A Brand New Ending
Page 33
I panic, his eyes shifting from soft to confused. I slowly lift one finger away at a time until our skin is no longer in contact. The electricity running through my body ripped abruptly away. I remain standing next to the bed, frozen in this space.
His eyes are now back on me because of my retreat. I wait for him to speak but it never comes. Every fiber of my body is in agony. Confusion. Desperation. He continues to stare at me, his direct line of sight burning a hole though my chest. The sound of an opening door fills the room.
“Braeden?” I hear a male voice say.
Braeden’s eyes linger on me for a few more seconds before shifting.
“Dad?” he says through squinted eyes.
Dr. Harris comes around to the other side of the bed, pulling a small flashlight out of his doctor’s coat.
“How are you feeling?” he asks as he checks him over. I can tell he is holding back his emotions, the doctor mode in him overtaking.
Braeden’s full attention is on his father now. My body pounces into fight or flight, the latter taking over my body. I start to slink backwards, grabbing the curtain between my finger tips for support.
“Stay,” I hear someone day, Neil looking up at me briefly as he continues to scan his son. How I wish it was Braeden uttering those words.
I stop where I am, needing and wanting to be here but I can feel my anxiety starting to rise, my throat feeling as though it’s rapidly closing. All I can do is watch the rise and fall of his chest. Up. Down. Up. Down. It’s the most mesmerizing thing I have ever witnessed. I hear sounds, which I assume is them conversing. Both of their voices are low. The world around me becomes blurry and I can’t make out much that they are saying, except for one sentence.
“Who is she?” his voice whispers and it’s like being stabbed in the heart with thousands of arrows. In that instant my knee’s buckle and I grip onto the curtain again for balance.
“Phoenix?” Neil says, noticing my almost fall.
“I’m fine, I’m fi…” I say, my world spinning. “I just need some fresh air.”
With every ounce of energy I have left in my body I push myself around and out the door. I walk out into the busy hospital hallway, my head spinning. This can’t be happening. Reaching over I pinch any exposed skin, my arms soon covered with large red spots.
“Wake up, dammit!” I cry out.
Everything was perfect. I was with Braeden. Braeden was with me. We were together. Happy. He doesn’t know who you are. You’re a stranger to him. You don’t exist to him. How was I able to remember him? Pushing myself forward I roam the halls, numerous set of eyes watching me. I nervously walk up to a nurse’s station.
“I need to go outside,” I demand.
“Not without a nurse present,” she tells me. “Let me get someone for you.”
She gets up from her desk and disappears behind the counter. When she comes back there is someone behind her. My heart drops instantly.
“Howdy!” her voice says, her tone pleasant.
I think I laugh out loud a little. Is this the fucking twilight zone?
“I’m Chelsea,” she says holding her hand out towards me. “You must be Phoenix. Let’s go get you some fresh air.” She smiles. “I’m sure you can use it.”
I don’t respond but follow her until she stops just a few feet down the hallway, grabbing something from one of the dark rooms.
“Get in.” She smiles.
She unfolds the wheel chair before me. Climbing in, she starts off at a fast pace, the wind blowing my hair backwards. I think I even let out a laugh. She is exactly how I remember her. But I don’t really know her. When we get outside I inhale the fresh crisp air. As I do so, I feel pain radiate through my ribs.
“Ouch,” I mumble.
“Oh, yeah,” she says while she stops pushing. “Your ribs are bruised and your throat may hurt. We had to put a tube down there to pump out all of the water you swallowed.”
“Where do you wanna hang?” she asks.
I look around the courtyard, seeing a large tree way off.
“Over there,” I point.
She pushes me further and the shade underneath its branches is breezy.
“I’ll be back in a little bit to come get you.”
“Don’t you have to keep an eye on me?”
“I have a feeling you’re not going anywhere,” she winks.
It was like she could read my mind. As long as Braeden was here, I couldn’t go anywhere. Even if he doesn’t remember me.
“Will you stay?”I ask quietly, suddenly feeling like being alone was the last thing I wanted.
“Of course.”
She walks around my chair and places her body next to mine on a nearby bench. We don’t speak for a while. I peer off into the city, things moving at their usual rapid pace.
“Do you believe in soul mates?” I blurt out.
Chelsea’s eyes are now on mine.
“Absolutely.” She smiles. “Why do you ask?”
“No reason,” I huff.
