“Are you ready to go?” I asked.
She nodded, grabbing her bag and coming over to where I was waiting.
I grazed my knuckle along her jaw and kissed her lightly. She was gorgeous. I was lucky that she was mine for so many reasons.
We walked out to her car and I took the keys, backing the car up and getting down the drive. She was still quiet but it didn’t unsettle me. Either I was getting used to the silence or this one was just comfortable.
We were even stronger now. If you looked from the outside it would seem the opposite. The fight and what we’d both said, they were serious and contentious. It didn’t make me feel like we were farther apart though. I had a certainty that we were two metals melding to make a stronger alloy.
We could only bond on a molecular level once we were super-heated and poured into one another. We were virtually unbreakable.
I turned on the radio, tuning it to the alternative station and reaching over for her hand. My fingers slipped into hers naturally. We just floated and flowed together.
We didn’t talk or look at one another but it was good. Our little worlds were merged.
The school was still busy. Kids were everywhere, leaving for the day or going to their after school activities. It wasn’t hard to find a spot up front. We left the car, making our way into the pool.
I stopped just inside the door and looked up at the bleachers. “Do you want to sit up there?”
“Yeah,” she said.
I smiled, faint amusement and strong affection overtaking me. “Okay.” I kissed her softly and watched as she climbed up to a spot and started to get settled in.
I turned, walking over to the coach.
“Hey, I’m not going to be at school for awhile but I still want to practice.”
Coach Miller looked troubled. “Yes, I was informed by administration. They told us all the basics.”
That meant she knew, all my teachers did.
“Oh, well, they told me I could still come if I wanted to so I’m here.”
She nodded, still looking at me like I was haunted. “Go on and join the others.”
I tried to smile but it wouldn’t happen. If the teachers knew why Ben was gone then it would probably leak soon.
I stopped, looking up at Olivia. She had her book out but she was looking right back at me. That made my smile come at last.
I made it over to Skylar and the rest of the team.
“Hey, guys, sorry I’ve been MIA.” It wasn’t that unusual to be honest. Sometimes I practiced alone. Some of them would just assume that I’d been doing that.
“I see you brought your girlfriend,” Sarah said.
“Ah, yeah, fiancé actually.”
Her eyes bugged and I shook my head chuckling. I couldn’t help but look up one more time, waving at Olivia. I felt like I could do anything. Even face a courtroom full of people. As long as she was there. I wasn’t worried about that yet. Right now I just wanted to swim it out.
Chapter Sixteen
Olivia
Avery had this way of getting me to do things I just wasn’t used to doing. I don’t just mean showing up for a swim practice where I wasn’t about to swim. I mean showing up to this school AT ALL given the situation.
The place seemed sullied to me now. I’d spent so many off hours here talking to teachers and doing things in the labs and the dark rooms and the auditorium and the library. Before all this, I practically lived at this school. I spent more time at school than I spent at my own house.
This was actually the very first year I felt myself wanting to pull away. It started in Fall and I didn’t know why.
That explains a lot but it doesn’t change anything.
And now I’m here but it isn’t right, it can’t ever be.
This place was now a part of our shared nightmare.
Which is why it felt all the more strange to be here now.
Avery was cute, wanting to swim. She wanted normalcy. She wanted to go back to the way things were before and just forget. She wanted to be a normal fucking kid and have a normal fucking life.
And why wouldn’t she?
Of course she would want that.
Unfortunately for me, I hadn’t felt like a child at Huntington for a very long time now, if EVER, and this whole disaster was the end-all and be-all of that feeling becoming a full-fledged thing in my life.
I couldn’t trust this place or any of the teachers. I watched Avery for two seconds before I knew.
I wanted to be done with this place. I couldn’t sit in these bleachers without thinking about what she had told me about Ben.
I couldn’t be in this place without thinking about how much time I spent with him and how wrong that all was.
Our fight solidified that. Our fight made me see that, no matter what, this time here? I couldn’t think of it as good.
And now we were here… We were here anyway. We were here when it would make perfect sense to never ever EVER come back.
I pulled my Nook out and tried to distract myself. I couldn’t read right now, not my book anyway, I was too in this place, too on edge.
Avery couldn’t see.
She looked up at me and waved. I gave her a minimalist response and hoped I could find a meditative calm soon enough.
Anger was boiling up inside of me. I couldn’t talk to her before. She got too off-track and it became about her.
