Limitless Love: A Lotus House Novel: Book Four

by Audrey Carlan

  She moved fast. Faster than I would have anticipated, thinking we’d go slow the first time we made love. I should have known that Monet was unlike any woman on this earth. The moment she hit my thighs and straddled my width, she curled a hand around the base, centered it to her slit, and slammed down in one go.

  “Oh Gaaaaaaaahhhhhhd,” she moaned.

  I gripped her hips, preventing her from moving a single inch. If she did, I might go off on one fucking thrust like a pubescent high schooler taking a girl’s cherry for the first time.

  “You’re so…oh my…so big. I knew it was large, but…Clay…” She shimmied her hips and stirred my cock within her. I gritted my teeth and bore down.

  I needed her down over me, lying across me, skin to skin. “Get down here now, beautiful. Need your mouth on mine,” I growled, and her eyes widened before she mewled like a content baby kitten and kissed me.

  I plunged my tongue into her mouth, shifted my hips back as much as I could, and jackhammered home. She cried out, my kiss swallowing it down. Fucking bliss. Being inside Monet unsheathed was better than any dream I’d had, and I’d had many since moving in. A month of endless scenarios where I took her hard, fast, slow, sideways, from behind, in the shower, in the tub, on the floor, against the wall. Nothing could ever measure up to the real thing.

  Without warning, I rolled us over, pulled back my hips, and slammed home. Her body bounced up the bed at the force of my thrust, but her arms locked around my back, her legs around my hips, and she didn’t complain.

  For a few minutes, I was lost to the carnal act of taking my woman. Rolling in deep, pressing my pubis against her clit so I could grind against that cherry pit over and over, and I too was gone. She liked that grinding move. I knew by the way her eyes rolled back into her head and how she tightened her legs around the small of my back with each thrust.

  Fuck, my woman was hot. And wet. And tight. So goddamned tight. Like a mighty fist locked around my girth. My cock was happier than it ever had been, and she’d made him pretty fucking happy this past month with her mouth and hands. Those were great, but her pussy? My God, her pussy owned me.

  Pussy-whipped by this woman? Sign me the fuck up.

  “Clay…love you, Clay…so much,” Monet whispered into my ear before biting down on my shoulder. “I’m going to come again. Come with me.”

  Hell, as if I could deny her anything. Gripping one of her knees, unlocking it from my waist, I pushed it up and out toward her armpit. “Want deeper. More of you. Need it. Gonna take it.” I clenched my teeth and drove in hard to the end of her. “Fuck yeah!” I lived for the extra inch inside. Nothing quite like it. Nothing.

  Her eyes went crazy wide, and she lifted her face to the sky. I watched as her mouth opened in a silent cry when it came over her.

  She shook, and I trembled.

  I took, and she shattered.

  She locked me into her body, and I lost my soul.

  My vision was nothing but color. The cherry red of her lips after so many kisses. The pink of her cheeks. The black waves of her hair flowing over white cotton sheets. Her brown nipples peaked and tight. The shimmering translucent silver of sweat that misted over her skin. Color dancing…everywhere. And all mine.

  I smashed my mouth over hers as it came over me. “Love you, Monet. Fucking love you,” I mumbled around her lips as a wall of pleasure so intense embraced me, coating every nerve ending with bliss and a blinding white light. I planted my cock deep and let it all go. Shot after shot of my cum roared through me and into the last woman I’d ever make love to.

  “You’re it for me, Monet.” I whispered into her neck, my lips resting against my spot. “You’re all I’m ever going to need in this lifetime.”

  My woman wrapped her arms and legs back around me and held me there. All of my weight was pressing her into the mattress, and she didn’t complain. I bet if I tried to leave the safety of her arms, she wouldn’t let go. I wanted her to never let go.

  “You’re it for me too, Clay. Before you came along, I thought I knew love and what a relationship should be like, what sex should be like. You’ve destroyed that. What we have is so much more than I’d ever thought possible. I’m going to hold on to you. Do whatever it takes to keep you because I never want to see you go.”

