Sempiternal

by K. Renee

  Making me way to the bag Connie left fer me, I pull on a pair of jeans and a shirt before I make me way out of the room and downstairs. The place is quiet, and when I go in search fer Connie, I find him sitting at the bar in the kitchen.

  “Aye, yer finally out of bed.” He gives me a knowing grin, and I shrug. I would much rather be still tangled up in Stana, but we got shit to do.

  “Not by choice,” I mutter. He grins at me, and I walk over to the coffee and pour me a cup before taking a seat next to him.

  “Yer Da called, followed by yer brother Liam.” He looks up at me as he shoves a piece of toast in his mouth. I wait fer him to continue, wondering why the feck they would contact him. After he swallows and takes a drink of his coffee, he continues. “They called Rory too. Something about ye not answering, and trying to find out if yer alive.”

  I roll me eyes at that. “Like they give a damn,” I grumble, taking another sip of me drink. As I set it on the counter, me phone starts ringing. I groan as I check the screen and see me Da’s name flashing. I put the phone to me ear and answer. “Aye.”

  His grunt fills me ear, and I know that he’s gonna be pissed at me. “Where the feck have ye been boyo?” I shake me head before running me hand through me hair.

  “I’ve been dealing with some shit,” I answer, giving Connie a look. He reaches to grab something and hands it over to me. Its surveillance photos and I can’t put a name on the person in them.

  “Ye know ye have responsibilities to the family. Ye can’t just turn yer back on us now that ye found some slag.” I grit me teeth and try like hell not to say something out loud. The men that were trying to get in last night were from the family.

  “Aye,” I respond, not giving a shit what he’s even going on about. The family isn’t a family right now. They are trying to go after me lass, and it will be the biggest mistake they’ve ever made. Working fer the Divil will be nothing compared to the hell I’ll rain down on them.

  “The lass needs to go boyo. I won’t let her ruin the work we’ve put in this organization over the years. She won’t mean shit in a year. Get yer head out of yer arse and get back to work.” He grunts out the last few words. He is probably getting his dick sucked at the moment while trying to tell me how to live me life.

  “I’ll deal with me personal life and ye can stay the feck out of it,” I respond, me voice ice cold. I’m done playing the son who stands by his side while I get nothing in return. He wants Liam to be part of the fold, then he can have it all. I don’t mind getting away from it fer a while. It will give me time to focus on the shit I need to do. “Tell Liam that I’m looking fer him when ye see him.” I hang up before I can even get his response.

  He’ll be pissed off, but right now I couldn’t care less.

  I roll me shoulders as I set the phone down on the counter. The tension is becoming too much fer me to deal with right now. Getting to shag me lass again can probably take some of it away, but judging by the look on Connie’s face I’m not going to be able to go back to bed like I’m hoping.

  “Tell me what ye got.” I run me hand down the back of me neck and try to work out a few knots on me own, but it’s no use. I need to head to the masseuse when I get some time.

  “The three guys from last night are yer families men.” He hands me files on each of the men and I scan over the information on each of them before I set them down and look fer Rory’s number. He answers on the third ring, and I can hear the frustration before I even say a word.

  “If yer calling to get that shit ye wanted, yer gonna have to wait.” I ignore that and instead ask him what’s wrong. “As if we didn’t need any more shit to deal with.” I look over at Connie, and he has an eyebrow raised, waiting fer me to tell him what’s wrong.

  “What is it?” I ask, losing me patience fer the conversation already.

  “Cara’s pregnant.” I suck in a breath, and my eyes meet Conaill’s. I mouth the word pregnant, and his eyebrows shoot up into his hairline. “We both aren’t ready yet. Not with the shit going down with the family and the stuff with ye.” I close my eyes fer a second and rub them with my free hand.

  “Ye guys are going to be great parents. The stuff we are doing isn’t going to change that fact,” I respond.

