Hindsight

by Jody Klaire

  The wind smashed against her. The cold stung her exposed skin.

  Shouts, calls, barks. Close. In front of the silver block.

  Focus on the wall. Climb. Climb. At speed. Easy.

  The balcony. There. Grab for it.

  She scrambled onto it, collapsing in a heap.

  Angry shouts. Barks. Calls. She peered over the side. They’d tracked her to the tower.

  Jäger smacked Jones to the ground and pointed up in her direction.

  She smiled.

  Who would believe a kid like her could climb a tower?

  She rolled onto her back once more.

  She’d done it. She’d climbed the tower.

  A phone rang. She frowned. It was nearby. She sat up and fished inside the duffel bag. Doctor Stosur’s phone was in the coat. She looked at the buttons, which one to answer? Green? Green for go?

  “Impressive. Think you set a record.” Doctor Stosur sounded proud. “Hope you like choppers.”

  Frei heard the sound of roaring and peered over the balcony. A helicopter swooped toward her. The guards opened fire but the chopper dropped something on them. Frei peered down as smoke plumed out of it, obscuring the ground.

  The chopper hovered. Loud, pulsing. Swoop, swoop, swoop.

  It called to her.

  The sound of escape.

  She glanced down. She’d climbed the tower.

  A locksmith.

  She pulled open the door, threw in the duffel bag and climbed in. Shut out the wind. How had Doctor Stosur kept it so steady?

  She hurried to take the co-pilot’s seat and pulled on her headset. Huber had taught her to fly. It was essential. If she needed to get herself in and out. She needed to be independent.

  “You’ve been training me.”

  Doctor Stosur eased the cyclic to the side—finger pressure, maintain RPM, adjust for torque, for yaw. Expert.

  She swung them away, smoke covering their exit. “Listen to me. They will make you think only one option is available to you. That your sister is in too much trouble. You have to think with your head, not your heart.”

  Frei looked over the controls. It was the most sophisticated cockpit she’d been in. She wasn’t sure what some of the buttons were.

  “What option do I have? If they are in danger, I have to get them out.” She shook her head, dismissing what Doctor Stosur had said. “I have to.”

  Doctor Stosur sighed, making the headset rattle. “When you’re ready to listen, find me. My number is in the phone.”

  Frei felt her heart tug at the defeated tone. “Why? Who are you? Why do you want to help me?”

  “Long story. Someone once helped me to escape. Least I can do.” Her eyes were locked on flying but Frei saw a glimmer of pain. A look she knew. A tired, dulled look.

  “You were a slave.”

  She nodded. “I’ll fly you to the edge of the city but don’t rush in. Think. Use what I’ve taught you.”

  Frei fiddled with the ring around her neck. “What city? How do you know where they are?”

  “It doesn’t matter.” Doctor Stosur changed their flight path again. The chopper was quicker than any she’d been in. It felt so agile even though she wasn’t in control. It seemed in tune with the doctor. “I made enough mistakes. I don’t want you repeating them.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  She turned and smiled a heartbroken smile. “They target what’s precious to draw out the treasure.”

  It still didn’t make sense. What treasure did she have? She owned nothing. “We didn’t need the distraction. What about the building?”

  “Dial the responder and it will activate.” Doctor Stosur nodded. “In my side pocket.”

  Frei felt inside Doctor Stosur’s pocket.

  A piece of paper with numbers on it. She shoved it in her own pocket. She had no intention of activating any device. The only thing she cared about was finding Suz and her sister. They needed a place to hide, a way to feed themselves that was all. She could steal anything they really needed.

  They could be free.

  She smiled at Doctor Stosur. “Thank you.”

  Doctor Stosur said nothing, only kept focus on her task, that pain still glinting in her eyes.

  Chapter 48

  THE KITTENS WERE safely stowed in a cardboard box and some paper that Renee had acquired from a mini-mart. They were lapping from squashed cups with water in them and looked cute in the box on the backseat next to Aunt Bess.