  I kissed her neck several times. “Not ever gonna leave you, beautiful. Not ever. I promise.”

  “Gonna hold you to that promise.”

  I rolled over, taking her with me so she didn’t bear my weight again. She shifted up on me, crossing both of her arms over my chest and setting her chin into her hands.

  “So what did you think?” I asked smugly.

  She pretended to think about it and put a ho-hum placating look on her face. She couldn’t hold it. Not tonight. Not after the magnificence of what we just shared.

  “I think I’m going to have to experience it at least ten more times to give a worthy answer to that question.”

  Greedy girl. I loved it. I chuckled and planted my hands on her ass, gripping a nice amount of cheek. My cock was already hardening against her stomach.

  “You may get the opportunity,” I warned and thrust against her.

  “Seriously? Again?” She ran a finger down my torso and lifted up to a sitting position.

  “You’re insanely hot, and I’ve waited over a month to be with you.”

  Her eyebrows shot up into her hairline. “You didn’t wait for jack. You had me in other ways.” She pouted prettily and placed her hands on her hips. If she hadn’t been naked with her tits bouncing in front of my face, I’d have prodded at her a little more, but not when she was looking like my next meal.

  Instead, I palmed both of her tits and swiped my thumbs across her nipples. She gasped and bit down on her bottom lip.

  “Hurt?”

  “A little. Sensitive.”

  “Well, how about this time, you ride me until you come all over my cock?”

  She licked her lips and stretched her arms over her head in a yoga move I’d seen many times before but usually standing. Those succulent gobbles bounced enticingly, and I groaned.

  “Well, it’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it.” She grinned gloriously.

  “Yeah, and that’s you, beautiful. Now hop on my cock.”

  Monet giggled. “That sounds like a nursery rhyme.”

  “If it is, we’ll read it together.”

  She laughed, and I sat up and pushed myself back against the headboard at the perfect moment when my girl slid down my length.

  “Yummy.” She moaned, tipping her head back.

  Instead of making a joke of her cute side, I slid my hand into her hair, allowing the long strands to run through my fingers like silk ribbons. “True,” I said, taking her mouth with mine.

  Chapter Sixteen

  When your heart chakra is open, you are flowing with love and compassion, you are quick to forgive, and you accept others and yourself. A closed heart chakra can give way to grief, anger, jealousy, fear of betrayal, and hatred toward yourself and others.

  MONET

  A warmth unlike anything I’d ever known surrounded me. A set of masculine hands were running down my rib cage underneath the covers. I woke more fully when the blanket crept down and the morning chill touched my bare back.

  “Good morning,” Clay rasped into my ear before kissing his way down my spine and back up. “You’re back is healing wonderfully. I think you’ll be pleased if you ever get up the courage to look at it,” he teased.

  And I hadn’t yet. I didn’t want to know what it looked like. Something inside me was afraid to see. I feared the happiness bubble I was currently living in would burst and I’d have to start all over again.

  Noncommittally, I hummed and tucked my elbows under my chest to settle in while Clay caressed me. His lips touched down at the top of my wound.

  “I’m going to kiss every inch of you until you understand you’re beautiful. Everywhere.” Clayton continued his mission, kissing featherlight
along my scar. From the very top of my shoulder, down over my shoulder blade, and along my side until he ended at the top of my hip. Of course, then he got kinky. He slid one of his large hands under my front and zeroed right in on the tiny bundle of nerves aching for attention.

  His fingers moved through the wetness that increased at his touch, and I bucked my hips back, encouraging. He pushed one finger inside and then used his thumb to circle blissfully around my clit.

  I arched, lifted my head to gasp, and pressed into his movements.

  “You like that, baby?” he cooed, shifting his weight and straddling my hips. Clayton worked his fingers magically, finding just the right spot to take me from tame to wild.

  Without thought, he rested his ass on my thighs, keeping me pinned facedown to the mattress. Then he used his free hand to slide up my ribcage, over my shoulder, and into my hair, where he tunneled in and gripped me by the roots while at the same time he forced two fingers deep.

