“I happen to prefer dark, rich colors, too,” I said as I slid her underneath the covers and gently kissed the top of her head. “Are you comfortable?”
She nodded. “Thank you.” Her voice was soft, but still shaky from her ordeal.
I went around to the other side and pulled on a t-shirt. Just holding her body against my bare chest made me so hard that I could hardly stand it. I needed a barrier between our skin to get through tonight. This was going to be difficult, at best, but I would put all thoughts of pleasure aside and focus entirely on helping Laurel recover.
Her eyes watched every move I made as I pulled the shirt on and climbed into bed. I was there beside her with just our arms touching, silent and still, when her voice broke with a soft whimper.
“Hold me, please.”
I turned to my side and pulled her up against me, cocooning her with my own body. “Shh, baby. You have nothing to fear now. I’ll protect you with my life. Always.” I smoothed a few stray hairs behind her ear. “You need your rest. I won’t let any of those dreams, or him, ever harm you again.”
I watched in fascination as her breathing slowed and she finally drifted back into a gentle slumber. After a couple of hours, I drifted off too, content to have the one person who touched my forbidden heart back in my arms again.
The first night was rough, with Laurel waking many times, but we got through it, and the next day she made good on calling her brother, Donny, and her parents. Grace and I sat on either side of her, holding onto her for encouragement. She managed to put together a nice act over the phone with her parents, convincing them she’d been busy with a project deadline, but her brother was pressuring to come for a visit to make sure I was treating her okay. I didn’t know what it was going to take to prove to him that I cared for his sister and would never do anything to intentionally harm her. I put my heart on the line for her, something I had sworn I’d never do again, but apparently that wasn’t enough for Donny Hart.
The nightmares continued, but there were fewer panicked screams during the night. As days passed, though, I saw Laurel retreat more and more into her own private shell. I was initially the one to help bathe her, but she soon insisted on Grace or Lynne taking over. Her appetite never got past creamy soups. Every time she tried to hold down something of substance, she would throw up. As a result, her sugar levels were all over the place, as well as her emotions. For someone who wanted to bounce back into life, she was doing a helluva job of retreating. I didn’t know how much more I could take seeing her like this. It was tearing me in two. I didn’t know whether to just let her be or try for an intervention.
I kept her within sight, but gave her some space, hoping she’d work through her thoughts on her own, since she didn’t want to talk to me about anything. I didn’t pressure her, instead handling some business calls and doing the necessary work needed to keep my business functioning. It was times like this when I was glad that my family still had a large hand in the workings of the organization and could help out in a pinch, so my focus could be on helping Laurel. Everything she was going through kept bringing back my own nightmares and fears from my childhood.
By the end of the first week, Grace had decided to return to Orlando with Jonathan and get back to work. “I love you, cuz,” she said to Laurel, “but I’m not going to sit around here doing nothing, watching you stare out the damn windows and not eat. You’re relying too heavily on my being here as an excuse to not face your problems and fears.”
I watched as Grace’s words sunk in and Laurel’s face went ashen with fear.
“Please don’t leave me, Grace.” Laurel pleaded for her cousin to stick around, even glancing over at me, expecting me to make her stay, but I couldn’t.
My heart was breaking for Laurel, but my mind argued that Grace was doing the right thing.
Grace gave her a big hug before pulling back to look into her eyes. “Laurel, you’re becoming the victim again. I love you like a sister, but you need some professional help to work through this.”
I watched in horror as Laurel turned away from her, biting out, “Just leave me the fuck alone. I’m doing just fine. I don’t need you…” Her eyes shifted my direction as she yelled, “I don’t need anyone!” She crossed her arms, a determined look on her face, though I could see a tear or two slide down the sides of her cheeks as she continued to stare out at the waves.
Grace held her head high. “Fine. If that’s the way you want it, I’m out of here. When you decide to come to your senses, call me!”
