A Brand New Ending

by Stephanie Rolls

  Grabbing my contact containers from the edge of the sink, I put them in and spray myself with a squirt of cologne before flicking off the light. Taking my jacket off the hook along with my bike, I leave the apartment in a hurry. When I get to the top of the staircase, I lean my bike against the wall to zip up my jacket, knowing it’s going to be beyond cold outside. I hurry down the stairs, the weight of the bike burning my bad hand. When I get outside, I realize it’s raining, but jump on my bike anyways. By the time I reach the hospital, my body is trembling from the cold. I lock up my bike and head up the back stairs and into the employee area. The feeling of anxiousness starts to creep up, an involuntary action. Taking a deep breath, I leave the staff room, the hospital is eerily quiet. As I round the corner, I spot Donovan leaned over the nurse’s station, his laughter echoing around me. He instantly notices me, a confused look on his face. Walking over to him, I set my elbows on the counter top.

  “I thought you were under the weather?” he says, wiggling his eyebrows. I just sigh.

  “Couldn’t sleep and, strangely, I decided to come here of all places,” I mutter.

  Donovan leans back, looking at me strangely.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Dude, you are, like, dripping all over the floor, were you out frolicking in the fucking rain?”

  “I rode my bike here.” I say.

  He shakes his head.

  “You are just asking to get a fucking…”

  “If you say a ‘cold’ I’m gonna fucking slap you,” I say emotionless.

  “For someone who got a hot piece of ass the other day, you are one emo motherfucker.” He laughs while smacking me on the back. I don’t respond. My eyes look to the side, finding her door immediately.

  “She’s on the couch in the day room,” I hear Donovan say, my head snapping back to face him.

  “Who?” I ask.

  “Phoenix,” he says nonchalantly.

  “You know her?” I say a little louder than expected.

  “I do work here, asshole,” he states. “We hung out. I think I scared the shit out of her though.”

  I stand upright.

  “What?” I ask sternly.

  “Yeah, I moved a little too fast and she freaked,” he explains. My heart rate spikes.

  “What was she doing?” I ask, clearly confused.

  “She was eating cookies with Liam,” he states.

  I can’t hold a smile back, Donovan noticing it immediately. I leave him and walk down the hallway, my steps getting shorter and lighter, as I know that I am getting close to the day area. When I get to the opening of it, I am confused because not a single light is on in the room. How can she be in here?

  I go to turn around until I see a soft shimmer coming over the back of one of the couches, the moonlight coming out from behind the clouds. I take a few more steps, rounding the corner, a beautiful sight before me. Phoenix is sitting on the couch, but her upper half has fallen over, a light snoring sound coming from her nose. I can’t stop staring at her. What does this beautiful creature hold over me?

  I take another step towards her, her long, flowing hair thrown across the armrest. I go to reach out to touch her, immediately remembering what Donovan said. I can’t seem to get my father’s voice out of my head. I’ve seen it in abuse patients.

  Instead of moving her, I back away slowly from the couch, walking over to the linen closet, pulling out the warmest blanket we have. Going back over to her, I almost expect her to be gone, as though she is a figment of my imagination. Like she is too beautiful to be real. I smile when I see her still on the couch, except she has now shifted her body down so she is now vertical. Opening up the blanket, I lay it over her body gently, knowing this is all I can do for her.

  Chapter 13

  Phoenix

  I hear voices stirring in my head, and then a sharp pain shooting up my back. Opening my eyes slowly I upright myself, realizing I’m still in the day area. I never made it back to my room last night.

  Grabbing the blanket, I pull it up to my chest, getting up from the couch slowly. The room is now full of other patients, making me semi-uncomfortable. I start to make my way back down the hallway, the hospital quite different then it was last night. It’s hurried and busy, and I can feel my anxiety kicking in. I start to make my way around the corner faster, my nose picking up a familiar scent, but I can’t pinpoint where I know it from. I soon realize it’s coming from the blanket wrapped around me. Pulling it up over my nose I inhale, the smell intoxicating. It smells like home after the first rain.

