Because of You

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  I felt Rachel’s grip on my hand tighten and I looked up at her. I knew what she was thinking by the way her jaw clenched.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t remember anything.”

  “Do you really not remember?” Rachel’s voice was harsher than I liked. I knew exactly what she was insinuating.

  “No, Rachel. I don’t remember,” I said, meeting my sister’s eyes and speaking as forcefully as I could. I could see that she didn’t believe me. She thought Tyler had done this and I was trying to protect him.

  Rachel looked away and right to Officer Torres.

  “I think you need to speak to Tyler Reeves,” she said and when I looked at the cop, I could see her words had intrigued him.

  “Who’s Tyler Reeves?”

  “Sam’s boyfriend,” Rachel said quickly and I took her hand again.

  “Rachel,” I said softly. “I can speak for myself.”

  “Then tell him, Sam. Tell him about Tyler,” she urged me. My eyes locked with my sister’s and I sighed, turning back to the officer.

  “He’s my ex-boyfriend,” I said, wanting to stress the ex. It may have only been a couple of days, but I wanted it clear that I was no longer with him.

  “Were you with him last night?” Officer Torres asked.

  “I don’t remember,” I said, shaking my head and closing my eyes for a moment, trying to force myself to remember.

  “Do you remember the last time you saw him?” he asked.

  “When I left for work, he was waiting outside our building.”

  “What did he want?”

  “He wanted to talk. I’d recently broken up with him.”

  “I’m going to be blunt here,” he said, the gentleness leaving his face as he looked right at me. “Why would your sister tell me to talk to Tyler?”

  I closed my eyes again, taking in a deep breath, preparing myself to say the words out loud for the first time.

  “Tyler…he um…he has a temper,” I began nervously. Rachel took my hand and I looked to her for support. She nodded and I turned back to the officer. “He can…he can be physical sometimes.”

  I saw the look on Officer Torres’s face. He didn’t look surprised, but he looked sorrowful. I didn’t like the pity on his face. It made me feel weak, like his opinion of me changed in an instant. Even if he didn’t remember, I recalled our interaction that day by the parking meter. It had been fun in a way…just a normal exchange between two people with a little bit of modest flirting. He probably thought of me as a regular college student when really I was hiding a secret…a secret he now knew and I knew his opinion of me would be different. He saw me as a weak woman who was stupid enough to get myself involved with someone like Tyler.

  “Did he hurt you last night, Sam?”

  His voice was gentle again and his face had softened. He was handsome, there was no denying that. His jet black hair looked as if it’d been styled neatly at the start of the day, but had loosened as the day wore on. It was thick and a few strands fell on his forehead. His skin was a rich tan color and his dark eyes looked tired.

  “Miss Everly?” he asked again, forcing me back from my thoughts. “Did Tyler Reeves hurt you last night?”

  I looked at him for a moment and I wanted to ask him if he remembered me. I wanted to know that I’d made some kind of impression on him. That I hadn’t been forgettable. I didn’t ask him though because I was afraid to hear the answer.

  “I…I don’t think so…I really don’t know,” I said quietly, looking away.

  “Did anyone see anything?” Rachel interrupted. “Someone had to have seen something. He couldn’t just disappear down three flights of stairs!” I could hear her voice growing frantic and when I looked at her, there were tears in her eyes again.

  “Maybe it was just an accident, Rachel,” I told her, wondering if maybe it had been.

  “That’s what I’m going to try and find out,” Officer Torres said and when our eyes met again, there was a comforting smile on his face. “I’m going to turn this information over to our detectives. Can you give me Tyler’s phone number and address, Sam?”

  I nodded and proceeded to tell him, all the while my stomach turning in knots. Even if Tyler hadn’t played any role in my accident, I was fearful of what he would do when he found out I’d implicated him at all.

  My sister’s phone started to ring and she picked it up with an annoyed sigh.

