Coming Soon

by Christy Gissendaner

  “It’s not so simple.” He toyed with the drawstring of my pajama shorts. “I can’t be what you need.”

  “You don’t know what I need,” I retorted.

  He slid his hand under my shirt and up to cup my bare breast. “Sure I do.”

  No one had ever touched my breasts. He plucked my nipples, and they tightened into hardened nubs. The cotton shirt rubbed against my suddenly sensitive breasts and I wanted it off.

  Jase must’ve read my mind because he tugged the hem up and over my head, freeing me from the T-shirt and tossing the garment to the floor.

  Modesty was a burden I’d suffered with my entire life. I was the girl who’d changed for P.E. inside the bathroom stalls, refusing to shower with the other students. Now it didn’t bother me at all.

  What was happening to me? And better yet, would I stay this way?

  Jase kissed me while he continued to fondle my breasts. He pinched my nipples into aching points before moving his hands lower. He slipped my shorts over my hips and stopped kissing me long enough to remove them.

  Thank God I still had on somewhat decent panties. The bikini cut underwear hid little, but I’d deemed them sexy when I’d purchased them.

  “Nice.” Jase hooked his fingers beneath the elastic straps and eased them down.

  I held my breath, nervous. No man had ever seen me naked. Despite the modesty, I’d always been comfortable in my own skin, never one to shy away from my reflection. But seeing myself through Jase’s eyes gave me a new appreciation for my nude form. His bright gaze reminded me of being a child on Christmas, opening a gift and finding the best present ever.

  I was naked as the day I was born while Jase was still fully dressed in the shirt and pants he’d worn the night before. Clothes wrinkled and mussed, he remained the sexiest guy I’d ever seen.

  “Your turn,” I whispered.

  Jase leaned back and undid the buttons of his shirt.

  Oh, God. This was really happening. I was going to have sex.

  With Jase.

  Oh my God.

  Doubt reared its ugly head. Should I tell him I was a virgin or let him find out on his own? Could guys even tell the difference?

  Suddenly I regretted not having a girlfriend to confide in during my teen years, someone who could’ve explained stuff like this. My mom had been no help, stuttering and red-faced whenever sex came up. If I’d known she’d someday bang my science teacher, I would’ve delved into the topic more.

  I hyperventilated, sucking air that was probably more carbon dioxide than real oxygen.

  “Cara.”

  I looked up to see Jase staring at me with his shirt partially undone. “You okay?”

  I nodded and drew in another lungful of air, resolved to stop my mind from wandering and focus on the amazing experience to come. “Yeah.”

  The last thing I wanted was for him to stop. I cradled his head and pulled him down for a kiss. He finished unbuttoning his shirt and ripped it away.

  His lean, hard chest pressed against me, skin to skin, and I swear I burned from the inside out. So freaking hot.

  When he removed his pants, I suffered a minor heart attack.

  Seriously. That was supposed to fit inside me? Physics made it impossible, or damned well should’ve. I’d thought Mark possessed an impressive size. He was nothing compared to Jase.

  “I think you picked the wrong career.” At Jase’s bemused expression, I continued. “You belong in front of the camera. Not behind it.”

  Jase settled back onto my body. Each brush of his skin against mine brought forth a slew of new sensations, unfamiliar yet thrilling. “I’ve never been comfortable on screen. I prefer the anonymity of being behind the scenes.”

  I didn’t argue. Secretly I was glad he wasn’t an actor. I’d be filled with jealousy if he made his living having sex.

  Jase ripped open a condom and slid it over his length. I watched, amazed by the simple act. His cock was thick and long. A vein ran along the shaft, disappearing into the nest of curls at the base.

  Oh, yes. I was so having sex.

  Jase moved between my legs. Almost on their own volition, my thighs parted to allow him entrance. The head of his cock brushed my sex, setting off a tidal wave of tingles across my body. My muscles stiffened, and I prepared for the pain sure to come.

  Jase slid inside, slow and easy, until he paused and gave me an odd look. “Cara?”

