Did he not just leave her in their bed? Something was not right. He shook his head, and as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he took in his surroundings. He was not at Pemberley, but in the small sitting-room attached to his bedchamber at Rosings, and Elizabeth was not his wife, but rather, Mrs. Collins. Yet it was her voice on the other side of his sitting-room wall. With anguish, the last two years came flooding back to Darcy. He had journeyed from Scarborough, where his sister now resided as she recovered from the illness which took hold of her over sixteen months ago, to settle affairs at Rosings after the death of his cousin, Anne de Bourgh.
It was the only thing that could draw him back to Rosings. Since Easter in 1812, he had spent all of his energies focused on his duties as Master of Pemberley and brother to Georgiana. In some ways, it was easy to purge his selfish nature, everything he most wanted in life he would never have.
*****
Elizabeth walked the floor of her bed-chamber and sitting-room with baby Jane. She mused that the child seemed to have captured more of her own disposition than that of her sweet, gentle, and departed namesake. Allowing her daughter to suck on her finger to relieve the pressure of teething gums, she smiled down at Janie.
“You were worth it all, my love.”
“Papapapapa” the baby cooed.
Elizabeth gave little Janie a sad smile, the only kind she could manage these days. The child was only now experimenting with syllables, and it seemed she preferred “Papa” to any other, especially “Mama”. Elizabeth had never loved William Collins but, in the sixteen months since he left this earth, she had come to value him a little. Certainly her life as a new mother, and coming to terms with the deaths of so many loved ones so near together might have been a little easier if he had survived.
Elizabeth shook her head. No, that was incorrect. He passed before she even knew she was with child. She cringed to imagine Mr. Collins as a father to her child. Besides that, she was in love with another. He would never be hers, but at least, she did not also belong to another man any longer. At any rate, Anne de Bourgh had become Elizabeth’s dearest friend and provided shelter for her, even after her death. Anne’s cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, inherited Rosings but there was a clause in the will stating Elizabeth and Janie could remain forever in a cottage.
It was not in Elizabeth’s nature to dwell on sadness and heartache. Since Janie’s birth, Elizabeth’s life had been full and centred on her child. The words she spoke earlier she believed with all her heart. She could scarcely guess what life might bring them next, but being a mother to Janie was worth every trial. She allowed herself to consider the past two years with a degree of fondness, even amidst the tribulations.
Chapter One
November 28, 1811
Longbourn, Hertfordshire
“Jane, you cannot be serious!” Elizabeth exclaimed in horror. Her sister had just declared she hoped to attract Mr. Collins’ notice now that Elizabeth had refused him.
“Caroline’s letter makes it quite clear. Mr. Bingley is not to return to Netherfield this winter, if ever, and she is certainly desirous of a match between her brother and Miss Darcy. I was mistaken and believed his regard deeper than it was.”
“He loves you and he will return. You must not marry Mr. Collins instead! I know you cannot respect him.”
“Lizzy, you must make allowances for differences of temper. Do you think because he has not secured your regard he is incapable of gaining the esteem of any young lady? And think of all the happiness I can bring to my family. He may never ask me, but if he does, I will accept.”
“What if Mr. Bingley returns next week to rumours of you accepting Mr. Collins’ attentions--or even his proposal by then! You did not hear him! Mr. Collins’ mind is set on marriage. He is directed by his condescending and arrogant patroness. Mr. Bingley said he would return. Do you think he is a liar?”
Jane’s eyes filled with tears. “No. No, I could never think so poorly of him. However, your opinion that Caroline and Mr. Darcy dislike us so much is sensible. He can do far better than me, as they all must know, and now Miss Darcy is poised to be frequently in his company.”
“He cannot cease to love you just because they wish it!”
“No, but he would be sensible to the logic of their complaints against a match. Even at Mr. Bingley’s ball, we could not escape the mortification of our family’s behaviour.”
“Jane,” Elizabeth said while taking her sister’s hand. “Would you refuse him if he asked now?”
Jane hung her head. “What happiness can there be if all of his family and friends are wishing he would marry another?”
“There can be the happiness with each other!”
Jane shook her head. “I would never displease my entire family for marriage. I could not be so selfish.”
Elizabeth sat back, feeling as though Jane struck her. “Do you believe I am selfish in refusing Mr. Collins?”
“No! Of course not,” Jane rushed to say. “Our father supports your decision. We are of very different temperaments. What you would find unbearable, I could more easily endure.”
“Except you are in love with another man.”
Tears trickled down Jane’s beautiful face. “There is that, but soon it will be forgotten. It can never be. Why should I not attempt to be happy with Mr. Collins and bring security to my family?”
Jane could be firm where she believed herself to be right and steadfastly refused to discuss it any further. Leaving their chambers, she returned to the drawing-room. Elizabeth finished reading herself for the evening and the family departed for Lucas Lodge.
When the men entered after dinner, Mr. Collins came right to Jane’s side. The man looked as though he had stars in his eyes as he basked in the attention of a beautiful woman. Elizabeth had seen that look and more in Mr. Bingley’s eyes, however. As much as she disliked Mr. Darcy and Miss Bingley, Elizabeth did not suppose their powers of persuasion could be used on a man as sensible and of independent means as Mr. Bingley. She remained confident that Bingley would soon return to Hertfordshire and his courtship with Jane would progress as naturally as before.
