Apache-Colton Series

by Janis Reams Hudson

  Another part of her wanted to go with him so badly her breathing became difficult. To be with him, to spend some time with him away from prying eyes…but to what end? Nothing had changed. Her reasons for leaving him were still valid. And he certainly didn’t look as if he was about to beg her to come home.

  In the end, she decided not to cause a scene. She took a deep breath, then put her hand on his arm and a smile on her face. She’d take this little scrap he was throwing her. She might pay for it later, but she’d risk it.

  Matt returned her smile and, with a departing nod and wink to Sadie and Kali, he escorted Angela through the dining room, out the front door to the rented buggy he had waiting. Within a few minutes they were headed out of town on a narrow, rutted track that led only the Lord knew where.

  The narrow seat and the overhanging top created a hot, intimate atmosphere that made Angela nervous. She cleared her throat. “What was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

  Matt leaned his elbows down on his knees and let the reins thread loosely through his fingers. “We’ll get to that later. For now, why don’t you just enjoy the ride?”

  “I might, if I had some idea of where we’re going, and why.”

  “We’re going on a picnic,” he said, smiling at her over his shoulder.

  She gave him a sour look, then averted her gaze. The road, if it could be called that, cut between tall cactus and low, spiny shrubs, skirting large rocks and deep cuts. A roadrunner darted from behind a clump of greasewood and ran along beside them for a few strides before speeding off for new cover.

  About an hour from town, Matt pulled up next to a small, trickling stream and lifted Angela to the ground. He spread a blanket beneath a lacy willow, then hauled out the basket. Neither one of them had spoken for the past thirty minutes.

  Matt broke the silence when he asked her to sit. Conversation was stilted, at best, while they ate Sadie’s fried chicken, potatoes and gravy, biscuits, and fresh-baked apple pie, and washed it all down with lemonade.

  “You’ve got crumbs on your face,” Matt said, smiling.

  Angela reached up to wipe them away.

  “Here, let me.” He leaned over and wiped the corner of her mouth with his napkin. His warm breath fanned her cheek. She bit her lip.

  He leaned closer. His gaze delved into hers, searching, questioning. Then his lids lowered, slowly, slowly, and he stared, his breathing halted, as her tongue came out and wiped her lips. She held her breath, afraid to move. Any closer and their lips would meet.

  He leaned closer. His lips brushed hers, softly at first, then more firmly. He slipped a hand around her neck and the kiss deepened. She reached up to push at his chest, but instead, grasped the lapel of his coat. Her breath came hot and heavy with the fire that soared through her veins.

  How she’d missed him! She could feel herself slipping away, becoming part of him, but she couldn’t stop what was happening inside her. Couldn’t, and for one wild, ecstatic moment, didn’t want to.

  When he pulled away and looked at her, she opened her eyes and was shocked to realize she was lying down, with him sprawled over her.

  Common sense came crashing back with a vengeance.

  Chapter Forty

  “Is this why you brought me out here?” Her voice was as ragged as her breathing.

  “No,” he said softly, gazing steadily into her eyes. “But maybe it should have been. It beats the hell out of talking.” One hand still held the back of her neck. He wrapped his other arm around her and pulled her close as he lowered his lips again.

  Angela tried to ignore what was happening to her body, but couldn’t. Heat rushed through her veins and all her juices flowed to one central spot, creating an agonizingly pleasurable ache. This time, when he finally pulled away, his breathing was as ragged as hers.

  He buried his face against her neck. “I’m sorry,” he whispered hoarsely. He released her and rolled away to sit up. “You’re right. This isn’t why I brought you here.” He ran his fingers through his hair and heaved a sigh.

  Angela was startled, and humbled, to notice his hand was trembling. She sat up, shaken to her core. She fidgeted with her hair and clothes, then took a deep breath and stared at his profile. “Why did you bring me here?”

  “More lemonade?” he asked, reaching for her cup.

  She accepted it just for something to hold in her hands. “Why did you bring me here?” she asked again.

  He filled his own cup before answering. “I wanted to ask you a question.”

