Learning to Let Go

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Learning to Let Go Page 7

by Cynthia P. O'Neill


  She had a point. I wasn’t ready to let her see all of who I am. I was still dealing with the demons surrounding my parents’ and my aunt’s deaths and I kept it hidden to avoid the pain discussing it would cause. Damn, I was confusing her.

  I felt defeated already, but I had to ask. “Would you consider speaking to a therapist?”

  Laurel’s eyes narrowed at me as her brows drew together. “I’ve told you and Grace both—I won’t see a therapist! I don’t need one! I just need time to deal with things and get my emotions in check.”

  I tried reaching my hand out to her to pull her closer to me, but she recoiled at the slight touch of my hand on her arm. That was the last straw. I wasn’t going to use the tender approach anymore.

  “This is bullshit and you know it,” I practically spat. “Look at you. I can’t even touch your arm without you responding negatively. You’re tormenting yourself when we just want to help you.”

  She started pacing, looking madder than hell at me. “I don’t want anyone’s help! You suffer in silence, so what’s the difference if I do the same thing?”

  When she turned and walked back, I grabbed her, putting my hands on her hips and taking a dominant stance with her. “You can argue all you want, but we are going to stay put on this boat until you come to your senses. I’ve got a stocked galley, bathrooms, and beds, so go ahead and throw your little tantrum, because I’m not budging until you agree to some help. My father, your other doctors, Grace, Jonathan, and I all feel you need some assistance to get through this. It’s time to learn to let go and move on with your life.”

  “You mean like you have? You won’t date me, you don’t want to refer to me as your girlfriend, and you can’t seem to open yourself up so I can see what pain you’ve been through and be there for you!” She fisted her hands by her sides, screaming at the top of her lungs.

  I didn’t have a comeback, because I knew she saw right through the façade I’d created and lived with for most of my life. I held my hands up in a sign of defeat. “Okay, Laurel. You win. What’s it going to take to even get you to consider talking with a therapist?” The only hope remaining was to bargain with her. I didn’t like yelling at her, because we were both brick walls not willing to budge for the other. God, I loved her feistiness.

  She took a step towards me, looked into my eyes and, with a determined voice, said, “For you to attend therapy, too. You have issues you’re keeping bottled up. If I have to deal with things, then so do you!”

  My hand came up and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to stave off the headache I could feel building. She was definitely brilliant and her countering arguments were flawless. To my surprise, it was a big turn on for someone to argue back at me and call me on my shit. I knew I wanted her, but it was all I could do to keep focus and not let my other head do the thinking for me.

  I hated where this was going, but for Laurel, I’d move heaven and earth to have her back with me. “You’ve made your point,” I admitted. “How about we both start seeing my therapist for our individual issues and possibly as a couple?”

  Her face was full of shock. “You’d do that for me?”

  “Don’t you know I’d do anything for you? You are the first person I would be willing to put myself out there for.”

  She seemed to soften, some of the tension leaving her body. “Can you go with me to some of my appointments?”

  I pulled her into my chest as she started to cry, wanting to hold her close and take away all the pain. “I’ll call Jocelyn today and we can start tomorrow,” I said into her hair. “I’ll be there through every step of the healing process. But, I must warn you, my demons aren’t pretty. Are you sure you want to hear them?”

  She leaned back, looking up into my face. “Don’t you get it? I’d go to any length to be there for you, too. If you can overlook and accept the issues of my past, why wouldn’t I accept yours?”

  Did she have any clue how much I cared for her or loved her? Wait… Did I just admit I love her? I can’t let things get this emotionally involved; the last time I opened my heart up I got hurt and used. But I can’t imagine trying to live without her in my life.

  One of my hands came up, fisting her hair and pulling her into my chest, where I kissed her forehead. “We’ll get through all this together. I promised I’d be here for you and I always keep my word.”

