Silent Bob

by Erik Schubach

My blood went cold, even I knew that she's religious about her check-ins. Why did I even care? Damn it. “When was the last one?” I choked out in a strained voice.

  He responded from a million miles away. “Eight AM yesterday, from Beggar's Creek.” That's over twenty four hours I thought to myself as he continued. “I'm calling the State Patrol. We'll organize a search party at Silent Bob's right away.” His voice sounded strained.

  I found myself answering. “I'll... I'll be right there.” Damn it, they are forty minutes away from Monroe, that's like a lifetime when someone is missing.

  I was running through the shop, I didn't stop to talk to any of my workers and momentarily I was in my Land Cruiser and driving the route I had come to know like the back of my hand since I met Ro. No... she doesn't get a nickname from me. Roberta... Bobbi, Silent Bob... whatever! What am I doing? I'm mad at her. But... I hate myself for this, I need her in my life and I don't even know why.

  I started screaming in frustration and punching my steering wheel repeatedly. This is how I used to be. I was always angry all the time after my fall, before I met her on that damn mountain. Angry at people, angry at the world, angry at myself! I don't want to go back to that. She made me smile again. She made me take a critical look at myself. I didn't like what I saw. She changed me for the better, made me WANT to be better.

  Fuck it! I'm going to find her, I'm going to yell at her, I'm going to harbor a nice long 'mad' at her, and I'm going to forgive her even if I am just her private joke. I want my calm back! I don't want to be the old me.

  Her radio is probably just dead... something stupid like batteries. I was trying to convince myself as I dialed her number as I drove. It will ring through to her satellite phone. I knew rationally that the old coot had already tried this but that didn't stop me from trying.

  It went straight to voice mail. “Roberta. It's Blake. Call me.” It just needs a charge, that's the only logical explanation for not answering both it and the radio. Right? I have to get out of my own head. I'm ranting here.

  I reached over and turned on the radio and tried not to think at all. That lasted all of ten seconds before I grabbed my cell and checked the weather for last night in the mountains. Snow, wind, temps in the mid teens. Nothing she can't handle. If anyone can take care of themselves outdoors, it is Roberta. I wouldn't let myself think any other way.

  I pulled up to what looked like a base camp in the parking lot of Silent Bob's. State troopers were there and literally hundreds of other people with more arriving behind me. I parked and started toward the group when I caught sight of the old codger and made my way over to him. He looked downright frantic. Then he saw me approaching and he quickly closed the gap.

  The man looked a thousand years old but tough as nails as he said, “Glad you could make it. I'm Remmy by the way.” He turned toward the state troopers and what looked like forest rangers. He spoke as we walked toward them. “They got two search and rescue birds in the air. We are organizing search parties now. But I keep telling them not to concentrate on Beggar’s Creek she'll be on foot. I know that girl. She wants to be up high!”

  I nodded, I understood that need. That's where you can find clarity, looking out over the world. That gorgeous African American girl came running up to us, what was her name? Ramona? She grabbed my hand before I could react and started dragging me to the makeshift staging area. “Thank God you're here Blake. You think like her, maybe you can tell these guys where to look. They are acting like she's never been in the wilderness before!”

  I looked at the desperation on her face, these people really seem to love Roberta. I recognized Jane McKay and Crystal James or McKay, whatever, beside the man who looked to be giving orders.

  Jane was arguing with him. “No, don't sweep lower toward the valley, she'd never have gone that way. This is Silent Bob we're talking about here damn it, not some lost tourist! She trained half the rangers here on the area. She'd be somewhere above the creek. That's where she would be.” She ran her finger along the ridges east of the area marked off in search grids.

  The man shook his head. “Once we have cleared the grids, we can expand the radius. We have to do this systematically. Nobody would be climbing in the weather we had yesterday.”

  Crystal snorted. “Have you ever met the woman before? My God man, listen to Jane!”

  He shook his head. “You are welcome to leave any time you want. But if you want to help, we do it by the book and you do what I say. We don't need more people lost up there.”