  “Can we get moving now?” Renee muttered, like she weren’t as much of a pushover as us.

  “We need to take the back roads. I pulled out the map of Maryland she’d picked up. It was a nice size for me. ’Bout time. “We need to go here.”

  “Why there?” Renee started the car. “Huber isn’t near there.”

  “The flash of Frei there says different.” I shrugged. “I can’t explain why.”

  Renee sighed. “That’s an hour back toward Baltimore.” She glanced at the cats in the mirror. “Maybe we should go on alone from there?”

  I shook my head. I knew she wanted to protect Aunt Bess as much as the kittens. “If I heard them, it was for a reason.” I felt a wash of wooziness crash over me. “We need to get them washed and fed.”

  She glared at me. “Aeron, we have Urs—”

  My stomach cramped and I gripped onto it. I tried to clamp in the yelp. “Do it . . . please.”

  She pulled off the road. Her focus only half on what she was doing because she was glancing at me. “What is it? What can I do?”

  She stopped the car, right outside one of those little places that were half-groomers, half-pet shop. Her eyes lighted over it and she sighed. “Please tell me you just did that to freak me out.”

  The pain in my stomach throbbed. Sweat dribbled down my back but I hoped my smile looked less like a grimace than it felt. “Sure.”

  She pulled off her seat belt. “Aunt Bess, will you take the kittens in. Get them whatever they need.” She fished out some bills from her wallet.

  Aunt Bess eyed me for a moment, then nodded. “Course.”

  Renee waited until they were out of the car, then leaned over and lowered my seat back. She pulled up my top, feeling along my stomach. “There’s nothing I can feel. No injuries.”

  Her touch spread warmth out. The muscles under it calmed. “That helps.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “I’m not doing anything.”

  “Yeah, you are.” I held her hands there. Hers warmed. The pain faded. “Can’t you feel it?”

  “All I can feel is heat and tingling.” Her voice wobbled and she bit her lip. Her blonde hair fell into her eyes, which were filled with worry, with sadness.

  “You really believe that, doc?”

  She spread her hands out and her eyes filled with intensity as she focused on my stomach. “You’re sicker than you’re letting on.”

  “You didn’t need to touch me to figure that one out.” I smiled at her, trying to reassure her. “Relax, I got you to keep an eye on me.”

  “I’m not helping you. I can feel that.” She shut her eyes, her tears spilled down her cheeks. “All I can do is feel how much damage you’re taking on.”

  “You’re easing it. That helps.” I didn’t like seeing her tears but I had to keep going if we were going to find Frei. If Renee had been in my position, she’d have done the same.

  “I can’t stand it that you’re in pain.” She shook her head, voice cracking. “I can’t.”

  “Believe it’s for a reason.” I met her eyes, hoping she’d stop looking with logic and use her heart instead.

  “Part of me does.” She put her hands on my head, easing my throbbing headache. “Part of me thinks I’m crazy.”

  I took her hands off me and squeezed them, any more and she’d start soaking up my hurt. I didn’t want that for her. She scoured my face for a reason I was stopping her, she wanted to help but I couldn’t let her. I knew what I went through when I displaced hurt, I’d protect her li
ke she’d protect me.

  A flash of pain rippled across her stormy gray eyes.

  I smiled, hoping it gave her reassurance, calm, belief. “If part of you is opening up there’s hope for you yet, Black, there’s hope for you yet.”

  Chapter 49

  TRAPPED IN THE memory.

  Frei tried to stop herself from walking away from Doctor Stosur. She tried to force her body to turn around and beg her for her help but she couldn’t. She was stuck following her original path, her mistakes. So many mistakes—breaking the lock on the first car she found instead of finding a faster model; not taking a weapon; not using the skill, the training, the wisdom that Doctor Stosur had imparted.

  She sat there, helpless, as the younger her powered through a red light. Her stomach spasmed as she watched the blue lights flash in the mirror. A rookie mistake, a dumb mistake.

