Find A Way Or Make One

by Kelley, E. C.

  We sat in silence and drank our beers. Cale knew that I would talk when I was ready, so he gave me time to get my shit together. Finally, I looked over at Cale and told him everything; about Wyatt coming over last night, about him seeing the boys this morning and leaving, about him answering the door bare-chested with lipstick all over his face and blond tramp number two. I could see Cale try to reign in his anger, as much as he could. When he had finally calmed down, he put his arm around me, and I laid my head on his shoulder.

  “Cale, I don’t know how he keeps doing this to me. All I know is that I have to stay as far away from him as possible. He is emotional herpes to me. Everything can be going ok, and boom! A flare up of epic proportions that the highest dose of Valtrex can’t help.”

  Cale let out a small chuckle. “Well little girl, I always said the best way to keep from catching nasty diseases was to stay as far away as possible from skanks, sluts, and whores’ so I guess now you know who to avoid.”

  Yeah, after seven years, I guess I did.

  17

  “Love isn't there to make us happy. I believe it exists to show us how much we can endure.”

  Herman Hesse

  Wyatt

  Ok, I am not going to lie, even to myself. These last six days have been probably the worst of my life. How could I have been so stupid? First I woke up with Kye in my arms. That wasn’t bad, that was great, but then, after I speed through a shower, I walk in to see her hugging two small boys, probably about four and five years old, and hear them call her Mom. Knowing that she has been intimate with at least two other men is ball busting. I knew it would be a long shot for a woman as beautiful as Kye to go seven years without a man would be almost impossible, but I didn’t think I would have to see the absolute proof of this is something I don’t think I can endure.

  But that is really not gets me the most. What really rips my heart out is that Kye never told me about them. She had told me that she had a lot to tell me, but her being a mother, never factored into the possibilities of what that might be. The fact is however, that she did tell me she had things to tell me. Too bad I didn’t think about that until I had acted like an utter ass and pushed her away for good.

  After Kye got on the elevator, I had just instantly known that she hadn’t meant to hid anything from me, and that she had come to tell me everything. That is until she saw me with no shirt, lipstick stains all over my face, and Sable walk up to me in nothing but my shirt. I might have had a chance, but that stupidity had cost me everything.

  The really ironically sad part of all this is that the only thing that happened between me and Sable was a few drunk kisses. When I left Sable in the living room, she had been completely clothed. But within the time that it had taken me to get to the door, she had already stripped and put on my shirt, so that it would look like so much more had happened.

  I blew it. Now Kye won’t even look at me ever again. Not that I have been given the chance to be in her presence or anything. After Kye had left, I had quickly told Sable that anything that had occurred between us was a mistake, and while I am sorry if I had hurt her, I knew that she wasn’t the girl for me.

  I had tried to go to the warehouse on Monday to clear the air, but no one was about to let me in. Even Sunny and Crow, who I thought had been on my side looked about ready to kill me if I didn’t leave the warehouse and forget that Kye, or any of them existed. That was harsh, but I got what I deserved.

  Knowing that I was responsible for my own downfall was a bitter pill to swallow. When a subdued Sable had knocked on my bedroom door to tell me that she had setup a meeting with the representatives of RRP Shipping for tonight at 6:30, I had bitten her head off. Not that she didn’t deserve it, because she had set it up to look like I had jumped into bed with her, hours after leaving Kye’s; but I knew that I was as guilty as hell too. I had left Kye. Gotten spooked only minutes after telling her that I would always be there to catch her when she fell. Good Lord, who am I, and what have I done?

  18

  “Sometimes the only thing you can do is walk away.”

  Kye

  Kye

  It is almost three o’clock in the afternoon, and I really need to leave the warehouse, so I can go get ready for the business dinner that Murad had called and told me that he wanted me to attend. He really wouldn’t tell me much about it, except that it was a possible partnership with a shipping company in the States. I had been a little apprehensive at first, knowing that Wyatt was here in Morocco and his family owned a shipping company in the U. S. When I had asked him about it, he said that he didn’t have all the details, but that Connor, another owner of RRP Shipping and one of the twin sons of a former United States Vice-President, had been contacted by a representative of the company. Connor and Lachlan had become members of the Royal Rat Pack when they came to Oxford as Road Scholars; Connor had been pursuing a Masters in Business Administration and Lachlan had been pursuing a Master degree in Public Policy.