  He barks out a laugh and I know he doesn’t believe me; hell part of me doesn’t either. “I’m a God damn killer Jerick.” He mutters something under his breath, and I can’t hear it. If he wants me to tell him that he’s wrong, I can’t. When ye live the life we do, some things are way out of our control. We were raised as killers. We learned at a young age that to get ahead, we had to take out the competition.

  He doesn’t have to raise his child the way we were raised. We can change the cycle. Give our children better lives than we had.

  “We all are Rory,” I state. I’m a killer too. “Cara knew the type of man ye were when she married ye.” I already know he’s rolling his eyes at me fer that one. “She loved ye even though she knew the type of man ye are. We can’t change the way we were raised. It’s in our blood. Yer da, me da, it was passed down through the generations to teach us how to protect the ones we love and to fight fer the family.” He blows out a breath, and I have to do the same.

  “Ye will get through this lad. I know ye two can get through anything.”

  Rory is quiet fer a few minutes, and I scan over the file in front of me again. The names are familiar, but I can’t place them.

  “Why’d ye call?” he finally asks, calming himself down some.

  “I have a few names I want to run by ye,” I respond. When he asks me the names, I name them off quickly. “Ye every heard of Adamnan Murphy, Brady O’Sullivan, and Ennis Walsh?”

  “Aye fucking hell. Are those the feckers that got fried last night?” he groans over the line.

  “I need ye to get to Conaill’s. We have some shit we need to go over. Ye can bring Cara, Stana is here too.” Just as I say her name, I can feel her in the room. Turning me head, I see her standing by the entryway. She looks unsure of what to do so I motion fer her to come to me. Just as she gets to me, me phone starts to beep in me ear with another call.

  Pulling the phone from me ear, I look at the screen and see Liam’s name. “I need to get this. Get here when ye can.” I switch over the line, and I bite out Liam’s name.

  “Aye, dear brother. Good to hear ye are getting me threats.”

  “Ye so much as come near her again and I won’t hesitate to put a bullet in yer head.” His chuckle fills me ear, and I feel her tense in me arm. He won’t come near her, I won’t let that happen.

  “I see that yer eejit lad has protected his gaff better than I expected. Now fer yer slag, I hope I get a chance to meet her real soon.”

  “Ye call her a slag one more time, and I’ll show you how it feels to lose everything ye’ve worked so fecking hard fer,” I ground out. I’m pissed that he even thinks that he can get close to her.

  “Yer such a muppet.” He sneers into the line.

  “At least I’m not a fecking traitor.” It comes out on a laugh and Stana puts her hand on me chest, bringing me back from the anger that is currently running rampant in me body.

  “Instead yer a fecking cunt.”

  I bite back a laugh at that. Feck him. I don’t bother responding to him. Instead, I just hit the end button and pocket me phone.

  “Everything okay?” Stana asks quietly. She presses her body into me side, and I tighten me grip on her.

  “Everything will be fine, love.” I kiss her temple, and she runs her fingers up and down me chest in the most soothing way. “Ye think he’s stupid enough to send some other feckers after us?” I ask.

  “He’s made a mess of things again and won’t stop now. Yer da may be the only one able to get him off his high horse.”

  I roll me eyes at that. If anything, me Da is just going to tell me that this shit is me fault because of Stana. “He won’t give a feck.” I sigh and rub me hand up her back. “All he cares about is the fa
mily and making sure that I don’t feck any of his shit up. He told me that Stana was just a distraction and that I needed to get rid of her when he found out.”

  Conaill chuckles at that and runs his hand over his beard. “Yer da has always been a little tougher on ye than he needed to be.” I nod and grab me cup, taking a drink of me coffee. It’s gone cold, but I don’t bother getting up now that I have her standing between me legs. Her eyes scan over the folders in front of me, and I see her skimming parts as if she thinks I’ll take them away from her.

  “Last night while we were taking care of the guy who set up yer attack, three more men came to the house to try and hurt ye.” No emotion in me voice. I want her to know how fecking dangerous things are at the moment and that she can’t try and leave until we deal with the threat. I’m sure she wants to go back to work still, but I won’t be letting that happen either.