  Any other woman, or a normal me, would have bucked into it and crooned in pleasure. That is not what happened. Not at all.

  I screamed at the top of my lungs. Loud enough to shake the windows.

  And I was back there.

  * * *

  My attacker was on top of me, straddling my sides and crushing my hips into the pavement.

  He dug a forceful hand into my hair and tugged my head back hard. Blood poured down my back and onto my hand as I lifted up, trying to get him off me. I screamed, kicked, and pushed off the concrete, but nothing would jar him loose.

  That’s when I heard it. Laughter. Kyle’s laughter while he held me down. “Not so all-powerful now, are you, Monet…”

  He put the knife to my throat and dug the tip in. It burned like acid dripping on my skin.

  “No!” I screamed.

  “Yes!” he growled, pulling my head back so hard that my back bent unnaturally and I thought for sure he’d break my spine.

  “Any last words?” His tone was absolute. That was the end.

  “Monet!” Someone called my name.

  I jolted and screamed.

  “Monet, I’m sorry!” A soothing voice. One I loved. Cared for. There to save me. To bring me back.

  * * *

  Clayton’s voice entered my nightmare.

  “Baby…”

  I blinked several times. The room started to come into focus. “Clayton!” I screeched, reaching, climbing, battling the smoke and black surrounding my vision.

  “Monet! Monet! Jesus, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry!” Clayton’s entire form shook; his eyes, now a smoky blue, were filled with fear.

  Tears poured down my cheeks, and I found myself huddled to the headboard with my knees up and my arms locked around them. I lifted my head, and Clayton held his hands out to me in a gesture of surrender.

  “Okay, I’m far away. Nowhere near you. Please, Monet. Please, baby. I don’t know what to do.” Clayton’s voice was ravaged by dread and panic.

  I swallowed around the grit in my throat. “I… Clayton. Honey.” The punch of embarrassment slammed my chest like a battering ram. “Oh no.”

  Clayton moved toward the bed, likely having sensed I’d returned to the here and now. He pulled me into his arms and wedged his face against my neck. “Oh my God. You scared the fuck out of me. I love you. Monet, I’m sorry. I love you,” he repeated, obviously needing to make sure I knew it.

  “It’s okay. I’m okay now.” I locked my arms around his strong back and tried to remember. For a long time, Clay held me and we did yoga breathing, in for four breaths, out for four breaths, until both of us were calm enough to speak. I settled my ear to his chest and listened to his heartbeat. My favorite place.

  You are not alone, Moe. Clayton’s with you. He’d never hurt you. It was just a flashback.

  Clayton petted my hair and placed kisses on my forehead and wherever he could reach. One of his hands eased up and down my back in soothing gestures that put me into a trancelike state. Gone was the frightening moment of being back there in Kyle’s clutches. Gone was the fear he’d caused. In its place was warmth, life, and love. Clayton could give me all of that, and I was finally able to accept it.

  “Clay, tell me what you experienced. I know you’re shaken up,” I requested, speaking to his chest but not ready to look into his eyes.

  His large frame trembled as if it was hard to speak. “We were, uh…having fun. I was behind you, with my hand otherwise, uh…busy. And then…fuck. Shit just went bad. Really fucking bad, Monet.” His voice cracked, sounding like heavy boots over gravel.

  I could feel wetness slide down the heated skin of my shoulder. I eased back and found his eyes red-rimmed and glassy. I cupped both of his cheeks and kissed him softly because I knew he needed it. Whatever I’d gone through had pained him as much as it had me.

  Taking a moment to breathe, allowing my heart to settle at his concern, I finally spoke. “I had a flashback of when Kyle had me pinned down in the garage. He sat on top of me from behind and yanked my head backward by my hair in order to cut my throat.”

  Watching Clayton’s expression crumble into one of sheer misery and then horror probably topped the list of the last things I’d ever want to see in my lifetime.

  Seeing my big, strong, capable man break right before my eyes eviscerated me.

