Sempiternal

by K. Renee

  “What do you want Max? I thought you were too busy ignoring me,” I huff out. I know I shouldn’t take it personally because it has nothing to really do with me, but I do. Max is the only friend I have here, and he has been blowing me off for days. He refused to even talk to me, so I don’t care if I sound snotty today.

  “Jerick Brannigan isn’t a man you should be in bed with.” He wrinkles his nose at the words. The disdain in his voice is undeniable. He hates Jerick, and there is nothing that I’ll ever be able to do to change that.

  I hear my phone vibrate on the table and Max’s eyes land on the screen before I can grab it. He takes it off my desk and hits the button before I can even say anything. “Stana, I can’t believe this. You’re letting this fucking prick ruin you. He’s sending you damn nude photos while you’re at work. Are you seriously this damn delusional? He’s using you.”

  He shakes his head and tosses my phone at me. “You aren’t the person I thought you were. I hope like hell you’re happy with him. He’s a cold-blooded murderer, and now you’re his shiny new toy. He won’t keep you around for long. You’ll be just like every other woman he’s made believe that she was something to him. I hope he destroys you.” With that, Max walks out of my office and towards his own.

  Everyone in the surrounding cubicles is now staring at me, and I can’t take the embarrassment. Instead of waiting until five to clock out, I gather my stuff together and make my way to the door. I don’t stop when people call out my name, and I don’t bother stopping until I hit the end of the block. Warm tears fall down my cheeks, and nothing I do can make them stop. My heart feels like it’s been torn in two by the way he spoke to me and I don’t know what to do about it. Maybe he’s right… Maybe I am stupid for believing the sweet words that Jerick has said to me, but I don’t regret it. He makes me feel. He makes every part of me come alive, and if no one can understand that, then I don’t need them in my life either.

  I start to walk towards my apartment when I finally get my tears under control. When I feel like I can call Jerick without alarming him, I hit his name on my recent call list and wait for it to ring.

  “Aye love. I thought ye would like that one.” I can hear the smile in his voice, and I can’t help the tears that start to fall again. Him mentioning the photo only replays what Max said.

  “I’m not at work,” I finally say.

  “What do ye mean? Where are ye?” He sounds a bit concerned, but I just shake it off.

  “I left. I walked out after a disagreement with Max.” I don’t want to tell him what was said because I don’t want to have to repeat the words Max said to me. If anything, I just want to pretend that it never happened in the first place.

  “Where are ye, Stana?” he growls into the phone. I look at the street signs, and I have no clue where I am. I’ve been walking for a little bit, but it looks nothing like the route I used to take home.

  “I’m not exactly sure.” I squeak out when I look at the buildings around me. My panic starts to take over, and I know that I’ll have a full-blown panic attack in a matter of seconds if I can’t calm myself down.

  “Listen to me, love. Describe which buildings ye are near. I’m coming to find ye.” His voice is calmer than it was a few seconds ago and it, in turn, makes me a little bit more relaxed.

  “Tall buildings. I don’t know the street is busy. Lots of people.” I look around and see a couple of busy buildings, so I go inside the first one I come to. My hands are shaking as I pull the big door open. “I just walked in a building. Jerick, please find me.” I close my eyes even though people are walking in every direction around me.

  “Stana, listen to me. I need ye to breathe. Just breathe, love.” he says over and over again. I start to take deep calming breaths, but it doesn’t do much. I’m still freaking out, and I don’t know what to do.

  “Jerick,” I whimper as someone bumps into me.

  “Stana, breathe. I’m on me way.” I just listen to the sound of his breathing, and I try to match my breaths with his. Just as I start to calm down, a hand grabs my wrist. I look over to the person who grabbed me, and I shrink back, shrieking out so loud that people turn to stare.

  “Talk to me love. What is happening?” Jerick says into the phone.

  “Tell yer little lad that his time is up.” I hear Jerick growl into the phone a name that I’ve never heard before.