My first instincts were to defend Laurel and run to her aide, but Dr. Givens had warned me that it might cause more harm than good. I had been talking with my old therapist, Jocelyn Matson, to see if I could arrange for her to visit the beach house and just have a little chat with Laurel. Every time I dared to broach the subject with Laurel, she pulled away from me even further. I still held her in my arms at night so she could sleep, but the distance between us was beginning to widen. I wasn’t about to let that bastard win or risk losing her again. I’d finally gotten her back and would hold onto her with all I had. I couldn’t risk the amount of anguish my heart and mind went through when we were separated. I had felt a part of my soul missing during that time and I was worried it was happening again.
I had Dillon drop by Bio-Medical Life Solutions and pick up Laurel’s work. I’d hoped her mind would refocus and become occupied with completing her projects and creating some new designs for the training center. We had similar mindsets and I knew that I did better when I had something else to keep my attention, but nothing seemed to spark her interest. All she wanted to do was sit and stare out the window, wallowing in self-pity, something I knew way too much about, having done the same when my parents died.
Two more days passed and Laurel refused to work or do anything other than watch the waves. Even eating became a battle of wits with her. Chase’s actions seemed to suck the life out of her. I remembered Aunt Lydia having to sit me down and have an intervention with me, as a child, to get me back into life and focused on living, and I was worried I would have to do the same with Laurel. I had to do something to get her back. I let her slip through my hands once and I’d be damned if I let that happen again. I didn’t want to admit it, but I needed her to feel complete.
“Thompson!” I called out.
“Yes, sir.” He appeared before me immediately.
“Have the changes been made to the boat and is it ready to go?”
“They were completed a few days ago and she’s ready when you are, sir.”
“Perfect timing; tell the captain we’re taking her out in one hour. I want a couple of smaller crafts to go out with us as well.” I reached out and pulled Thompson closer as I whispered my plans.
He quickly left the room to get things ready for us. I wasn’t going to waste another day watching her retreat into herself.
She was in a soft chaise, looking out the window to the waves, with her legs curled up to her chest and her hands drawn around them, resting her chin on her knees. It was the same position she’d taken for the past week, insisting on being a part of everything going on around her, but not really existing in the moment.
I knelt down to her level. “We’re going out on the water today,” I said matter-of-factly. “I want you to put on one of your bathing suits and a comfortable outfit. It’s time you get some sun and out of the house for a bit.”
She turned toward me with a glare in her eyes. “What if I refuse?” Her voice was filled with defiance.
Thankfully, I always did love a challenge, and I definitely liked when Laurel was feisty!
I knew she was hurting, I could feel the anxiety rolling off of her in waves. It brought back the memories of my own struggle, which made me a little panicky to get to her. I leaned forward to where our noses were almost touching and her breath hitched. “I’ll carry you out of here kicking and screaming if I have to, but you’re getting out of this house and you’ll start learning to let go of things. That’s the
only way you’ll heal.” My voice was determined and meant to be intimidating, since I wouldn’t give her an inch to argue with me. “I don’t like pulling this card, but if you force my hand, I’ll call your parents and enlighten them.”
Laurel’s eyes went wide in fear and she opened her mouth to disagree, but I got up and walked away, not wanting to give her the chance to counter.
“Be ready in one hour!” I called. “That is not a request.” I didn’t want to be this cold, but I needed her to understand that things were going to change around here.
As soon as I was out of sight, I hid behind the corner to see what she’d do. I was nervous, I admit. I didn’t know if my attitude would cause her to step up or to run again. My heart was beating like a drum in my chest, loud and heavy. It took about five minutes before she got up, cursing softly under her breath and stomping to my bedroom to change clothes. Thank God! She wasn’t running.
An hour later we were on our way.
“Where are we going?” she asked tentatively as the Escalade left the property with Thompson at the wheel.
