“And have you thought about who you’d like to be your agent and represent you?” Even I almost roll my eyes at the thought.
“You’re shameless,” he says with a wicked grin.
“I know,” I answer him and smile into my cup. The smile is oddly genuine given my state just a moment ago, but Jacob has a way of making me feel calm and relaxed.
“I’m not ready to talk to any publishers. I still don’t know what I want to do with this one yet.”
“Want to tell me about it?” I ask him.
“Well, it’s about me. Sort of.” He leans back and spreads his legs wider, my eyes drawn down his chest as he runs his hand through his hair, looking out of the picture window at the front of the shop. “My ex, really.”
I nod my head and reply, “So it’s an emotional book for you. Maybe one to feed your soul, more than your family.”
“Well I have no family to feed, so that’d be an easy one,” he jokes. “But yeah. It’s more just for me, I think.”
“And what’s it about, if you don’t mind me asking?” I pry gently as I pick up a sugar packet on the table. I have no intention of adding it to my drink, but I think best when I have something to pick at. And I’m grateful for the distraction. I’d rather talk books all day long than anything else.
“We were high school sweethearts who beat the odds. But we just didn’t get that happily ever after, you know?”
I feel a pang in my chest, a sharp pain in my heart; one that knocks the wind out of me. Another romance story gone wrong. “Why not?” I ask hesitantly.
“She’d been cheating on me for a while. Found out when she got pregnant and the dates didn’t add up.”
“That’ll do it,” I say as my mind wanders back to Evan. And his infidelity before we were married. And to my little secret.
“Turns out it was my best friend.”
“Oh shit,” I tell him and feel gutted for him. “Double betrayal.”
“That’d make a good title,” he says and then chews on his lower lip.
Again the feeling of shame settles on my shoulders. Evan and I are over, and I shouldn’t feel like this is wrong. But for the first time in years, I feel something for someone else.
There’s no way I can justify this feeling right now. Not when I haven’t had a moment to get over Evan. Not when the thought of getting over him cripples me.
“You think I could sell it?” Jacob asks me. He holds my gaze as he lifts his cup.
“I’d have to see it first,” I tell him even though I know a happily ever after sells better.
“Well, I’m still writing it. I think the story is still going well though,” he says and every inch of my skin catches on fire. It’s the way he looks at me. How his stare holds me captive. Or maybe it’s the tone of his voice.
“Send me the first few chapters?” I ask him and then reach for my purse. “I have to get going, I’m sorry. I didn’t think the meeting would last this long.”
He half-smiles at me, a lazy smile almost as he says, “Okay then.” He says it like he knows I’m lying, but more than that, like it amuses him. And again I question why that doesn’t infuriate me.
Running isn’t my style. I’m an approach things head-on kind of girl. But even I’m smart enough to know when I’m set up to lose, and Jacob is only going to lead to more problems.
I start to take out my wallet to pay, but Jacob stops me. “Don’t even think about paying.”
“Are you sure?” I ask him and he’s quick to answer.
“You can get the next one if you really want to, but this one is on me.”
I give him a tight smile, although I’m grateful. Truly I am. Even if his intentions are less than pure.
I can only nod and then make my way out. It’s all too much. Separation, pregnancy. Now Evan’s in jail. I can’t take how quickly my life is unraveling.
“Hey, Kat,” Jake says from behind me as I push the door open and the bells ring. I turn to my left, and look back at him.
“It’s going to be okay,” he tells me and I say thanks although it’s so softly spoken I don’t think he could have possibly heard it.
I just have to leave. That’s the only thing on my mind, because I’m so fucking broken that the words it’s going to be okay are my undoing.
Chapter 5
Evan
* * *
Hidden in the shadows,
Are the secrets that tear me down.
They scratch and bite and rip apart,
Then leave me here to drown.
I’ll protect you from them always,
Don’t try to save me now.
The sins will come for you – they will,
The sins that broke my vow.
* * *
The worst sound in the world to me, is the sound of my wife crying.
And the worst sight I could ever imagine, is her bundled into a ball on the kitchen floor, sobbing against the cabinets. Her shoulders heave as she lets out another sob and it makes me feel that much worse.
I didn’t know it could get any lower than this.
“Kat,” I say her name gently. She’s crying so hard she didn’t hear me come in. My voice startles her and she jumps back slightly, causing the cabinet door to shake behind her.
Her mouth falls open slightly, but she doesn’t say anything. It looks like she’s holding her breath.
“What’s wrong?” I ask her and hate myself. It’s fucking obvious. “What can I-”
“Nothing,” she says shortly, cutting me off. “I’m fine.” She uses the sleeve of her shirt to wipe her tears away, leaving her cheeks bright pink and tearstained.
“You aren’t,” I tell her.
“I’ll be fine,” she answers and her tone is harsher than usual. I suppose for good reason.
“I don’t want to cry in front of you,” she says with sincerity. Not to hurt me, just to tell me the truth as I walk deeper into the kitchen.
