I blinked, slowly turning my head to see Vera. She was already looking at me. Had she just said Zero?
“What?” Vera furrowed her brows, turning her head slightly in suspicion. “You look like I just told you your cat died.”
I shook my head. “Nothing, I just knew a man named Zero once…” It couldn’t be the same person though, right? Vera came by way of Louisiana, a full two states away from me.
Vera shrugged, shifting her attention back to the outside world. “Small world.”
“The Zero I knew was a bad fellow,” I remarked.
Vera laughed. “Cruz is an asshole, but he’s mostly harmless, like a kitty who uses his claws a little too much.”
I gave a broken laugh at her analogy. “My Zero—or at least the Zero I knew—was much worse than a kitty. He was poison.”
Vera seemed to contemplate my words. I’d never seen Vera like this. She was always carefree and bubbly. There in my bed she was haunted. I felt like she was letting me witness her insides. It was only fair to show her mine.
“His name was Eli,” I said, voice low like the quieting dusk. “And God help me, I still love him.”
It was past dusk, but before night, and the shop was in a lull. Everyone had received their afternoon pick-me-up and wasn’t ready for their evening caffeine. I was cleaning the glassware. The ministrations of my rag against the surface had me mesmerized. I watched the wet rag swipe away the dirt and make it clean. Over and over again, no matter how dirty, it was made clean again.
“Grace,” my manager, Marci, called out, interrupting my careful cleaning. That day her normally haphazard blonde spikes were slicked back in a chic do. “Can you get the front? There’s a man asking for you.”
I set down the rag, contemplating her question. “For me? You sure?”
She shrugged. “He said he was looking for Grace Wall. He’s really cute.” She winked and picked up the glassware I’d just been working on, taking up where I’d left off.
Marci, I’d discovered, was a wonderful person as well as a great manager. Though her outside was a little intimidating, decorated in piercings and tattoos, her insides were all mush. She always let me pick a muffin from the pastry section, even if I wasn’t hungry. “Take it home,” she would say. “You’re skin and bones.”
I thanked her for letting me know about the customer and made my way to the front.
Who was here for me? I hadn’t met any boys since moving to California, except my brother. I guessed it could be my brother. It could be Vic; that was the most plausible scenario. Vic was cute, I supposed, if you were to look at it objectively and not as a sister.
The only other person who would be here… No. I shook my head, getting rid of the nasty thought. Having spent the morning discussing Zero with Vera, he was fresh on my mind. But it wasn’t like that person could ever be considered cute, anyway, and I had left that person back in Georgia.
I entered the front, feeling a little bit like a zombie with all the people I thought I’d let die in my past resurfacing. I plastered a smile on my face, as I was used to doing when entering the front. Always smile; never let the customer see your pain.
The smile fell the minute I saw who was waiting for me. My body went cold, like ice water was running through my veins. Shock, I guess you could call it. I gasped, the name coming out of my mouth in a hollow rush, like wind exiting a cave.
“Eli.”
FOUR YEARS BEFORE
“Can I take off the blindfold now?” I asked, getting annoyed. It had felt like forever since Eli picked me up at our sugar maple tree. He’d kissed me, wished me a happy birthday, and immediately tied a black tie around my eyes. “I haven’t seen a thing in over an hour!”
Eli laughed. “It’s only been thirty minutes. You’re such a drama queen.”
I huffed. “Am not.”
“It’s your sixteenth birthday. I want this to be special. Please, Bug?” Eli slid a hand over my thigh and rested it just between them. His slender yet athletic fingers tightened ever so slightly around my thigh and I stilled, not wanting him to move his hand.
The romance between me and Eli had blossomed naturally. I wished I could go back in time and pick the moment Eli went from being my childhood best friend to the love of my life, but it had happened so gradually. We were each other’s firsts in everything, and when it’s like that, I think it’s very hard to make a timeline.
Our first kiss wasn’t magical. Well, it was because it was with Eli. What I’m tryna say is that it wasn’t like in the books. He didn’t sweep me off my feet and know exactly how to kiss me and where to do it. With Eli, one day he was telling me to eat bugs and the next we were kissing under the sugar maple tree.