  “Stana where are ye?” He bites out. I walk backward until I run into someone who gives me a dirty look. The man follows me as I try to run. I get to the doors before he grabs me again.

  “Tell him that I will make sure I treat ye real well, lass.” I don’t say a word as he presses his body into mine. I push the door as hard as I can, and it opens to the busy street. I see a black car that looks like Jerick’s, so I run towards it.

  “JERICK!” I yell as I run into the busy street.

  Horns honk, and people slam on their breaks around me, but I don’t stop until I get in front of the car that looks like Jerick’s. The car stops just in time, and I turn to look behind me, and the man is still coming right for me. “STANA!” His voice tears through the street and I turn around to see Jerick running down the road right towards me. The man stops and stares as Jerick comes running at me.

  When his arms wrap around me, I feel like I can breathe again. All the fear I had is gone, and I can finally take the breath that was being sucked from my lungs.

  Jerick looks up, and I feel his whole body tense. He pulls me past the car that stopped just in time for me and onto the sidewalk. He doesn’t release me as we make our way down the street towards what I assume is where he parked his car.

  As soon as we get to his car, he forces me into the passenger seat before kneeling down in front of me. He doesn’t say a word for at least ten minutes as he just stares at me. I don’t know how to even comprehend what happened just now. Who was that man and why was he trying to grab me?

  “What did he say to you?” Jerick asks. When I look at his face, I can’t tell what he’s thinking. He looks pissed, and I don’t know if it’s because of me or the man. I can’t do this right now. I hold my hands out, and I see how shaky they are. I can’t focus on anything, let alone answer the question he just asked.

  My heart is pounding in my chest from both the panic, as well as the fear. Life with Jerick isn’t safe. I’ve figured it out the hard way, but it wasn’t his fault. If Max hadn't of yelled at me in front of the whole office, I wouldn’t have left early. I would have had a ride home, and I wouldn’t have gotten lost from a panic attack. That man wouldn’t have been able to come near me, and I would have been at home, cuddled up with Jerick while he whispered sweet things in my ear.

  “I want to go home,” I whisper. Tears fall from my eyes, and I don’t know if they are from the fear or the panic anymore. Everything is blurring together. All I know is that I want to go home and curl up in my bed pretend that none of this happened.

  Pretend that I am safe.

  Twenty

  Jerick

  By the time I get her to her gaff, she’s still fecking shaking. I’m going to kill those fecking bastards for the shit they pulled today. Max will wish I was the one who pulled the trigger on his da when I get me hands on the bastard.

  Ciaran is a different story. I’m going to kill the son of a bitch for even putting his hands on me lass. He scared her enough to run out into traffic.

  Once I get Stana into her gaff, I shut the door and take her straight to her room. She hasn’t said a word since she said she wanted to go home, but she was no longer shaking. Sitting her on the bed, I kneel down in front of her and grab her feet, taking both of her shoes off. When I look back up at her, she has tears still streaming down her cheeks, and her hands are folded in her lap.

  Sitting beside her, I don’t say a word fer a few minutes. I wrap me arm around her shoulders and pull her into me side. She goes willingly but still doesn’t say anything. “Ye okay?” I finally ask. She turns her wet face up to look at me, and I
see the scared lass she is. She isn’t part of this world and will never be used to the danger like we are.

  Me Da was right. A girl like her doesn’t belong in this life. She deserves so fecking much more than what I can give her. I just don’t know if I could leave her alone. I don’t want to leave her alone.

  “I thought that car was you.” She sucks in a breath and lets it out slowly. “That man was trying to grab me. What did he want?” Her tear streaked face just stares at me, and I know I have to give her something, anything.

  “He wants revenge on something that happened back in Belfast. I don’t know why he came after ye, except to send a message. I won’t let anything happen to ye, love. I promise ye that.” My voice is soft, and I try to keep me anger at a minimum while I try to comfort her. Laying us back on the bed, she turns to her side and curls into a ball. Turning onto me side as well, I wrap my arm around her body and pull her into me.