Mrs. Bennet drew near Elizabeth, who sat next to her friend Charlotte Lucas. “Lizzy, you know I have vowed to never speak to you again, but we must do something about Jane. Mr. Collins shows so little interest in leaving her side even though I have told him she is soon to be engaged. You do not think she would accept his proposal simply because he is present and Bingley is absent?”
“No. She loves Mr. Bingley too much for that,” Elizabeth replied.
“I had thought so too, but Jane is such a very good girl and knows how to serve her family. Besides, a sister often feels jealous when a younger one is engaged before her.”
Seemingly forgetting Elizabeth entirely, Mrs. Bennet retrieved one of her other daughters from across the room and brought her to Mr. Collins’ side. “Mary, what was that theological question you had earlier? I am sure Mr. Collins would enjoy answering it and beginning a discussion with you on the subject. Jane, Lady Lucas desired to speak with you.”
Charlotte, who had observed the peculiar behaviour of the family and heard Mrs. Bennet’s words, whispered to Elizabeth. “Did you refuse Mr. Collins?”
“Indeed! No self-respecting woman could want him.”
“You are a fool, Elizabeth Bennet. He can provide you a comfortable home while your father lives and afterwards you will be again at Longbourn and be the salvation for your family. Considering what we know of Mr. Collins’ character, there is no reason you could not be as happy with him as many other men.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “I could never marry when I do not truly esteem my husband or look up to him as my superior.”
“You could easily influence his mind. He wants only the right touch. Do you see how he stands up straighter before Jane? He tries harder to impress her and speak sensibly?”
Elizabeth followed Charlotte’s gaze and had to agree.
“If you will no
t marry him, one of your sisters ought to. Although, I dare say he has made his selection and Jane seems to welcome his attentions.”
“No! She loves Mr. Bingley!”
“What use is love when he may never propose and is, at the moment, gone from the country? I have never been romantic and so I see the sense in her accepting a real offer. We do not know if Mr. Bingley is even inclined to think of matrimony. He is still very young.”
Charlotte was called to her mother’s side and Elizabeth went to Jane. “I see what you are doing,” she whispered harshly. “I will not let you do this.”
“I am merely giving him attention as befits our guest and father’s heir.”
“Think of your happiness!”
“I can never be happy now but I could be content.”
Elizabeth’s lips set into a thin line, and she abruptly left Jane’s side. As the evening progressed, it remained clear that Jane meant to persevere and that she would likely achieve her goal. If Collins were not so determined to obtain a wife before his return to Lady Catherine, Elizabeth would have little fear that Jane’s mood would blow over and likely with the happy return of Mr. Bingley.
She had never seen Jane so irrational before but supposed that is what love did to a person, especially when convinced it was now hopeless. If Jane could not have Mr. Bingley, she might, at least, have anyone better than Mr. Collins. Elizabeth could hardly fathom Jane would be so selfless for their family. Such arguments had not worked on Elizabeth even earlier that morning. Instead, the notion that she could be selfless for dear, deserving Jane grew in her mind.
Upon entering the drawing-room the next morning, Elizabeth found her mother, sisters and Mr. Collins within. He sat at Jane’s side.
“Mama,” Elizabeth said. “I wished to speak privately with Mr. Collins.”
Mrs. Bennet ceased pouring her tea. “Come again, Lizzy?”
Elizabeth cleared her throat. “I have something significant and private to say to my cousin.”
The man in question finally looked up from admiring Jane’s needlework. He, at first, looked surprised, then a slow smile filled his face.
“Lizzy—” Jane began but was silenced by their mother. Pulling Jane by the hand, she ordered the other girls to leave and emptied the room faster than Elizabeth could blink.
“Mr. Collins, I have seen the attentions you have shown my eldest sister and I confess it has inspired feelings in me I never knew before. I was mistaken to refuse you. Please allow me the honour of accepting your proposals.”
Mr. Collins seemed astonished, if only for a second, and then a smug grin crept across his face.
“My love,” he said as he walked to her and kissed her hands.
Elizabeth tried her best to not cringe at his touch. Soon he would be allowed so much more.
Forever.
*****
“Are you out of your senses, Lizzy?” Mr. Bennet cried from behind his desk after Elizabeth broke the news to him. “Did you not just tell me yesterday that you would not marry Mr. Collins?”
Elizabeth clasped her hands together and gripped her fingers tightly. “No. I merely said that I refused him.”
“It is impossible that you have found some kind of joke in all of this. I saw your relief when I supported you against your mother. I know you are too generous to trifle with a man’s feelings. If you had intended to accept him all along you would not have needed to suffer from your mother’s constant complaints.”
Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth replied. “You know I am a disagreeable creature. When ordered to accept, I could not. Now that I am aware I am at liberty to refuse and have thought over his offer, I have accepted.”
“You are determined to have him? I can hardly deny him when he is heir to everything, but I had wanted you out of all my children to marry for affection. Your lively talents put you in grave danger of an unequal marriage. You would be miserable if you cannot respect your partner in life.”
