Silent Bob

by Erik Schubach

I grinned sheepishly. “But everywhere I turned, there was like this Silent Bob blockade. I tried contacting companies... like yours, to help me expand my offerings. But just like you, everyone refused, stating that they'd only work for Bob. God I hated that man! I slowly succeeded to a small degree. My business was profitable, but I knew I could do more. I wouldn't let my nemesis win.”

  I absently looked over that the vehicles in the bay as I spoke. “Each tiny victory gave me a cathartic release of the darkness inside me. I attempted to lure his employees away. But not a single one would budge, even with the offer of doubling their salary. They were seriously that dedicated to this infuriating mystery man. Kimi was the oddest interaction I think I have ever had. She kept playing this damn 'hero' card on me.”

  Jane snorted at that, and I couldn't help a little smile of my own now that I know Kim. “I was so angry at the man, but that gave me the fuel, the drive to build my business, an outlet for the rage. Then one night while hiking and scoping out some of Silent Bob's territory for mountain tours, a blizzard hit ahead of the forecast. I was mad at the weather and stomped through it, I was lazy and decided to hit a nearby emergency shelter instead of pitching camp.”

  I looked off into space at the memory. “I couldn't find the thing. The GPS was telling me it was right around there by the ridge. I was mad at the GPS, mad at myself for not finding the shelter. I was resigned to pitching camp when the wind carried a sweet voice, singing in the forest. I was shocked. Not only was I not the only person stupid enough to go stomping around a mountain in the middle of a blizzard. But this person was happy and singing.”

  I smiled fondly at the memory. “I made my way through the dark to a campsite. Then this woman, this striking woman... happily took me in and shared her tent. I made an ass out of myself telling her why I was on the mountain, bashing Silent Bob. Imagine my shock when she said she was stocking the shelter I couldn't find FOR Silent Bob's. God I felt sheepish. But she smiled through the whole awkward encounter, putting me at ease.”

  I rolled my eyes at the next admission. “Then I tried to hire her out from under Bob.” Jane snorted. I nodded at the irony, shaking my head. “Yeah, not my finest moment in retrospect. She politely told me Silent Bob's was her life. I went on to rant about Bob and how nobody I contacted would work with me because of him. And I... I...” I looked at her then down at my hands in shame. “I called you and Crystal dykes.”

  Jane actually laughed. She didn't get angry. I shot her a look of confusion, then she chuckled. “You actually said that word around Bobbi? Oh God. Tell me she embarrassed the heck out of you. Pleeeeeease?”

  I nodded with a sheepish grin. “Yes she did. And Jane, I am truly sorry I even thought the slur about you. She made me look at myself and how I treated others. She showed me how hurtful things like that are, and how misguide people can be when they are not educated on the matter. I used to joke around like anyone else about gay people. Not thinking anything of it, not even seeing how hateful it was. I'd blame culture, but I was part of that culture without really being aware that I was. I feel nothing but shame about it now. She showed me myself and I didn't like who I saw. I'm trying to change... it is just taking time. It takes a while to identify this in yourself and go about setting things right.”

  I frowned at what came next. “Then right after that... my bigotry and misinformed opinions slapped me in the face again when she revealed that she was gay as well. I was scared she was going to like... make a move on me or something. Then a couple things happened. First, she laughed at me and made me really think about that opinion and assured me that she had absolutely no intention of 'making a move'. Second, I was somehow feeling insecure and insulted that she said that. Was I not pretty enough for her to find attractive? Was it the damn brace? Was it my inner ugliness?”

  I smiled fondly at the next memory. “God, we became the best of friends after that. I talked with her the way you described, I found it so easy to share my life with her. I told her everything and wanted to learn everything about her. I wanted to be around her all the time. I hated that that damn Bob guy kept her so busy all the time.”

  I exhaled and looked straight at Jane. “But there was always this... shadow over us. Something she held from me. She never invited me to her place, and she would always pull away and recoil any time I touched her or hugged her. I remember that night every time it happens. She's my best friend but she is repulsed by me. It hurt. Almost a physical pain. I wanted her to find me attractive for some stupid damn reason. Her opinion means everything to me!”