  I feel someone watching me, making me look upwards. All I see is him, and no one else. The room around me becomes foggy and everyone else becomes a blur in my vision. It’s now that I realize he has been watching me smell this blanket. Now he really knows I’m fucking insane.

  My knees start to become weak, feeling completely embarrassed. Before he has time to see my crimson cheeks, I bolt down the hallway in the opposite direction, opening my door quickly, and then slamming it behind me. Leaning up against it I breathe in and out, heavily. Rain comes out from the bathroom, a smile on her face.

  “Are you hiding from someone?” she asks giggling.

  I slouch, letting the blanket falling to the floor. I breathe out one last loud sigh.

  “What the hell is wrong with me?” I ask. For the first time I’m starting to think I belong here.

  She comes over to my bed, sitting down and patting besides her. I shimmy my way over and plop myself down.

  “I can’t…” I mutter. “There’s no way…”

  Rain lifts her hand up and she rubs the back of my hair, stroking it softly. I close my eyes and instantly flash back to when I was little and my mother used to brush my hair. It is my favorite memory of her. Although, there aren’t many to chose from. I open my eyes again and turn my head to Rain, an apologetic look on her face. I know I don’t have to speak for her to understand me. She continues to rub my hair, calming me greatly.

  “What do you have to lose when you have nothing left?” she says.

  ~

  Getting out of the shower, I wrap my body in a towel and brush my hair, staring at myself in the mirror. My face is extremely pale with dark circles under my eyes. I touch them with my fingertips, small patches of puffy skin adorning them. Pulling my towel off I go over every scar, for once my arms and legs are not decorated with new bruises. Each scar brings back a certain memory. He will always have a hold on me. These scars will never go away.

  Looking back up at the mirror, the sound of cracking glass reaches my ears, but I know it’s just a memory. It’s as though I can still feel the warm blood oozing down the back of my arm.

  ~

  “Phoenix!” I can hear her scream from the bottom of the stairs.

  I lay curled up in my bed, wishing and hoping that I can somehow disappear from the Earth this instant. I have no desire to live. I can hear feet stomping up the stairs, not knowing if it is her or him. Maybe he has come to finally put me out of my misery. The door slams open. I don’t turn around to see who it is.

  “Phoenix Grace,” she says, throwing the covers off of me. The cold air hits my wound, it making me wince.

  “I have told you to come down…” she begins to say, pausing mid sentence. She grabs onto my arm so hard that it makes me flip over.

  “Mom,” I scream out. “You’re hurting me.”

  “What the hell happened to you?” she asks. “I told you to stay out of trouble.”

  I don’t say anything, knowing she won’t really listen to me. I just stare at her, my eyes burning from crying. She just stares back at me and then puts my arm down slowly. She turns around and leaves, shutting my door behind her without saying another word.

  ~

  I pull my hands off the sink and head back into the bedroom. I grab a new outfit, sliding it on. Putting my hair up into a high ponytail, I sigh, not really knowing what to do next. That’s one thing I have learned in here, days go a lot slower when you have
nothing but time. As Rain and I leave the room, she gives me a reassuring pat on the back.

  “Sometimes the right path isn’t the easiest.” She smiles.

  We walk back down the hallway, my eyes scanning and my heart racing. Moments later, we are approached by tall slender women with a clipboard.

  “Phoenix Harper?” she asks, looking at me. I nod.

  “I’m Doctor Conrad, if you could please follow me,” she says, ushering me in the opposite direction. I look over at Rain.

  “It’s going to be OK,” she assures me.

  I bite my lip, nodding slowly. I follow behind the doctor quietly, until we reach a door, her name across it. She opens the door, telling me to enter. When I get inside I know exactly what this is. Another psychological evaluation. Time to find out how crazy I really am.

