by Diane Burke
And she kissed him back.
She fit in his arms as naturally as if she’d always belonged there. She threaded her fingers in his hair and wrapped her other arm tightly around his waist. She tasted of strawberries and coffee and tears.
It was a delicious, intoxicating kiss—and he wanted more. When he lifted his mouth, the flush of her skin and the brightness in her eyes made him smile.
“Are you all right?” he asked. “Did that man hurt you?”
“Nee, I am fine.” She smiled so widely it barely fit her face. “Samuel, you saved us.”
“I wish I could have done something sooner, but he had too tight a hold on Mary for me to take the chance. If it wasn’t for William’s bravery...” He directed the words to Benjamin who had just reentered the barn, closely followed by Jacob and the others. “That is a brave, fine boy you have.”
Benjamin’s voice croaked. “Danki, Samuel. William was very brave today, it’s true.”
Although the Amish try not to show favor, pride shone from Benjamin’s eyes, and Sarah believed God would forgive this moment of transgression.
“Who was that man, Samuel?” Aaron Miller asked from the middle of the crowd.
“That is the man who shot Sarah and killed Peter. He is a career criminal who has made a lifetime of stealing art and fine gems to support his expensive lifestyle. He made fatal mistakes when he entered a world he was not familiar with. No one will have to worry about him again.”
“What happens now, Samuel?” Jacob stepped forward. “What will they do with that man?”
“He will go on trial. Based on the evidence we have against him, he will spend the rest of his miserable life in a cell. He will never be a threat to you or your family again.”
Jacob nodded. “Danki, Samuel.”
“Don’t thank me. Everyone worked together. The children, Sarah, yourselves. You graciously allowed the intrusion into your home and into your lives. But it’s over now.”
“Yes, it’s over.” Rebecca stepped out of the shadows and stood beside her husband.
Sam took one look at the expression on her face, and he knew that she had witnessed the kiss.
“We must say a prayer of thanksgiving to the Lord,” Rebecca said. Her gaze locked with his. “God is good. Sarah is safe. The man has been captured. He will be punished in an Englisch court under Englisch law. And our lives can return to what they should be.” Rebecca stared hard at him. “Isn’t that so, Samuel?”
Sam’s stomach clenched. His arms still ached with the feel of Sarah within them. His lips still tasted her lips. He knew what the woman expected of him. Now he had to ask himself if he was man enough to do it.
* * *
Sarah watched the exchange between Samuel and Rebecca. She heard the words. Nothing out of the ordinary had been said, but something unspoken hung in the air.
Seconds of silence stretched between them, and then Samuel nodded. “Yes, Rebecca. Now is the time for your lives to return to normal.”
“Gut.” She stepped forward and hugged Sam. “You are a gut man, Samuel. God bless you.”
Sarah wasn’t sure what she had just witnessed, but a sense of dread overcame her.
Rebecca ushered the others out of the barn to regroup, check on the children and have a cup of coffee before their departure. Sarah had started to go with them when Sam’s hand shot out and stopped her.
“Sarah...”
She stared into his eyes and almost had to look away from the pain she saw looking back at her.
Gently, he cradled her face with his hands.
“Sweet, sweet Sarah.”
His eyes glistened, and for a brief moment she thought he might cry.
When the others were out of sight, he pulled her to him. He kissed her again—a passionate kiss, a desperate kiss—and suddenly Sarah knew. It was a goodbye kiss.
She lifted her eyes and searched his face, hoping she was wrong, but the shuttered look in his eyes told her she wasn’t. Still, she tried to deny the inevitable. She offered him a tentative smile. “When you are finished with whatever you have to do for your job, you are welcome to join us for dinner. Rebecca is making a pot roast, and I still have some of your favorite apple pie left.”
“Sarah...”
“If you can’t make it back this evening, that’s okay. We understand you have many things to do. You are welcome to join us tomorrow night.”
He placed his hands on her waist and held her in place.
“It’s over. My job here is done. It is time for me to go home.”
Her breath seized in her throat, and her heart refused to beat. She had known this moment would come, but she’d hoped...she’d prayed...
“Your home could be here, Samuel. You are Amish. You could return to your roots, study, get baptized. Our community would welcome you.”
“I am not Amish. I haven’t been for more than a decade.” He trailed a finger down her cheek. “You are a very special woman. A loving woman. Smart. Kind. Brave.” Boldly but gently, Sam placed his hand on her stomach. “God knew what He was doing when he chose you to be the mother of this child.”
She placed her hand on top of his and clasped his fingers. “Samuel...please, don’t...”
“I will always cherish the moments you allowed me to share with you.” He removed his hand. “We both knew this time would come, and now that time is here. I must return to my world—and you must stay in yours.”
“But is this my world?” Sarah’s eyes filled with tears. “I have no memories of this life. I have no memories of any life. As you told me yourself, I can be whoever I want to be. The future has not yet been written.”
He smiled sadly. “You will have a wonderful future here with your family—raising your child and surrounded by the people who love you.”
