by Cindi Madsen
My heart skipped a few beats.
“I guarantee every guy here is jealous that I’m here with you. Especially your idiot ex-boyfriend.”
“An exaggeration, but nice all the same.”
“Well, if he doesn’t stop staring at you, I might have to kick his ass, wedding or not.”
Maybe I should be above being turned on by the caveman antics, but I so wasn’t. While usually my instincts would also have me to checking to see if his words held any merit, Evan’s blue eyes were currently holding me captive, leaving me incapable of even thinking about any other guy. “Can you please wait till after the wedding?”
Evan tipped his head one way and then the other like he was considering.
“We’re supposed to follow them to the reception area!” the lady to my right said, giving me a nudge and gesturing us to move toward the aisle.
Guess the mushy part of the night was over. Now it was a race to the tables and chairs circling the dance floor, even though there’d be place settings with our names, so it wasn’t like the faster you went, the better seat you’d get.
As Evan and I made our way over, several people said hello. Acquaintances from high school. The woman who ran the local coffee shop. One of my teachers. Paige’s parents, which was slightly awkward, and Kyle’s parents, which was super freaking awkward.
But every time my shoulders would tense up, Evan would run his fingers across my skin and become my center and my rock.
After the couple’s first dance, they invited other couples to join them on the floor.
I was sure Evan wouldn’t want to dance, so I eyed the tables, wondering which one we’d been seated at.
“Where you going?” Evan asked.
“To find our seats.”
“I figured you’d want to dance.”
I glanced toward the floor where other couples swayed and spun. “I figured you wouldn’t want to.”
“Do I get to wrap my arms around you?” he asked, his voice low and husky, and butterflies swarmed my gut.
“I think that’s how it typically works, yes.”
“Then I’m in.” He laced his fingers with mine, led me to the dance floor, and drew me close.
I ran my hands up his arms and linked them behind his neck, bringing our bodies flush together. “How’d you know I’d want to dance?” It wasn’t like I frequented nightclubs, and there’d never been any opportunity to dance during our usual, more-laidback hangouts.
“You bounced around in your seat to the beat of your awful music while we were in the car. You get this different kind of smile when dancing is involved, even if it’s chair dancing.”
My smile stretched my cheeks.
“Yep, that’s the one.” Evan twirled me out and then pulled me back in, and my laugh caught the attention of people around us, but I didn’t care. He was far from being on the beat, but I didn’t care about that, either.
We were on our second dance when Evan’s expression abruptly turned murderous. Keeping a tight grip on him—this dance floor was on the slick side—I glanced over my shoulder.
Kyle cleared his throat. “Can I cut in?”
Evan tightened his grip on me. “Nope.”
“Look, man, I just want to talk to her, I swear.”
No verbal response from my boyfriend—the leer was still in place and his iron grip remained. The thought of talking to Kyle was akin to wearing Lady Gaga’s meat dress into a lion’s den, but his tormented expression and the slight pleading in his words dug at me. Something inside of me also craved some kind of closure. As much as he and I could have. Just have it out and get it done so we could fully move on.
“Evan,” I said, and he growled. Growled! And it totally caused an undercurrent of electricity that demanded to be fed.
Paige was suddenly there next to Kyle. “I’ll dance with Evan while you guys talk.”
Now it was my turn to growl.
Madison and Kade danced closer, apparently wanting in on the awkward action. “Everyone having fun?”
We all nodded, because for as pretty as brides could be with all their flawless makeup and layers and layers of tulle, they were also kinda scary when they smiled with that gleam in their eye that ordered you not to ruin their wedding.
“Here. I’ll dance with Evan,” Madison said. She nudged her brand-new groom toward Paige. “You dance with Paige for a song.”
With a shrug, Kade switched over to Paige, and as the two of them started away from us, I asked Madison, “Sure you want to do that?” Okay, so there was still some bitterness.