  “I’m sorry, but I have to take this. I’ll be right back,” she said, walking out of the room quickly, leaving me alone with Officer Torres.

  “Are you going to be okay?” he asked once Rachel was gone.

  “I should be. Hopefully I’ll be out of here tomorrow.”

  “For your sake, I hope so too. I hear the food is terrible.” He cracked a smile and I laughed at his joke.

  “Um…” I began, nervous to even ask him what was really on my mind. “Um…will Tyler know that I talked to you?”

  “Are you afraid he’ll hurt you?”

  “No,” I said quickly, but then I shook my head. “I…no…I don’t know,” I stammered.

  He reached into his pocket, pulling out a wallet and then handing me a business card.

  “If you’re afraid, this is my contact information at the station. Call us if you have any concerns.”

  I looked down at it: Gabriel Torres.

  “Gabriel. That’s a nice name.”

  “I’m named after my grandfather,” he said with a look of pride. “Most people call me Gabe though. Now,” he said with a pause, “you should rest. Someone will be in touch if we have any more questions and if you remember anything more, and I mean anything at all, call right away.”

  “Okay,” I nodded.

  “It was good to see you again,” he said and then a smirk curled up on his mouth. “You’ve been keeping up with your parking meters I hope.”

  A smile spread on my face. It was the first time since I’d woken up at the bottom of the stairwell that I didn’t feel completely overwhelmed and terrified.

  “You remember,” I said softly and he smiled.

  “Of course. I knew it was you the moment I walked in and saw you lying at the bottom of those stairs.” There was a momentary look of pain in his eyes, but then his caring smile returned.

  “Thank you, Officer Torres…” I said, but he interrupted.

  “Call me Gabe.”

  “Thank you, Gabe…for your help.”

  “You’re welcome, Sam. Take care,” he said. He smiled once more. Then he was gone and I suddenly didn’t feel as safe anymore.

  Seven

  “Now, here’s your phone and the remote control. I stocked the fridge with all of your favorite stuff so you should be all set.” Rachel was rambling as she prepared to leave for work. It’d been two days since I came home. I’d been glad to get out of the hospital. Rachel hadn’t left me alone for a second though and I knew her anxiety was through the roof as she got ready to leave me alone for the night.

  “Thanks, Rache,” I said as I situated myself on the couch.

  “Remember to call me if you need anything. And I mean anything.” She was looking at me with that motherly stare she’d perfected over the years even though she was only three years older than me.

  “I know and I will call, but I’ll be fine.” I was trying to reassure her, but the look on her face said I wasn’t doing a very good job of it.

  “I’m deadbolting the door the second I leave and don’t you open it for anyone.”

  “Got it,” I said as I reached for one of my textbooks on the coffee table.

  “I mean it, Sam.” Her voice was stern now and she grabbed the book out of my hands so I was forced to look right into her eyes. “This isn’t something to just shrug your shoulders at. This is serious. You know I wouldn’t leave you if I didn’t have to, but since I do, I need you to promise me that that door will stay locked until I get home.”

  “So, I’m a prisoner? Am I having bread and water for dinner too?” I started to laug
h, but she only continued to glare at me and I felt badly when I saw my strong as steel sister’s eyes brimming with tears.

  “I’m glad you can joke about this, but I don’t find it funny at all.”

  It grew quiet for a few seconds while she stared down at me.

  “I’m sorry,” I said softly, knowing I’d pissed her off.

  “I know you don’t remember what happened to you, but I remember. I remember getting that phone call and I remember seeing you lying in that hospital bed not knowing if you were going to be okay or not. I don’t find anything about it funny so keep the door locked and if he comes by or contacts you at all, you call the police.”

  Rachel was right. I didn’t remember how I’d ended up at the bottom of the stairs. I prayed constantly that my memory would come back so I would know if Rachel’s assumption about Tyler was right. I knew the way he treated me was wrong, but I didn’t know if I could ever believe he’d try to kill me.