  He shook his head. “I did that. I took you back there. Me. I hurt you.” He stood up and started pacing.

  As scared as I was and as shaky as the flashback had left me, we both needed to get past this.

  Naked as the day I was born, I came up behind him, wrapped my arms around him, and pressed my lips into his back. “No. You do not get to take that on your shoulders.” I cleared my throat. “Never. Not ever. Don’t compare what we have to what that vile man did to me. You didn’t know.” I sucked in a harsh breath. “Honey, I didn’t know that would happen. I’m sorry I scared you.”

  He turned around so fast it put me off-kilter, but he caught me and plastered my body up against his chest. “You’re sorry? No. I should have known better.” His jaw was firm, hardened in a way that reminded me of what he looked like when he first took in my features after the initial attack.

  “But you couldn’t…” I tried.

  “My job is to know what you need, when you need it. I failed.” He ran a shaky hand through his spikey hair. Blond layers fell every which way, making him even more ruggedly handsome.

  I rubbed my hands up and down his chest. “Clayton, you do know what I need, because all I need is you. You being understanding as I figure this out. You here for me, for Lily. I’m sorry I scared you. It’s very clear to me that I need to spend more time talking to my therapist about what happened. And perhaps, the next time we’re in a particular position, we’ll plan for it. You can help me get past it. Do you think you could do that? Work with me on crossing over that fear?”

  Clayton fell to his knees before me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me close before kissing my belly. There he rested his forehead in supplication. “I’ll be whatever you need. Anything. Anytime. Whenever.”

  I wiped at my tears. “I love you.”

  “I love you too. So much.” He kissed my belly again and laid his head there so he could look up. His eyes were a murky blue, unlike the startling sky blue they usually were when he held me.

  “I’m sorry I scared you,” I whispered as a tear fell onto his cheek.

  “I’m sorry too. We’ll get past this, beautiful.”

  I ruffled his hair. “Yes, I do believe we can get through anything as long as we’re together.”

  * * *

  I entered the kitchen to the sounds of Queen’s “We Are the Champions.”

  “Queen?” I chuckled.

  “Yes, Mommy?” Lily answered as if I’d called for her. My little girl was a riot.

  Clayton grinned, bit into a carrot, and then tossed one to my love bug. She picked it up and crunched loudly the same way he did.

  I shook my head and smiled an
d my two loves. They filled my heart with such joy, I should have easily been able to push aside all the latent negativity of my experience with Kyle, but I couldn’t. My therapist said it would take time. Intellectually, I knew this. I’d said the same thing many times in my daily practice. It just didn’t fit into my world. I had everything I’d ever wanted munching on carrots and dancing to Queen in my kitchen. Nothing should be able to bring me down.

  “How’d your call go with, uh…your friend, the good doctor?” Clayton asked smoothly, being vague so that the littlest of ears wouldn’t pick up on the fact that Mommy needed a doctor’s help.

  I went over to my big man and looped an arm around his waist. “Really good. Time heals all wounds, as they say. But you were right. I need to have more than a handful of sessions. We’ve set up a time every few days to go over some of the, uh…more repugnant details so that what happened today won’t happen again,” I assured him.

  He frowned. “Did you tell her about today? Exactly?”

  “Of course. She needed to know so I could get past it.”

  Clayton nodded, seemingly not altogether happy about me hashing out the finer details of what triggered the flashback.

  He pursed his lips. “Did she say there was any specific cause…?”

  I gripped him by the waist and turned him toward me so his gaze came directly to mine. “She said it was bound to happen at some point. Pushing those types of experiences to the back of your subconscious only delays them coming to the surface. The trigger was not you but the act of remembering a time where I was in a similar position. Trust me. You are not the problem. I am. Pretending what happened was a small thing did not do me any favors. I’m now suffering the consequences of that decision, but there is a positive side to this.”

  He gripped my hips. “Thank Christ. Lay it on me, because right now I could use a positive.”

  God, he was so sweet. My guy wanting me happy and healthy above all else.