Limitless Love: A Lotus House Novel: Book Four

by Audrey Carlan

  “Beautiful, I think you do know. Do you feel safe?”

  She sucked in a sharp breath. “Right now?”

  I nodded.

  “Yes.”

  “There is that one word again.” I bent forward and laid a long kiss to the apple of her cheek right next to my thumb. “You never have to be afraid of me. Ever.”

  She held my hand against her face. “You make me feel safe.”

  “But nervous too?” I confirmed.

  “Yeah.”

  I winked. “I can work with that.” Needing to put my lips on her somewhere, touch her skin one more time, I pressed my mouth to her temple. I stayed a moment, taking in her natural jasmine scent and the soap Mila had used to bathe her. For a minute too long, I breathed her in, soaking in her presence, silently making a promise to protect her with my entire being.

  Unwillingly, I pulled back. “Let’s get you bandaged up and in bed.”

  She nodded and smiled. “Okay. Thank you for being here.”

  “Nowhere else I’d rather be.”

  * * *

  After I bandaged her back, treated her knees, elbows, and hands, and bandaged those, I helped ease the sleep tank back over her head. I helped her into bed, noting the side she used was opposite the one I used at home. Interesting and weird to notice such a thing, but fuck if I cared. It was just one more aspect of her that made us seem like we’d be a perfect fit.

  “Can you get Lily, please?” Monet asked once she was settled.

  “Sure. Would you like some tea or anything? Do you have tea?” I remembered belatedly I wasn’t in my own home.

  “No, thank you. I’m about to drop, but I do want to say good night to my love bug.”

  “I’ll be right back.”

  I found the queen wrestling with Atlas in the living room. Lily completed a complicated twist, and lying sideways over his abdomen, pinned Atlas on the floor.

  “You got me, munchkin. You win.” Atlas kicked his feet and waved his hands in pretend agony.

  “Bingo!” she hollered, and I laughed.

  “Excuse me, Queen Lily, your mother would like to see you in her room. She’s about to go to bed.”

  “Oh, she is?” Mila jumped up. “I need to go back and tell her I’m sorry for breaking down like that.” Her pretty face and brown eyes saddened as she worried her bottom lip.

  I set an arm around her shoulder. “She knows you love her and worry about her. I don’t think she needs an apology. But she probably does want to give you instructions about Lily for the night.”

  Atlas stood and scoffed. “Dude, not like we don’t already know, man. We practically lived here on and off for a year. We don’t need to be instructed by you.”

  For a second, a flicker of irritation sizzled at the base of my neck before it dawned on me he had a point. Not realizing how far I’d gone, I was taking charge of this woman’s life, and I didn’t exactly have that clout. Not yet anyway. I definitely planned on gaining access and soon. Something inside me was going straight caveman possessive over this woman. Hell, now that I’d spent two days with Lily, I felt downright possessive of her too.

  I rubbed the back of my neck where the irritation at the situation and my reaction sat. “Shit, man, I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.” I did know, but I wasn’t ready or willing to admit it to my buddy just then.

  Atlas’s curls flopped over his forehead as he made his way from his impromptu wresting match with Lily. “It’s cool.” He clapped me on the back. “You care for her. You did a while ago, and apparently this tragedy is pushing your buttons and giving you a much-needed kick to the nuts.” He smirked.

  I chuckled. “Think so?” It made sense. Tragedy brings up a variety of responses in people. Some handle it well, others not so much. I, apparently, turned into Tarzan, and Monet was my Jane.

  “Know so. If anything like that had happened to Mila, I’d have lost my shit, and that’s after being with her for a year. Does this mean you’re going to become a regular fixture around the Holland household?”

  Atlas’s question was direct and no-nonsense. I appreciated that side of him. No-holds-barred all the time.

  I didn’t even take a second to consider it. My answer flew out of my mouth unfiltered and honest. “Yes, it does.”

  “Cool. She needs a good guy giving a shit about her. It’s been a while for her, and after what happened, I don’t know how easy it is going to be for her to trust again.”

  Trust.