  No. I wouldn’t let his misplaced sense of chivalry ruin this moment. “Just do it.”

  He slid deeper, and I bit back a cry of surprise. It didn’t hurt, not really. More like a slight burn. I closed my eyes and waited for more to come.

  “Open your eyes and look at me,” Jase demanded. His voice was unfamiliar, a growl mixed with impatience.

  I did as he asked, my eyes locking onto his clear, direct gaze. Air hissed past his teeth, and he entered me fully. I cried out then, unable to disguise my reaction to the invasion into the innermost parts of me. If this was sex, I wanted nothing to do with it.

  “Stop!” I cried out.

  I could’ve saved my breath because at my first cry of pain, Jase froze, his expression veering between disbelief and fury. “You’re a virgin?”

  “I was,” I muttered. Damn the tears clogging my throat.

  “What in the hell were you thinking? If I’d known—”

  “You’d what?” I interrupted. “Not have sex with me? I had to lose it sometime. Why not with my best friend?”

  Jase’s jaw worked up and down. Several tense moments passed before he spoke. “I would’ve been more careful. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

  I winced, knowing the exact moment the pieces clicked into place.

  His eyes widened and his entire body stiffened, not just the part of him still inside me. “Shit, Cara! You agreed to star in a porno. Have you lost your damned mind?”

  I was upset and hurt. Not just physically, although I still ached from his penetration. The pain went deeper, touching upon the repressed feelings I’d had toward sex ever since learning of my mother’s infidelity.

  Jackie had told me last spring she’d seen my mother with another man, perhaps reveling in revealing the devastating news. I hadn’t believed her until I saw my science teacher drop Mom off during the summer while my father was out of town. She’d probably thought I was in bed asleep.

  I hadn’t meant to let it slip to my father that night in October.

  The sensible, rational part of my brain realized I had no way of knowing my father would leave The Awfully Good Cafe after sharing supper with me and do what came next.

  It was my fault. All mine.

  I shoved at Jase’s chest. “Let me up.”

  He pinned my hands over my head. “We need to talk.”

  “No.” I shook my head violently from side to side. “We’re through talking.”

  “Cara. Don’t be like this.”

  I panicked, flailing my legs until Jase cursed and moved off me. I slid off the bed and didn’t even stop to gather my clothing. Instead I ran out of the room and locked myself in the guest bedroom.

  Jase pounded on the door, begging me to let him in, but I curled into a ball before the door and refused to answer. He eventually gave up and went back to his room, slamming the door hard enough to shake the walls.

  My fault too.

  Chapter Fifteen

  It was late afternoon before hunger drove me from the safety of the guestroom. I tiptoed through the apartment, doing my best not to make a sound and alert Jase.

  I’d fixed a plate of leftover meatloaf and mashed potatoes before I realized I was alone in the apartment. I hadn’t heard Jase leave, but exhaustion and stress made my nap deeper than it normally would’ve been.

  I shoveled potatoes in my mouth. The food tasted like sawdust, but I continued eating anyway. I’d eaten little before last night’s party, and the champagne and lack of sleep made my headache worsen.

  After several mouthfuls, I pushed the plate aside. M
y skull pounded and my ass was sore where Jase had spanked me. I shifted in the chair and my thighs rubbed against my sensitive clit. My interrupted initiation to sex had left its mark. On my body and my soul.

  I couldn’t stay in the apartment.

  Without stopping to figure out my destination, I grabbed my wallet and left. Once I was on the street, the surrounding sights and sound of a sleepy city coming to life revived me.

  I loved being in the city. Always had. Vestavia Hills was a good place to raise a family, but my heart called for the hustle and bustle of city living.

  Birmingham was small by most standards, but with enough energy and excitement to keep things interesting. I roamed the streets, some familiar and others not so much, for hours. I’d left my cell phone in the apartment so there was nothing to distract from my enjoyment of getting lost amid the flow of pedestrian traffic.

  I ducked into a discount clothing store and invested in a jacket. It was black pleather and lined with fake mink, but it was warm and within my price range. Snuggled into the comfy coat, I drew the hood partially over my face and continued walking.