“It’s a surprise.” I intertwined our fingers, smiling as she lay her head against my shoulder. She seemed to enjoy being close, even seemed to have a bit of a smile on her lips, but as soon as she caught me looking, she hid it. Did I dare tell her that my heart beats only for her? Was it too soon?
Her eyes went wide, her body full of tension when we pulled up to a marina fifteen minutes later. “We’re going on a boat?”
I nodded. “You need some fresh air and sunshine. It’ll be good for you. Plus, we’ll be out on the open water, so we’ll be protected.” I watched her relax over the last words, knowing he couldn’t reach her out on the ocean. We’d be able to see him coming for miles, so there’s no way he could get to us.
“We have the all clear, sir,” Thompson stated.
I turned to Laurel to explain. “I had Dillon go on ahead with another member of security to sweep the boat and make sure everything’s fine. Knowing that Chase works on security systems and electrical units, I didn’t want to leave anything to chance.” I didn’t want to admit that I needed things checked for my own peace of mind, too. This guy was way too intelligent and I needed to bring my A game on in order to thwart any of his efforts.
I reached for her hand and she followed me out of the vehicle. I tried to intertwine our fingers again and be content with just holding her hand, not wanting to push her beyond her comfort level, but was surprised when she pulled away and, instead, leaned into the side of me, an almost happy sigh escaping her lips. I quickly enveloped her, pulling her close to my side to let her know she was protected. Kissing her temple, I whispered, “I’ll protect you with my life, darling.”
When we reached the boat, Thompson hopped on first. He turned to offer a hand to Laurel, but she stopped in her tracks and turned to me with a confused look on her face.
“You named your boat after me?” Her voice was questionable.
I watched as the large, white, 76-foot hull of the boat bobbed ever so slightly in the water. I shrugged my shoulders, not exactly sure of what to say. I rocked back and forth on my heels a bit, knowing she’d be upset if I didn’t explain myself. “This was one of the first things I purchased after my business was settled and making money. It was the highlight of my life and made my heart sing for the first time in along while. I felt at peace on the water and enjoyed the smell of the sea air. I slapped the Waters name onto the back of it, promising I would one day rename it when the opportunity, and the perfect name, presented itself.”
“But why me?” she asked, her voice beginning to crack with emotion.
I pulled her close to whisper in her ear. “You’re the only one who has ever touched my heart. You’re like a siren calling to the sailors on the ocean; you arrest my entire being.”
A tear escaped the corner of her eye as she faced forward and took a step onto the boat. I know she’s emotional, but I wish she would just talk to me, tell me what she’s thinking. Her silence was unnerving.
I quickly introduced her to the captain and a couple of crew members and began showing her where everything was located, including the bedroom, in case she wanted to rest later. I wanted to take her over my shoulder, carry her into the bedroom, get out our frustrations, and just hold her close, but I had to move at a pace that wouldn’t alarm her, no matter how hard I ached to be with her. So I waved my hand toward the sofa and offered, “We can sit here in the living area and look out the windows while the captain steers us out of the marina and onto the waterway leading out to the ocean.”
“This isn’t a boat, it’s a luxury yacht,” she observed, turning towards me as the boat began to move. “How is it that you’ve had it for a while, but everything looks so new and polished?”
I looked around the room, trying to take a look at things through her eyes. The galley/living area had a tan leather wraparound sofa that had a kitchen and dining room to one side, a flat screen satellite TV facing it, and a stellar view of the marina. I’d had the older tapestries and fabrics of the bedrooms changed into more vibrant jeweled colors, with the master bearing our signature burgundy flair. Anything that looked dated had been upgraded to something more modern, which increased the value of things. Everything looked appealing and I was quite pleased that the final results matched the pictures I’d been sent.
“I’ve actually had my eye on a bigger yacht to cruise the Mediterranean one day,” I admitted. “I bought this Ferretti 76 maybe two or three years ago as a means to get away for the weekend, occasionally traveling down to the Bahamas or the Caribbean. It wasn’t exactly new then, but I got a good bargain for her,” I explained. “I’d been meaning to refurbish her and had just pulled her from her berth and started the upgrades when we met. About a month later, I decided to change the name and added that to the list. They just finished with her a few days ago.”