  She buries her wet face into me neck, and I just hold her. There is nothing else I can do right now except go and find that stupid bastard and put a bullet in him for doing this to her, but I know that it won’t be that easy. He won’t go down without a fight. He’s been waiting fer this fer years.

  “I just ran. I was scared and freaking out. I didn’t think clearly. I’m sorry,” she whispers against me skin.

  Running me hand down the back of her head, I pull her closer and close me eyes. The pain and fear she is feeling make me feel sick. I don’t want to ever put her through something like this again, and I know that this may be the first time, but it won’t be the last.

  “Ye are going to be fine. I won’t let him come near ye again. I promise ye, love.” She nods against me neck, and I feel the anger start to rise in me.

  Me phone starts to ring, but I don’t bother with it. Comforting her is the most crucial thing fer me right now. Her hands tighten on me as she listens to the ringtone as it goes off in me pocket. When it finally stops, she pulls back a little to look at me. Her eyes are bloodshot, and she has black trails that fall down her cheeks. Her makeup may be a mess, but she still looks beautiful. She seems real, something that I’ve been looking fer fer years.

  “What happens now?” she asks, sniffling slightly.

  “Ye don’t need to worry about that. I’ll deal with him.” I kiss her forehead before I continue. “I want to know what made ye run in the first place. What happened at yer work?” She tenses up and buries her face into me again. “I won’t stop asking until ye give me an answer.” She shakes her head no, still not saying a word. As much as I admire her fer not saying a word, it pisses me off just as much. “Stana, tell me what happened.”

  She doesn’t move or say anything fer a few minutes, and just as I’m about to get up, she holds on tighter and starts to talk. “Max came into my cubicle just after I sent you my last text message. He asked if my boyfriend killed anyone else lately. I rolled my eyes at him because that isn’t the type of person he is. He doesn’t act like a child. I asked him what he wanted because since that day he’s been giving me the cold shoulder. He refused to talk to me when I tried asking him questions, so I just let it go.” She sniffles a few more times before she continues her story.

  “He then told me, ‘Jerick Brannigan isn’t a man you should be in bed with.' I didn’t know what he meant at first, but when I looked into his eyes, I could see the pure hate in his expression. He hates you, and he brings it into our work and our friendship. I couldn’t even say anything, and then you sent me another text. Before I could even reach for it, he already had it in his hand, looking at the photo you sent. He told me that I was letting you ruin me and that you were sending nude pictures to me while I was working.” She sucks in a breath, and I want to kill that little fecker.

  He has a right to hate me, but he has no right to treat Stana the way he has been. She doesn’t deserve it at all. She isn’t me, and she didn’t make the decision to keep the truth from Max, I did. I did it to protect me sister and I would do it again and again. Maeve doesn’t deserve the hate that she would get for what she did.

  “He yelled at me and told me that he couldn’t believe it. That I was delusional and that you were using me…” She trails off, and I reach forward to wipe the tears from under her eyes. “He told me that I wasn’t the person he thought I was. That you were a cold-blooded murder, and I was just a shiny new toy for you to play with until you were tired of me just like the others. His parting words were that he hopes you destroy me.”

  She takes a deep breath before she continues. “Everyone in the surrounding cubicles was staring at me, and I couldn’t take the embarrassment. So Instead of waiting until five to clock out, I gathered my stuff and just left. People tried to stop me, but I couldn’t stay. I had to get out of there. I had to get away from him. I haven’t felt that low in a while, and when I got outside, I just walked towards my apartment. I must have gotten turned around when I was crying because I ended up where you found me.”

  The heartbreak in her voice tears at me chest. I can’t take the pain in words she says. Max is going to regret ever saying a word to her. I may not be the one who killed his father, but I’m not afraid to come after Max meself. He crossed the damn line with how he treated Stana, and I’ll make sure he pays fer that.

  Grabbing me phone from me pocket, I send a text to Conaill and tell him to get me an address on the fecking bastard Max. I say his name and his da’s name, hoping that it will be easier to track down. When I leave tonight, I have a date with that bastard.