  Rashid had told me that Connor had been attending the shipping conference here in Morocco, and I had been planning on getting in touch with him, but I had become sidetracked by Wyatt’s reappearance into my life; and the pursuant fallout. He had eviscerated me, again! Now I didn’t want to ever see him again. I don’t think my heart could take it.

  I quickly put all my things in my bag and make my way to the door. As I turn the corner of the warehouse, to get to my bike, I feel a tingle run up my spine; just like you feel when someone is staring at you. I change the grip on my bag, making it easy to use as a weapon, and spin around. When I see the figure standing before me, I close my eyes and groan. Why does he have to keep coming around to break my heart?

  “Look Kye, you and I have to talk. There are things I need to explain to you, and evi-fucking-dently there are things you need to tell me.”

  The best way to hide your hurt is to get angry, and that is exactly what I do. “I don’t have shit to tell you and there is nothing that your sleazy, manwhorish ass could possible begin to explain that I would ever want to hear. I we…” My sentence came to an abrupt end when I heard Seamus and Cian call for me. When I turned around and saw all my boys, I completely forgot about Wyatt and ran to meet them.

  Tiarnan was now twenty years old and had spent the last six months in BUD/S, or Basic Underwater Demolition Seals training. I had talked to him, but this is the first time I had seen him since he had started the Orientation phase of training in Coronado.

  Tiarnan picked me up and spun me around. “Mamacita, it is so good to see you again.” Even though my adoption of Tiarnan and his brother Cian has been final since he was sixteen, Tiarnan has never really called me mama. The closest he has come is Mamacita, a term that is usually only used on good looking girls by most Latino boys. But I know what Tiarnan has been through, and the very fact that he shows any affection at all for me or anyone else is a damn miracle.

  “I see you went by the house and got the boys before you came here. Why didn’t Rashid come with you?”

  A young man walks up beside him. “Well Ma’am, he said that he had to get ready for your dinner tonight, and I can drive your Hog back. By the way, Ma’am, my name is Colton, but the guys call me Mav.”

  I just start laughing. Seems my brother knew I would have a million and two questions to ask Tiarnan, and since he wouldn’t even think about getting on a motorcycle, he had sent Tiarnan’s friend to drive it back for me. Cian hops on my hip and Seamus whines until Tiarnan picks him up and places him on his shoulders.

  Just as I begin to thank him, Wyatt makes his presence felt. “More secrets, Kye?” I quickly glance up at Wyatt and automatically wish I hadn’t. His anger is clearly written on his face and he keeps glancing at me and back to Tiarnan.

  I can see Tiarnan getting angry, so I try to steer him and the boys to the car. Just when I think that we are going to get out of this relatively unscathed, blond tramp number two makes yet another well timed appearance. “Wyatt baby come on
. You know that you don’t have any time to waste.” She stresses the word waste like even deigning to breathe the same air as us lesser mortals is a crime against humanity.

  I begin to walk away, but I realize that Tiarnan hasn’t moved. Well that is not exactly true. While he has not taken a step, he is visually shaking. When I look at his face, I see that his face has gone deathly pale. I turn around to look at Wyatt and the woman, and hear her take in a sharp gasp. As she is staring at my face in horror, Tiarnan slowly turns around and glares at her. When she sees Tiarnan’s face she takes a step back. She stares at Tiarnan a moment, and then looks at Cian on my hip. After a moment, she opens her mouth. “My, how much you little boy looks like his daddy. I mean he is the spitting image of him, don’t you think, Wyatt baby?”

  The blatant insinuation that Tiarnan is Cian’s father pisses me off. “Mav, will you take Tiarnan the boys go back to the house, I need to have a little talk with the nice lady.” As soon as Cian is in Mav’s arms, I start walking toward Wyatt and the tramp.

