Fragmented

by Madeline Dyer

  I pull him down onto the ground, with me. We miss the leaf mattress, but it doesn’t matter. Isn’t important. My fingers pull at his clothes, but they shake too much, and I can’t undo the buttons.

  No, you don’t want this….

  No. I do. I do.

  Your wedding is going to be next week.

  I want to be with Corin. I need to be with him first, before the wedding, before Jed. I have to be with Corin. If I’ve been with him, it will make it more bearable. I can think about Corin when I’m with Jed, remember it all. It will make it better.

  It has to.

  My fingers work at the buttons on his shirt, one of them falls off. His hands are on me, pulling at my top, exposing more and more of my skin. Skin he touches, skin he kisses.

  I get his shirt off, throw it into the corner. I press my hands against the strong planes of his chest, his stomach, his muscles, feel something inside me respond. Then my eyes fall on his belt, his shorts. For a second I don’t know what to do, what I’m supposed to do. Do we go straight for it? Or more kissing first?

  I hesitate for a second, then I lie back, feel the rough stone against my spine, digging in.

  Corin climbs over me, makes a deep sound at the back of his throat, hands either side of my chest. Then he shakes his head.

  “Sev, this isn’t like you—you don’t behave like this.”

  Corin’s right. You know he is.

  “You’re wrong,” I cry, and I don’t know whether I’m telling him or myself.

  I reach up, pull him down, kiss him, hard. Half a second later, he responds: kissing me, feeling me, a hand slipping down to my thigh.

  Then he pushes me away again.

  He breathes hard, looks at me. A slight line appears between his brows. His hands go to his belt. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes!”

  He swallows, apparently with some difficulty. “But this isn’t you,” he says. “Something’s not right… Sev.”

  And I don’t know why he’s protesting so much. Doesn’t he want this too?

  Corin frowns. “I’ve no idea what you’re thinking anymore. But I know this isn’t you.”

  “It is!” I pull his hands toward me again, stretch up, kiss his neck. My heart speeds up, it’s like a countdown’s ticking, always in the background.

  But Corin’s right. This isn’t you.

  No. It is. It is me. He doesn’t know me like he thinks he does—no one really knows me.

  So I reach for his belt. I undo it, keep my eyes on him the whole time. I watch as his pupils dilate again. I watch as the amber in his eyes gets stronger, as—

  “What the hell are you doing with my wife?”

  For a second, we freeze. Then Corin and I spring apart as Jed storms into the room. The Zharat man’s face is angry, his eyes dark. He grabs Corin and pulls him farther away from me.

  I cry out, straightening my shirt and checking my skirt as I stand.

  “What the hell are you doing with my wife?”

  “We—we were just talking.” Corin looks back at me. His face is red now, redder than I’ve ever seen it.

  Jed slams a fist into the wall, and I flinch. His eyes travel to me. To where I’m standing, shaking. I glare at him, feel something building up within me. Feel heat rush to my face, fire in my veins.

  “You were talking?”

  “Look,” Corin says, fiddling with his belt. A second later, he glances toward the corner where his crumpled shirt is on the floor. “You don’t have to worry—”

  “Worry?” Jed steps right up to Corin, gets in his face. “Why would I have to worry about you? You are no threat to me.” He looks at me, eyes narrowing. “S’ven knows her place. We do not play games. She knows she will lose and I will always win. Women are weak.”

  And that’s when it happens.

  That’s when I punch Jed.

  I catch him off guard. He stumbles backward, and I—I leap at him. I claw at his skin. I am like a cat. And suddenly all I can think of is him kissing me, all I can feel are his hands on me. And something inside me snaps.

  I scream and hit him again. My fist impacts with his arm, but my strength’s gone. And—

  Jed swears at me, shouts at me, face contorting. I see his hand a half-second before he slaps me. I start to fall back, but his hand closes around my arm.

  “You should not have done that, S’ven.”

  And then Corin grabs me; for a moment I’m stuck between the two men.

  “I have won her. She is mine,” Jed snarls. “So back off. Get your own wife.”