  I tipped my head and checked out my Nikes. “Good thing I know a little something about that particular issue.”

  Atlas nodded but didn’t question me further. Now was not the time to dredge up old wounds with my friend.

  “Should I expect this to mean you’re going to drop your one-nighters and cling-ons?”

  I frowned and gritted my teeth. “Look, my bedroom activities are not up for debate here.” He didn’t know jack shit. Just because I didn’t bring women around my friends didn’t mean I’d only had one-nighters. Most of the women I dated I saw at least three or four times, but the last several were gold-digging trophy women. They didn’t want to settle down, have a family. I was thirty years old, had a steady career, a secure future, and I wanted a woman to share it with. Build on.

  Atlas scowled. “Fuck if they’re not. If you’re going to go after a woman I consider my sister, you’re going to look me in the eye and promise me she’s the only one you’ll be seeing. Moe deserves that. She is not a button on your speed-dial list of hotties to hook up with. Feel me?” Atlas’s tone had turned hard and acidic.

  I couldn’t blame the guy for being protective. She brought that shit out in a guy. I’d been in her house two days and was half-gone for the woman and her kid. Besides, I agreed with him. Monet was not the type of woman to be strung along. “Wouldn’t do that to her, man. And yeah, she’s going to be the only woman on my mind for a good long while…okay?”

  He stared me down, not letting up. Damn, he had this brother role on lock. “And you’re going to take it slow,” he stated, not questioned.

  I frowned. “What is this, therapy hour with Atlas? What happened to bros before hoes?”

  Wrong thing to say. Atlas’s eyes turned as hard as steel. “Don’t ever refer to Moe in that manner.”

  “Christ, dude. I was joking. Lighten up.”

  Atlas shrugged. “Can’t. She’s important to me and my future wife. What happens to her directly affects us. As you can see.” He displayed an arm out and around the room. This was a home away from home for them. Something I wanted for myself. I couldn’t blame him.

  “Man, I’m not going to hurt her. Any numbers in my phone will lie uncalled while Monet and I feel this out.”

  “And you’ll take it slow?” he asked again.

  “I’m not an asshole. I was just in there cleaning and bandaging her wounds. That ex of hers did a number on her. She hasn’t even entered the first stage of her mental recovery. She’s too busy dealing with the physical pain and making sure everyone else is okay. But I’m not a stranger to this. She’s going to flip her lid and soon. Once she allows herself to deal with what happened, truly understand that she almost died and that her ex-husband tried to kill her, she’s going to need every one of us to help her through.”

  “We’ll be there,” Atlas proclaimed.

  “So will I.” I glared, making sure he understood how serious I was about this woman.

  “Fair enough. I’m gonna go say good night and get Lily settled for bed. You heading out?”

  Was I heading out? Fuck. I didn’t want to, but they needed time alone together as a family.

  “Yeah, I’ll follow you and say good night.”

  As we approached Monet’s bedroom, I finally took a moment to take this side of the house in. The hallway was lined with pictures of Monet and Lily, Mila and Atlas, and some of the yoga staff too. Another wall had black-and-white photos of people I assumed were Monet’s parents and grandparents. Where were they in all this
? I’d have to ask Monet when she was feeling better. A spark of excitement skittered around my chest. For the first time in a long time, I wanted to know more about a woman. Was looking forward to hearing about her past and her family as well as sharing my own. Hell, if this went the way I thought it was headed, I’d be taking her and Lily home to my own family one day. My mother would be ecstatic.

  Both Mila and Lily were in bed with Monet. She was lying on her good side, with Lily in the center telling them a story and Mila looking on.

  I took that time to enjoy the sight of the three ladies on the bed. If Monet hadn’t been hurt, the scene would have been right out of a family movie. Atlas went over, sat next to Monet’s feet, and put a hand on her ankle.

  “How you doing, sis?” he asked.

  “I’m good. Really good now that I’m clean, bandaged, and in bed with my girls.” She blinked sleepily.