  I haven’t taken two steps until Tiarnan softly says, “Mamacita, come on lets go. This putana isn’t worth it.” The blond bitch, yes she now has a new title, gasps and Wyatt, who has been staring at me, looks at Tiarnan a moment then quietly questions, “If she is a putana, what do you call a woman who uses a kid as a stud to get a baby?” Before Tiarnan or I can say anything, Wyatt quickly turns and walks away.

  I close my eyes a moment and then look at Tiarnan with my eyebrow raised in question. At first he doesn’t even notice me. When he finally notices me looking at him he shakes his head slowly. “Not now Mamacita. There is a shitload I have to come clean about, but give me some time, ok?” I nod my head and we make our way to the car.

  Evidently Tiarnan is going to finally come clean. And I am going to have to tell him I already know.

  ***

  I don’t want to go to this damn dinner. I have all three of my boys with me, since Connor and Lachlan’s dad had been able to pull some strings and Tiarnan and his swim buddy are going to be able to use this training exercise as some of their training as well. But no, Murad is being a douche stick and is demanding my presence, since I am in charge of RRP’s branch in the United States.

  I have dressed in a black, fitted suit, white camisole, and black fitted black skirt that hits about an inch above my knees. Mav whistled when I walked out of my bedroom to meet Rashid. “Damn T, your Mamacita is hot!”

  Tiarnan grabs the cushion of the couch and hurls it at him. “Fuckstick, you don’t get to call her that, and you damn sure aren’t going to look at her like that either. Comprende?”

  I can’t help but laugh. Tiarnan has always been overprotective of me, and I guess I can see why; he has never had a parental figure that has actually stayed around long enough to be a part of his life. From what I have been able to piece together, his mother was strung out on Heroin, and his father wasn’t a nice man. He never talks about his past. Never willingly that is. But when I first adopted Cian and Tiarnan, Tiarnan suffered from classic PTSD symptoms, including nightmares. He never let his guard down when he was awake, but had nightmares so bad that he talked in his sleep. Some of the stories I heard were heartbreaking.

  But perhaps the biggest problem Tiarnan had is that he has never felt good enough for anyone to really care about him. I still remember the night he went out and got so drunk that I was afraid he had alcohol poisoning. When he had woken up from a hellish hangover the next day, he had looked at me and told me he appreciated everything I had done for him and he would be gone within the hour. When I asked why, he had told me that he had fucked up. Like that mattered a tinker’s damn to me. The look on his face was priceless when I told him, yes he had fucked up, but he wasn’t going to get out of his punishment for it. I had seen the flash of fear at the word punishment. I told him he was grounded for two weeks for scaring the shit out of me by not letting me know he was ok, he was shocked. He had this utterly confused look on his face when he asked what his punishment was for the drinking, and I said that the hangover he was going to suffer through while he mowed every lawn on the street today for free was enough punishment.

  Even though he knows that I love him, I still don’t think he has come to grips with the fact that he is my son and I will do anything for him. It is almost like he feels that he has to protect me in order to earn his place in my life. After the blowup this afternoon, he has been watching me like a hawk. I really think the only reason he isn’t forcing me to stay home tonight is because he knows that Rashid, Murad, and Connor will be there. “Tiarnan I am sorry that you and Mav have to pull babysitting duty tonight. If I could get out of this meeting I would, but you know how Murad and Connor are. The business is their baby and it has to be protected and cultivated by all of us. I will try to get back as soon as I can.”

  Tiarnan started shaking his head. “No worries, Mamacita. We will go out when you get back and if you don’t get back, we will make up for lost time tomorrow.”

  Mav is looking at us with a confused and bewildered expression on his face. “T, don’t take this wrong way, but uh, you don’t really look like a Tiarnan; maybe a Teo or Tadeo.”

  Tiarnan takes a deep breath. He lets it out and looks over at Mav. “Actually, it was Tomás. But I wanted a change, so Mamacita figured Tiarnan would work.” The look on his face stops any questions that he might have had.