“You speak as though you expect me to fall into ruin and discredit,” Elizabeth said, disbelieving her father could think it of her.
“You have better principles than that, but believe me,” he paused to walk to the window and gazed out it. “There is misery when the heart wants another and you are bound elsewhere.”
“Father?” Elizabeth got up and walked to his side. She always knew her parents’ marriage was not worth admiring. Had he loved another woman all these years?
He turned to face her. Pain was visible in every feature of his face and his eyes looked tortured. He grabbed her hands. “Promise me you do not accept his suit because you have affection for another and think he is incapable of marrying. A long engagement, poverty, spinsterhood must be preferable to marriage when another holds your heart.”
“I promise,” Elizabeth said weakly and swallowed. She had not truly considered how serious of a choice she was making, but she could hardly go back on it now. Besides, there was no one she loved.
“You are certain? I had thought you took quite a shine to Mr. Wickham,” her father said while scrutinizing her face.
“No,” she vehemently shook her head. “No, I admire him. He has suffered greatly at the hands of Mr. Darcy.” Seeing her father’s raised eyebrow she hastened to add, “That is all you need to know on the subject. He is a handsome man, but I do not love him. Nor do I love any gentleman. It is not my nature to trust so easily. I have seen him only twice, that is certainly not enough time for love.”
“I am glad to hear your heart is not engaged. I understand your interest in him now. Your sense of justice was raised by whatever cruelty Mr. Darcy subjected him to.”
“So you give your consent?” Elizabeth asked softly. As little as she liked the reason for this discussion, she disliked talking of Mr. Darcy even more.
“I still do not understand your reasoning in marrying a man you so recently spurned.”
Believing she could no longer put her father off the truth, Elizabeth at last relented. “It is for Jane.” She hung her head.
“Jane?”
“Miss Bingley has written saying that they have all followed Mr. Bingley to Town and that he means to stay there the entire winter. Jane believes she has no chance to marry Mr. Bingley now and he does not love her in any case. She told me she would accept a proposal from Mr. Collins to secure Longbourn for the family. He was determined to find a wife before he returns to Kent. Today is his last day here and I worried it was far too soon for her to recover from her heartbreak and regain her senses.”
“I would not allow her to marry Collins,” he said with more resoluteness than Elizabeth often heard from him.
“But she is over the age of consent.”
“I do not think Mr. Collins would marry without my blessing.” Mrs. Bennet was heard in the background screeching about something and Mr. Bennet closed his eyes in pain. “Your mother, however, would never forgive me if I did not allow one of her daughters to marry him. We can hardly suppose he would ask one of your other sisters when Jane encourages him so much and you have first refused him and then accepted. I wish you had come to me first, Lizzy but then you are stubborn enough to contrive a wedding even if I would be against it.”
Having settled it with her conscience, and with her father, Elizabeth had no patience for her mother’s profusions. She pleaded a headache and went to bed early with many a “Bless me, dear Lizzy” from her mother and many conjectures from her betrothed about Lady Catherine’s remedies for headaches.
Jane slipped in after supper. “I did not expect you to sacrifice yourself, Lizzy,” she said in what Elizabeth perceived was a note of relief.
“You are my dearest sister and friend,” Elizabeth said. “Why should I let you throw your opportunity at love away? I believe Mr. Bingley will return before Christmas.”
“We shall see, but I do not have any hope of that,” Jane said.
“Do not give up hope until you read of his wedding announcement to another,” Elizabeth said.
Jane sho
ok her head. “I fear he is lost from me forever.”
Jane soon returned to her own room and while Elizabeth could not feel happy, she attempted to feel content that she had done her sister a service. Before falling asleep, Elizabeth mused to herself that she, at last, had use of her mother. She would need lessons in how to manage her ridiculous husband and encourage him to leave her alone as often as possible. Her mother would be the perfect teacher.
Chapter Two
November 30, 1811
Longbourn, Hertfordshire
Elizabeth awoke early the next morning and before she could think better of it, and recall the serious changes in her life she had agreed to, she dressed and entered the breakfast room as was her custom. There, she found Mr. Collins.
“Dearest,” he stood at her entrance and watched her fill a plate with keen interest. “I trust you are feeling better. I understand you are usually of a strong constitution, which is excellent for Lady Catherine always says a clergyman’s wife ought to be.”
Elizabeth poured her tea to calm her nerves before replying. “I had thought you said her daughter was of a delicate nature.” She wondered at her ladyship preferring ladies of greater health than her daughter experienced.
“Indeed, but Miss de Bourgh’s delicate constitution perfectly fits her destination in life to be of elevated rank.”
As he extolled the beauty and virtue of his patroness’ daughter, Elizabeth decided she had rather not eat breakfast after all. Such revolting talk would only be worse with a full stomach.
She was mistaken, however, in understanding just how disgusting his expressions could be. As preoccupied as she was with her thoughts, she had not noticed Mr. Collins stood and came near her side.
“Now, my beloved, I must part from you for a time, but I assure you of my violent love and steadfastness.”
One Autumn with Darcy Page 32