We were fourteen, talking about the silly and oh-so-important things fourteen-year-olds talk about, when he just leaned in and kissed me on the lips. I was so surprised that I sat there like stone for a good two minutes. Eli stared at me, waiting for my response. I hadn’t realized how much I wanted to kiss Eli until he’d kissed me. I hadn’t realized how much I needed to kiss Eli until he’d kissed me. It was like wildfire, the need to kiss him.
I hadn’t stopped kissing him since.
“Okay we’re here.” Eli stopped the car and removed his hand from my thigh. My thigh felt cold and lonely without his warmth.
“Can I remove the blindfold now?” I asked.
“Nope.” I heard Eli get out of the truck and slam the door. I waited patiently for him to come back (and also I was trying to sneak peeks underneath my blindfold). I almost snuck a look when my door opened, ushering in a breeze of fresh air.
“Time to go, Birthday Girl.”
“You mean sitting in the dark isn’t my birthday present?” Eli clasped my hand and led me out of the car carefully. He pulled me to him and with the blindfold on, all my other senses were heightened. He clutched me near him, my back against his muscular chest. He smelled exactly like he always did; uniquely Eli, a hint of leather and fresh linen from his shirts, plus a musky smell I could never place but was always divine. I could have stayed like that forever, held by Eli, just smelling him.
Eli gently spun me around so our chests were pressed together.
“You’re beautiful, you know that?” I never felt beautiful, but when he spoke, I believed him.
Eli pressed his lips to mine and, even blindfolded, my body knew what to do. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned into deepen the kiss. Eli had this way of kissing me that made my legs turn to butter, but he also had this way of sensing it. Just as my legs started to melt, he wrapped his arms around my waist and kept me pulled tight to him.
Slowly, Eli pulled back and his lips left a tingling sensation that would remain a ghost of our love.
Eli took off the blindfold. As quickly as the dark had been my home, sunlight invaded my senses. I was so stunned that all the breath left my body. If I could have gasped, though, I would have. It was simply divine.
“Eli, it’s perfect.”
The meadow was filled with flowers. Poppies of multiple colors saturated my eyesight. Reds, yellows, whites, purples, and pinks covered the field so densely that you couldn’t see the floor. It appeared as if the flowers were the floor.
Not long ago, Eli and I had watched The Wizard of Oz together. It had been playing at the theater (our theater only played movies that were at least thirty years old). The scene where they all skipped through the flower field together stuck with me. It was so carefree and beautiful.
Our town was a mess of dried up grass and dirt. The only flowers you found were fake ones.
“I can’t believe you! How’d you find it?” I wrapped my arms around Eli, planting kisses all over his face. Eli laughed, pulling me off him so he could answer.
“It actually wasn’t that hard. I just drove to the next town, you know the one with the library? And I searched on the internet.”
I shook my head, stunned. That was an awful lot of work. Gas was expensive and the closest town with a library was
at least forty minutes away. I jumped at Eli, giving him another bear hug.
“This isn’t your only present, Bug.”
“It’s not?” What else could he have gotten me?
Eli removed my arms from his neck and walked back to the car. In the cab was a picnic basket and blanket. Tears formed at my lids. I couldn’t stand it. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me.
“Oh, now don’t go crying,” Eli said, setting down the basket and walking toward me.
“I can’t help it. This is just too much.”
“It’s not enough,” Eli stated simply.
The dinner he’d made was simple but delicious. He’d prepared ham sandwiches with strawberries and chocolate, and had somehow finagled a box of wine. We ate it up fast and were quickly alone with nothing but the flowers and the sky above us.
“It was really good,” I said, trying to break the tension that had surrounded us. Eli hadn’t stopped staring at me since the meal had ended. With his gaze on me I felt hot and itchy, even though it was a cool night. I chewed at my lip.