  “Well boys, I better get going. Rashid is ready to go.” After hugging each of my boys and Mav, I hurry to leave to get this meeting over with to get back home to my family.

  19

  “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”

  Alexander Pope

  Wyatt

  I am in my bedroom getting ready for tonight’s meeting. Sable came through and got me a chance to meet with the owners of RRP Shipping, and the CEO of American operations. Not that I would even be remotely surprised by the persuasive measures that I am sure that she went through to get the meeting. But to tweak an old saying my grandmamma used to say, “Better the whore you know than the whore you don’t.” And I would have never in a million years have thought in a million years that Kylee, Kye, or whatever name she decided to go by would have been so much of a whore that she would have fucked a kid! Getting pregnant and keeping her kid, I would expect and respect, but not fucking a kid. That was lower than low.

  And to think I spent the last seven years using her to measure all women by, only to have them fall short. Hell, she didn’t measure up to even the worst of them.

  ***

  As the cab pulls up to one of the most expensive and elite restaurants in Morocco, I get out of the cab and help Sable get out as well. Even though she tries to hold on to my arm I quickly and so subtly that to the outside world nothing would be seen, but judging by the almost inaudible gasp of outrage followed by the slight narrowing of her eyes, I knew that Sable had understood. For the remaining time that she worked for my family’s company, I would extend the common courtesies my mamma raised me to show all women; whether they be ladies or not, but that was as far as it went. Although I knew it was illogical to blame her for all the negative realities that I have uncovered, I can’t help but feel that she has played some part in it. Maybe it is because of the bitch move she played by coming into the commons area in nothing but my shirt, but whatever it is I can’t move past it.

  As we are led through the dining area to a back room, I make out two men sitting at a table made up for six people. The man seated at the head of the table is visibly of Middle Eastern decent, even though his hair is combed back and he wears a decidedly expensive suit. I can’t tell for sure, since I have never been high on keeping up with the latest fashion, but I think it is Armani.

  As I begin to take in the other man, a small grin touches my lips. I can’t decide which of the twins it is and begin to ask the tall blond haired man, he laughs. “Connor, Wyatt, I’m Connor.”

  I laugh, “Damn man, the only
reason that I can’t tell you apart is because it has been so long since I have seen you. After you graduated from A & M, you and Lach Ness went to Oxford. It has been way to long.” I give him a one arm hug that ends in a pat on the back.

  “Well Wyatt, this is Murad Al Bani, and the other two will be here shortly.” Just as soon as those words leave his mouth I hear two people walk in. Somehow I knew that Kye would be there. I was right.

  It is almost so soft that I don’t hear it, but I hear a feminine voice that has haunted me for seven years and made me want to forget everything I have learned say “Fuck a mother fucking duck!”

  Well, evidently she must like to keep her boy toy baby daddy at home and play with the rich big boys. To think that I have lied awake at night thinking about what it would be like to see her again makes me sick to my very core. Thank God I was able to get out of that shit storm relatively unscathed.

  After we are all introduced, we decide to leave the business conversation till after dinner. Dinner is tense, and when we have all finished our meal, Sable stands up. “I know that I work for Masters’ and Family, but I don’t think that as a marketing executive my presence is needed. I will go and spend some time with your companion Kye, at the bar. Our presence would only be a nuisance.” As she begins to stand up, Murad, Rashid, and Connor all start to laugh. Sable is starting to get upset, and while I don’t give a good God damn, it is starting to peak my curiosity as well.

  Conner excuses himself from the table, and asks if he can escort her to the bar. She gasps and squeals out, “What about her. Why does she get to stay here?

  Rashid laughs a short, dark laugh then says, “As CEO of American Operations, I think she has earned it the right to be here and voice her opinions.”

  Murad leans in to tell her, “But that’s not all. As a..”

  Suddenly, her hand raised in the air then clamped in a fist, catches my eye. “That is enough Murad; he doesn’t need to know everything.”