  In one respect, I was relieved that I didn’t have to go through this alone. I didn’t want to admit the need for help, but I couldn’t get the attack out of my mind. Anytime I tried to close my eyes or do anything, I’d hear that cretin’s voice. Chase was someone that kept going after anything he wanted, no matter the cost. He once told me that he learned that tactic from his father, which just made me feel more sickened and almost a little bad for him—how else would he grow up, with such a role model? My only solace was knowing that as long as I was surrounded by people, he wouldn’t try to approach me, or at least, he hadn’t in the past. I could only hope that it still held true.

  Garrett pulled me closer to his chest and rested his head atop mine, his hands running circular motions up and down my back. Did he have any clue how his touch made me crave a piece of him? Did he even care for me physically anymore or did he see me as nothing more than damaged goods, too tainted to be touched? I felt the waterworks begin to flow freely from my eyes.

  “What’s wrong, Laurel?” His voice was tender and laced with concern.

  My mind had me talking before I even realized what I admitted. “You don’t touch me anymore.”

  He pulled back, lifting my face with his hands and wiping away the tears with his thumb. “I’m embracing you right now. I hold you every night while you sleep.”

  Did I really have to go there with him? “That’s not what I mean.” This was going to be embarrassing having to admit what I wanted. We hadn’t been intimate since I stormed out of his office at WMI, when I found out he was actually the owner of the company, Mr. G.A. Waters and not Mr. Garrett Andrews. I needed to feel his touch, to have that soul deep connection that soothed my essence; to know I was still wanted, by him.

  His brows furrowed and bewilderment swept across his face. “What are you talking about then?”

  I repeated myself, brushing my crotch up against his. “Like I said, you don’t ‘touch’ me anymore.”

  He closed his eyes and leaned back, taking in a large breath before looking back at me. His sparkling green eyes were hypnotic as they took on a darker, smoldering look of desire, becoming hooded, lust raging through them. Oh my, what have I gotten myself into?

  “That’s just not true,” he responded almost painfully. “I’ve been living in hell not being able to touch you. I had to take cold showers a couple times a day when you left me. Now I have you back, but just being near you keeps me in a constant state of arousal.”

  I looked at him with disbelief.

  “Don’t think I’m telling the truth?”

  I shook my head. He grabbed my hand and placed it on the bulge in his pants. He was hard as a rock, about ready to burst the seams; I didn’t think I’d ever felt him this hard before.

  “Now do you believe me?” he whispered. “It has been pure torture to sleep with you in my arms and not be able to touch every inch of your fabulous body. The only reason I haven’t is because of everything he did to you. I didn’t want to scare you and risk losing you again.” His voice was adamant, but softened as he admitted, “Plus, you’re still injured.”

  I didn’t realize I still affected him this much. I decided to be a little coy with my admission. “Everything is a little extra sensitive, but the doctor has given me the all clear to resume certain activities.” I made sure he knew what I meant by “activities” by pushing myself into his hardness. That should awaken his appetite.

  A low growl escaped the back of his throat as his hand ran through his long sandy blond hair. I took a couple of steps back, bumping into the wall as his hands went to each side of my head and his body pushed into me, caging
me in. I could feel my eyes go wide and I took a startled breath. That was all it took for his lips to descend on mine, his tongue thrusting into my mouth, seeking purchase.

  His searing kisses continued as his hips rocked into mine. He paused only a moment to look me in the eye. “I want you, Laurel,” he professed, “but I’m afraid of making the wrong move and frightening you. Pick a safe word so I know if I’m going to fast or you feel uncomfortable.” His lips trailed hot, smoldering kisses across my skin from the corner of my mouth up to my ear. As he suckled my earlobe, he reiterated, “Pick a word, love. I want you safe and secure. I need you to know that you can stop this at any time.”

  How could he ask me to pick a word when my mind was already melting from the sheer intensity of his heat? “Ahh,” was all I could only manage as he bit softly into my ear before lavishing it with his tongue.

  “What’s your word, Laurel? I won’t go any further until you give me one.” He stopped what he was doing, pulling back slightly so I knew that he meant business.