  I slumped my shoulders and started wringing my fingers. “I felt so close to her, our friendship felt strong like it was forged out of steel, yet I repulsed her. I started going out of my way to touch her innocently or hug her. I wanted her to find me desirable. I don't know why. I'm straight Jane. I don't understand why I did what I did. It can't be anything more. I love her but I'm not IN love with her... right?”

  Then I let my eyes unfocus as I continued. “She helped with suppliers and contacts and ideas to make Reston Outfitters stronger. To solidify two distinct territories between Silent Bob's and Reston Outfitters. Making both companies a force to be reckoned with. Hell, my business is up forty percent since I met her! I was marveling at the happiness that had replaced all my rage since she came into my life.”

  My frustration returned with the tears. “But then it all came crashing down when I found out it was all just pretend. Sandra let it slip that Roberta was Silent Bob. My life stopped in that instant, the rage returned, the darkness consumed me. She had lied to me the whole time. Used me to make her territory stronger. I just knew that everyone over here was having a great laugh at my expense. But... now... I'm thinking that I... was wrong. And now she's missing because of me.”

  Jane looked at me with empathy, shaking her head slowly. “You really fucked up, Blake.” She squeezed my shoulder gently. “I shouldn't be telling you this, it really isn't my place. But Bobbi is so frigging in love with you that it physically hurts her. But she knows you're straight and didn't want to lose your friendship by admitting it. She feels that loving you as a friend is enough if it means you still being in her life. She was scared to tell you that she was Silent Bob because you seemed to hate everything there was about the person, she kept trying, but she didn't want this exact reaction from you. She would pull back from your touches because she craved them so much. It hurt her to know they were nothing but innocent. But I think you are both wrong. Both fools. I see it when you talk about her Blake. You don't love her. You are IN love with her too.”

  I was shaking my head in disbelief as I cried. “No. Jane. I'm straight. I can't love her that way. I... I want to. She's... I'm. Oh God Jane. Oh God... what am I? I do. Shit. I do. I'm a fucking homophobic lesbian aren't I? How can I love her that way? I don't fit in either world.”

  Jane shook her head and held my hand to calm me. “There's only one world hon. You need to see that. And love is love. There is never anything wrong with love.”

  My tears were flowing freely now. “I'm straight... but I love that woman. God... I'm so in love with her. That isn't possible is it.”

  We both turned to a sweet voice at the top of the stairs. “It is completely possible Blake. I'm straight and I married the woman I love. Riley here, Jane, is the person that makes me whole. Don't apply labels, it will make you crazy. Just bask in the love and you'll be a happier person for it.”

  Crystal made her way down the stairs and leaned over Jane and gave her an upside down kiss. I couldn't stop my smile. Before I met Ro, that would have repulsed me, but now I saw it as a beautiful thing. These two loved each other, there was no doubt in my mind.

  Then Crystal grinned at me like an idiot. “From one straight 'dyke' to another, it is well worth taking on the world's hate when love is involved.” How long had she been standing up there?

  I looked at them. They were so cute together. This is the first time I noticed Crystal's eyes they were two different colors, w
ow! She grinned at us. “Everyone is turning in. Mia has to get back to her child but the rest of us are bunking up in Bobbi's place so we can get an early start.” She locked eyes with me to show her sincerity. “You are welcome to join us up there. I'm sure you want an early start too.”

  I smiled and wiped my eyes and nodded. We all made our way up to Ro's living quarters. It felt odd that I was finally going to see where she lived and she wasn't here with me.

  An odd stray thought entered my mind as Jane showed me to Roberta's bedroom and squeezed my hand before she went out to the others. Not a single one of these people had ever asked about my brace or shown pity over it. I like that... I like them.

  I sat on Ro's bed for a while, the warm happy sensation I now allowed myself to feel was warring around with the old Blake. I'm happy to say that old me is no longer welcome in my thoughts.

  Chapter 11 – Contact!