  “Are you going to hurt him?” Her voice breaks on the words, but I’m not going to lie to her either.

  “I won’t kill him,” I mutter. “He fecking hurt ye, love. Why do ye care what happens to the bastard?”

  She rolls away from me and lies on her back, arms crossed over her chest like she’s hugging herself. “Because he is my friend, I care what happens.” She blows out a deep breath and turns her head towards me. The look in her eyes begs me not to hurt him, but I’m having a hard time agreeing to that. He deserves way more than just letting that shit go. She could have died because he was careless. She could have been taken by Ciaran.

  “I won’t kill him,” I repeat. It’s the only thing that I can promise her. I can’t guarantee that I won’t go after that fecker Max for what he said or how he made her feel. I’m going to end the shit between us if it’s the last thing I do tonight.

  She doesn’t say another word, so I just curl me body into hers and hold her tight.

  Slipping out of Stana’s apartment a little after eight, I make me way to me car and take off towards the address Conaill sent me a few hours ago. The place isn’t too far from Stana, and that makes me question how he actually feels about her. Why would he move closer to her when he knows that she’s with me? The first address Connie found was his old one, and after a drive-by earlier, he saw a younger couple outside playing with their young children, so he went to searching again which brought up this new place, one that he moved into a month ago under a fake name.

  When I pull up to the house that sits just three blocks away, I scan the neighborhood. I don’t want this to take long because I don’t want her waking up alone. She was still shaken up when I finally got her to fall asleep, and I don’t want to make it worse fer her. She’s already been through enough today.

  Getting out of me car, I make my way to the door and take a peek in the front window. I don’t see movement, but the lights are all on. He has to be here.

  I knock on the door and wait fer him to come to the door. I can feel the handle of me gun in the back of me jeans and the knife I always carry in me pocket, just waiting to be used. As the doorknob turns, I wait fer the moment he realizes who’s on the other side of the door.

  As soon as he sees me, he tries to shut the door, but I get my shoe between the door and the frame before he can lock me out. “What the hell do you want?” he grits out.

  I’m damn glad he’s pissed. It will make this conversation that much more fun fer me.
“I want to know why ye said those damn things to Stana. Ye know what she fecking went through after ye said that shit?”

  He rolls his eyes at me like he doesn’t care what he did to her. Almost like he thinks she deserves what she went through. Little does he know, I’ll make him pay fer that shit. He could have gotten her hurt or worse. “She left work and had a panic attack in the middle of the fecking street. Got fecking lost because she was so hurt by yer damn words.” I see his expression change, and I can see the surprise and concern written all over his face. “I get ye care about her, but don’t make her feel bad because ye hate me.”

  He goes to say something, but I stop him.

  “I’m not fecking done,” I grit out. Me anger is starting to take over, and if I don’t keep it under control, me knife won’t stay in me pocket much longer. Instead, it will find a new home in his fecking side.

  I push the door open, and he doesn’t fight me on it, which is surprising. “You going to kill me like you did my father?” he asks as I push the door shut behind me. I’m close to killing him, but I told Stana I wasn’t going to so I have to live up to that. I don’t go back on me word.

  “One of me enemies took advantage of her confused state and tried to take her. She ran out into the fecking street into traffic. I blame ye fer this. Yer lucky she’s okay, or I would be here to kill ye not tell ye to stay the feck away from her.” I stare at him and watch as he swallows. His skin is pale at the mention of her running into traffic.

  “She’s okay, right? She didn’t get hit?” He’s looking around the room like he’s trying to find something, so I put me hand on his chest and push him back slightly.

  “She’s fine, no thanks to ye. Don’t contact her. Stay the feck away from her. If I find out ye said one thing to her, I will go against me word to her. I’ll kill ye.” I see the Adam's apple in his throat bob as he takes in me threat.

  “Hate me all ye want, I don’t care. Just stay away from her.”