  I narrowed my eyes as I looked at the map. What Jane was saying made a ton of sense, knowing Ro like I do. This guy was thinking about procedure and not about the person. I glanced at Jane and caught her eye and tilted my head toward the shop. She grabbed Crystal's hand and started dragging her along to meet me inside. Remmy and Ramona followed.

  We passed Sandra who was bringing a tray of warm drinks out to the search parties. She looked at me and almost burst into tears. “I'm sorry Blake. This is all my fault. I got you mad at her Friday. She was so sad when she left my place.”

  God, the girl looked broken. I put a hand on her shoulder. “Sandra, this is NOT your fault. Not in any way. Do you understand me?”

  She nodded and rushed off before she could start crying again. I noticed Jane was watching this interaction intently. I could tell by the steely look in her eyes that she'd take down anyone that hurt that sweet blonde in an instant, without a second thought.

  I glanced back when I heard a car door slam and a gorgeous tall woman with flowing black hair came running from a jeep toward us as other people were getting out of the vehicle. I recognized her. Kimi Solomon! That's right, Ro had said they were coming for the holidays.

  She ran right up to Remmy with probably the most stoic expression I had ever seen on a person. “Tell me you have news Rem.”

  He shook his head. “Nothing yet. And the stubborn fool down there wants to search the valley first.”

  Kimi's face may as well have been carved from stone, I had no clue what she was thinking. “Oh come on. She's going to be heading up not down. Did you tell him that?”

  Remmy nodded with a look of distaste on his old features. “Yes but his little manual says they have to start the search from the damn creek and increase the search radius from there. Concentrating down slope in case she tries to 'walk out'.”

  Kimi shook her head with that unreadable mask. “The man is a fool then.”

  She lead the way into the building and up some stairs, me creaking and clacking the whole way. It was completely obvious that she was intimately familiar with the place as she lead us into what looked like the main office area and to a map.

  Remmy and Jane were instantly beside her. Remmy putting a pin in the map. “This was the last contact with Homeplate, just past Beggar's Creek.”

  It was odd to see all of their heads automatically sweep to the ridges above the area as mine did. These people know Ro.

  We paused as a stunning brunette woman with scars covered in bright tattoos down the right side of her face walked in, holding the hand of a little blonde girl with a curly pink shock of hair. The little one couldn't have been older than five or six and had the most innocent looking smile I had ever seen, sparkling on her face.

  Then that stoic look on Kimi's face broke when she saw them, as a huge smile lit up her exotic features, her eyes twinkling. Holy crap! Now that was a look of love if I ever saw one! “Sky, why don't you bring Sammie up to Bobbi's upstairs and see if you can't find her some paper to draw on?” Ro lives here?

  The woman returned the smile with equal intensity, understanding the need to keep the little girl away from what could be a stressful situation. “Of course Flower. I'll be right upstairs if you need me.” Holy British accents Batman! That sounded almost as seductive as Ro's accent when she let her's go. Wait... that was Skylar Roth! Kimi's wife and bandmate in Satin Thunder!

  As soon as they were out of the room, Kimi's expression changed to stoic again like a sw
itch was flipped and she was snapping orders at everyone. It was plainly obvious that not only did she know what she was doing but everyone was quite comfortable with her taking charge.

  She looked at each of us in turn then the weather readouts scrolling on the video screen beside the map.. “Let those jokers out there go by their dumbass book. Jane, you and Crystal get up in the air, swing a search arc north east and south east from Beggar's Creek. Concentrate on the ridges and peaks. Hurry, looks like high winds are coming.”

  They were already walking out as she finished. Then she turned to the rest of us. “We all go in pairs. Ramona, you man Homeplate. You are the communication hub, everything goes through you.”

  She turned her steely gaze to me, “You're Blake Reston, I remember you. You got some good skills. You are with me. We'll start with a low sweep on the north ridge then go high if we have time before dark.”

  Before I could respond she was already talking to Remmy. “Rem, you and Vernon take the south ridge low. Go high if there's daylight left.” A giant mountain man looking guy stepped beside the old man. Where the hell did he come from? I didn't even know he was in the room. He kept looking over at me, it was unnerving.

