Fragmented

by Madeline Dyer

  But the more I stare at it, the more my eyes blur, as if I’m looking through water. I touch the back of my neck. The skin there is hot. I take a deep breath of fresh air, feel a little better.

  I focus on the trees ahead. I recognize them… And—

  And my sister is there. By the trees. Standing by the trees. It’s Five.

  My eyes widen.

  She shakes her head.

  Don’t go up there.

  And then—

  Then she’s gone.

  I stop. Feel a little sick. I touch my forehead lightly. My skin is lined with a thin layer of sweat. I swallow hard. The spirits are still messing with me.

  “Come on,” Jed calls. He’s walking fast for someone with a stick. Very fast.

  Or maybe I’m slow.

  Yes. I am slow. My legs are heavy. But as I walk they get lighter. We get into denser foliage, follow the path up as it winds.

  “It is just up there.” Jed points ahead. “See, it is—”

  Raleigh has your eyes.

  I flinch, go cold. Feel thousands of pins diving into my skin, everywhere. My chest tightens. My eyes widen a little, and I try to fight through the fog in my head, try to remember….

  I see him.

  I see Raleigh.

  He’s sitting in a plush, green armchair, watching everything I see on a giant screen. I see his lips twist into a smile, hear him murmur something about his darling butterfly.

  I swear loudly.

  My body jolts.

  Raleigh.

  Don’t ever lead the Enhanced Ones toward the village, no matter how scared you are. Sacrifice yourself.

  I go even colder. My breath comes in short, sharp bursts.

  Raleigh. My eyes.

  How did I…?

  How? I touch my head. The drink… I had alcohol at the party… But that—oh Gods. I shake my head, and a fraction of pain rebounds back.

  The ground. Oh Gods. Got to keep looking at the ground.

  “S’ven?” Jed must’ve stopped, I can’t hear him walking now. “What are you doing?”

  My arms jerk out a little. Oh Gods.

  Run! Get back to the cave!

  And I do. I turn, and I run. And, trying not to look at anything else, I pray I haven’t compromised the Zharat’s safety.

  “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Corin demands the moment I tell him what happened with the men.

  But I haven’t told him about my walk outside with Jed, and a part of me is glad; Corin’s angry enough. If he knew I’d put us all in danger… I swallow hard. If I’ve compromised the safety of the Zharat den, then I should tell him. I should tell all of them.

  I shudder, focus on the wall behind. It seems to shimmer, and I shake my head, try to get my eyes to work properly again. We’re back in the area we slept in, and seeing the leaf mattress makes me feel funny. I think of tonight, of sleeping. Will the Gods and Goddesses and spirits call me into the Dream Land? Tell me off for going outside—or worse? Or warn me that Raleigh now knows where I am? Could he really find me—find us all—just from what I saw, what I showed him?

  “So, that Jed guy rescued you.” Corin’s lips press into a thin line for a few seconds, and I hear the faint hum of the beating drums. The party’s still going. “You should’ve come and found me straight away. Not hours later.”

  It’s not hours later, I want to say, but something stops me from speaking. My lips maybe. I touch them with my fingers, press into the soft flesh. They feel different, more rubbery.

  Corin looks into my eyes, and the intensity in his jars through me. My hand drops to my side.

  “Sev? Are you okay? Did they hurt you?”

  “I’m all right.” I nod, but it’s too hot in here. I pull at the skin on the back of my neck, but I can’t get hold of it properly between my thumb and forefinger. It’s too sweaty.

  “What is it then?” Corin’s voice has a hard edge, and he reaches into his pocket, produces a lighter—a new one—and a cigarette box. He curses when he finds the box is empty.

  Just tell him!

  And I want to. I really want to—I know what it was like before, when I didn’t tell him I was thinking of joining the Enhanced, and how that betrayal has come between us—but I just can’t bring myself to say the words now.