  The police car hit the back of hers and she swerved. Her ability at driving was nowhere near her flying, so she did the wrong thing, the car swung around, flipped, and rolled. Each crushing bang and bump rattled through her as the car skidded down the banking.

  Not something a normal cop would do.

  None of that registered. Not even when she smashed her way out of the back window with her feet, before the water sucked it under; not even when she waded through the dark ice cold river with the bag over her head. She’d clambered up the other side. The police officer pulled up and got out with no haste, drew her gun with no real intent and fired in her general direction.

  Each shot had fueled her panic back then, strangled her ability to be rational.

  The police officer, a woman, followed her at distance. All the while she fled through marshy fields, through grass and brambles.

  The headlights in the distance, following.

  Frei found a farm, a beat-up SUV, and crawled in. She’d been concussed at the least, which she knew now but back then her only thought had been to get to her sister, to Suz.

  Doctor Stosur had told her to use her head, that she needed to be clear, formulated but she’d lost all ability to think. Every movement, every decision was spurred on by fear and panic.

  The cruiser had followed.

  Wisdom, experience, logic would have warned her that police officers called in support. They never hung back. Experience screamed that she was driving into a trap and all she could do was look on helpless.

  Doctor Stosur had tried warning her, tried training her but even knowing all Frei had back then, she’d still been a kid. A dumb sixteen-year-old kid, too naïve to connect the dots.

  The fuel gauge dropped unnoticed.

  Frei felt her tears flow, unable to warn herself, unable to stop it repeating. She’d been so alone. She touched her hand to her cheek, stared down at the tears.

  They glistened.

  Aeron healed herself in water. She could still feel the first time Renee hugged her, the joy of someone just wanting to show her affection. She could hear Aeron and Renee bickering, laughing; Aeron gripping her in a bear hug.

  The memory disappeared.

  She blinked open her eyes. Turned to see Jessie hunched at the wheel. She wore the same harried expression, the same glances at something in the rearview mirror.

  Frei didn’t have enough energy to speak. Her body was so tired. She wouldn’t know how to calm Jessie anyway.

  Instead she reached across and squeezed her shoulder. Jessie gave her the same confused expression. The one Frei had given Doctor Stosur on that chopper ride from Caprock.

  Just like back then, just like her memories, the fuel gauge bled away, its needle lowering.

  Chapter 50

  I MADE RENEE go in and check on Aunt Bess who was still in the shop, with the instruction that she had to go wash her hands. I didn’t want to take no chances that she might pass on my hurt. I shouldn’t have been surprised that she got some of my burden to displace stuff but I really didn’t like it all that much.

  I shivered, trembling all over. I felt so cold but I knew I was burning up. Was that how Frei was feeling? Was trying to look for her making me sick?

  I was getting worse. I knew I was.

  I thought back to the first time I ever met Frei. It had been back in Oppidum, back when I’d not known about CIG, when I’d not known about my mother. I hadn’t liked her all that much but then she’d been yelling at Renee for protecting me. She’d had the ability to scare most people. It was funny seeing how much my father sucked in his chin around her.

  Then, she’d done things I didn’t get in St. Jude’s. I still didn’t know what had happened to Yannick but I knew she’d made a call to somebody. Back then I’d not liked it all that much.

  She stood in the doorway like she didn’t know if she was allowed in. “There are a lot of questions you might want answered.”

  “Yeah, there are.”

  Instead of glaring at her like I wanted to, I reached into the warm water and started to dab at Renee’s wounds. She was locked in her head, terrified of Yannick. Her injuries from back in Oppidum, from Sam hurting her, trapped her inside her mind.

  “I have a kit,” Frei offered.

  I moved out of the way and watched her set up on the coffee table. I dragged over a bean bag to sit on.

  “I am a bitch. I know you’re aware of that,” she glanced up at me, her piercing blue eyes echoed the pain I felt, “but I do care about Renee.”

  Her hands worked like she’d stitched people up a million times. “And about you too.”