“What about who I love?” She challenged him with her eyes. “Don’t my feelings matter?” She hesitated and then took the chance and spoke. “I...I don’t remember Peter. You are the only man I know. You are the only man I...I...”
He placed a finger against her lips before she could finish.
“Shh. Think, Sarah. You love Rebecca. You love Jacob. And they and all the people in this community love you in return. They are your family. You belong here.” He drew her into his arms and hugged her tightly. His breath was like a gentle breeze through her hair. “Go with God, Sarah. Be happy. It is best you do not dwell on everything that happened in this past month. Try to put it all behind you and move on.”
“Is that what you truly want, Samuel? For me to forget you, too, as I have forgotten everything else?” She stared defiantly into his eyes, daring him to look away.
He released her. He tilted her chin up and kissed her on the forehead. His tenderness ripped at her heart. “In those quiet moments of the evening, when you sit on the porch and stare at the sky, I want you to know that the feelings we had for each other were real. The respect. The friendship. The warmth.”
“The love?” Sarah could barely whisper the question.
He dropped his gaze from hers. “Our time together was special. Something to be cherished. A memory, Sarah. A memory that no one will ever be able to take away.”
He placed a gentle kiss on her lips, and Sarah could have sworn she tasted the salt of his tears. When she opened her eyes, she stared at his back as he walked out of her life as suddenly as he had swooped in.
SEVENTEEN
“I wish you had stayed home,” Rebecca scolded as she stepped down from the buggy and turned to help Sarah down as well. “Soon you will be delivering that wee one. These bumpy carriage rides cannot be helping.”
Sarah grasped Rebecca’s hand and used it to steady herself as she moved her cumbersome girth and stepped down. Her foot twisted, and she started to fall.
Rebecca gasp
ed and reached out to try to grab her, but her hold was too weak to help.
Before Sarah hit the ground, two strong hands grabbed her from behind and righted her. When she regained her footing, she turned with a smile to thank the person who had helped her, but the words locked in her throat.
Tears welled in her eyes. She had truly believed she would never see him again. But here he was. Not an apparition or a dream, but a flesh-and-blood man standing mere inches away from her.
“Samuel?”
He shuffled his feet and stared at the ground. It was obvious he was as uncomfortable with their encounter as she was.
“What are you doing here?” She held her breath and waited for his answer.
“I quit my job in Philadelphia. I got a job here with the Lancaster Sheriff’s Department.” He dared a quick glance her way and shrugged. “I kept telling everyone I became a cop to protect the Amish community. Figured if I planned to really do that, then I belonged here with the Amish.”
His sheepish grin tugged at her heart.
He was back. For good.
What did that mean? Did she dare hope?
“Are you telling me that you live here now...in Lancaster, I mean?”
“Yes.” He tucked his thumbs into the utility belt on the waist of his police uniform.
Sarah’s eyes couldn’t get enough of him. He looked tall and dangerous and absolutely delightful. And he was back.
“I bought a place not far from town,” he said. “The older couple who had owned it couldn’t keep up with the repairs. I’m fixing it up little by little on weekends and any hours I have away from work.”
“Are you talking about the Townsend farm?” Rebecca asked. She hid her shock at seeing him as well, but the tremor in her voice gave her away. “I’d heard they’d sold their property to a young investor and moved away.”
Sam laughed. “I don’t consider myself an investor. Don’t know if I’d qualify as young these days, either. But yes, I bought the Townsend place.”
The sound of his deep chuckle sent a wave of warmth through Sarah’s veins.
He’s back. Sam came back.
“The Townsend place...isn’t that the farm down the hill from ours?” Sarah asked.
Sam locked his gaze with hers. “Yes.”
Had he come back for her? And if he had...
Sarah glanced at Rebecca and saw the question and fear residing in the older woman’s eyes.
Myriad emotions raced through her. Could she leave the Amish community knowing they would shun her? She’d never be able to continue her relationship with Rebecca and Jacob. Could she bear that? Would she be any happier in the Englisch world than she had been in the Amish one? Since her memory had never returned, how would she be able to answer the questions tumbling through her mind?
And then she knew.
It wasn’t her mind that would answer those questions. It was her heart...and her heart belonged to Samuel.
She stared at him, waiting for him to say the words she longed to hear. She tried to understand his silence, searched for a hidden message in his eyes, an invitation, but she didn’t see one. Her exhilaration and hope quickly faded.
“It was good seeing the two of you again. I expect we’ll bump into one another now and again. Give Jacob my best.”
He was getting ready to walk away...again.
Please, God, not again. Please.
“Well, you ladies have a nice afternoon.”
Sarah couldn’t believe it. He hadn’t returned for her. He wasn’t here to ask her to be his bride. She stared at his back in silence and wondered just how many times her heart could break before there wouldn’t be any pieces left.
* * *
Walking away from Sarah for the second time was one of the hardest things he had ever had to do. He loved the woman. He’d always love the woman. And that’s how he found the strength to leave.
She belonged with Rebecca and Jacob. She was close to term with her pregnancy, and the birth of this baby would seal her role within their family.
