Because of You

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  “Are you okay?” he finally said, his voice low and hesitant. I knew he was still unsure if I’d been ready, if he’d pushed me into doing something I didn’t want to do. I wanted to reassure him, so I propped myself up and gazed down at him.

  “I’m perfect,” I answered and I felt the nerves begin to leave him. “I…I didn’t know if could be like that.” I didn’t realize my voice was choking up until the words came out. It’s what Gabriel Torres did to me though. He made me see the world in a different light.

  “It should always be like that.” He smiled at me and then pulled me down for a soft kiss.

  “You told me earlier that you think I’m amazing,” I said softly as our lips still practically touched. “I want you to know I think you’re pretty amazing too. You’ve shown me so much that I wouldn’t have seen without you. You’re the first person besides my sister that I can trust, and…” I said, my voice catching again as I tried to convey my feelings to him, but feeling totally inadequate with my words, “you don’t know what that means to me.”

  I smiled at him, but his face was serious and he reached up and touched my cheek.

  “I will never hurt you, Sam,” he said quietly. “Never.”

  As I looked into his eyes, I believed him. While we may not be perfect and I knew we wouldn’t always agree, I knew in my heart he loved me for me and he would never do anything to damage my soul the way it had already been.

  “I know,” I whispered, planting a sweet kiss on his lips and then snuggled back into his arms as the room grew quiet again.

  “You’re starting to see it,” he finally said, breaking the silence.

  “See what?” I asked as I traced circles on his chest with the tip of my finger.

  “What I see,” he answered, kissing the top of my head. “That you’re beautiful and strong. That you can do anything.”

  “Maybe a little,” I admitted softly, feeling a bit strange in doing so.

  “I thought I knew you,” he continued. “But I don’t think I really did. Not until today.” He paused for a moment and I could hear his heart pick up speed as he waited to talk again. “Today I learned what you really went through. I saw it and I’m amazed at where you are despite it. No one would ever know what’s happened to you because you just keep going.”

  “You have to keep going. There’s no other choice,” I said. He was right though. Despite everything, I was in college. I had my whole life ahead of me and my past did not define me. For so long I thought I’d simply been surviving, when in actuality, I was thriving.

  “I hope I’m not overstepping,” he began and I could sense his hesitation again.

  “About what?” I asked curiously and he swallowed hard before continuing.

  “Have you ever spoken to anyone, a counselor or someone, that could help you with all of this?”

  “No,” I whispered. “I’ve only told you everything.”

  “I think you should talk to someone. They could help you. They can help you in ways I can’t.” His voice was quiet. I knew he was afraid to broach the subject, but because he’d taken the chance anyway just showed me how much he really did care for me.

  “Maybe I’ll do that,” I told him and I thought he might be right. I’d kept it bottled up for so long and maybe now would be the time to see a professional to help me with my demons.

  “I hope you’re not upset. I only want to help.”

  I propped myself up then and looked down at him.

  “I’m not upset,” I told him. “It’s actually quite a nice feeling to have someone care about me the way you do.”

  “So, you’ll keep me around for a while then?” he asked as a cute grin spread over his face.

  “Yeah, I think I might,” I said, smiling back at him as we started drifting towards each other, our lips touching softly.

  I hadn’t been sure what to expect when going back to the place that held so many bad memories. It had been more difficult than I’d thought and it’d made me relive feelings I only wanted to forget. But because of that, I was in this moment. With Gabe. Just him and me and I felt loved. And for that, I was grateful.

  Twenty-Seven

  It was different after that. Like Gabe was a permanent fixture in my life. It hadn’t been that long, but it felt as if he’d always been there and always would, like he filled a piece of me I didn’t even know was there and despite everything, despite everything with Tyler, I was happy.