Laurel nodded, but didn’t reply. I didn’t know whether she felt uncomfortable or seasick or what. She had been sitting stiffly beside me, but started to relax into my side as the boat began to move out of its berth. I wrapped an arm around her, holding her close to me as we watched the boats of the marina pass us by before heading out into the open water.
A half hour passed when we finally dropped anchor. I had arranged for two other boats to pull alongside us to take our security detail and captain off so it was just the two of us. Laurel’s eyes went wide with fear when she realized we were the only two left on the boat.
“Where are they going? They can’t get off now!” She began to panic and kept pacing back and forth in the living area, looking like she was about ready to jump ship and swim back to the mainland.
I stood up and put my arms out to stop her stride. “They’re not going very far,” I assured her. “They’ll be circling the boat about a quarter mile away to ensure no one bothers us. I have a radio here if we need to contact them.” I held it up to show her we could easily get in touch with Thompson, if needed, before placing it back on the sofa.
She looked like a deer caught in the path of oncoming headlights and I almost started to panic myself. Okay, Garrett. You need to do some mighty fine talking to win Laurel over. Now go convince her to let go of things.
“The time of you not saying much, living like an introvert, and just spending your days moping around staring at the waves, not wanting to work on your projects and keeping me at arm’s length are over!” My voice was firm and she looked ready to cower at any minute, so I changed my tactics quickly. I took on a softer tone, the one I reserved for her in the bedroom, and raised my hands to show her that I meant her no harm. “It’s just me and you, darling, and we’re going to stay here until you finally start talking to me. It’s unhealthy to keep it all bottled up inside.”
I waited for her to say something, anything, but she just pulled back and began pacing back and forth, fear etching every inch of her face. Maybe if I reveal a bit about myself, she’ll feel comfortable enough to open up?
&nb
sp; “Laurel, I know what it’s like to live like this,” I started quietly. “The circumstances surrounding it were different, but I turned myself away from the world, angry at everyone and everything, when my parents died. I got kicked out of school because I couldn’t deal with my emotions and fought anyone who tried to get close to me. My aunt ended up homeschooling me and working from home just to try and help me adjust. The nightmares were horrendous. I felt like it was my fault that they died. I was orphaned and abandoned at age five. I didn’t want to…” I couldn’t finish the sentence; I felt my body tense and my throat try to close up on me in panic.
To my surprise, she walked over to me, rested her hand on my chest, and looked deep into my eyes. “You didn’t want to what?”
I just shook my head and raised my hand, dismissing the thought. “I can’t go there yet. I’ll tell you in time, but it’s too hard to think about. Let’s just say I blame myself for a lot of the bad things that go on in life. That’s why I feel responsible for your attack. I should’ve been there, following you, insisting that you talk to me, that we work things out.”
“I’ve told you I don’t blame you for any of this,” she countered. “Plus, I have been talking to you since I woke up.”
“That’s true, but you won’t say more than a couple of words, just enough to answer my questions before shutting back down. Do you know how confused I feel? You want me to hold you and comfort you while you sleep and yet you push me away the rest of the time. I want to be there for you, care for you, and protect you.”
Her face shifted from scared out of her mind to intense fury. She took a couple steps back, still facing me as her arms flailed about, and started screaming, “Why in the hell should I open up to you when you refuse to open up to me? Sure, you’ve given me a little piece of information, but what am I supposed to do with it when you won’t give me the whole story?” Her face was fiery red, her voice getting louder and louder with every word. “How am I supposed to act around you when one minute you consume me entirely and the next you push me away? Sure, you can do that to me, but give you a taste of your own medicine and you can’t stand it.”
Learning to Let Go Page 6