  Corin punches him. It is a much better punch than the one I threw.

  I jump back, away from Jed as he falls. I turn and see Corin, nostrils flaring, fists still clenched in front of him.

  “You deserve more than that!” Corin yells, stepping over Jed, bending down so close that his face is mere inches from Jed’s. He punches him again.

  “Corin!” I scream, leap forward. Electricity bolts through me. I grab his arm, try to pull him back, but he’s too strong. Just shrugs me off, yells something I can’t make out.

  And then—then he’s falling, hits the ground hard. I spin around, just as Jed kicks Corin again, uses the movement to lever himself up.

  “You really want to do this again?” Jed snarls, his finger jabbing into Corin’s face. “After I nearly killed you last time? I was kind, leaving you alive, but not this time.”

  “Stop it!” I scream, and I’m getting in between the two of them. My hand’s on Jed’s chest, and I’m trying to push him away, but he just bats me aside.

  I fall, but I get up and—

  White light flashes from Jed’s hand. It hits Corin hard, just as he’s trying to get up.

  My mouth dries. No.

  I scream, lunge for the two of them again. My hands drag against Jed’s shirt, and I try to pull him away, but I can’t. Another bolt of white light flashes, hits Corin, but Corin’s still moving, still trying to fight him, though he’s lying on the stone floor.

  “You really want me to kill you?” Jed snarls, kicks Corin. He’s wearing boots, thick heavy boots.

  Corin shouts something, but there’s blood pouring from his nose, and his words get lost in it. He rolls over, hands pushing toward the ground, ready to get up.

  “I do not think so,” Jed says.

  More white light.

  Corin screams.

  I scream.

  That’s when I see the knife. The one Clare gave me. It’s on the floor, partly under the mattress. Must’ve fallen out my belt when Corin and I were….

  My ears hum as I retrieve the knife. It feels heavy now.

  I turn. Corin’s flat on his back, Jed’s standing over him.

  I line the knife up with Jed’s back.

  One quick movement, that’s all it takes.

  I stab Jed.

  For a second, I can’t understand the scene in front of me. There’s too much movement, not enough light. But I still see it all.

  Jed falling, blood spurting over Corin. Jed gurgling. Corin shouting—at me?—his face red.

  Blood. Everywhere. The floor, Corin, the walls. But not me. No blood is on me, and that seems significant, but I don’t know why.

  I stare down at Jed, start to bring a hand to my mouth as I feel the bile rise, but then I see I’m still holding the knife, and blood is dripping from its blade. And then Corin’s moving, getting up. He grabs his shirt from the corner, rushes back, kneels at Jed’s side, pressing his hand and his shirt over the wound—the wound that I made—over the gushing blood, trying to stop it, trying to save him. And I don’t understand. He hates him.

  And it’s so quiet suddenly.

  “Is he—is he dead?” I struggle to breathe. The cave’s closing in on me. The walls are moving. Squashing me. Stone, against my skin.

  Oh Gods.

  I stabbed him. I stabbed Jed.

  I’ve killed him.

  I’ve killed a man. An Untamed man. Jed. My husband.

  No, f
iancé.

  But I’ve still killed him.

  I watch Corin, watch as he searches for a pulse, but I know. I know he won’t find one. Because I’ve killed him.

  I’m a Seer of Death.

  I kill people. I hurt them, and I kill them.

  “He’s alive,” Corin says, and the walls move away from me.

  But I don’t react, feel detached from it. This isn’t happening. Can’t be.

  He pulls the bloodied mass that is his shirt away from Jed, puts it behind him. “Give me the knife, Sev.” Corin’s voice is low, reminds me of a panther.

  “What?” I look down. Blood drips from it still, adding to the small pool of red next to my left foot. There’s a surprising amount of blood coming from the blade, like it’s the one bleeding.

  “Give it to me.” Corin’s reaching up toward me, for it. But he doesn’t take it. “We need to finish this.”

  What?

  I stare at him. Don’t understand. Finish it… No, he can’t mean that. He was just trying to stop the bleeding, only a few seconds ago… Unless that was instinct, and this is….