  So, I try to reason with myself. If I tell Corin, he’ll be angry, but he’ll probably say we can’t tell the Zharat until we’ve got proof the Enhanced are here, because Manning will ask questions and suspect I’m a Seer. Corin will want to keep it a secret until then, to keep me safe—and a secret is what I want it to be now. Whether I tell him or not, it will have the same outcome: the Zharat won’t find out we could be in danger. They’ll only find out later, if we are—if I know for certain. And, if that point comes, I’ll have to hide—or leave—to protect my own life from the Zharat.

  I look at Corin carefully. He’s frowning. He’d be worrying more if I said anything—he’d be stressed. And it could be for nothing. I don’t know that Raleigh even saw anything. If he did, and they are coming to convert us, the Dream Land will warn me tonight—I hope. And it took us days to get here, so the Enhanced can’t attack before I have the chance to have a Seeing dream. Or if they are close, the Gods and Goddesses and spirits will make me faint or something, summon me to the Dream Land that way.

  So, I decide if I get a Dream Land warning, I’ll tell Corin everything. There’s no point making him worry more than is necessary.

  “Sev?” he prompts.

  I shake my head. Again the rock behind him shimmers. I swallow hard, try to pretend that the wall isn’t moving. “Nothing.”

  “Well, you’re certainly not walking around here on your own.”

  He leans forward, pulls me closer. His touch makes me jump, makes my heart go all fluttery. My head rests on his shoulder.

  Tell him.

  I flinch. Corin notices, holds me tighter. “It’s all right.”

  It’s all right. I hate those words.

  I stare at the wall, watch it go out of focus. I take a deep breath, let the air fill my lungs, but it doesn’t help. It still feels like something’s wrong. I frown. I can think clearly now—not like before, outside—but I still don’t feel right. I try to remember how much of the drink I had at the party. It wasn’t that much, was it? My scalp tingles.

  I pull back from Corin, look up at him. “Teach me. How to fight. Now.” My voice wobbles, but only a little.

  I swallow uneasily; I know I’m trying to distract myself, so I don’t have to think about how stupid I was going outside, how I’ve put us all in danger—or why I went outside. And I need to stop thinking about it, else I’ll blurt it out to him and make things worse.

  Corin raises his eyebrows. “Now?”

  I nod, look around. “We’ve got time. What else have we got to do?”

  A muscle in his neck twitches. “I can think of quite a few other things we could do, things that don’t involve me fighting you.”

  “Corin, please?” I wince, aware that I sound desperate.

  For a second, I think he’s going to refuse, but then he holds his hands up.

  “Okay. But are you sure you’re up to this? You don’t look that good.”

  I swallow the lump in my throat and try to ignore everything going on in my head. “Teach me, Corin. Now.”

  After a few seconds, he nods.

  Corin likes teaching people; it makes him feel important. Living in the same village as him for years has taught me this, and it doesn’t take long for him to slip into that role. He stands up straighter, holds his head higher, and reels off a set of instructions. I try to follow, as best as I can, but there’s something off about me. Like I just can’t concentrate properly.

  Because you’ve put everyone in danger.

  I force myself to push that thought away, but it only makes me feel sicker.

  “No, you’re doing it wrong.” Corin shakes his head. “How do you not know how to punch properly? I’m sure Keelie taught yo
u.”

  He takes hold of my clenched fist, wraps his fingers around it. His touch makes my skin tingle, makes my head feel like it’s floating. I look up at him, realize suddenly that I want to kiss him and…and do more. I feel blood rush to my face, my ears rapidly going hot. I swallow hard, feel silly. This isn’t like me. It must be the alcohol; it must still be in my system.

  Corin—oblivious—continues. “You have to aim upward, like this.” He pulls my fist toward him, demonstrating on himself. “And keep your elbow in line—most of the power will come from your elbow. If you twist your wrist like this, you’re more likely to sprain it, do more damage than good.”

  I nod. His eyes meet mine for a second.

  “And you’ve got to be quick. Don’t hesitate. Just go for it.”

  I nod again. The skin around his lips looks less sunburnt. I look away quickly, eyes focusing on the lava floor. It’s surprisingly clean, looks shiny. And the shininess makes me feel even stranger. Like the shiny floor doesn’t belong here, because I don’t belong here.