  Angela’s heart picked up its beat. She shook so hard the lemonade nearly splashed out of the cup. Would he ask her to come back to him? What would she say?

  “Why did you leave me?”

  She sucked in a sharp, surprised breath. “You know why—”

  “And don’t give me that hogwash about how we started out with all the wrong reasons. That may have been true in the beginning, but it changed damned fast and you know it. I want the real reason. I…need to know.”

  He was looking at her now, his gaze steady, his expression unreadable. She tore her gaze away before he could see more than she was willing to admit. “Do you realize that today’s the first time you’ve kissed me since I was kidnapped?”

  He closed his eyes briefly, then opened them. “I know.”

  She jerked her head around in surprise. She held his gaze, bewildered now by his answer. After a moment she shrugged. “Of course, that’s only a side effect, not the real point.”

  “And what is the real point?”

  “The baby,” she said, staring down at the lemon pulp floating in her cup. Talking about the baby was like probing an open wound. Would the pain, the feeling of loss, ever diminish?

  “You left me because you lost the baby?”

  “We both know the only reason you wanted me to stay with you was because of the baby.”

  “Angela, that’s—”

  “When there wasn’t a baby anymore, there was no reason for me to stay. You made it quite obvious you didn’t want me after that.”

  “So you left me because you thought I didn’t want you. Anything else?”

  Her back straightened and she glared at him. “Isn’t that enough? You think I want to spend the rest of my life with a man who doesn’t love me?”

  “So now in addition to not wanting you, I don’t love you, is that it? What about you? You’ve only talked about how you say I feel. What about what you feel, Angel?”

  “I told you before not to call me that. And what I feel has nothing to do with this.”

  “Nothing to do with it?” He stared at her, amazed. “You walk out on your husband, claiming everything was a mistake, the marriage is over, and what you feel has nothing to do with it? What in the hell does, then?”

  Angela started to rise but he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. “Just sit still,” he ordered. “You’ve had your say, now it’s my turn.” He released her and rubbed the back of his neck as if it ached. It did. Everything seemed to ache these days.

  “Remember that day you took the horse and tried to run off?” He waited until she nodded, though she didn’t look at him. “I told you then that I had only used the baby as an excuse to keep you with me. Christ. I didn’t even know there was a baby until that very day.

  “You were angry with me because you thought I’d encouraged Alope. I thought if I could just keep you with me for a while, you’d see for yourself how I really felt about you, that I wasn’t the least bit interested in other women. I used the idea of a baby to gain some time. You know that. You’re just too stubborn to admit it. So just because there isn’t a baby anymore doesn’t mean I don’t want you.”

  “It’s true though, isn’t it?” She stared down at her hands and watched herself twist her wedding ring around and around. Why was she even still wearing it? She stopped fidgeting when she noticed Matt eyeing the ring. “What would you want with a wife who can’t even produce a child that lives?”

  Matt reached out and ti
lted her head up until she faced him again. “In the first place, losing the baby was not your fault, damn it, and you know it. Miller did that to you. And in the second place, you haven’t been listening to me, woman.” His voice softened as he caressed her cheek.

  “The child you lost was created because we loved each other, Angel. If you’d had the chance to carry him to term, and he had lived, I would have loved him. He would have been precious to me. But not half so precious as you are. It’s you I want, Angel. You come first with me. Always you.”

  Angela’s spirits soared with hope, then plummeted. She shook her head and turned away. “Your words say you want me, but your actions speak otherwise.”

  “What actions?”

  A brief sound escaped her. It was part laugh, part sigh, part sob. “You did it so much you weren’t even aware of it.”

  “Did what?”

  “Moved away from me every time I got near you. And if we accidentally touched, heaven forbid, you acted like I had the plague or something. Usually you left the room entirely, just so you wouldn’t have to be near me.”

  Matt let out a deep breath. “You’re right, of course. I did all those things. I even turned my back on you in bed at night, praying you wouldn’t reach out and touch me.”