  Twenty-Seven

  Stana

  The tension in the room is almost too much for me to bear. Jerick’s hand is gripping my back tightly, and I couldn’t move if I tried. He was holding his body ridged while he was on the phone, but the moment I touched him, he sagged a bit but didn’t lose the anger that was keeping him on track with whoever he was on the phone with.

  “Cara should be coming over with Rory, so ye two can hang out while we work on some stuff,” he states. My eyes continue to scan over the files that are currently sitting in front of him, and I notice that two of the guys were the ones from my apartment last night.

  “Are they…” I can’t say the word dead. I don’t know why, but it makes me feel sick if I do.

  Knowing the type of man Jerick is doesn’t make it any easier, but I know that if I want to be with him, I have to get used to the thought of him being that type of man. A killer.

  “Aye.” The answer is quiet. His eyes are turned down, and I can feel the change in the room.

  “They won’t hurt me?” I don’t know why I ask, but I couldn’t help it. I have to know that they won’t be able to come after me again after last night. The fear from last night isn’t something that I can go through again.

  “No, love.” He pulls me closer to him, reaching up with his other hand and cups my cheek. I peek over at Conaill, and he has a smirk on his face. “Why?” It’s almost like he knows what I’m not telling him.

  I point to two of the men in the photos and state carefully, “these were the two men in my apartment.”

  Both of them freeze, and I look up to see the anger in Jerick’s face. “They were the ones who broke into yer gaff the night before?” I nod my head, looking at them. I don’t say anything more because for one, I don’t know what else to say. If they are dead then maybe no one else will come after me.

  I hear the doorbell go off and no one makes a move towards the door. Conaill checks something on his tablet before he turns some intercom thing on and hits a button. “Rory, ye can come in lad,” his deep voice says. My eyes go back to Jerick, and I see him scanning over the photos one more time. He takes out a pad of paper and starts to make notes, but I can’t see what they say from where I am currently standing. They look to be in another language as well. Before I can make my way closer to him, Rory and Cara come in the room smiling at each other.

  “Jerick!” She says happily, coming towards us. She wraps her arms around Jerick, and I see the familiarity that they have together. “I’m so glad to see you even under the circumstances.” He nods his head before speaking.

  “Aye, lass. It’s good to see ye.” He kisses her cheek once before pulling away from her. “Ye are glowing. It suits ye, love.” She grins back at him, and I feel like I’m missing out on an essential part of their conversation.

  She rubs her belly slightly, almost like she doesn’t even know she’s doing it. “Thank you. As scared as I am, I am so happy.” She looks over her shoulder at Rory, and he gives her a cheeky grin. She’s pregnant. I suck in a breath at my realization. A pang hits me hard, and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the thought of babies, something that I’ve always wanted, but never thought that I could have.

  Before I was with Rhett, I got into a really bad car accident. At the time, I didn’t realize how bad with was. The doctors told me that I would probably never have children because of the trauma to my uterus, but at the time I didn’t think that it was such a big deal. Now that I see how happy Cara and Rory are that they are going to be parents it just kind of hit me… I’ll never get that. I will never get to see the happiness on my boyfriend or husband’s face when he finds out we are having a baby.

  I close my eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. I should be happy for them, not sad about my own problems. It’s not like they knew that this would affect me the way it is. An arm wraps around me, and I’m being pulled into a hard chest. “Ye okay, love?” Jerick asks, kissing the top of my head.

  I nod my head because I don’t want to tell him what upset me, he probably wouldn’t understand. I don’t even really understand my reaction right now. I thought that I was okay with this, but I’m not. I want to be a mother one day. I want to be something more than I am now. I’m just a girl who’s falling in love with a natural born killer. It may be hard to accept at times, but at least I know that he will always protect me no matter the cost.

  “Ye alright to go with Cara into the living room while we work?” he asks after a few beats. His lips rest on the side of my temple as he continues to hold my body tightly to his.