  Thanksgiving had passed without much recognition at all weeks before. It wasn’t a big deal and we both ended up working. I hadn’t minded, but when Gabe invited Rachel and I over to Christmas Eve dinner with his family, I was both excited and nervous all in one. Formal holidays were not something Rachel or I were accustomed too, but as we drove over to the Torres’s house, I knew we were both glad to have somewhere to go.

  I’d chosen a red dress with a lace overlay. It had cap sleeves and fell to my knees. I’d left my hair down, put pinned my bangs back with a silver barrette. It looked festive enough without going over the top. Rachel had gone the same route, only her dress was a dark blue and I joked with her that she could’ve been a snow princess. She didn’t appreciate the Elsa comparison, but she truly did look beautiful with her long blonde hair tied back in a French braid.

  I could tell Rachel was nervous by the way she was fidgeting with her hands as we walked up the driveway. It had snowed in the morning. Not much. Less than an inch actually, but enough to make me mindful of patches of black ice that would have me landing on my butt if I wasn’t careful.

  “You’re sure they don’t mind that I came?” Rachel asked nervously as I rang the doorbell.

  “Not at all. Gabe specifically said his mother wanted you to come. They’re really nice people, so relax,” I told her, reaching over and squeezing her hand to reassure her, even though I was anxious myself. I’d only met Gabe’s family one other time, but I’d felt comfortable with them almost instantly and I was looking forward to seeing them again.

  The door swung open then and Gabe greeted us with a smile, still in his uniform. He’d had to work earlier in the day, which is why we decided to meet at his parents’ house instead of having him coming by to pick us up. I hadn’t expected to see him in his uniform, but I was pleasantly surprised.

  “Hey,” he said, greeting us with a smile.

  He held the door open wider, reaching for my hand and pulling me inside, followed by Rachel. We were instantly greeted by the sounds of Christmas music and the smell of Christmas Eve dinner in the oven.

  He shut the door and then looked at me, his eyes moving slowly up and down my body as a smile curled up on his face. He leaned in, kissing me on the cheek.

  “Merry Christmas. You look amazing,” he said softly and I smiled back at him.

  “Merry Christmas,” I replied before he turned to greet my sister.

  “Merry Christmas, Rachel,” he said, leaning in for a quick hug.

  “Same to you, Gabe. Thank you so much for inviting us.”

  “Of course. My mom is glad you could make it. I’ll go introduce you to her and the rest of my family.”

  Gabe motioned towards the kitchen and Rachel looked at me before we followed Gabe, but I could tell she was already starting to feel more comfortable.

  I could hear voices as we got closer and when we walked into the kitchen, Carmen turned to greet us with the same smile I remembered.

  “Sam!” she said cheerfully, walking over and pulling me in for a hug before turning her attention to my sister. “And you must be Rachel. I’m so glad you could make it.”

  “Thank you for inviting us, Mrs. Torres. It means a lot to us.”

  “You’re very welcome,” she said with a smile. “And like I told Sam when we met, call me Carmen. We’re very informal in this house.”

  “Thank you, Carmen,” Rachel said as the rest of the family looked at my sister. Carmen began the introductions and I could see her starting to relax as she met everyone and learned how nice they all we
re.

  “How was your day?” he asked me quietly as Rachel got to know everyone.

  “It was okay. Better now that I’m here,” I said, meeting his eyes. He leaned down, planting a gentle peck on my lips before sliding his arm around me. “What about you? How was your day?”

  “Long. You’d think people would grow a conscience on Christmas Eve,” he said with a quiet laugh. “They’re worse I think, which is why I had to come straight here instead of going home to change.”

  “I quite like you in your uniform actually,” I said with a smile that caused him to blush. “I’m sorry you had a bad day though.”