“Come ‘ere.” Eli gestured for me. We currently had a wide space between us, the checkered blanket acting as a buffer. Eli and I had kissed before, and I mean really kissed. We had shared tongues and hot hands, but that was it. I loved kissing Eli. I loved touching Eli. I was sure I would love going further with Eli, but…
Daddy’s voice rang strong in my ear. I wanted to silence that voice and give it no credence. I loved Eli, body, soul, and mind.
“What are you thinkin’ Bug?” Eli asked, his voice like a knife through my hardening thoughts.
“Nothin’,” I lied.
“I can see your thoughts swirlin’ as easy as I can see a tornado,” Eli responded. “You know I won’t go further with you than you want. I love you, Gracie. This day is about you. Come here.” I smiled at his response.
My Eli. He always knew what to say. He always seemed to be able to crawl inside my brain and pick my thoughts apart, even if I didn’t know what I was thinking. I crawled across the blanket and situated myself in his lap.
“We’ll have a good view of the stars tonight,” Eli whispered in my ear. I knew he’d said he wouldn’t try anything with me, but what if I wanted to try? Sitting in his lap with his arms wrapped tight around me, I couldn’t concentrate on his words. I felt tingly all over.
My stomach was in knots. My breathing was erratic. There was this feeling in my legs, the kind you get after running a whole lot, only I hadn’t been running at all. I felt absolutely drunk and I’d only had one glass of wine. I started wiggling in his lap, trying to get control of all the tingling and throbbing running wild in my body.
Eli gripped my arms. “Bug?”
“Yeah?” I asked, my voice a little breathy.
“What are you doin’?”
“What do you mean?” I didn’t know how to answer that. I didn’t know what I was doing. I felt weird, so I was trying to fix it.
“Why are you moving like that?” Eli asked. His voice sounded a little strained, but then that might have just been from me crushing his chest.
“I…” Oh, he’ll just figure it out anyway. I could never lie to Eli. “I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. “Whenever I’m with you, I get this feeling all over. I start to tingle and throb. It’s so uncomfortable.”
Quicker than I could think Eli was on top of me. He’d been on top of me before, but it usually happened slower. We would be makin’ out and then gradually he’d be on top of me. This time, he spun me off his lap and threw me on the blanket. I gasped, shocked and really, really uncomfortable.
“Where are you uncomfortable?” Eli asked, his voice sounding strained again.
“Everywhere,” I responded. Eli gave me that look again, the one that said I couldn’t lie to him. “Between my legs,” I conceded. Eli placed his hand on my belly. My shirt had ridden up when he’d thrown me down so I was bare there. I felt his hand against my naked skin and the throbbing intensified.
He kept his hand flush against my skin for a few moments and neither of us spoke. Our ragged breathing was the only sound for miles. Slowly, Eli lowered his hand.
“Eli?” I asked, worry lacing my voice.
“Trust me,” Eli answered, a hard determination in his voice. I felt his hand with acute sensation. Every wrinkle in his skin vibrated against me. Even through the fabric of my pants I felt him. As he carefully lowered his palm between the juncture of my thighs, my eyes widened.
“Here?” His voice was a husky demand. I nodded, unable to speak. He pressed his palm harder against me and my eyes widened. The throbbing was practically a thumping now. I ground my teeth, trying not to squirm against him. Eli started to rub me through the fabric of my jeans and my mouth opened in a silent sigh.
“Does this feel good?” he asked, his eyes locked on mine. I nodded frantically. The foreign sensation was equal parts terrifying and euphoric. “Tell me if you want me to stop, Gracie.”
“Please don’t stop!” I practically begged. Eli pushed harder and I couldn’t contain it any more. I moaned. Eli leaned down, his hand still on me, and kissed me.
“I like that sound,” Eli whispered against my lips, pressing his palm harder against me. I moaned again and Eli captured my mouth with his. The kiss combined with the rubbing made me feverish. I was thirsty for more.
Eli thumbed the fabric of my shirt with his other hand, slowly raising it until I was almost exposed. We’d never been naked with each other before. I’d taken off his shirt in heated moments, but his jeans always remained on. He’d felt under my shirt before, but my clothes always stayed put. Now, as my shirt rose higher and higher and he pressed the heel of his palm deeper into me, I knew we were headed into uncharted territory.