“That’s what I’m here for,” I tell her and then feel like an asshole. I haven’t been here in days.
I can see Kat’s lips part with some sarcastic response.
“I know we’re going through shit and I’m not making things any better. But I’m here now.” She doesn’t respond as she pushes her hair out of her face.
I can’t help but notice the curve of her shoulders and the way her breasts move as she steadies her breathing. My body is ringing with the need to touch her. The need to make her pain go away. “Whatever it is,” I tell her, “it’s going to be okay.” I don’t know how many nights I’ve told her that.
And it’s always been true.
“I’m crying because of you!” she screams at me and brushes away her tears angrily.
“I’m sorry, babe. It’s not what you think,” I tell her, assuming this has to do with spending a night in jail. Fuck, I hope it’s not something else.
She only huffs in disbelief and shakes her head, refusing to look at me. My blood turns cold and I struggle to move, to breathe, but still I walk toward her.
I can’t lose her.
“Kat,” I say her name and she doesn’t look at me.
As I crouch down next to her, Kat gets up just to get away from me and it kills me. Pushing up on her knee and then wiping under her eyes as she turns from me.
Her shoulders shudder as she opens a cabinet and reaches for a glass.
All I can hear is her heavy breathing as she tries to calm herself down.
“They broke in through the window,” she says with a shaky voice and my blood goes cold.
“Who?” I ask and she shrugs her shoulders, looking at me with an expression of disbelief and answering sarcastically, “How the fuck should I know?”
“Where?” I ask her and follow as she walks to the guest bathroom. The second the door opens, I’m hit with the freezing air coming in through the broken window. It’s only a powder room and inside the tub are shards of glass.
“They got in through the stairs on the back of the building. Didn’t take anyth
ing that I can tell.”
“What the fuck,” I mutter beneath my breath, my fists clenching at my sides. “Were you home?” I ask her quickly. I should have been here. I should have been protecting her.
She shakes her head no. “I called the cops as soon as I got in. I knew something was off. They went through your drawers, by the way. You may want to check to see if you had anything in there.”
Fuck. My heart hammers as Kat leaves me to go back to the kitchen. I stand there numb with fear.
I don’t know who it was or what they were looking for. But if she’d been here …
“Kat, please,” I beg her, willing my legs to move and follow her back to the kitchen.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she says without even looking at me.
“Kat, I need to know-“ I start to say, but she cuts me off.
“If you want to talk, then tell me how jail was. How about that?” she spits back.
“Don’t please me, don’t touch me, don’t anything me,” she says, glaring over her shoulders as she slams the cabinet door. Her eyes are red-rimmed and she looks paler than usual.
She fills the glass with water and drinks down half of it with her back to me.
I want to reach out and hold her, but I’ve never seen her like this.
“Kat, I can explain.”
“Oh, thank goodness. I was worried for a minute,” she says and her voice drips with sarcasm, her back still to me as she turns the tap back on and fills the glass again.
“Please, if you don’t mind, you could start with … I don’t know,” she shrugs and turns to face me, the bitterness in her voice never more apparent than now. “Why I should give a damn about whatever excuse you have?”
My brow furrows as I take in her stance. She slams the glass down and waits. Her hair falls in front of her face, hiding part of her tired eyes and she doesn’t bother to push it away.
“I don’t want you to be mad,” I start to say but then take her in.
Her knuckles turn white as she grips the counter and I know right then, I can’t tell her what I think about James. I can’t tell her that I think someone was trying to kill me or that I’m bringing more trouble to her.
I have to be the man she wants me to be.
I can do that. Just one more lie. Just once more.
I swear it’ll be the last. And only so I can hold on to her.
“Kat, I don’t know a thing about the coke or James or whatever the hell anyone’s told you.”
“You said you needed an alibi,” Kat says straightfaced. She blows part of the hair away from her face and then crosses her arms across her chest.
My stomach sinks as I give her just a little. Just enough. “This is why. I knew Tony was dead, but I wasn’t involved.” Lie. I can barely stand on my own two feet knowing I just lied to her.
“Why an alibi?” she asks.
“To save the company’s image. We couldn’t be associated with it any more than we already were.” It’s only a thinly veiled lie. It’s mostly true.
Kat nods her head, putting a finger to her lips and letting the words sink in as she stares at the floor.
“So you gave him the coke?” she asks and her eyes flash to mine.
“No,” I tell her and my voice is hard. “I told you I don’t do that shit.” Lie. Another lie. I’m digging my hole deeper.
“They’re going to test you,” Kat says like she doesn’t believe me.
“I’ll have them show you the results if and when they do,” I say and my words come out bitter.
She turns her back to me again and I walk closer to her as she fills the glass with more water.
“I mean it. I promise you. It was just a job and I barely drank, Kat.”
She doesn’t look at me as I come closer, close enough to touch her, but I don’t.
“I did drink, but that’s it. I swear to you. I wouldn’t touch that shit.”
She sets the glass down and then looks at me as she says, “Tony did.”
She walks past me, brushing her shoulder against mine.