  I woke to an itsy bitsy little blonde girl with a pink curl bouncing on my bed yelling in a cute British accent, “Auntie Blake! Auntie Blake! Good morning. Time to get up! Mum sent me to get you! They're gonna do a fryup and make a right good effort to find Auntie Bobbi today.”

  I couldn't contain my smile. “Thank you, Sammie. I'll be out in a minute.” The little girl put her arms out and jumped off the bed then flew off like an airplane into the great room while making engine sounds. She certainly was all that Ro had said she was. Quite possibly the most adorable little girl on the planet.

  I got out of the nightshirt I had swiped from Ro's dresser... It smelled divinely like her. Then washed up in the impressive adjoined bathroom. After dressing, I made my way out into the great room. Skylar was walking around handing out coffee to us all from a tray, I could smell bacon cooking from the kitchen area. I glanced around, this really was a truly spectacular space.

  I had to stop myself from staring at Skylar, not in shock but in awe. She was wearing a night shirt and some shorts. She had a prosthetic right foot and I saw more of those tattoo covered scars running down her right arm and leg. They were flippin' beautiful! She noticed my look and glanced down at herself then back to me and winked. Then said with that sultry British accent of hers and a huge grin. “I know, right?”

  I could feel the burn of a blush on my cheeks and neck as I smiled and turned to the group in the sunken seating area around the roaring fire. I could hear Skylar's phenomenal low voice singing as she cooked.

  The group was all geared up like me but it seemed that Kimi was missing. I found a place by Sammie and Remmy and we all sat in silence, preparing for the task at hand.

  Skylar was back, handing out plates of bacon and eggs to everyone. We all turned to the main door when we heard yelling downstairs getting louder as it approached. “Son of a bitch! That bastard needs to shove his head up his...” Kim trailed off as she swung the door open and saw all of us staring at her. The anger on her face and fire in her eyes suddenly disappeared and that weird unreadable expression replaced it and she seemed suddenly calm. I don't know if I can get used to that... isn't that like, bi-polar or something?

  She looked at us as a plate of food was shoved into her hands by Skylar who had a playfully disapproving look on her face for her spouse. Sammie whispered to me with a giggle, “Mummy said some bad words... again.”

  Kimi started shoveling the food into her mouth from the plate as she spoke to us calmly. “That idiot down there has changed this from a search and rescue to a body recovery mission due to the extreme temperatures and windchill. He says she couldn't survive this long according to 'the book' and would have 'succumbed' to exposure and hypothermia long ago. He has no clue who Bobbi is and what she is capable of enduring. He sent half the volunteers home. Well, he tried to. They all refused. Most say they'll search independently with us if they have to.”

  I could feel my rage building as I was clenching my bruised fists and started grinding my teeth. Jane stood nonchalantly as she was eating and stepped around to me and simply placed a hand on my shoulder and locked eyes with me. “Use it out there.” I exhaled and nodded and she returned to her place beside Crystal still eating like nothing had happened.

  We completed the meal and Jane checked the weather online. “Shit,” she muttered under her breath as she checked a couple more resources. She looked at all of us. “High winds today and looks like a big snowstorm is on the way for the area over there. The search and rescue pilots are grounded due to severe winds and approaching weather-front. Bunch of pussies. They are telling us to stand down. To hell with that! I'm going up there until Violet complains!” She looked over at Skylar who was covering Sammie's ears. Jane blushed and tried to backpedal. “Sorry... umm... bunch of wimps? To heck with that?” We all chuckled a little.

  Crystal was now beside her, dragging her to the door as she spoke. “WE are going up,” she corrected. Then she called over her shoulder as they were closing the door, “We'll radio when we are in position.”

  I glanced at Kimi for clarification. “Violet?”

  She grinned. “Her plane.” I nodded in understanding remembering the purple wingtips and swoosh on the plane.

  She had that familiar glazed look on her face as her eyes twinkled when she said, “There's nobody better in the air than that woman... except maybe Crystal.”

  I suddenly remembered a spectacular un-powered emergency landing that was on the news a year or two back. That was Jane and that purple plane of hers!