“I trust Kade. Plus, she’s already been with his brother, so that’d be super weird and…” She waved a hand through the air. “Just go take care of your shit so we can get on with the celebration.”
“Evan?” Madison held out her hand, a hint of impatience in her tone.
His eyes met mine. “Up to you.”
“I’ll be fine for a song.” Right as I said it, a new song started, and I didn’t recognize it, so I just hoped it wasn’t a very long one. I gave Evan a quick peck on the lips, then turned to Kyle.
Madison and Evan danced far enough away to give us privacy, but remained close enough that if I needed them I could easily flag them down.
Kyle put his hands on the sides of my waist and I placed my hands on his shoulders. He was a few inches shorter than Evan. Not as built, either. Definitely didn’t have the chiseled jawline of the gods.
Not that that any of those were the most important things, but I couldn’t help feeling a little smug over it. At one time in my life, the guy across from me had such a strong hold that I couldn’t imagine ever being with anyone else.
“I don’t know how to start,” he said.
“Since I don’t know where you’re going, I can’t be of much help.”
He tugged at his tie before returning his hand to my hip. “I guess it boils down to saying I’m sorry. I know I said it before, but things were so raw—”
“Yeah, must’ve been real painful for you, walking in on your boyfriend and your best friend humping like bunnies. Oh, wait. That was me.”
He sighed. “Let’s not do this.”
“Then get to it. Say what you want to say. If sorry’s all there is, I think we’re done here.” I lifted my hands from his shoulders.
“No, that’s not all.” He glanced at the floor for a couple of seconds before his gaze returned to my face—or more like my ear. “What Paige and I did to you sucks. And I hate that it’s torn our group of friends apart. Things aren’t the same.” Familiar brown eyes met mine, a hint of genuineness actually making an appearance. “I miss you.”
I tensed.
“Not like… I mean, sometimes I do like that, but…”
I scrunched up my forehead, not sure where he was going and not sure I wanted to follow.
“We were friends for so long,” Kyle said. “It doesn’t feel right going from so much to nothing.”
“You should’ve thought of that before you slept with my best friend.”
“Paige has beat herself up plenty. She misses you, too.”
A vice fitted around my heart and twisted tighter, even as I told myself I shouldn’t have to feel sad or sorry, or anything. “You guys broke my heart in every way possible. I’ve moved on. I don’t want to do this.” I started to pull away again and Kyle caught my arm.
Across the floor, Evan tensed.
I forced a smile, trying to reassure him I was fine. And I was. Mostly.
I wriggled out of Kyle’s grip but remained facing him. He didn’t bother putting his hands back on my waist and he’d completely abandoned his attempt to sway to the beat. “How long are you going to punish us?”
“I’m not punishing you guys. I’m just not ready to pretend it never happened and go back to us all being besties, either.”
He crossed his arms. Over the years we’d had plenty of arguments, and I’d been the one who’d apologized and smoothed it over nearly every single time. Not this time, thoug
h. “If you want absolution, you’ve come to the wrong place. I moved halfway across the country for you. Almost every move I made from the time I was seventeen years old was for you. And you repaid me by sleeping with my best friend—seriously, some sorority girl would’ve hurt, but my best friend? Really?”
“You were so busy, and—”
“No.” I jabbed a finger at him. “You don’t get to turn this on me.”
He held up his hands in classic surrender stance. “That wasn’t—”
I narrowed my eyes.
“Okay, maybe I was.” He studied me, almost as if he was seeing me in a new light—not the one Evan accused him of, but more like surprise with a side of being impressed. “You’ve changed. You’re stronger than you used to be.”
Since it’d been something I’d worked hard on—something I wished my dad would also see—Kyle’s acknowledgment cooled some of my anger. Not that I’d be making him a friendship bracelet anytime soon.
“And because of that,” Kyle continued, “I’m just going to give it to you straight. The main reason I’m trying to extend this olive branch is for Paige’s sake. While we shouldn’t have gotten together the way we did, I do care about her, and losing you has eaten her up inside. She hoped if maybe you and I cleared the air, it’d be easier for you and her to do the same.”