“I quit for a reason,” I tell Kat, begging her to listen and to forgive me. “I didn’t do anything, and if anyone in the world would believe me, it would be you.” My voice shatters on the last word and I have to swallow my plea.
“I believe you,” Kat says instantly, hating that she’s causing me pain. This is why she’s too good for me, but I’ll be damned if I don’t do everything I can to keep her.
“No secrets?” she asks me and there’s a change in her expression.
I shake my head no, although I feel like a fucking coward.
“I have one,” she tells me softly.
“What’s that?” I ask her, sending the air changing between us, darkening and chilling.
“I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow,” she tells me and her eyes flicker to me and then anywhere else. She can’t look at me and the sense that she’s hiding something from me takes over.
“The doctor’s? You alright?” I ask her, my voice low. I take one step closer to her and wait for her to move back, but she doesn’t.
She shrugs and stares at the countertop.
“What’s going on, Kat?” I ask her, listening to my heart beat hard and then harder as she makes me wait.
Her forehead scrunches the way it does just before she cries and I chance another step closer to her. I can feel the heat from her body as she sniffles and then looks away from me.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. I reach out for her, praying she lets me hold her and she does.
“Baby, it’s okay,” I tell her as I pull her small body into my arms. God, I needed this. I hold her as close as I can, rocking her slightly and loving how she grips onto me right back. Her shoulders are stiff at first, but she gives in and I say a silent prayer thanking God for it.
I hold her like I have for years, and it feels so natural. So right.
“Just tell me what it is, sweetheart,” I whisper in her hair as she sobs into my chest. It hurts. Every bit of her sadness shreds me. “I’m sorry,” I tell her and then pull back to look at her, but she just buries her face back into my chest.
It’s a long moment before Kat quietly pulls away.
“I have something you should see,” she says and starts walking off. She wraps her arms around her torso as I follow her toward the stairs.
Anxiety suffocates me, not knowing what it is she wants to show me.
“Stay here,” she tells me, looking over my shoulder as she grips the railing.
I nod and watch her walk. Slow steps. Her feet pad against the floor as she leaves me.
I wait with bated breath. My body begs me to sit down, the exhaustion making me want to give in and fall into the couch. But I stand and wait.
Whatever it is, a picture of some shit I did, a text or a letter–I don’t care what it is that’s making her so damn upset. I’ll fix it.
I won’t let her go and I’ll destroy anyone and everyone who gets between us.
My head lifts when I see her come down the stairs and my feet move of their own accord.
They don’t move for long though. The second my eyes land on the white plastic stick in her hands, my body freezes.
My mouth hangs open just slightly as I glance from the pregnancy test to Kat’s face.
She stops in front of me, barely looking at me and holds it out. “I’m sorry,” she whispers in a cracked voice. As if this is bad. As if she’s done something wrong.
“Baby, why are you sorry?” I ask as I look between her and the stick. I can’t will myself to take it or to even believe it’s real. “You’re pregnant?” I ask her. As she covers her mouth with her hand and nods, I can’t for the life of me understand why she’s so upset.
A baby. A little life just like my Kat.
It’s the best damn thing I could have ever asked for.
And then it hits me. Jacob Scott. My breathing picks up as my blood heats. I don’t have the nerve to ask her, but the words are on th
e tip of my tongue.
I’ll kill him.
“I’m pregnant,” Kat says and takes in a steadying breath, taking a few steps backward.
I almost ask her. But I can’t do it. Even if the baby isn’t mine, I don’t care. I’ll take care of both Kat and her child.
“A baby?”
“Yeah, a baby,” she says and chances a look up at me. Her long, dark lashes glisten with what’s left of the tears before she wipes them away.
“That’s wonderful,” I tell her and close the space between us, reaching for her hands. She leans into me and I rub the pads of my thumbs against her knuckles. “Kat,” I swallow before asking, “why are you sorry about something so amazing?”
I can see her expression fall as she tries to stay strong.
“It doesn’t change what’s going on, but I just found out and I don’t know.”
“Don’t know what?”
“How we’re going to handle all of this,” she says and starts to pull away from me.
“Kat, you’re mine,” I tell her as I pull her back to me.
“You were just in jail hours ago. How are you going to take care of your baby?”
“I’ll be the best damn father I can be.”
“You said that about being a husband too and we’re separated-”
“And we’re going to be fine,” I say, cutting her off. “Better than fine. We’re having a baby.”
I finally look at her stomach. I wrap one of my hands around her hip and the other lays against Kat’s stomach.
“I love you, and that’s what matters.”
“It’s not the only thing that matters,” she tells me back.
Her green eyes swirl with so much emotion, I can’t stand it. “I’m telling you right now, Kat. Me loving you, it’s the only thing that matters.”
Chapter 6
Kat
* * *
Lost and confused,
There’s nowhere left to hide.
The truth is I’m ruined,
That truth can’t be denied.
* * *
Legs shaking, knees weak,
Scarred: Sins and Secrets Series of Duets Page 3