  I made a quick phone call to my employees, seeing if any wanted to volunteer for the search parties. To my shock they ALL did. I told them to shut down the shop and come on over and retrace the base of the ridges above Beggar's Creek in case we had missed something.

  Someone from downstairs then rang up to say a busload of homeless people had shown up from a Seattle shelter to join the search and needed their little “dandelion” to tell them what was needed. Sandra bolted downstairs at that.

  We brought our plates back to the kitchen and stacked them in the sink where Skylar started singing and washing them with Samantha's help. The little one joining in the song.

  Then without a word we were all moving down to the vehicle garage and gearing up the snowmobiles and sleds. As we were finishing up, Sandra was back and frantically handing out water bottles to everyone... I could see on her face that she still wanted to do more.

  I walked up beside her and whispered. “You are doing great San. Just keep hot drinks and food going out to the base camp and volunteers out there, it is really important they keep their strength up.” She nodded and scurried off with a look of determination on her face. I glanced over to see Jane was watching our interaction intently again. She turned slowly away to finish gearing up.

  Kimi announced, “OK. Same drill as yesterday, Blake and I will take the top of the south ridge Rem, you two take the north.”

  I mounted up behind Kimi and wrapped my arms around her waist. She nodded and Ramona opened the bay door and our snowmobiles rocketed out into the snow and up into the mountains on a different route than before to get up above the ridges. I yelled into Kimi's ear, “Why are we switching ridges?” She turned her head and yelled back, “South ridge is really tricky to approach from above. I know that particular piece of terrain better than Remmy.” I nodded. This girl was a force unto herself. I find that a strange dichotomy when I remind myself that she is an international rock star now. She's so full of contradictions. I'd probably be freaked out a little if I weren't so worried about Ro.

  That thought sent me spiraling into the abyss again. Damn it. I'm no good to her if I can't keep my emotions in check. We WILL find her. She WILL be OK. Right?

  After about an hour and a half we were hooking back around and coming down an extremely tricky slope through the trees and rocks. Kimi slowed us down and a minute later we had to dismount. She looked at me. “We're on foot from here.” I nodded as we threw on our packs, checked our gear and slung ropes over our shoulders.

  I creak clacked beside her as we picked our way through the t
rees and rocks toward the ridge at a good pace. Scanning everything around us for anything unnatural or out of the ordinary.

  I was lost inside my head again. Thinking of every worst case scenario. I felt like vomiting. Kimi looked my way then squinted like she was studying me. She looked away with a slow nod. “Huh... So, it's like that is it? Fun cosmic joke to play on a straight girl.”

  I was confused. “It's like what?”

  She snorted and tilted her head at me. “You are positively green. Your eyes have more than concern dancing around in them. You're in love with Bobbi.” She shrugged like it was obvious and continued searching.

  How the hell could she see that!? I almost defended myself. Then I realized, I was doing it again, the homophobic thing. There is no reason to defend against it. I could admit it. I took a deep breath. “Immensely so.” I almost laughed. It really was a fitting karma bitch-slap wasn't it?

  She nodded and was silent as we increased our speed until we came out of the trees at the top of the ridge. I whispered my fears to her like the universe was listening and would come crashing down on us if it heard me. “What if... what if...”

  She glared at me, her stoic expression was gone, I saw my own rage in her face as she hissed, “We WILL find her! Alive!” Then she was back to calm.

  I was wrong. I can get used to her duality. It is something just uniquely Kimi. It was oddly... comforting? I nodded in agreement. I just have to stop thinking here.

  The wind was fierce and gusting, blowing around the snow, obscuring visibility. We had to slow our pace to make sure we didn't miss anything. I heard a radio crackling and looked over as Kimi started talking into it. “Kim to Homeplate.”

  Ramona replied. “We read you Kim.”

  Kim looked around. “We are at the top of the south ridge, making our way west. Visibility is low. We're getting buffeted by wind here. We'll check in hourly. If the new snow starts we may have to pull back.”

  Ramona's smooth voice responded, “Roger that Kim. Remmy is having the same difficulty on the north ridge.”