Out of habit, I braced for the hurt I often experienced whenever I thought of them together, but it didn’t come.
“She misses you so much. And now that Madison’s married, I’m afraid that Paige will retreat into herself that much more.”
The vindictive part of me wanted to say she deserved it. She’d made her bed by sleeping with my boyfriend in mine. But empathy rose on its heels. I couldn’t help remembering how she hadn’t had the same loving family dynamic I did. Thanks to her daddy issues, she’d always craved attention from guys. She’d practically throw herself at dudes who’d ignore her after they slept together, and while she tried to hide how much it hurt her, I knew her too well for the act to work. I also sensed some jealousy on her end over my family and my relationship with Kyle, but had tried to combat that with love, and so her betrayal cut extra deep. It’d made me hold back—pretty much the only reason I had Tori was because she charged right on through anyway.
At least this guy cared about Paige and stuck by her side. She needed that.
Honestly, as I looked at Kyle, I also thought that if she hadn’t done what she’d done, I would’ve probably kept on living my life for him. Let him determine my course. I would’ve settled, not realizing there was a guy out there who was so much better for me. Who actually understood me and encouraged me to be strong—and more, had faith that I could be.
I blew out a breath, pushing out all the negative vibes I could. “I’m not sure I’m ready to have a big heart-to-heart with her tonight. It’s already been a bit emotionally draining just being around you guys and remembering the past. But I’ll give her a call when I get home and we’ll start slow.”
He nodded, lips clamped like he was afraid if he said anything he’d ruin it, which was totally accurate.
“I appreciate your attempt to make peace and get us talking again. And one nice thing I can say is that while I moved states for you, I stayed for me. Being with you brought me to a place I love. I’m happy in Raleigh.”
“Happy with that guy?”
Happiness did swell as I thought of Evan. I had moved on. Halfway on. In? Basically I’d packed my bags and was ready to move all the way. I just needed to know if my boyfriend also wanted to move on together, and if he could handle my baggage.
I tried to tell myself that even if he wasn’t, he’d at least been right when he’d told me I’d be fine on my own.
23 Ethan
“Let her handle it,” Madison said, her grip turning iron. Not that I couldn’t break it, but damn, the girl must’ve worked out a lot before her wedding.
“I told her I’d be here for her, whatever she needed.”
“And right now she needs to know that she’s strong enough to stand up to him and speak her mind, even without you by her side.”
The smile Gwen gave me was clearly supposed to be reassuring, but I didn’t feel assured. Madison did have a point, though, one I’d tried to make on the drive here. I wanted Gwen to know that she’d be fine with or without me. Which was true.
I just wanted her to be fine and with me.
I forced myself to keep swaying to the beat. “I know. I even told myself that once we got here, I’d let her work it out for herself, too. It’s just harder to watch it go down without interfering than I thought it’d be.”
“I get that.” Madison readjusted our dancing stance and blew her blond bangs out of her eyes. “You know, when Gwen first started talking to me about you, I kind of thought you sounded like one of those handsome, self-centered guys who wasn’t smart enough or good enough for her.”
“Oh, I’m sure I’m not good enough for her.”
A smile spread across her face, the pride in the curve seeming to say I’d given the right answer to a test I didn’t even know I’d been taking. “No one is, but honestly, I haven’t seen her so happy in a long time.” She bit her lip. “Look, I probably shouldn’t tell you this. I take girl code very seriously, but I’m super invested in Gwen’s happiness, and I’m the bride, so I get to do and say whatever I want today.”
“With a preamble like that, I gotta say I’m a little scared of what’s coming next.”
“As you should be,” Madison said with a laugh. Then her expression grew serious. “One, Gwen’s been hurt enough.”
A pang went through my chest. “I know.”
“Two, she thought about dumping you before bringing you to the wedding. She’d texted me and said she didn’t know if she should bring her ‘plus one’ anymore.”