  We made our way out a side door in the office onto a platform above a large garage area with all kinds of vehicles and down some stairs to the floor level. Our group was loading up gear onto two snowmobiles attaching sleds checking radios. I felt useless, they all knew where everything was, I didn't. I donned the heavier coat and gloves I was handed. It smelled familiar. I liked it... it must have been one of Ro's.

  That Vernon guy kept looking at me. I couldn't take it anymore. “What?” I snapped at him.

  He spoke softly looking down, “You're the girl that makes Bobbi smile again. You're good for her. Thank you.” Then he shuffled off. I just stared after him, letting his words seep in.

  Sandra had made her way in while we geared up and was handing out water bottles and we all put them under our coats. I could tell she wanted to do more to help find Ro but didn't know what to do, so she was doing what she could.

  Then Ramona opened the big bay door and we went rocketing out on our snowmobiles. I looked back to see the door closing and we shot past the staging area and into the woods toward Beggar's Creek. I tightened my arms around Kimi's waist as we increased speed. It was quite obvious that she knew these woods.

  Chapter 9 – She's My Hero

  We crossed Beggar's Creek and once we hit the area where we saw search parties making their way downrange. Kimi slowed and shook her head as she looked down toward them, then cut up toward the peaks. A minute later I saw something familiar and I tapped her shoulder but she was already slowing down and nodding, she had seen it too. A nicely shaped snow mound where none had a reason to be.

  We stopped and jumped off and walked up to the mound and brushed the snow off the tarp. We peeked under a corner at Roberta's snowmobile then looked around. Both of our eyes swung to the peaks. The snowmobile couldn't go much farther that way. So we geared up and slung ropes over our shoulders as Remmy and Vernon arrived. They dismounted and geared up as Kimi got on the radio while she played around with her satellite phone. “Kim to Homeplate.”

  Ramona's smooth voice replied, “We read you Kim.”

  Kimi looked back to the mountains. “I just sent you the grids to her snowmobile. Forward them to the circus outside and to the McKay's. We are splitting up now to sweep the lower ridges.”

  Ramona responded. “Copy that.”

  Kimi ended communications with a “Kim out.” And we started to the northeast as Remmy and Vernon headed southeast.

  We picked our way through the trees, me creaking and clacking until we were far enough separated from the men to be out of earshot when Kimi stopped dead and spun toward me. Her stoic expression was replaced with one of barely contained rage. “OK Blake. Now tell me... what did you do?!” She was barely taller than me but it suddenly felt like she was looming over me like a specter.

  But if she thinks she's mad, she doesn't know me. I live in anger, that's my domain. I didn't back down. I hissed back at her, “Me? What did I do? She's the one who was lying to me, using me! They were all just having a good laugh over there as she pretended to help me out. I may have overreacted when I told her I never wanted to see her again. But this is not my fault!” It feels like it IS my fault.

  That weird switch went off in her and that unreadable expression was instantly back and her voice was calm again. “Pretending to help you? You really don't know her at all then. That woman will selflessly help anyone and everyone. That marvelous person was raving about you and bragging about how great you are, when we called her the other day about our trip. I've never heard her so excited about someone since Jane. Bobbi is the definition of the word hero. She's my hero. I'd be dead or worse right now if she never came into my life.”

  She started walking toward the ridge again as she spoke in a faraway voice, “Let me tell you a little story about Silent Bob. My mother always saw me as a disappointment. I was her shame... born out of wedlock. She made sure to remind me of that every occasion she could. She'd beat me and humiliate me any chance she got. I had a mad on for the whole ugly world. There was this fury I had burning inside. I was getting into trouble all the time. Can you imagine being angry all the time? What it can do to a person? How it can eat at you?”

  That really hit home, as I can imagine exactly what it is like, as I was living it until I met Ro. She continued. “As a young teen, I was into stealing, drugs, you name it. For the thrill, just to feel something, anything but the rage. I was in and out of juvenile detention more times than I can count. Constantly fighting. I was starting to experiment with some heavier drugs to dull out the screaming in my head. I'd do just about anything to make the voices stop, to score another hit.”