  “Try again.”

  Corin has me try several more times—on him. I don’t like hurting him, and I can tell he knows I’m purposefully not putting all my energy into the swings. But I line my arm up, work out how I’d put the energy.

  “Okay,” he says after a while. “How about getting away from someone who’s already got you under their control?” He presses his lips together for a few seconds, until the color’s drained from them. “Lie down.”

  I rub the back of my neck. His words seem to be getting quieter. Then I realize what he said. “What?”

  “On the floor,” he says, and I have to listen really hard to hear him—even though there are no other sounds. “Like you were when Raleigh was…torturing you. I’ll be him—well, not him. Just some guy. See if you can get away from me.”

  My eyes widen. I know the answer to that. Corin’s not just some guy. He’s strong. He’s built powerfully. He’s male… And there’s something different about me, something wrong. I can’t think, and I can’t hear properly. But I refuse to focus on that now as I size up his broad shoulders, watch how the thick bands of muscle ripple around his neck.

  I lie down. On the floor. The lava floor digs into my back, next to my spine. Corin kneels over me, his knees either side of my hips. He places his hand on my shoulders, presses down lightly.

  “Shove me away.”

  I push back, but he presses harder. I try to turn, manage to get a bit of leeway, but he moves. I feel his foot go across my shins, and then he’s holding my legs down easily. Automatically, I kick out, but my movement is slow, groggy. My spine arches a little, and pain shoots through me from a ridge in the lava floor. I try to roll again, try to move, but can’t. His weight holds me down.

  I try again, but he shifts his weight, his position. His knee pushes my legs apart.

  “Sev.” He’s amused. “I haven’t got hold of your hands. What have we just been practicing?”

  My mind clouds over, feels fuzzy. I don’t know how he can sound so normal—I don’t feel normal. Yet Corin’s voice isn’t even strained in the slightest. Huh, and I thought most men were the ones with the strongest hormones.

  But no… That can’t be why I’m distracted. No. It’s because I’m worried. Because I’ve put us all in danger. I went outside. Raleigh has my eyes, and he could’ve seen. There could be a whole army of Enhanced Ones mapping their route to the Fire Mountain right this moment.

  Oh Gods.

  I breathe out quickly. Punching. Right.

  I raise my arm up, but Corin grabs that hand before I can even draw my elbow back.

  “Too slow. You’ve got to be quicker.” He shakes his head. The light from the lantern starts to play with his eyes, and I see little shapes appear in them. Cats and dogs and goats—like the Zharat men’s tattoos. I blink, and they’re gone. “Sev, there was no energy in that…” And then his voice just trails off—or at least the sound does, because his lips are still moving.

  I watch him form the words, squint at him. Then he stops, looks at me like he’s expecting a reply.

  I frown. “What?”

  He raises his eyebrows. “You’re not even trying with me.”

  “I am.”

  My head pounds, I struggle to breathe. The sounds of distant children screaming and laughing fill my ears. My eyes focus on Corin’s lips. I wonder if his lips feel like mine do, if his are tingling. He must have had some of that drink as well.

  I want to touch his lips.

  The realization dives at me, and I freeze for a second, wonder if I said it out loud… But I can’t think. Heat rushes to my face, then down my neck. I feel it, like it’s a rash spreading over my body. I squirm a little, try to shake my head, try to clear it, but I can’t move it.

  Corin stares at me, the look in his eyes is different now, like he’s realized what I’m thinking… Like he’s thinking it too.

  He’s so close. I gulp, and I’m suddenly very aware of where we’re touching. Corin’s hand is on my hip, but I don’t remember him placing it there. And his knee is between my legs. He’s leaning over me. There’s a strange look in his eyes, a look that makes me feel dizzy, makes my head feel too heavy, too—

  Someone coughs behind us.

  My head snaps around. Three women stand in the doorway. One is Soraya.

  I freeze, feel my blood still. I look up at Corin, his face inches from mine.

  Oh Gods.