  Only one thing sprang to mind. “Waters Towers,” I said decidedly. I could feel a smile spread across his face as the slick of his lips began trailing kisses down the side of my neck, the scruff of his beard intensifying the sensations. Funny that was the only phrase that popped to mind, since that’s where everything went so right before it turned so wrong.

  My heart rate picked up and the closeness I longed for began to fill me as his hands reached down, grabbing hold of my backside and lifting me.

  “Wrap your legs around me,” he insisted.

  I did what he asked. My arms circled round his neck so he wouldn’t drop me as he walked both of us through the living area and into the master bedroom, decorated with the same burgundy fabrics and walnut woods as his beach house. Wow, he really knows how to carry a decorative theme to the extreme.

  Garrett sat me down on the bed and took a few steps back so I could look around at my surroundings. I was surprised to see one wall lined with mirrors, reflecting back the image of the room. “Why all the mirrors?”

  “My sister, Sarah, suggested them to make the room seem larger than it is. When she’s not designing buildings, she loves to try and decorate for me.”

  He moved back and forth across the room, his eyes continually fixated on me as he paced. He looked like a lion getting ready to attack his prey. I could feel the heat pool in my belly and my nipples harden at the anticipation.

  “I want you to take your clothes off, Laurel,” he crooned, his voice practically dripping with seduction. “I’m afraid that if I try to help I’ll rip them to shreds.”

  Oh my, he is pent up. I stood and started removing my slim jeans. I had to wiggle them off of my hips to get them going; even with the weight loss, my hips had retained their voluptuousness. With each wiggle he groaned a little more and began to undress himself. I reached for my t-shirt and noticed the peaks of my nipples pushing through the bikini top. I tried to turn away to remove my shirt.

  “Don’t turn away from me, darling. I need to see all of you.”

  I noticed his shirt already on the floor and tossed mine on top of it. He started unzipping his pants as I took off my bikini top and playfully threw it his direction. To my surprise, he caught it in his teeth and growled low in the back of his throat before spitting it out on the floor. He took his waistband in his hands and in one swift move, freed himself of both his jeans and boxer briefs.

  “Oh, my.”

  He wasn’t kidding about being hard. I didn’t think I’d ever seen his cock throbbing with such intensity and already dripping with pre-cum. I wanted so badly to lick his tip and see what he would do. I ignored undressing the rest of me and started to kneel down to taste him.

  His hands caught my shoulders and pulled me back up. “I can’t have you doing that, Laurel. I’ll be done before we ever get started.”

  I began to object when his lips silenced mine with an all-consuming kiss. His teeth nipped at my bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth before pushing his tongue into mine. I could feel his hands start to drift down my sides until his fingers found my bikini bottom and untied the sides as he started walking us backwards toward the bed.

  Our lips never parted as he helped lay me across the bed. One of his legs stayed between mine as his hands reacquainted themselves with my breasts. He trailed kisses down the side of my neck until he hit my pulse point, where he gently bit into me, causing my back to arch up and me to scream out his name.

  “Garrett!”

  He continued sucking on that spot, that perfect spot, branding my skin as his, while his hands kept squeezing and tweaking my nipples to hardened points.

  “Please!” I moaned.

  “Please what, baby?” he teased, stopping only long enough to look me in the eyes.

  “I need you.”

  “Where do you need me?” A smile spread across his face. The ass was going to make me work for what I wanted.

  “Inside me, now,” I begged.

  “You’ll have me, soon enough. I want to make sure you’re all loosened up first.” Garrett continued kissing a line from my shoulders down to my breasts, before sucking one in.

  “Ahh,” I moaned as his teeth bit softly into my nipple and he lavished it with his talented tongue. He caressed the breast with his hand as his lips descended on the other side, showing that nipple equal attention. I felt the stirring of an orgasm start to build in my center. Is it possible to come just from this? My God, it feels good.

  When my breasts had taken all that they could, he managed to move down my ribs and across my stomach. I was thankful that the bruising had finished fading a few days earlier. I didn’t want him to have any reminders of what Chase did to me.