  Chapter 14

  Braeden

  I finish up my duties and it’s close to seven in the morning, technically when my shift ends. As I walk past the nurses’ station, many of the aides are gathered around. I walk over, wondering what’s going on. I immediately spot Donovan.

  “What’s happening?” I ask, knowing something is wrong.

  “Code blue man,” he says. Death of a patient.

  My heart rate spikes and I find myself gripping the counter top.

  “It’s not her,” he says silently and calmly. I let out a big sigh, Donovan turning to me.

  “I knew it,” he says, his tone of voice still quiet.

  We break off from the rest of the group and go down the hallway a little bit.

  “I can’t explain it,” is all I can mutter. “Something about her….”

  He puts his hand on my shoulder.

  “You always do this.” He sighs.

  “Do what?” I ask.

  “It’s because of your mom, right?”

  A twinge of anger runs through me, him knowing full well I don’t like talking about it.

  “I don’t know what the hell you are talking about,” I spit.

  “Braeden, I know we all get attached to patients after a while, Liam looks up to you like a brother. But any time we have a suicidal patient come through here you look like someone ran over your cat.”

  “I’ve never had a cat,” I respond. Donovan just chuckles.

  “Just be careful, is all I’m saying,” he shrugs. “She is a human being with feelings, not a figment of your imagination.” It was almost as though he could hear my thoughts.

  The rest of the day goes in a flash, putting my mind on my work. But no matter how hard I try to shut her out, I can’t. When I reach her and Rain’s bedroom door, I pause, my heart racing. Pushing it open slowly, a part of me is disappointed when the room is empty. I go inside, quickly making work of changing the bed sheets, her scent flowing around me. The blanket I put on her this morning is balled up in the corner.

  When I finish up their room, I turn around to exit when I see her frozen in the doorway. Her hair is up and brushed away from her face, giving me a clear view of all her features. She is more breathtaking then I remember. Her eyes shift from me to the surrounding room. She won’t keep eye contact with me. I shimmy on my feet a little. It’s now or never.

  “Hello,” I say. She seems hesitant to respond.

  “Hi,” she responds softly, her voice like soft music.

  We both quickly fall silent again. I can almost feel the sensation in my fingertips, remembering our first encounter. She smiles and I am memorized.

  “You look different without your glasses.” She laughs.

  I smile. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

  She shrugs. I hear a loud noise coming down the hallway, snapping me out of this state of nirvana. Donovan’s massive figure passes by the doorway, a huge box in his hands. I sigh when he passes, hoping he didn’t notice us until I see his figure again coming at us backwards. He just smiles. Asshole.

  “Braeden, I need your help,” he states.

  I curse at him under my breath, not knowing when I will get to speak to her again like this. I take a step towards her, her taking one to the side.

  “Have a good day, Phoenix,” I say as I walk past her.

  I get out into the hallway, shooting Donovan daggered looks. He shoves the cardboard box at me, it makes a clinking sound.

  “You’re in charge of decorating,” he states. I open the boxes slightly, seeing masses of lights and ornaments.

  “Why the hell am I in charge of this?” I whine.

  “I don’t know, because you have an eye for that shit.”

  “What does that suppose to mean?”

  I look around Donovan; Phoenix is watching us in the hallway. He turns around slowly, seeing her as well.

  “Phoenix can help you,” he states.

  She stands upright, almost as though she didn’t know we noticed her.

  “No, it’s ok,” I say, not wanting her to feel pressured.

  “I’ll help,” she says quietly.

  Donovan just winks at me, and then walks around me and out of sight.

  “Are you sure?” I ask again. “Don’t feel like you have to. It’s not something a patient is responsible for.”

  “What else am I going to do? Rain went outside to paint,” she says. Her face falls into a serious expression. “Unless you don’t want me to, or I’m not allowed to.”

  I smile.

  “Some help would be great, since other people around here are clearly incompetent,” I say, nodding in the direction Donovan wandered off.