  I tried not to pull a face but failed. I didn’t believe her. I’d been stuck in boot camp with her. I’d nearly drowned, gotten hypothermia and she’d cut me with her tongue more times than I’d cared to remember.

  She smiled at my reaction. “When I met Renee, I didn’t care about anyone.” She sighed. “Actually, that’s not really true but . . . I was so . . . different.”

  The truth glimmered around her and I couldn’t help but be transfixed by it. Frei was always so guarded that it was like there was fifty feet of steel around her.

  “She pulled me out of myself.” Her hands were gentle but efficient as she tended the wounds. I’d never figured her for gentle, ever. “I guess you don’t need me to tell you that she is a hero.”

  “But you’re her boss,” I said. “How did that work?”

  “I’m her boss now.” Frei gave me a wry smile. “Back then I was . . . We started off on a different standing.”

  The jolt of my own memory hit me. My heart stuttered. I shivered, wrapping my arms around myself to keep warm and lay my head to the side, staring out at the brick wall of the shop. It hadn’t been easy trusting Frei especially when Yannick had been abducted by somebody from his prison escort. I’d trusted her because I knew Renee had back then. Only when she’d opened up to me in Caprock, when I’d been around her, learned from her, realized how incredible she really was, did I understand what Renee had seen all along.

  She cleared her throat and noticed the glass on the counter beside her empty bowl. She lifted it up. “You pay attention.”

  I finished off my food, not sure what to say. It was easy to pay attention to someone as cool as her. She was digging deep, really fighting for the kids we were trying to save. We’d been in Caprock a while. Kids had failed their midterms and been sold off to a cretin called Crespo. It had hit Frei deeply and all I’d done was make her dinner.

  “Remind me again why you aren’t married?”

  I snorted with laughter, picked up our bowls, and wandered to the sink.

  “I’m serious.” She sipped on her whiskey. “Why can you love everyone so freely but not let anyone in further?”

  Didn’t that shot hurtle past my armor to a raw spot? “You pay attention too.”

  “It’s not a bad thing.” She sighed. “It sounded like a cheap shot, I’m sorry.”

  I washed off the dishes and leaned against the sink with my hip. “You’re fighting all the survival mechanisms that you’ve counted on all your life.” I met her eyes. “You hate losin
g, you have to be the best. Huber issued you a challenge ’cause he knows how to push your buttons.” Some folks had bigger issues than I ever wanted to understand, Huber being one of them. “He’s smarting ’cause we’re close.”

  “Are we?” She raised her eyebrows, her glass to her lips. “Close?” she whispered.

  That earned her a smirk. “Best you don’t tell nobody, huh?” I picked the towel off the side and wiped down the dishes. Frei kept doing the household chores like I wouldn’t notice so I wanted to make sure she got we were a team. She weren’t nobody’s slave. “You don’t want just anybody thinking there’s warmth beneath the metal.”

  “Good thing you’re not just anybody then.” Frei rattled her glass, the ice chinked around. “No one else knows how I like my drink.”

  The cocky attitude emerged with a playful smile and I knew I’d done enough to lift her out of her funk. “But then they don’t get to spend time with you neither.”

  She shook her head. “You’re insane, you know that?”

  She got up and turned away. Then sighed and turned back and strode over to me.

  “Insane . . . and a breath of fresh air.” She planted a kiss on my cheek and stalked over to her laptop.

  My heart stuttered again, heavy, slow. I could still see the shock in her eyes that I thought we were close. We’d been hostile strangers, her shields up every time I was near. Renee had always told me that was just her way, that you had to learn to see beyond it.

  I shivered again, rubbed my hands over my arms. I couldn’t get warm.

  In Caprock, Frei had urged me to think the same way about Renee when she was being so hard to understand. Frei had always told me Renee was like a pest of a kid sister. Knowing now how much she’d been through to get her biological sister to safety made that statement even more powerful. It must have taken so much for Frei to let either of us in. Everything about her upbringing must have told her not to bother, that people were only there when they needed something. It showed how true her heart was that she loved us both in spite of it. It just made me adore her that little bit more.