  I could feel Garrett’s member pressing hard against my thigh, twitching every so often, as he continued his path down to my clean shaven mound. He stopped to examine my folds carefully and gently with his hands. I watched as he shook his head and pressed his lips into a hard line.

  “Just wait until I get a hold of that bastard,” he muttered under his breath. “He’s going to pay for this.”

  I jerked at his words, knowing that it was still a bit red and swollen, but he contained his emotions and his mouth descended. He blew air softly across my privates, which sent my temperature soaring and me squirming for more.

  “I need you still, Laurel.” He clamped down on my hips to hold me steady as his tongue began to trace the outer folds and he worked his way inward to the center of my clit.

  Yes, that’s the spot! My hips began to move of their own volition. It felt so good.

  Garrett threw my legs over his shoulders, burying his face in me, his tongue working its magic to make me spiral higher toward release. He normally would rub his thumb over my nub as he ate me out, but I knew he wouldn’t touch that area with anything other than his tongue for now because he was too afraid of hurting me. Instead, I felt him push one finger into me, gliding it back and forth across my entry to see how I responded.

  I wanted to feel more of him, needed to feel the friction I craved and began rocking into his finger. He soon added another and began stretching me.

  “Babe, you’re as tight as the first night we were together. You’re going to feel fucking amazing against my cock. I’m going to make you to come quickly, because I need to be inside you, now!” His tongue began to pick up pace as his fingers curled against my walls, hitting that oh-so-perfect spot.

  I arched my back and screamed as my release hit me without warning.

  “That’s right, Laurel. Clench down on my fingers as you come.”

  I could feel my walls spasm against his fingers, locking him in place. When I came down from my enamored state, he moved himself over me, licking his fingers.

  “You still taste fucking fabulous. Your scent intoxicates me, owns me. I need to have you.”

  My legs parted of their own accord and he positioned himself over my center. His lips brushed softly against mine as his tip entered me slowly. I win
ced a little.

  He stilled. “Am I hurting you?”

  “It’s a little sore, but don’t stop, please,” I begged.

  He pushed in a couple more inches and I winced again.

  “I won’t hurt you, babe. We can do this another time.” His face was filled with fear and concern.

  I grabbed hold of each shoulder, trying to force him closer to me. “No. I want this. I need this.” I needed him to give me something new to focus on, as he had before. I wouldn’t be able to let go unless I could give myself to Garrett.

  He pulled out and disappointment was etched across my face. “I’m not saying no, Laurel. But, this way doesn’t seem to be working with you; you’re still too sensitive. How about kneeling on your hands and knees?” He wiggled his eyebrows and gave me a leer so exaggerated I had to stifle a giggle. “Let’s try a new point of entry.”

  My heart rate spiked as I panicked, knowing that if I couldn’t see him, I would let my mind run away with itself. “But I need to see that it’s you!” I pleaded, trying not to get to the point of tears.

  “We can watch each other in the mirrors. You’ll still be able to see that it’s me taking you. You’ll know it by the way I feel inside you. It will be my name you scream in ecstasy.” His tongue started licking a path from my pulse point to my ear, where he sucked on my earlobe. “Turn over, babe. I need to feel you around me.”

  I turned as he asked and watched us in the mirror as he positioned himself inside my legs, spreading them. His lips trailed hot, sizzling kisses down my lower back and across my butt. His fingers played with my entrance as he lined himself up. The image bouncing back at me was so erotic, it made my juices flow even more.

  His tip entered and I sighed; there was no pain in this position. He pressed forward, sinking into me inch by inch until he was fully seated. I thought he would begin to move, but he stilled so my body could adjust. I could feel his cock twitch and lengthen even further inside me. It felt like heaven and I didn’t want it to end. I started to rock against him as he slowly moved back and then pressed forward. The pace was slow, sensual, and intoxicating. Garrett wasn’t fucking, but making love to me. Exactly as I needed.

 

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