  I turn around, heading down the hall. I can hear her shuffling behind me. When we reach the day area, I notice there are more boxes and a tree stand sitting in the corner by the TV. I set the box, along with the others, on the couch. I open my mouth to speak to her until I see a massive tree coming through the room. Donovan pops his head up over the top of it.

  “Where do you want it, boss?” he asks.

  “I assume where the tree stand is,” Phoenix says sarcastically.

  We both turn to her, her hands immediately flying up in front of her mouth.

  “Girl’s got some fire in her,” Donovan says shocked. “I like it.”

  “I’m so sorry,” she says, her voice shaking.

  “Don’t apologize,” I say. “You’re allowed to say whatever you want here.”

  She slowly pulls her hands down, while Donovan slides the tree into the stand.

  “Well, I’ll leave you two at it,” he says before turning around and heading back out. Looking down at the boxes, I start to go through them, finding the one full of plush ornaments. There are no glass balls or anything sharp for obvious reasons.

  “What can I do?” she asks, her face hiding behind her hair.

  “Do you want to do the tree first?” I ask.

  “Sure,” she responds.

  I hand her the box. “I’ll do lights, you can do ornaments.”

  We start working, both of us silent. I want to hear her voice, but I can’t seem to think of an easy way to start a conversation. I get on top of the ladder and start to string the lights around the top of the tree. I shift my eyes down to watch her slowly place each ornament on the tree very slowly and methodically.

  “Are you OK?” I ask, not knowing if she will answer.

  She looks up at me finally. I climb back down the ladder, keeping my eyes on her. I wait for her to respond and, to my surprise, she does.

  “Just memories you know,” she utters. “Christmas was my favorite time of year.”

  “Was?” I say, wanting to push her further without hurting her.

  “Yeah, well before my dad died. We would always go and cut down our own tree and he would put hot chocolate in a thermos to take with us.”

  She laughs. I smile in response.

  “Which was funny because we never had to travel far from our own backyard to find one,” she adds.

  So she lived out in the woods somewhere?

  “That sounds amazing,” I respond.

  I hear her sigh, and then add anoth
er ornament to the tree.

  “What happened?” I ask, immediately regretting asking it. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t pry.”

  “No, it’s kinda nice to talk about it.” She smiles. “If you’re willing to listen.”

  “Absolutely,” I say, my heart soaring that she is willing to open up so quickly.

  “When I turned 15 my father was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s. He was my best friend,” she says with a twinge of pain in her voice. She doesn’t have to say more for me to understand.

  “I’m so sorry, Phoenix,” I say softly. “I’m sure that was a hard thing to go through.”

  She just shrugs.

  “I guess everything happens for a reason,” she mutters. I don’t respond, feeling that information was a lot for her to share at once to basically a stranger.

  “Do you like Christmas music?” I ask, hoping she will say yes. She nods.

  I had spotted some old records in one of the boxes. I pull them out, blowing the dust off. Walking over to our old record player, I put one on, the music softly filling the room. Heading back over to the tree, I resume helping her put ornaments on, the tree starting to look complete. We are quiet, only the music reaching our ears now. It’s a strange feeling. I don’t feel like we are in the hospital anymore, but two people just hanging out. Doing normal things. When we finish the tree we continue to decorate the rest of the room, Phoenix has an incredible eye for detail. For the most part we remain silent, her face changing from joyful to gloomy throughout the process. After what seems like a few hours, we both stand back. The room is almost pitch black now.

  “Should we plug in the lights?” she asks.

  An idea flashes into my head.

  “Can we wait five minutes? I’ll be right back!” I say before walking off to the kitchen.

  Chapter 15

  Phoenix

  I stand there, my heart racing, wondering where he has gone off to. I inhale deeply, my nerves on high throughout our entire encounter but the smell of the tree seems to calm me slightly. Smells like home. I fidget with my hands, impatiently waiting. Walking around the room, I go through the boxes again, making sure we haven’t missed anything. When I get to the last box, I overturn it and a bundle of mistletoe falls out onto the floor.