  “We need to finish this,” he says again.

  “We?” I stare, my eyes glassy. I feel movement inside my chest, like something’s rotating. It makes me gag for several moments. When, at last, I can speak, my voice is all scratchy, like there are holes in it. “I didn’t mean… We can’t kill him….”

  Corin stands. “If Jed’s dead, it solves all the problems. You won’t have to marry him. We can be together.”

  “They won’t let us be together.” I shake my head. “No, they’ll—”

  “But I was the second strongest man—”

  “But they’ll kill us, Corin! If we’ve killed one of them…” My breaths are ragged, and my mouth is too hot, burning. “We—we can’t just kill him.”

  “You’re the one who stabbed him.” Corin’s eyes flash.

  The knife twitches in my hand. “No, we can’t kill him…just… We need to go.”

  Corin grunts. “That’s what I’ve been telling you all along—we can’t stay here.”

  “No.” I grab at my head; my thoughts are all over the place. Nothing makes sense anymore. “We can’t leave. I can’t. We have to—”

  “Sev. No. Listen. Just breathe,” Corin says. Blood trickles from his nose, makes a trail down his bare chest.

  He puts his hands on my shoulders, looks into my eyes. His pupils are back to normal now, and I can’t stop looking at them, can’t stop remembering how dilated they were before. How Jed stopped me from being with Corin. Anger flares within me.

  “Sev, we’re going to have to go. Whether we kill Jed or not, we have to leave. You’re right. If Manning finds out what we’ve done—even if Jed lives—he’ll kill us. We can’t be here. We have to leave. Now.”

  Oh Gods.

  I drop the knife. It clatters by my feet, and more blood sprays over my ankles. I reach down, try to get the blood off, but I just smear it onto my hands.

  We have to leave?

  Raleigh has your eyes.

  I flinch.

  Don’t betray the Untamed again.

  I swallow hard, feel sick. I look across at Jed, lying on his front, face down. The blood’s pooling around him now.

  If I kill him, I’ll have to leave right away, before Manning finds out and kills me. But, if I leave, Raleigh will find me and bring the Enhanced here; the Zharat tribe will be no more—and, if we’re the last Untamed, then I’d have ended our race.

  If I let Jed live, the Zharat will still want to kill me. They’ll know what I did. I’d still have to leave. And cause the end of the Zharat.

  But if I stay here—whether Jed lives or not—I’ll die, and then Raleigh won’t be able to use my eyes, he won’t find the Zharat. But, if I die at the hands of the Zharat, Death’s prediction will be useless—my death won’t end the suffering. The war would continue—for ever? Raleigh wouldn’t find the Zharat without my eyes, but I would die.

  It’s death and destruction, whichever scenario we choose.

  Jed’s death.

  My death.

  The end of the Zharat—the end of all the Untamed?

  And I know what I have to do. I have to stay here. If I stay here—and die—the Zharat will live. Death said my demise would end the war—and maybe it would’ve done, if things had happened differently. But they haven’t. The future’s changed.

  And I’ve got to let the Zharat kill me. My death here will save them.

  But then I swallow hard, grab Corin’s hand. His fingers are slippery, bloody. I let go, wipe my hand against my skirt.

  I have to stay here. The Zharat will kill me, but it will save them.

  Those are the words I try to say…but I can’t get them out; I’m shaking too much, every part of me trembling.

  My head pounds, and then it comes to me—what we need to do.

  Corin can blindfold me when we leave—if I’m blindfolded, Raleigh won’t see where the Zharat den is. I’ll be protecting myself—and them. And I don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier. It’s obvious, so obvious I start smiling.

  No one needs to die.

  My smile gets wider. “Let’s go.”

  Corin looks at me for the briefest of seconds. Then he nods.

  “You go and get Esther. I’ll meet you at her room.”

  “What? Where are you going?” I look down at Jed. At his body. He’s going to die soon anyway, I can tell.

  I’m a Seer of Death.