  “I promise.”

  She was quiet as she wiped at her eyes and then I saw her swallow hard, as if she was preparing to tell me something she didn’t want to. “I called Mom.” Her words were quiet and I didn’t know what to say. We didn’t talk much to our mother. We hadn’t since Rachel finally got us away from her.

  “Why’d you call Mom?” I asked.

  “I thought she should know what happened to you.”

  “And?” I asked, waiting to see how my mom had reacted since I hadn’t heard from her.

  “She was upset and hopes you’re okay. She wanted to come see you…”

  “Then why didn’t she?” I interrupted.

  “Typical Mom excuse,” Rachel said with a sarcastic grin. “Tim’s not been feeling well. Something with his emphysema. She has to stay and take care of him.” I snickered and shook my head.

  “You’d think one would come take care of their child,” I scoffed.

  “I know. It’s pathetic,” she said and then paused for a second. “I’m sorry, Sam.”

  “Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. You’re here,” I said softly. “You’ve always been here.”

  She reached for me, pulling me off the couch and hugging me tightly, while also being mindful of my injuries.

  “I love you, Sam,” she said softly into my ear. “And I’m sorry I have to leave, but I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

  I nodded and she let me go, grabbing her purse and walking out of the apartment. I heard the deadbolt lock and then her footsteps disappeared down the hall.

  I looked around the room. It was the first time I’d been alone since I woke up in the hospital. I’d never been scared in this place and I told myself I had nothing to be afraid of now, but there was something lurking in the depths of my mind I wasn’t able to reach that told me I should be afraid of something. I walked quickly to the door, making sure it was locked, even though I’d heard Rachel lock it.

  I hated this. I hated not remembering. I hated the void that was left in my mind, like an itch you can’t scratch. I was always on the edge of remembering, but it would never come. The doctors told me my memory would come back. I just hoped it wouldn’t be much longer because this missing time in my mind was maddening.

  I decided food would be a good distraction and I went to the fridge to see what Rachel had bought while I was still in the hospital. Yogurt, fruit, and Coke among the usual. I then opened the freezer and smiled when I saw two pints of ice cream. One strawberry and one cookies and cream. Rachel had definitely made sure I was taken care of.

  I decided to save the ice cream for later though and opted for a yogurt instead. I was still tired. Had been since the moment I woke up in the hospital. I needed something with some real nutritional value if I was going to try and catch up with my coursework. Rachel had contacted my professors. She’d told them I’d had an accident. She hadn’t gone into details, which I was grateful for, but nonetheless, they’d been supportive while I waited to return to class and work. It would only be a week from now, but I wanted to stay as current as I could with the reading and assignments and the notes my professors had emailed me. I was actually grateful I’d be busy. The thought of being cooped up in the apartment for the next week was not something I was looking forward to. I’d be lying if I said part of me didn’t think curling up on the couch and feeling sorry for myself was a good idea. I couldn’t though. I had to stay busy. I couldn’t obsess about what had happened, why it’d happened or why I couldn’t remember. It’d happened and I had to move on, even if my eyes kept drifting to the door, wishing I could recall anything from that night.

  I shook my head, and after taking a bite of the strawberry yogurt, I sat down and pulled up the site for my American History class. I smiled when I saw the A next to the paper I’d been struggling to finish the day Officer Torres had let me off with that parking ticket. It seemed like forever ago that I was a haggard mess at Café Java. When I looked at the A though, I told myself I’d done it. Despite the craziness and Tyler, I’d done well on my paper. I felt a pit in my stomach suddenly though as I felt the grip of Tyler’s hands on my arm that night, the way they curled around my skin, pinching and rubbing so tightly. I could feel the weight of him against me and the fear I felt having him so close. I’d known it wasn’t right. I shouldn’t have been afraid of the man who professed to love me, but I was afraid of him and because of that, I’d let him do whatever he wanted to to me.