  She paused. “When I was fourteen I figured out I was gay. I tried to hide it at first, because, that's just not normal right? Only deviants were gay right? That's what we are taught as kids. God I was so misguided.”

  She took a deep breath, I could tell this was all hard for her to share with a complete stranger. “But I came to figure out that it wasn't bad, unnatural or anything else negative like the uneducated bigots want you to believe. It was just what it was. It didn't define me as a person, no more than being straight defines you as a person. Who gives a crap which two people like each other? No matter how you look at it, love is just that... love.”

  She started walking faster while scanning our surroundings for anything out of place. “So, at fifteen I came out to my mom. She kicked me out of the house then and there, right after she beat me half to death. I stumbled off into the woods. I have to say that at that point, I seriously just wanted to die, I was contemplating the different ways to do it. The world was so cruel, why would anyone want to live in it? I don't know how long I wandered through the woods. I don't know what was worse, the pain from the beating or the shakes I was getting from going so long without a high. I really needed a hit.”

  I glanced over to to see a little smile grow on her face as she continued. “Then through the trees, I heard someone singing, the voice was so pretty, it was like a siren song beckoning to me. I wanted to sing like that! I vowed to myself that I would one day. I followed the voice and came out into a clearing by a lodge with a sign that read Stuart's Outdoor Outfitters. There was this woman there singing. She had long black hair and was loading up some gear onto a four wheeler, she looked like she was twenty one or twenty two. Hell, she was outright beautiful! I was looking around for a place to hide so I could watch her. Maybe I could steal something to score some drugs too. But then the woman saw me.”

  Kim was speeding up through the trees again, her sharp eyes searching everywhere. “She looked over at me and stopped singing... and smiled. It wasn't like one of those polite smiles or those pity smiles. It was one of those genuine ones that you can see dancing around in someone's eyes. I froze up. I didn't run, didn't hide. I just looked at her an
d when she said, 'Hi, I'm Bobbi. Who are you?' I just said hi right back and told her my name.”

  Her voice was hoarse now, I saw all kinds of emotion swirling around on her normally emotionless face now. “She invited me in to clean up the blood on my face and actually listened when I told her my story. She was so easy to talk to. I asked her not to call the police or child protective services, that I'd rather run away or kill myself than go back to my mother or a foster home. Then she shocked me. Instead of arguing the point like any other adult, she just simply nodded and asked, 'Can you work?'. I nodded back and she put me to work in the lodge cleaning stuff up. Her uncle Stu tried to get her to call the authorities and she insisted to him that she would never go back on her word to me and that she accepted me as her responsibility.”

  Kim looked to be softly crying now as we continued our search. She took a deep breath then continued. “She showed me her room upstairs next to her uncle's and said we would share it. When my withdrawal really kicked in I really wanted to die, she just cared for me as I laid in my bed. For days I begged her for drugs, she denied me. So I begged her to help me end it all, she denied me. Instead she just hugged me and sang to me. I didn't want anyone’s pity, she gave me none, instead she offered love. She was my strength, my anchor. Then when it was finally all over days later. She put me back to work to 'earn my keep', and I got paid every two weeks for my work even though I didn't want the money from her.”

  Her voice caught and I found I was tearing up a bit myself. We stopped for a second and both pulled out our water bottles and took a drink before she continued. “I didn't want to disappoint this woman that the gods had sent to me to be my guardian angel. I learned all I could about the business, about the outdoors. She showed me the majesty of nature and took me out here every chance we got.”

  We started moving again, continuing our search. “She caught me sketching one day and excitedly brought me to the MAC. I was amazed at the works of art there. I had never seen such beautiful things. She got me an art set and art books for Christmas and encouraged me to draw. I still have the little magnifying glass she gave me to look at frost and snowflakes so I could witness the artistry of nature itself.” She held up her keys by a little leather pouch.