of blur of sex and blood, but I knew that my ass belonged to Oberon. I could have sex with others, but he was the only one allowed to be my top.