  Nodding my head, I look up at him and he presses his mouth to mine in a sweet, but quick kiss. “I’ll be fine,” I murmur before I pull away from him and walk over to where Cara is standing next to Rory. She gives him one last kiss before we make our way towards what I assume is the living room. I don’t know much about this house other than it belongs to Conaill and it’s the safest place that we could possibly be right at this moment. One thing that I trust in is that Jerick will keep me safe like he promised.

  As we walk into the living room, I can feel Cara’s eyes on me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” she says softly grabbing my hand when we come to a stop. I shake my head as if I don’t know what she’s talking about even though I know what she means. “As scared as I am, I couldn’t imagine not being able to have a baby if I wanted to.”

  I feel my throat close, and I don’t even know what to say to her. How did she even know? “How…” I can’t get the rest of the words out.

  She gives me a sad smile, and she pulls me over to the large couch that sits in the middle of the room. “I saw the look on your face when I put my hand on my stomach. I know the look. My sister had the same look on her face when I told her that I was pregnant.” She reaches up to brush a tear off her cheek before she looks up at me. “I didn’t know. If I did, I wouldn’t have said anything. Jerick already knew when Rory called him. We could have kept it quiet while you were here.”

  I shake my head no, “I don’t want you to have to treat me with kid gloves. I already know that I’ve caused enough problems for Jerick, I don’t want to cause even more. Plus, we aren’t even talking about that sort of stuff. We barely know each other.” Now I sound like I’m rambling. Oh, my God, I need to just shut up.

  “I’ve seen the way he watches you. Whatever type of fling you thought that this was going to be isn’t what it is. He’s in love with you.” She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze before releasing me. “Give him some more time, and I know he will surprise you. He doesn’t just protect woman he’s sleeping with. You have to mean something to him for him to go against his own family like he is. The family is everything to him, and I know that he doesn’t take that lightly.”

  This time it’s my turn to wipe a tear from under my eye. She stays quiet for a few minutes before she says something else. “You want kids.” Her voice is soft, and I have to dig my fingernails into my palms to keep myself from crying. I don’t want to look weak in front of her. She’s strong, and I want to be strong too.

  “I do,” I finally whisper. I want to tell her everything
, but I don’t even know what to say. I’ve kept it in the back of my mind for so long that I haven’t thought about it in a long time. Things with Rhett gotten bad and I knew that it was a good thing I couldn’t have children. Bringing a baby into that environment wasn’t the best idea so I thought that maybe it was a blessing I couldn’t have babies.

  “For as long as I’ve known Jerick, I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.” She grabs my hand again, and I see the tears falling down her cheeks. “Not being able to have kids wouldn’t change that. He would still worship the ground you walk on.”

  I let out a dry laugh at that. “He doesn’t worship the ground I walk on,” I say wiping my eyes, a small grin tugging at the corner of my lips.

  She starts to laugh and soon I’m laughing right with her. Part of me is glad that we are laughing because then I’m not crying. I don’t know how else to handle this. “I believe that if you were meant to be a mother, it would happen. Just be patient. If not, maybe look into adoption.” Her eyes are kind, almost too much so, but I can’t thank her enough for the kind words she’s giving me right now.

  Some women just point and laugh if you are unable to bear children. They don’t understand the heartbreak and pain it causes, so having someone who understands is helpful.

  We spend the rest of the night chit-chatting while the guys continue to do whatever it is they are doing locked away where we left them. It didn’t take long for us to both be giggling and having a good time once the sad talk was over.

  Cara is someone that I could see as my best friend. Someone that I could talk to when things got tough, and I need someone else besides Jerick to talk to. I think she would let me confide in her if I needed to talk about something personal like the baby thoughts.

  I’m still jealous of her and the fact that she can get pregnant, but I know that it’s not her fault that I have this problem. It’s the past, and I know that it will always continue to haunt me in the future, and for as long as I live. Grabbing the remote off the couch, Cara turns the T.V. on, and she changes the channel from some sports show to the Hallmark channel.