  “Well,” Soraya says. “Manning wants you in the washing zone—that’s the bit near the waterfall, but you go down the other tubes to get there.” She pauses. “But if you’re busy, we can come back in, say, ten minutes. Could tell him we couldn’t find you quickly… He’s only going to start teaching you our language anyway.” She gestures toward the other two women, then pauses, and winks at me—actually winks. “Though, I would suggest you do whatever it is you’re doing on the leaves. This floor can absolutely kill your back.”

  The washing zone is where they wash their clothes. It’s another cave room, fairly near the waterfall, and there’s a big pool of slow-moving water. I watch the water there, the surface swirling round and round like an elaborate story. The light plays off it, creates more patterns, and, for a second, I think the patterns are talking to me. Then I shake my head. That’s stupid.

  Soraya is here, and she grins. A small child appears behind her, eyes wide, but confident.

  I turn back to Corin.

  “Are all their washing facilities this amazing?” He steps closer to me, his arm circling my waist.

  “There you are.”

  We look up. Manning heads toward us. His long black cloak makes him look even shorter. A flicker of irritation crosses his face as he sees Corin’s hand curved around my hip. But he doesn’t say anything.

  Manning leads us over to the far side of the washing zone. Several women are busy here packing wet clothes into a basket. It’s then, as I watch them folding up the brightly colored garments, that I realize only the women here can lose their status. The women’s clothes can be taken away, downgraded. The men’s tattoos can’t.

  The women call out to two men who are on the other side of the pool, washing something. There aren’t many people in here, but several fold-up chairs have been set out. They’re the kind that have been manufactured. Probably mass-produced—which means they were taken during a raid. I frown. Raids are for absolute necessities: food, water, fuel, medicine. Not fold-up chairs.

  Still, I suppose the Zharat must be good at raids. I think back to just how many boxes and crates were in that lorry. Boxes and crates that got left behind. The spirits have probably taken the stuff by now. The image of a chivra sitting on one of these fold-up chairs suddenly fills my head. I struggle not to laugh and have to look away.

  The light on the water catches my eyes again. It’s too bright, too sparkling, as if thousands of tiny lights have been sewn onto the water’s seams, and every little wave or movement causes a beautiful display.
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  I step nearer to its edge—so close—and start to smile, feel my head get clearer.

  “Sev?”

  Corin’s voice grabs me, and I turn back, see his mouth form more words, words I can’t understand.

  I shake my head, press my fingers to my face. My touch burns, I frown. I step back, eyes still on Corin. He’s speaking, speaking words at me, and the others are too, but it’s like before when Corin was speaking and I couldn’t make out the words. The words are just…gone. Like they’ve been taken, before they can get to me, and all I’m left with are their outlines. No filling.

  I raise my arm up, but the movement sends a jet of pain through my shoulder. I gasp, feel my body start to crumple, and—

  I hit the water.

  The cold grabs me first, then the warmth. No, it’s hot. Then the—

  This water isn’t normal. It’s stinging. Burning.

  I start to choke, but somehow push myself deeper. Panic starts to rise in me, and I try to turn, try to move my arms and legs, but I can’t….

  My lungs squeeze….

  The water’s wrong.

  Something tugs on my foot, and I sink back, see a dark shape, floating… The shape starts to move. It’s no bigger than the girl who was with Soraya. My ears pop. Is she in here too? Distorted sounds fill my ears, and I—

  I see it.

  I see it come out of me. Just a gold wisp, at first. From my stomach. A gold wisp that gets bigger, pulls at me, slithering, its body curling. And a part of me wonders how I’m just staring at it, how I’m breathing, how I’m—

  A spirit.

  It’s like a snake…a snake slithering along. But its head is pointed. Sharp lines define its contours, and it reminds me of a perfect chunk of quartz.

  I stare at it.

  The snake spirit rushes at me. Darkness and movement and—

  I scream. Water fills my mouth, my throat. Burning, in my chest. Fire, too hot. I try to turn, can’t see a thing. Everything’s getting darker. Too dark. Too much, and—