I was starting to see that I couldn’t talk to her about Ben. I wasn’t allowed. Of course it was messy. I was dumb to assume we could converse on something so negative and so dark.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and sent a text out to Nat.
Olivia: Guess where I am?
It only took her a second to text back.
Nat: Vegas?
Olivia: Ha-HA. I wish…
It was mean though right? I just couldn’t keep on pretending I didn’t feel bad about what I overheard.
Olivia: I’m watching Avery swim.
Nat: Wow. I want to know all about that…
It was sarcasm. Obviously.
Olivia: Sorry. I was kind of hoping I could meet up with you this weekend, just to talk.
The team was full-on swimming now down below.
I noticed how fast she was.
Lined up with all her competition it was clear that Avery was beyond good. My phone buzzed and I looked down again.
Nat: Were you awake?
I knew what she meant.
Olivia: I heard you but I don’t want to talk about that unless you want to. I feel like an asshole and I’m sorry but I’ve already said that before. I’m having a bit of trouble and I was hoping to talk to a friend.
Rude.
I knew it was rude of me to say friend but I also knew it was bullshit the way I treated her and I did want to be her friend now, I really did. I wasn’t fair before to her. No matter what we did.
Nat: Well… I can always make time for you. How about now?
Olivia: Can’t…
Nat: You sure the little soldier won’t want to murder me?
Olivia: Little soldier?
Nat: You’re right. Little Knight sounds better. Her noble-ness? That cute blonde girl who lives in your house.
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Natalie loved her, it was obvious.
Everyone loved Avery, she made it impossible not to, she really did. She was like a strong adorable puppy. Wanting to care for her was like an epidemic. She didn’t try, people just caught on and felt it infect them for better or worse.
Olivia: I wouldn’t see you without asking her. I’m not a complete idiot.
Nat: Uh, huh.
She teased.
Olivia: We’ve been fighting a lot.
Nat: About what?
Olivia: It’s very complicated. It would take me a while to explain.
Nat: Well, I’m up for it. I know you don’t have many real “friends.”
She knew a lot. I was such an idiot not to see.
“Hey!” I heard a
familiar voice.
“Whoa,” I said. Skylar had come up the bleachers all dripping in a towel.
“Yeah, sorry,” she said. Her cheeks were flushed red and she seemed tired but energized. She really was beautiful. The more times I ran into her the more I felt that and felt like Avery was the blindest of the blind. “Whatcha doin’?” She asked sweetly.
“Texting my ex,” I grimaced. “I was hoping to talk to her about all this weird Ben stuff.”
“What? Really?! Why?” One of the best things about Skylar was how uncensored she was.
“I dunno,” I sighed, dropping my hands and leaning my elbows back on the bleacher behind me. “I can’t talk to Avery about it. It’s not good.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I just know,” I said, staring her down.
“You can talk to me,” she suggested.
“Oh, I dunno,” I said. “I don’t want to say anything that Avery wouldn’t want me to say and I’m bad at that.”
“Olivia,” she scoffed. “I can obviously keep a secret from her, come on.”
“It’s not smart,” I said, raising my eyebrow.
“Right,” she said, annoyed with me.
“I think you really need to tell her Skylar. I can’t keep this in much longer.”
“Why don’t you just tell me why you’re fighting?” She didn’t want to talk about her problem. She wanted to talk about mine.
“We’re not fighting, we just had A fight,” I corrected.
Avery was stopped on the wall. I saw her notice us together and beam.
She waved and Skylar teased her with an exaggerated wave in response. I pulled Skylar’s hand down and told her to stop even though she made me laugh.
“I was friends with Ben,” I said, not looking at her. “I spent a lot of time with him. And today while Avery went to visit her mom I snuck away and met with him to try and find out why the hell he would want to hurt Avery.”
“Olivia?!” She looked over at me like she was shocked.
“Told you I shouldn’t tell you,” I said, angry with her.
“No,” she said, softening. “I’m sorry, it’s just… That’s kind of a huge thing.”
“I know,” I mumbled, upset with myself.
“So you told her and she got mad?”
“Wasn’t as simple as that,” I sighed.
She didn’t just get mad, she had a full on mental break.
“I just don’t think I can talk to her about Ben,” I said outloud. “And that shouldn’t be a problem but right now it’s so early and it’s close and so much has happened and I need someone to talk to, I need to be able to talk about this because I’m going crazy and if I let it sit in me it’ll just get worse. I just know myself.”