  “It’s fine. I’m here now with you, so I’m not going to complain,” he said as I rested my head on his shoulder, looking around the house that was all decked out for Christmas. Rachel and I hadn’t bothered putting up a tree. I told myself it was because we were busy, but truthfully, it was because a tree was a reminder of how not special Christmas had been for us growing up. It was obvious it was just the opposite for Gabe. My eyes drifted to the giant tree by the window, lit up with twinkling white lights. It smelled like fresh pine and a row of stockings hung on the fireplace. Even many of the pictures on the wall had been wrapped up like presents. A fire was crackling in the fireplace too. The whole scene looked like a cheesy holiday movie they show constantly at Christmas on Lifetime, but I couldn’t help but smile because I knew this was how life should be.

  “The house looks amazing,” I said quietly and Gabe chuckled lightly.

  “My parents go a little overboard, but I’m glad they do,” he said.

  “Thank you for inviting us here tonight,” I said and then he removed his arm from my shoulder and turned me so I was facing him.

  “You okay?” he asked, raising a concerned eyebrow.

  “Yeah. This is just really nice,” I told him as a burst of laughter came from behind us. We turned to Rachel and the rest of Gabe’s family cracking up at something. My sister already looked comfortable. I could tell by the smile on her face. She turned to meet my eyes and I smiled back. It was good to see her so happy.

  ~~~

  I was stuffed by the time dinner was over. Carmen and Gabe’s grandmother had made a huge feast, incorporating traditional Christmas trimmings as well as some of the family’s favorite Mexican dishes. Everything was delicious and when dinner was over, Rachel and I offered to do the dishes. Carmen wouldn’t have it and shooed Rachel out of the room. I insisted though and she finally gave in as I started loading the dishwasher.

  It was just Carmen and I in the kitchen while everyone else gathered in the living room. We worked quietly for a little while, but when I shut the dishwasher and turned it on, Carmen walked up beside me.

  “I hope you enjoyed dinner tonight,” she said, smiling at me.

  “I did. Everything was delicious,” I told her, even though I’d mentioned it throughout dinner. “Thank you so much for having my sister and I over. It means a lot.”

  She smiled again, but then I watched as it faded and she looked at me with concern.

  “I don’t want you to think Gabriel tells me everything about your relationship,” she began, keeping her voice quiet so only we could hear. “And I hope you’re not upset with him, but he’s told me a little about your life. Not much,” she assured me, “but I get the impression it hasn’t been an easy life and I hope tonight has brought you some happiness.”

  She reached over and rested her hand on my arm. I could see her eyes start to glisten and I could feel the tears threatening in my eyes as well.

  “You have no idea,” I said, trying to stay strong. She pulled me to her for a long hug and I closed my eyes, wondering if this was what a motherly hug truly felt like. It felt different than any hug I’d had before. There was a feeling of safety and assurance in her arms, none of which I’d ever felt in my own mother’s arms. Carmen was very different than my mother though.

  “It’s been a long time since Gabriel’s brought anyone home to us,” she said when we’d pulled apart. “You’re very special to him, Sam. I can see it when he looks at you.”

  “I see it too,” I said softly. “He’s done so much for me.”

  She smiled and her eyes drifted to the living room where Gabe was sitting on the couch next to his sister as they all engaged in conversation. Carmen looked at him adoringly, the way mothers look at their children.

  “I’m glad you two found each other. He needs you as much as you need him,” she said and then turned her attention back to me. “We should join them so they can start the movie.”

  “What movie?” I asked.

  “After Christmas Eve dinner, we always watch It’s a Wonderful Life,” she said.

  “I’ve never seen it,” I admitted and her eyes got wide.

  “Never?” she asked and I shook my head. “It’s only the best Christmas movie ever made. You’ll love it!” she said, taking my hand and leading me into the living room.

  Gabe saw us coming and then scooted over, patting the spot next to him. I squeezed in beside him. It was a tight fit, but I didn’t mind being close to him. He put his arm around me and I snuggled in close to him just as the old black and white images appeared on the screen. I looked around the room and for the first time, I finally understood what a family was all about.

  ~~~

  “Can I steal you away for a second?”

  Gabe leaned in and spoke quietly into my ear as we sat around eating pie after the movie was over. I’d loved the movie, just as Carmen said I would.