  The bed had a bright-white comforter, but the walls were a deep burgundy. Above her bed was a mirror with a gilded frame. The center of the ceiling was inset and had a small dangling chandelier that splintered sparkles of soft light around the ceiling in a flower-like shape. The carpet was soft beige, and she had a Turkish-style area rug under the bed. A comfortable-looking pinkish-colored ottoman spanned the bottom of the bed. A pair of slippers were tucked neatly under it. The furniture was dark cherry with gold knobs that complemented the style of the room. Monet definitely had good taste. Elegant and classy but not overdone.

  Made me wonder what she’d think of my bachelor pad. It definitely wasn’t a home but more a place to crash, with all the creature comforts a guy needed. Black leather sofas, TVs, stereo, game system, and after Atlas had moved out, I converted my spare bedroom to a home gym.

  While I scanned the top of Monet’s dressers, mostly finding pictures of Lily and Mila, I thought about how much I’d like coming home from a long day to a bedroom like this. To a charming woman like the one lying in bed. My gaze landed on hers.

  “You all settled?” I asked lamely.

  “Yes. Again, thank you.”

  I groaned. “Stop thanking me. You’ve used up your allotment of that word this week.”

  She smiled and rested her head on the pillow. Unable to stop my forward motion, I made it to the side of her bed, tunneled my hand in the crook of her neck and shoulder, and kissed her forehead and then her cheek. I may have pressed my lips to her face a little too long, because out of nowhere, Lily had reached over and bonked my head.

  “Ouch!” I laughed, rubbing at my temple.

  “Where’s my kiss, Clay?” Lily blinked several times, her sweet little face innocent and happy.

  I laughed, got close, and kissed the pretty girl on the forehead.

  Her brow furrowed and she pointed at her cheek. “And here. Like on Mommy.”

  Again, I kissed her cheek. “You good, Queen Lily?”

  She nodded and flailed back.

  “You remember what I said about being really careful around Mommy?”

  “I ’member.”

  “You re-mem-ber,” I sounded out for her.

  “’S’wat I said.” She frowned. “I ’member. Be careful wif Mommy ’cuz she’s hurt.”

  “That’s right, sweetie.”

  “Will you come back tomorrow and make dinner? I want mac and cheese.” Her demand was succinct and thoughtful.

  I laughed. “You’ve had pasta two days in a row.”

  Her nose crinkled when she responded. “I luv pasta!”

  She smiled huge, and it melted my heart. Yep, this little girl had me wrapped around her pinky finger already.

  “Yes, I gathered that.” I ruffled her dark hair. “How about I come over and make tacos? Does that sound good to everyone?”

  Mila and Atlas chimed in at the same time. “Hell yes!” Then they laughed, and Atlas covered Mila’s hand.

  “Uh, before Clay goes, Mila, I believe you had something you wanted to tell the family yesterday,” Atlas prompted, sitting up straighter.

  My eyes widened. “I, uh, I can go.” I moved backward a couple steps to head out, and Atlas grabbed my wrist.

  “No, man. Stay. This is the good part.” He winked. I already knew what she was going to say because he’d told me, but being included and hearing it officially, in a family environment, made my heart pound double time.

  Mila kneeled ceremoniously on the bed, placed both hands over her belly, and looked at Monet. “You’re going to be an auntie! We’re pregnant,” she said happily.

  Monet grabbed Mila’s hand and squeezed. “I’m so excited for you guys.”

  Atlas grinned so wide I could see his gums. Lucky bastard. At least he had a woman who wouldn’t lie about carrying his child and take him for a ride. Mila loved him and was good people. They both were. Still, it grinded my gears when I was reminded of that time in my life years ago.

  “What’s pweg-nant mean?” Lily asked.

  “Means Auntie Mimi is going to have a baby,” Monet offered to Lily. “I’m so happy for you two. This is amazing news.”

  Monet yawned sleepily. I could tell she was about to fall asleep any minute.

  Lily’s blue eyes widened so big I could have gone swimming in those excited pools. “You got a baby? Where? I wanna see it!” She jumped on the bed, ready to bolt to wherever this magical baby was.