“Hey,” Skylar said. I felt her hand on my arm, it was cold but gentle and she wanted me to notice her. I looked up. “I said you can talk to me,” she repeated. “I know. I know I’m Avery’s friend but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to know you. I already told you I was grateful and if there’s any way I can pay you back you have to know I want to.”
I pursed my lips together in a conflicted smile.
“These aren’t the sort of secrets I should really be telling anyone who goes to this school.”
I trusted her but I trusted Ben. In other words, I couldn’t be trusted to trust.
“You have to tell someone,” she shrugged.
“I know,” I sighed. “Believe me, I want to tell you.. You’re just.. You’re sort of Avery’s best friend here. Given everything it just doesn’t seem right.”
“That’s okay,” she said, seeming sad.
“Dammit,” I bit. I put my hand over hers and hoped that she knew that it was just complicated and nothing more.
“This week’s been shit without her,” Skylar explained, looking down and watching Avery as she swam.
I followed her eyes. I couldn’t imagine. I didn’t want to.
There was only a brief time when I knew what I felt for her and thought that it could never ever be.
“Tell her,” I said, shifting my knees into hers and using a hand to push her hair back behind her ear.
“It doesn’t matter now,” she said. “She has you, she’s happy.”
“Yeah but you’re not,” I said. “And of course it matters. She’d want to know. I couldn’t hold it in for more than a week. I don’t know how you’ve been able to do this.”
“I think it was just easier to tell myself it would never happen,” she said, puffing air out of her nose and turning to lay her head on my shoulder.
I tucked my arm behind her back and pulled her in.
“I have to thank you for being stupid,” I laughed, happy tears springing up to my eyes.
“You’re welcome,” she laughed through pain, turning in and letting me hold her for just a bit.
Talking to Skylar was easy. I wished I could let myself but it would be stupid. Anything I could say could get back to Avery and cause a mess.
“What the hell is going on?!” Avery teased.
I hadn’t heard her come up but she was here all dripping wet and hovering. There were so many loud noises and echoes in this place.
“It’s none of your business,” I teased her, holding Skylar and wishing things had been different. Why couldn’t Skylar just be straight?!
This was yet another silly complication that Avery and I didn’t exactly need.
“Sorry,” Skylar laughed, pulling back just enough to see me and thank me with a small nod. She’d gotten my top a little wet.
Avery moved up behind her and pulled her into a hug.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” She asked, noticing I’d gotten to her.
“It’s nothing. Just lonely this week.”
“Yeah, that's a bummer but maybe we can all hang out this weekend.”
“That’d be fun,” Skylar said.
God, I'm so mixed up I don't even have time to feel more than a tinge of jealousy and fear about the way she’s touching Skylar and making plans.
This was just…
Bad.
I had Avery but I also had this burning inside that told me I needed to find a way to separate some of my thoughts from her.
I couldn’t talk to her about Ben.
I couldn’t talk to her about how I didn’t want to be back at school.
There were just things I couldn’t do and I knew that now because of what happened because of how she disappeared.
I’d never seen her like that before.
I’d never seen her shut her eyes and look scared like that and say those things.
I never said I was Ben. I said I was like him. That’s all I said.
And I never ever meant it the way she CONSTANTLY took it.
I couldn’t say it anymore but I couldn’t push the thoughts away either. I needed some help.
What he did to her and what he did to me were different and she didn’t get that at all. She wanted to make them the same. Ben even confessed to what he did. He confessed to liking it. She told me he would never do that with her. Our situations were different. She just didn’t want to see that and my making her was needless and cruel.
My phone buzzed and I checked it.
Nat: Let me know.
Olivia: I will.
“Hey, who you textin’?”
“Just Nat,” I said, making sure it was okay. “I kinda want to meet up with her this weekend and talk about the other day.” It was a lie really. I didn’t like lying to Avery but the truth would hurt her and I didn’t want to hurt her anymore. I couldn’t tell her I wanted to talk to someone else about what was going on with me. She’d been hurt enough.
“Vi…” She deadpanned. “I literally left you alone for,” she looked around for a clock. “Oh, I dunno, TEN MINUTES and you’re with two women, neither of which are me.”
A smile crept up on me fast.
“So, what? I can’t have a life?”
“I'm kidding, babe,” she said.
&nbs
p;
Paper Dolls [Book Three] Page 28