  My feet ached and the tip of my nose grew chapped from the brisk wind, but I wasn’t ready to return to the apartment and face Jase. Surely he would be home by now. Was he worried about me?

  Thinking about Jase sent a fresh shaft of pain through me.

  I’d lost so much. Could I bear to lose him too?

  With my head bent against the wind and the hood blocking most of my view, I nearly stepped in front of an oncoming vehicle. The driver laid on the horn, and I jumped back onto the sidewalk as the delivery van rumbled past.

  A Good Samaritan rushed over. “Miss, are you okay?”

  Panic overwhelmed me; all the memories I’d struggled to put behind me came to the surface and made it hard to breathe. Feeling like I was suffocating, I brushed past him with a muttered word of thanks and increased my pace. Soon I was running, my feet pounding on the sidewalk over and over again, until I was halfway back to Jase’s apartment.

  Winded, air bellowing in and out of my lungs like a rusted tractor, I stopped to rest. I leaned against a brick building. The chill cut through my new coat and left me shivering with the cold.

  A familiar figure walked past. Like me, a hood covered his head so he didn’t see me. I flattened against the building until he reached the end of the block and turned left.

  Tom.

  The distinctive, lumbering gait and the heavy-framed body were the same. He wore the ratty, gray sweatshirt he seemed so fond of.

  Freaked out and wondering what he was doing downtown, I resumed my run. My sides ached with every breath I took and my legs felt like jelly by the time I stumbled into the lobby of Jase’s building.

  I rode the elevator to his floor and hurried inside the apartment. Jase still wasn’t home. Nervous and shaky from the near miss, I fetched my cell phone and dialed his number.

  He didn’t answer.

  Scared I’d lost the only person who cared about me, I left a shaky voicemail and disconnected the call. I locked the door, checked the deadbolt, and sat on the couch to wait.

  It was nearly an hour later before I heard the rattle of the doorknob. I turned my head to watch Jase enter, his face red from the cold, and his curls mussed.

  Shadows lingered in his eyes as his gaze locked with mine. “Hey.”

  It was then I noticed the bruise on his jaw.

  “Jase! Oh my God, what happened?” I rushed to him and reached toward his face.

  He caught my wrist and held tight. “I’m fine.”

  I studied his cracked, swollen knuckles and battered hands. “What did you do?”

  He brushed past me and went to the kitchen, grabbing a beer out of the fridge and unscrewing the top. “I saw Tom.”

  I covered my mouth with my hand. “I saw him too.”

  Jase was on me in an instant, framing my face with his hands and staring at me with an intensity bordering on dangerous. “Did he touch you?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “He didn’t see me.”

  Some of the tenseness left his body, but wildness remained in his gaze. He stroked his injured knuckles back and forth across my cheek. “He won’t mess with you again.”

  Air trapped in my lungs and my pulse raced. “What did you do?”

  Visions of blood and gore sped through my mind until I realized not everyone was like my father. Most people controlled their rage without resorting to extremes. How had I missed the signs of his anger issues? He’d normally been a peaceful man, but I’d pushed him over the edge with my inadvertent admission of my mother’s affair.

  “Relax, Cara.” Jase must’ve realized the reason for my concern, and his softened his voice. “I can’t say I’m sorry for what I did to him, but nothing will cause permanent damage.” He paused and cracked a grim smile. “Maybe a limp.”

  “So you beat him up?” I’d never thought of myself as bloodthirsty, but the thought of Tom broken and bloody filled me with satisfaction.

  Jase nodded. “Beat the shit out of him actually. I’m surprised the police weren’t called.”

  “But…how? Where?”

  Jase led me to the couch and waited for me to sit. He perched on the coffee table before me. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Yes, it does. Does he know why you did it?”

  Jase’s gaze darkened. “He probably put two and two together when I told him if he ever came near you again, I’d kill him. I wish you’d go to the police—”

  I held up my hand. “No.”