  We all laughed while Mila tugged an arm around Lily’s waist, pulled her into a hug, and kissed her neck a bunch of times until Lily squealed in delight. “No, silly. The baby is growing in my belly. We have to wait for just about seven months before the baby is here.”

  Lily pushed back and scrambled down to put her face near Mila’s abdomen. She poked it experimentally. “It’s in there?”

  “Yep. And I’m going to get all round and big!”

  Her lips pursed as she placed her ear to it.

  “What are you doing, love bug?” Monet asked.

  “Trying to hear it. Be quiet,” she admonished. Then her eyes got big again. “I think I hearded a swish swish. My baby is in there!”

  “Already laying claim, munchkin? I think that’s my baby in there,” Atlas said proudly.

  A spike of jealousy slammed into me once again. Several years ago that had been me. Happy and elated that I was going to be a father. Until the lying bitch took the dream away.

  I shook off the old wound and focused on the group in front of me. Lily was still arguing with Atlas about who got the baby when it was born as I came back to the here and now.

  “Well, congrats, guys. I’m going to head out. I’ll be back with the fixings for dinner tomorrow. Give you guys a break. Monet, I can change your bandages then too.”

  She smiled and closed her eyes. With her eyes closed, looking like she did not have a care in the world, she was unearthly exquisite. Maybe one day I could be the one to see that look on her face while I was lying in bed beside her.

  Chapter Five

  You may have a closed heart chakra if you are feeling bitterness and anger toward those you have perceived as having wronged you. In order to open your heart chakra you must release that anger, forgive yourself and others without condition, and truly let go.

  MONET

  I adored Mila and Atlas. Loved them. So much so I couldn’t imagine not having them as part of my life. But with my heart shredded and my psyche having taken the motherlode of hits, the last thing I wanted to see was a couple in love flaunting their happy selves all over my house.

  I was wretched. A horrible friend. Downright loser material.

  As I made my way through the kitchen and past the couple canoodling on my couch, I physically gagged. This was not like me. I’d always been the world’s biggest proponent of love. Finding it. Keeping it. Working hard at relationships because I believed wholeheartedly that anything worth having took work. Love was no different. And I know I did my best with Kyle. Doted on him the way a loving wife should. Only, he never returned that affection.

  But when it came right down to it, I’d failed at love. Faile
d miserably. A shot of guilt warring with anger sliced straight through my back where a tender patch of my wound stung. Not the first painful reminder that the man I had loved more than my next breath didn’t love me back. In fact, he loved me so little he’d taken a knife to me in hate.

  For what?

  I lifted up a coffee cup and filled it with the nectar of the gods. My hands shook like I was a frail hundred-year-old woman. I set the cup down and rested my arms on the counter in front of me, bracing myself for the onslaught of emotions that tore me apart one flash of memory at a time.

  Kyle tried to kill me.

  Breathe, Moe. Calm down.

  He tried to kill me for money. Money.

  Anger and disgust coated my heart, and I broke out in a misting of fine sweat. I could feel a tremble start in my toes and work its way up my legs, through my body, and out to my fingertips. I gripped the rounded edge of the counter.

  What was it he’d said? So the money would go to the right person? He must have been talking about my sister, Matisse.

  A shiver catapulted me into the past.

  * * *

  Kyle entered the lawyer’s office. At first I was surprised to see him. Hopeful, even, that he’d come at such a sad time in my life. My grandparents had both passed, and I was the lone living relative sitting in their lawyer’s office for the reading of the will. I’d gotten everything. My family had not intended anything for Matisse. But I had a plan. I’d create a separate trust for her. I had more money than I needed or could ever use in this lifetime. Maybe if she didn’t have to worry about money, we could focus on building our relationship. With our dad somewhere working, focusing on himself as usual, pretending he didn’t have a family he’d left behind, Matisse was all I had left.

  And then she walked in behind Kyle, holding his hand. They both stopped in front of me, smarmy grins on their faces. To say I was shocked to see Matisse with my ex-husband would have been putting it mildly. I knew he’d been fond of her, but not this fond.