“Can I take this off?” Eli asked, his lips kissing trails along my neck. I nodded, delirious with sensation. Eli lifted his lips off my skin and looked into my eyes. “Say it, Bug, say yes. I want to hear you say I can take it off.”
I did him one better. Even though it killed me to separate myself from his magical hand between my thighs, I stood up and lifted my shirt off myself. I threw it to the side. Eli was on me within seconds, kissing and sucking and cupping everything he could get his hands on.
“You’re gorgeous, Bug,” Eli said against my collarbone. I wrapped my arms around him, desperate to get as close as possible. I still had my bra on but as Eli put both his thumbs beneath the straps on my shoulders, I knew that wouldn’t be true for long.
Eli played with my bra straps, stretching them out and lowering them as he kissed the tops of my breasts. He didn’t take off my bra, just played with it, teasing me.
“Take it off,” I demanded. I never demanded things, ever. At that moment, I couldn’t help it. I needed my bra off like I needed water. Eli remained silent, but he did lift me up to unhook my bra. The sound of it unsnapping was almost as rewarding as the breeze against my bare skin when the bra was removed.
“Gracie…” Eli said, awe tingeing his voice. I didn’t give him much time to look at me, though, because I was on him like moss on a tree. I grabbed at his white t-shirt, slick with sweat.
“Now you!” Eli did as I had, and with one hand pulled the shirt up over his back. Each time I saw Eli shirtless was even more marvelous than the last. He’d started doing work for a factory and had gained some muscles because of it. There was a hard V that led below his pants line and, for some reason, I felt real compelled to run my hands over it.
“What are you doing, Gracie?” Eli asked, voice rough, when I traced my hands over the V.
I smiled up at him. “I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. “I just wanted to touch you here. Should I stop?” I started to pull my hands away, afraid he didn’t like it, but Eli grabbed my hands and put them back.
“No.” Eli’s voice kept getting more and more distorted, like he had swallowed a couple of rocks or something. “Don’t stop.”
So I didn’t stop. Not only did I feel his muscles,
I felt where his jeans were expanding. I knew what that was, and I was very, very intrigued…but I just couldn’t bring myself to say what it was, so I thought of it as, it. I rubbed my hand around it. Eli hissed when I did that and I looked up to make sure he wasn’t hurt.
It was hard. I didn’t know why, but I liked that. I started fumbling with his button and zipper.
Eli stopped me. “Hold on, Gracie.”
I shimmied out of my jeans so I was just in my cotton bikini. I was so nervous. I was nervous that Eli would reject me, nervous that he wouldn’t like what he saw. It’s easy to kiss while clothed. The clothes hide everything you want hidden. I wasn’t hidden anymore. I only had on my bikini, and even that felt exposing.
“Grace…” Eli expelled a breath. “Are you sure?” I had never been so sure of anything before. I wanted this with Eli.
Eli unzipped his jeans and stepped out of them. Now it was just us: he in underwear that acted like a mold around it and me in my bikini. I scooted forward on my knees, eager to touch it again, but Eli stopped me.
“Let me just look at you, Gracie.”
“Why?” I asked, feeling more than self-conscious. I felt exposed.
“Because you’re gorgeous. I’ve been waitin’ for this, but I never thought it’d happen, never thought I’d be so lucky…” Eli trailed off, his gaze fixed on my body. I felt like a meal he was devouring. His gaze traveled the length of my body: first my face, then down my neck, across my collarbone, settling on my breasts for a long while, then farther down my stomach, pausing where he rested between my thighs.
“Lie down,” Eli said quietly.
“What?” I hesitated.
“I’m not done seein’ you.”
I know I could say no. Eli had made that perfectly clear our entire relationship. Whenever I felt uncomfortable, all I had to do was say no. Sometimes Eli sensed my discomfort even before I did. Now, Eli wasn’t asking. He was telling. He needed me to lie down, and that was okay, because I needed it just as much as he did.
Let Me Go (Owned Book 2) Page 10