He knew he should have stayed in Philadelphia. What had he been thinking?
Sam hadn’t been thinking. He’d been feeling. He knew he couldn’t have a life with Sarah, but he couldn’t live a life without her, either. So he satisfied himself with the occasional glimpse, the few idle words spoken on the street. And he prayed, something that hadn’t come easily to him but was now part of his daily life. He prayed that somehow God would perform a miracle and find a way for them to be together, and that He’d give him the strength to continue to do what was right if that miracle didn’t come.
And Sarah...
Her weekly jaunts into town became almost daily buggy trips. She seemed to have the same need he did to see each other on the streets, to nod at each other in passing, to steal a few spoken moments and words.
Sam leaned against his car door in the parking lot of one of the local restaurants and watched the buggy approach. When it came to a stop beside him, he approached the driver.
“Are you sure about this?”
Benjamin shrugged. “We have to try. Get in.”
Sam walked around the horse, and he climbed into the buggy. The irony of the situation did not escape him. He settled onto the seat beside the man who had once been against his presence in this community, and now not only welcomed him but wanted to help.
Benjamin snapped the reins and turned the buggy onto the open road.
“How is Sarah?” Sam could barely wait for Benjamin’s reply. He had been on pins and needles since he’d received word that she’d gone into labor.
“The midwife is with her, as well as Rebecca. I am sure all will be well.”
Sam’s stomach clenched. He wished he could be as confident.
Benjamin laughed. “You would think, the way you pace and worry, that you are the papa. Relax. The women know what they are doing.”
Sam tapped his fingers against his knee and looked out over the fields they passed. The harvest complete, the fields stood empty and waiting for the first taste of winter’s snow.
It was time for rest, renewal and hope.
Sam’s stomach twisted into knots when they turned into the lane leading to the Lapps’ farm. As they approached the white clapboard house, his pulse raced and his knees literally knocked together. He hadn’t felt so unsettled and unsure of himself since he was a teen.
Benjamin pulled the buggy in front of the barn. Sam hopped out, circled around and met Benjamin as he climbed down.
“I don’t know if this is a good idea. Maybe I shouldn’t be here, especially today.”
Benjamin tilted his head and studied Samuel’s face. “Where else should you be on the day Sarah delivers her boppli?”
Sam began to pace. “What if this idea of yours doesn’t work?”
Benjamin laughed, and the sound startled Sam. He didn’t think he’d ever heard the man laugh at anything.
“Where is the brave man we all came to know?” Benjamin asked. “You can capture killers, ya? But you cower at the thought of seeing the woman we both know you love?”
“I shouldn’t have come. The situation is impossible.”
“Nothing is impossible with God.” Benjamin put down the reins and gestured with his hand. “I have been praying. I believe God has given me an answer to those prayers.”
“What if it doesn’t work?”
“Have faith, Samuel. It is in God’s hands. Whatever He wants will be. Now let’s go inside.”
The men had turned toward the house when Benjamin reached out and grabbed his arm. “Wait...”
Sam faced him.
“I think I hear Jacob’s voice coming from the barn. It would be best if we spoke to him privately before approaching Rebecca or Sarah.”
Sam
agreed, and the two men quietly entered the barn.
Jacob’s voice drifted from inside one of the far stalls. “I can’t believe you are coming to me with this request. Do you know what you are saying? Do you know what it would cost us?”
“Of course I do.” Rebecca’s voice, timid and filled with tears, reached their ears. “It is all I have thought about...all I have prayed about for weeks. Ever since Samuel came back to town.”
Sam knew he should make his presence known and not eavesdrop, but something about the serious tone of the conversation stopped him. Apparently, Benjamin felt the same way. The men glanced at each other and remained still, continuing to listen.
“When Samuel left, everything changed. You know that. Sarah did her best. She is a good and obedient child. She tried to adjust to his absence and commit herself to the Amish life. She did chores, attended services but...”
Rebecca placed her hand on Jacob’s arm.
“She can’t hide the longing in her eyes from us, Jacob, or her pain. She is still a stranger to herself. She is a stranger even to us. This is not our daughter-in-law, Jacob. Not the Sarah we knew.”
“What nonsense do you speak? Of course it is.”
“No.” Rebecca shook her head. “I love her just the same, but she is different. You know what I say is true. Sarah stayed for us so we could see our grandchild. But her heart...it left with Samuel.”
Sam’s heart constricted when he heard Rebecca’s words.
“That will change with time.”
“Will it, Jacob? It has been months, and I have seen no signs of this change. It is even worse now that Samuel has returned.”
“Ah, but now she has a daughter. Peter’s daughter. Our grandchild. Now she will be happy again.”
Sam grinned widely and gave a friendly slap to Benjamin’s arm. Sarah had given birth to a baby girl. He wondered if the child had hair the texture of golden silk like her mother. It was all he could do not to run into the house and see for himself.
“Sarah stayed for us, Jacob. She didn’t want to hurt us, and with time I believe she has even grown to love us. But asking her to continue to stay for us would be wrong.”