  She gasped at his admission. The pain of it cut her like a knife.

  “But not for the reason you think. Damn it, Angela, you’d just lost the baby. You nearly died, for God’s sake! You weren’t well enough for…for what I wanted. I was afraid to get near you, to touch you. I kept waiting for some sign, some word from you telling me you were well, you were ready for me…you wanted me. Instead, every time I got near you, you looked like you were ready to bolt. I couldn’t bear that wounded look in your eyes. You were still healing, and I was ripe for rape. I had to stay away from you.”

  Angela opened her eyes wide to peer over the tears gathering along her lower lid. God, how she wanted to believe him. If he spoke the truth, did that mean there was a chance for them? Even a small one? Or had she killed it by walking out on him?

  He sat there, staring off at nothing, with that jug of lemonade and three feet of empty blanket between them. When he finally spoke again, she held her breath, waiting, hoping.

  “So you see, Angel, you were wrong. I did want you. I still do, and probably always will.” He turned toward her. Her heart thudded heavily at the look in his eyes. “I love you. It’s that simple…that complicated.”

  “Matt, I—”

  “No. Let me finish. I love you. I want you to be happy. If you think you could ever be happy with me again, then I want you to come home with me. I want you to give us another chance.” She started to speak again, but he silenced her with a wave of his hand.

  “Don’t answer me now. It’s something I want you to think about. I guess I know you well enough to know you wouldn’t come back to me just because it might be easier than trying to support yourself. You’re not the type to take the easy way out. But if you don’t…love me…if you decide not to come back, I don’t want you struggling and scraping for every dollar just to put a roof over your head. I’ve got more money than I know what to do with. If you don’t want me, then I’ll give you plenty to live on, and I won’t bother you any more.”

  “You don’t—”

  “Don’t say anything. Just think about it. Think hard, Angel. I love you, and I want you, but not if you don’t feel the same way. I’ll be out of town for a few days. When I come back you can tell me what you’ve decided.”

  The chirping and twittering of sparrows and an occasional snort from the horse were the only sounds as they repacked the basket and loaded up the buggy. During the entire hour it took them to get back to town, neither spoke.

  He wanted her to think about it. What a joke! What was there to think about? She knew what she wanted. But did he really mean it? Did he really love her, want her, or was it only his damaged pride speaking? That’s what she had to figure out—whether she trusted him or not. Could she be sure enough of him that she wouldn’t suffer a fit of jealousy every time he spoke to another woman?

  Then there would be the embarrassment of facing his family again, if she went home with him. She knew Daniella, Travis, and the children had returned from Boston over a week ago. But it was foolish to even think about that. If he loved her, she could face anything.

  When he pulled the buggy to a halt in front of Sadie’s, the sun was sinking. He climbed down and lifted her to the ground, leaving his hands resting on her waist while he stared deeply into her eyes.

  “Think about me, Angel,” he whispered. Then, right there on the street, in broad daylight with a dozen people walking past and Sadie and Kali standing behind her in the open doorway, he kissed her. A slow, thorough, devastating kiss. His tongue touched everywhere inside her mouth. She met it, savored it. He groaned, then pulled away slowly, releasing her lips a fraction at a time, making her body beg for more.

  But there was no more. He stepped back and brushed the backs of his fingers lightly across her cheek. Without a word, he turned, climbed into the buggy and snapped the reins to head down the street.

  Her fingers came up to touch her throbbing lips. By the time he turned the corner and disappeared from sight, her cheeks were wet. She knew what her answer would be when he came back.

  Chapter Forty-One

  A few days, he’d said. But those few days stretched into an eternity as first one week, then two, passed, with no word from Matt. Angela was beside herself. What did his long absence mean?

  Had something happened to him? Was he sick or hurt? Had he changed his mind by now, sorry he’d every bared his heart that way? Or had it all been some sort of cruel joke, designed to get back at her for leaving him the way she had?

  Back and forth, the questions plagued her. It was Saturday night and Sadie’s was packed with cowboys, drifters and businessmen. It was all she could do to keep her mind on her work and deliver the right food to the right person.