Panic bound my lungs. She’s going to dump me. A second or so later, I realized she was going to dump Evan, not me. There was something freeing about the knowledge, regardless of the fact that it didn’t let me off the hook for the mess I’d made. But I couldn’t stop obsessing about when she’d changed her mind.
Was it the instant I’d taken his place?
When she’d touched my hand at Sacred Grounds? Had she felt the jolt I had?
Madison tugged on the train of her dress to keep it from getting stomped on by the people dancing around us. “She wasn’t sure you were that into her, or that you guys had what it took to work long term…”
From the first moment Gwen and I met, electricity had crackled the air between us, coursing down my body and leaving me revved and ready for more. I’d never felt a connection so strong in my life.
Then we’d shared that kiss… Maybe that’d changed her mind. It’d definitely changed mine.
After the kiss we’d shared the first morning of our road trip, she’d asked me “Has it always been like this?”
That must mean she’d sensed the difference between me and my brother, and I wasn’t lying when I’d replied “It’s never been like this.” The same electric charge I’d felt during that kiss coursed through me as I glanced across the dance floor, my center of gravity shifting to all things Gwen.
“But I can see by the way that you look at her that you care about her,” Madison said, pulling my mind from the future I wanted and grounding me in the unsteady present. “So if you don’t want to lose her, you better step up your game.”
“I don’t want to lose her,” I said, my words filled with the resolve that’d set up residence inside of me.
“Good. Then don’t be stupid enough to take her for granted like that last idiot—I know, I know, I’m now part of his family, but I’ve called him an idiot to his face, so that makes it okay.”
I laughed, despite the weirdness of the situation. I could see why Gwen liked Madison so much. Also understood the fox thing. She’d orchestrated this whole thing, and I had no doubt it was partially so she could make her warnings and threats to me while Gwen could prove to herself that she was
strong enough to deal with her ex-boyfriend.
“Consider this my way of repaying you for making sure she came to my wedding,” Madison said. “After the honeymoon and things settle down, I plan on coming down for a visit, so I’ll be checking in on you.”
“I’ll look forward to it.” I desperately hoped I’d be there for it, too. The song came to a close, and I quickly moved to collect my girl.
She met me halfway.
“Well?” I asked.
Gwen shrugged. “He didn’t suddenly make an impressive transformation or anything, and honestly I feel kind of stupid for ever thinking he was my soulmate, but I guess I have more of a sense of closure.”
“But not with Paige,” I said, noticing the steady stare aimed our way. Paige tried to play it off, but she wasn’t fast enough at averting her gaze.
“No. I don’t know if that’s something I’ll ever feel with her.”
“You want to talk to her?”
“I will eventually—that was part of what Kyle wanted to talk to me about. When she and I do finally hash it out, it’s going to be one of those emotionally draining talks with lots of tears, and I just…” Gwen’s hand came up on the side of my face. “I want to enjoy being all dressed up at this fancy party with you. Is that okay?”
“Of course it’s okay.” I tapped my chest. “Here for whatever you need, remember?”
“In that case, I could really use a drink.”
“Done.”
I grabbed us a couple of drinks and then the food arrived. I grilled the server about their use of peanuts, and while Gwen looked at me like I was being over-the-top, I didn’t care. Once they’d double checked with the kitchen she was safe, we dug in.
The courses came in waves, as did the accompanying speeches from people in the wedding party. Paige told a story about how she, Madison, and Gwen had gone for a joyride in Madison’s dad’s new truck. They’d gotten stuck in a muddy field and Kade and Kyle came to bail them out in the middle of the night.
“The sparks were flying as fast and high as the mud,” Paige said. “And I knew right then they were meant for each other. Knew just like her dad somehow knew we’d taken his truck, in spite of us scrubbing it down till three in the morning. Kade had to wait an entire month for Madison to be ungrounded so he could ask her out, and she told him that she was already booked for a month solid.”