  “Sure,” I said, taking my last bite.

  Gabe took the plate from me and then held out his hand. I took it and followed him into the kitchen. He set the plate by the sink and then he led me away from the living room where everyone was eating and chatting and into the secluded family room.

  It was quiet as we sat down on the couch. It was peaceful in here. The walls were lined with books and I imagined what it must’ve been like to grow up with a room like this.

  “I take it your family likes to read?” I asked.

  “Yeah, you could say that,” he said with a smile and then he reached for me, taking my hand and holding it in his lap. “I wanted to get you alone for a few minutes,” he began and I looked at him curiously. “It’s almost Christmas, give or take a couple of more hours,” he said with a quiet laugh, “but since I have to work tomorrow and I won’t see you, I wanted to give you your gift now.”

  “You didn’t have to get me anything,” I said.

  “I wanted to,” he said, reaching into pocket. “It’s not much, but I wanted you to have it.”

  He handed me a little box that was wrapped in silver paper with a bow on top. I smiled at him as I started to unwrap it. When the paper was gone, a small rectangular black box was revealed. I opened the lid and looked down at the bracelet inside. It was a simple silver band with a small anchor pendant attached.

  “It’s beautiful, Gabe. I love it,” I said, smiling up at him.

  He reached for the box, taking the bracelet out and then reached for my wrist and clasped it on.

  “I saw it and it made me think of you,” he began. “I know things haven’t been easy lately, or ever, for that matter, but I know things are getting better and I wanted you to have something to remind you how strong you are. I thought the anchor might do that.”

  I met his eyes and reached up, resting my palm on his cheek, feeling a lump start to form in my throat.

  “It’s perfect,” I said softly. I looked down at my wrist again and I found myself being taken back to our day at Singing Beach, one of the most perfect days I’d ever had. “I love it,” I told him. “Thank you for this…for everything.” I reached for him again, pressing my lips to his. “I love you, Gabe,” I said, my lips still hovering close to his and then he kissed me again, deeper this time though before pulling back and brushing a piece of hair behind my ear as he smiled at me.

  “Merry Christmas, Sam,” he said quietly and then I looked at him, my smile turning
into a frown. “What is it?” he asked.

  “It’s just…everything you do…every day I’m with you…my life only gets better. You got me this,” I said, touching the bracelet and looking back to him, “and all I got you are tickets to a Patriots game in January.” I had them in an envelope back at my apartment. I hadn’t thought to bring them tonight, but looking at the thought he’d put into my gift, I felt very inadequate.

  “First of all, thanks for spoiling the surprise,” he said with a laugh. “And secondly, you didn’t need to get me anything at all, although I will not complain about Patriots tickets. The only thing I want is for you to be happy.”

  I felt a tear in my eye and I reached up, wiping it away.

  “I am happy. Happier than I’ve ever been because of you.”

  He smiled at me again and then wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close.

  “I love you,” he whispered as he held me and I hoped he would never let me go.

  Twenty-Eight

  I hadn’t heard from Mr. Reeves or Tyler so I was hoping they’d both decided I wasn’t worth the drama and let us all move on. The magic of Christmas Eve with Gabe’s family was just a memory now. The semester was over and I was simply trying to live my life, which included shifts at O’Leary’s as the new year approached.

  The weather had turned sharply colder and I was dreading stepping foot outside once my shift ended, but luckily Gabe was swinging by to pick me up and I knew the heat would be on full blast in his police cruiser.

  We both were getting off late and since it was a Friday night, we thought we’d grab a coffee and then head back to my place. I kept glancing at the clock, waiting for the time to pass. I was anxious to see him. Anxious to be out of the pub and away from the guys at the bar, who’d been especially handsy as I made my way through the dining room. Neither of us had to work the next day and so we planned to sleep in late and do nothing much of anything, which was perfectly fine with me. Doing nothing with Gabe was exactly what I wanted.