  And she wasn’t doing so well at it either, she realized with a groan. She picked up the two plates she’d just set down and switched them. The man with the beard had wanted his steak rare. It was the clean-shaven one with the broken nose who’d ordered his well done.

  Broken Nose scowled at her for her clumsiness when she nearly dumped his meal in his lap. “Sorry,” she mumbled as she turned away.

  If she didn’t keep her mind on her work there was liable to be a major disaster.

  Thinking to appease Broken Nose and his buddy, she hurried to the kitchen and grabbed up the coffee pot. When she stepped into the dining room again she halted dead in her tracks. The man who ran the livery had vacated his table in the corner. Matt had taken his place.

  Their gazes met. For one long moment, she stood motionless, breathless, speechless. He was here! He’d come back!

  “What’s a man gotta do ta git a cup o’ coffee in this dump?” It was Broken Nose, and he wasn’t happy.

  Angela tore her gaze away from Matt’s grim features and jerked the coffee pot around to fill the empty cup. She was shaking so badly that, in the process of pouring, she splashed some of the scalding liquid on Broken Nose’s hand. He howled in protest and jerked back. With his action, more coffee slopped over the lip of his cup and burned him again.

  “Goddamn!” He dropped the cup. It’s contents splattered across the front of Angela’s apron when she failed to step back quickly enough. He grabbed her wrist and nearly jerked her clear across the table. She held the coffee pot high to avoid spilling it on the man with the beard. “I’d like it in the friggin’ cup, lady, not on my hand!”

  Angela heard an angry growl from the corner table. “I’m sorry, mister. It was an accident.”

  Broken Nose squeezed harder on her wrist. The only sound in the room was the scraping of a chair across the scarred wooden floor. Everyone in the room was staring.

  Angela was so embarrassed she wished the floor would open up and swallow her. But her embarrassment turned to ange
r when the man tugged on her arm and grinned.

  “You’ll get the whole potful in your lap if you don’t let go of me this instant,” she warned with narrowed eyes and a stiff jaw.

  The man glanced around at the sudden quiet, saw everyone staring at him, then released her. Angela thought the crisis was over. Then Matt’s voice rang out.

  “That’s it!” he roared, kicking his chair over behind him. He glared at her from three tables away. “I’ve had it, Angela. I know I promised you plenty of time to make up your mind, but I can’t wait any longer. I can’t stand the thought of you having to defend yourself against scum like that. You want to wait tables, we’ve got a great big one at home. I can’t stand any more waiting. I love you, damn it. Are you coming home with me or not?”

  “Yes,” she breathed, setting the coffee pot down in the middle of the bearded man’s plate.

  “Because if you’re not— Yes?”

  “Yes!” She stared at his stunned face. Her breath came in swift little gasps through her open mouth.

  “Why?” he demanded, returning her stare, oblivious to their hushed, eager audience.

  Angela felt lightheaded and giddy. She bit her lip to keep from laughing out loud in sheer joy and relief. “Oh, Matt!”

  “Oh, Matt,” he mimicked. He tossed his table aside like it was made of paper and advanced on her, weaving his way slowly between the other tables. “What the hell does that mean, Oh, Matt? I’ve just said I love you in front of all these people, and all you can say is Oh, Matt? What does that mean?”

  Angela covered her burning cheeks with both hands, but kept her gaze glued to the man who now stood only an arm’s length away waiting for her answer. She lowered her hands slowly, ignoring the onlookers, and stepped directly in front of him.

  Understanding dawned slowly. He’s just as unsure of me as I was of him! It was something she’d never even considered. But she was no longer unsure of anything. She reached out and placed her hands on the sides of his neck.

  “I’m sorry. I thought you knew.” Her thumbs stroked up behind his ears. “It means I love you. It means I’ve loved you from the very beginning, and every day since. It means I’ve never stopped loving you for even a minute.” Her fingers slipped to the back of his head where they buried themselves in his hair. “It means I’ll always love you, every day for the rest of my life.”