  I closed my eyes tightly, embarrassed of what kind of person I was with him. I squeezed them tighter, hoping to erase those shameful moments from my mind. I hated how he made me feel. I hated who I was with him and I’d let him do it. All of it. It was my fault.

  My mind started to drift and I saw my mom, the same mother who couldn’t take time out of her life to come check on me. I heard her cries as his hands met her skin. The way I would jump at the sound of the slap and the shriek of her voice, begging him to stop. I could feel Rachel’s arms around me as she whispered we’d be okay as we prayed we wouldn’t be next. She would sing to me sometimes. Her voice was soft and she made me feel safe. She did what she could to make it okay, even though she was just a child herself. We were just two little girls, huddled in fear, thinking this was how it should be. That what was happening to our mom, while terrifying, was what men did. We knew it wasn’t right, but then why didn’t she do anything to stop him?

  I felt warm tears streak out of the corners of my closed eyes. I was just as weak and pathetic as my mom. I’d become her and I made myself sick. When I opened my eyes again, I saw that A staring back at me. The pride I’d felt moments ago was gone. It meant nothing.

  I slammed the computer shut and shoved the textbooks onto the floor, my optimism from earlier gone along with my pride. I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself because I didn’t want to be myself, not with the person I’d become.

  Eight

  I hadn’t opened my laptop in two days. I hadn’t done anything really except lay on the couch. I told Rachel it was because I was tired and wanted to rest when the truth was I simply didn’t want to do anything. I think Rachel knew that. I never could hide anything from my sister. She didn’t push me…too much anyway. She knew my work hadn’t gotten done and she gave me gentle reminders, which I knew was hard for her because Rachel loved to hound me usually.

  I was glancing at my laptop, knowing I should open it and get to work. Part of me started to reach for it, but the sound of the buzzer stopped me. Rachel had stepped out to grab us some dinner and I stared at the door for a moment. The buzzer sounded again and I pried myself from the couch, walking over and pushing the button. As I looked down at the still healing bruises on my arm, part of me was afraid of who was waiting downstairs.

  “Yes?” I asked nervously.

  “This is Officer Torres. I was hoping to speak with Samantha Everly. Is she available?”

  I felt the nerves start to brew in my stomach at the sound of his voice. It’d only been a few days since I left the hospital and had spoken to him. I hadn’t heard anyth
ing though and I wondered if they’d talked to Tyler because I hadn’t heard anything from him either.

  “Yes. That’s me,” I said and I knew my voice sounded timid.

  “I have Detective Blanchard with me. Is it okay if we come up and talk for a few minutes?”

  “Um…” I said, my voice hesitating before answering. “Sure.” It took me a second, but I pushed the button that would unlock the door for the police officers.

  I waited for them to come up and I could hear their footsteps approaching. There was a knock on the door a moment later and I looked through the peephole, just to be certain it was really him. The last few days had added a level of suspicion in my life that hadn’t been there previously. I was relieved when I saw Officer Torres’s head full of dark hair and his black uniform.

  I opened the door, not caring that I was in the same sweats and Red Sox hoodie I’d been wearing for two days or that my hair hadn’t been washed in as many days either. Officer Torres stood there, greeting me with the same caring smile he’d shown the day he’d forgiven my parking violation as well as in the hospital. There was an older looking stone-faced man in a trench coat beside him. I wished he’d show the same kindness on his face that Officer Torres did.

  “Hi,” I said, keeping my eyes on Officer Torres rather than the detective.

  “I’m sorry to show up unexpectedly like this,” Officer Torres began.

  “It’s fine,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant as I stepped aside, motioning them into the apartment. I looked around quickly at the wadded-up blanket and empty bowl of ice cream on the coffee table and was suddenly embarrassed. I hadn’t been expecting visitors though and truthfully, housekeeping was the furthest thing from my mind. “I…I’m sorry about the mess. I’ve…I’ve just been trying to rest.”