  Corin squeezes my hand, then he pulls away. “I need to wash this blood off, find another shirt. I’ll be two minutes. Go.”

  I do.

  My heart pounds in my ears the whole way. I pass several Zharat men, all their eyes follow me as I run, and they’re talking. I can hear them. I try to cover up the blood stains on my clothes, really try, but I can’t do it. My hands aren’t big enough, and there are too many dark patches on me.

  I speed up, hear a pounding in my ears.

  I can’t remember where Esther’s room is, not sure if I’ve ever known—unless it was where she was recovering when we first got here—but then she’s in front of me. For a second, I can’t do anything but stare at the bruises across her face. Orange and yellow and blue. I start to feel sick.

  Then, I pull her to the side, looking around quickly. But there are people about. I can’t tell her here that we’re going to escape.

  Esther frowns, then pushes me into a room. I look around. Store room. Small.

  “You came back?” Her eyes are wide.

  My heart pounds. I feel weaker than ever. “What?”

  “I saw you,” she says. And I can’t read her expression at all, don’t understand what she’s thinking, whether she’s still angry with me. “You packed a rucksack, and you left. I followed you down the slope, but you went into the trees. You were running, you were quick. And you’d left us. Me and Corin.”

  “What?” I stare at her, my temples throbbing. “I didn’t go outside.”

  But people are seeing me outside. Jed. And now Esther.

  Oh Gods. I’m really going mad. I’m doing things, going outside, and I can’t even remember. And does that mean I’ve already shown the Enhanced the way here?

  Esther’s eyes narrow. “I saw you, Seven. Look, I know you got out, so don’t lie to me. But why’d you come back after you’d obviously already decided to leave me and Corin here?” She pauses, and she looks around quickly. “Did you come back for us?” Her voice gets lighter. There’s hope in it, and she looks at me differently. She looks at me like how she used to, like I’m her friend. Then she shakes a little.

  “Esther, I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.” I shake my head. “But we have got to go. The three of us.”

  “So you did?” Her eyes get wider. “You did come back for me and Corin?” Her bottom lip quivers. “Because I do want to come with you.”

  “What?” I squint at her.

  She looks around quickly, and when she tur
ns back her expression is completely different—tenser somehow, but her eyes are lighter, more earnest, more her. “I’m scared, Seven. And I don’t know what to do, because of him… Corin told me it isn’t right—what he’s doing… And the way he said it he sounds right… He said if it was you being sucked in by some older, violent man then I’d do what I could to protect you, and I know I would… But it just… I can’t see it like that because Manning’s nice to me… Well, I mean, he hurt me, but…” She looks away and pulls on her short braids so they stick up even more. “I’m just all messed up. I can’t think, and if Manning hears me saying this then….”

  I reach for her, but she flinches.

  “I miss Three.” Esther gulps. “I really miss him, Seven. And I just want what you and my brother have, and I thought I’d have it with Three, but then he’s not here and Manning is, and Manning loves me.” She wrings her hands together, and her eyes take on a far-away look. “You’ve not seen what he’s like—what he’s really like—how nice he can be, how nice he is. He told me I love him too…and he’s right. A part of me does love him because he was the one who was there for me. And I know it’s wrong because he hurt you, and he’s not a nice man, but….”

  And then she’s crying—Esther’s crying—and I don’t know what to do, what to say.

  I reach out for her, take hold of her hands.

  “You really came back for us, so we can all go.” She tries to smile through her tears. Her lashes look sticky, and she gulps. “We have to get away from this place…before I see Manning and change my mind… We just have to go…like those other women who have gone… The ones who left too, on their own accord.” Her voice is loud, too loud, and I raise my hand in our silence! motion—the gesture that we always used when we were on the run, on raids.

  Esther nods, presses her lips together, and then—

  “Is that blood?”

  Her eyes are wide, and she grabs my hands, turns them palm up. The light in here’s poor. But I look at my hands. The blood’s still there. I should’ve gone with Corin to wash it all off and—

  I dropped the knife. I left it in the room.

  My head jerks up. I look at Esther. “Corin’s going to kill him.”