  “But—”

  I interrupted again. “I said no. I don’t want to relive it. I’m free of him. It’s all that matters.”

  “Are you sure?” He studied me, his probing gaze searching mine. “I’ll stand by your decision, but I’d feel better if the police were involved.”

  I shook my head. “Not yet. Maybe one day, but not now.”

  He sighed. “You and I have something else we need to discuss.”

  I swallowed past a massive lump in my throat. Here was the moment I’d dreaded, where I had to lay all my cards on the table and pray Jase didn’t realize I was too fucked up and turn his back on me. “Okay.”

  “Honesty. It’s all I’m asking for.” Jase scooted closer and our knees brushed. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin?”

  “It didn’t matter.” At his lifted eyebrows, I sighed. “Well, it kinda mattered once I signed on to do your movie, but I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

  “Or Mark,” he added.

  “Or Mark,” I confirmed. Time to come clean. “I don’t have a crush on him. I never did. I like him, of course, but I wanted to make you jealous. When I realized Posey liked Mark, I let it go.”

  Jase chuckled. “You see it too? Mark denies the proof and sticks to the just friends theory.”

  Like us.

  I licked my bottom lip and caught it between my teeth. Jase asked for the truth, but I couldn’t tell him everything, couldn’t tell him I’d fallen for him. Our time together had driven home I couldn’t live without him.

  Like father. Like daughter.

  “And the cutting?” Jase prompted. “If you don’t want to see a therapist, you’ll let me help you stop?”

  “How? You don’t know what it’s like. Everything builds inside me until I have to do it. It’s a need, Jase, not a want.”

  His steady gaze roved my face. “When you get to that point, tell me. I’ll give you what you need.”

  A horrified laugh ripped from my throat. “Sex?”

  “If it’s what you want. I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”

  Oh, God. I didn’t deserve him. He was too sweet, in a weird way. I was damaged goods, but I’d never realized Jase was too. He’d had the perfect life, the picture perfect home and family. Maybe it was fate we’d found each other.

  I rubbed my hands over my thighs, wincing when I pressed too hard on the healing flesh between my legs. “And this morning? Why did you stop?”r />
  He hunched his shoulders and shook his head. “You shocked the hell out of me. I never thought you had a lot of experience, but a virgin? You should’ve told me.”

  “I couldn’t.” I ran a hand through my newly short hair and smoothed the ends in a nervous gesture. “It was too personal.”

  He placed his hands on my legs, right above my knee, and tapped. “When did you last do this?”

  “Cut?” At his nod, I continued, “The night before last. I found a picture of me online.”

  His brows formed a frown. “What kind of picture?”

  The never-ending disgust tightened my throat. “Someone took a picture of me being escorted out of my house. That night.”

  Jase’s face paled, so much I worried something was wrong, before it flushed with intense red. “Someone took a picture of you?”

  “Yes. The police tried to find out who took it, but it’s not against the law, so they were unable to stop it. It leaked online. Everyone at school saw.”

  I didn’t have to explain what the picture looked like. Jase had been there. He’d seen it firsthand. My traumatized face. My bloody hands and clothes.

  To an onlooker, I probably looked like the murder suspect, flanked on either side by a policeman and covered in the evidence from the gruesome crime scene.

  Tears clogged my throat, but I continued to speak, the words flowing from me easier than I would’ve imagined. “Losing my parents was bad enough. People taking pleasure in my tragedy pushed me over the edge. In one night, I lost everything. I didn’t think it would get worse and then…”

  “You moved in with Tom,” Jase supplied. “Oh, baby. I’m so sorry. No one deserves to be treated like that. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.”

  I had to do it. Had to finish the story, so I’d put it behind me and move forward. “He’d touched me when I was younger, but I fooled myself into thinking it would be okay when I went to live with him. But it wasn’t and there was no one to help me.”

  “You had me.”

  I nodded and met his gaze. “I thought I’d handle it, figure a way out myself. The last time he touched me, I realized it wouldn’t be long until he raped me. I had to leave. I refused to be a victim anymore.”