She places a hand atop on mine.
“I know you’re still young sweetie, but when you find yours, it will be indescribable. Your soul mate is the one who makes life come to life.”
A chill runs down my spine.
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Of course.”
“Are you and Dr. Harris dating?”
Her eyes widen.
“No,” she says shyly.
“You like him though?”
She gnaws on her lower lip and slowly nods.
“You should ask him out.”
“I can’t,” she starts. “I don’t think he feels the same.”
I almost laugh but hold in my emotions.
“Just ask him. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”
I can see her eyes lost in thought and we both fall silent.
~
Chelsea has to eventually leave and I beg for her to let me stay. The night sky begins to darken and my arms and legs become numb from the changing wind. When it becomes too dark I wheel myself back, thinking how stupid I feel in this thing when no one is pushing me. Ditching the wheel chair in a vacant corner I walk the rest of the way back to my room.
Our room.
My hand hovers over the door handle. I press my palm to the cool metal and push open. It’s dark except for the light that the machines emit. I remain standing.
Listening.
Waiting.
The sound of a soft snore reaches my ears and I can’t tell if it comforts me or scares me. This is real. He’s real. I’m real. We are not real.
Finding my way to my bed I crawl in, pulling the covers up and over my head.
Maybe I can hide from this world.
I try to sleep but it never comes.
~
After flipping myself over a million times, I stare up at the ceiling trying to count the dots on the ceiling from memory. I let my eyelids drift close. I inhale through my nose. I try to keep my mind off the boy on the other side of the curtain. The boy who still owns my heart.
“Fuck,” I mutter to myself, my eyes flying back open.
My body jumps at the sight hanging over me.
“You scared me,” I utter out loud, my eyes fixated on his.
Braeden’s form is standing over my bed. He doesn’t move, not even to blink.
Maybe it’s just a vision.
I don’t move. I watch his hand move out towards me and I inhale, waiting for it. Waiting for contact. He watches his fingers move closer to my skin, almost as though it’s not really him doing it. My body pleads for his touch.
“Something seems so real. Familiar,” he whispers, his eyes back to their confused state.
“I am real,” I answer, my voice shaky. “You know it. You have to remember.”
He still hovers.
“Touch me,” I implore.
The gaps between our bodies close as he drags the tip of his fingers across the skin on the back of my ha
nd. My body is instantly in a state of calm, almost like a drug addict finally getting a fix. His eyes remain on our hands, watching his every movement. My eyes linger on his face. I watch as every emotion is displayed on his face. His jaw tightening then relaxing.
Please remember. I can’t be crazy.
His fingers travel along my arm and across my throat, finding their way to my face. He touches it all over, much like a blind person would. I slide up and lean closer, pushing my face into his hands. I close my eyes, taking in everything, my heart beating so fast that I feel I might pass out. His touch is still light, just like I always remembered. His movements stop. I fly open my eyes and his face is mere inches from mine. I look deep into his eyes. He does the same to me. Something washes over me. Maybe it was courage. Fear. Desperation. I couldn’t tell you.
Leaning forward, I place my lips gently on his, holding back the passion flowing through my body. He pulls back slightly. At first only my lips move against his, his hand delicately placed against my shoulder. After a few seconds I feel his lips part ever so slightly, his hand traveling up to the side of my face, his palm resting on my cheek. Then I let all my inhibitions go, this kiss everything that I remember. Then everything stops. His body frozen. My body begins to shake, waiting for him to retreat. Runaway. But instead his other hand comes out from his side, it lying on my opposite cheek.
“Seraph?” he whispers.
And just like that, I can’t hold back the tears any longer. All I can do is nod excessively, tears running down my cheeks. He reaches down and takes me in his arms, lifting my whole body off the bed and into his arms. We both don’t speak for a long time, his arms around me saying enough. When we pull back I see tears streaming down his face.
“I thought I lost you,” I say through the tears, placing small kisses on his face.
“I’m so sorry to have done that to you,” he says softly.
“It doesn’t matter now,” I say into his chest.
I wait for inevitable questions. I wait for him to become confused. For him to ask me why we are here. But they never come.
~
We both lay in my bed together, my tiny form curled inside his arms. We don’t take our eyes off each other. I feel warm. Safe. What I always feel when I am with him.
I watch him twirl a piece of my hair around his fingertips.
“I think I would miss you even if we never met,” he whispers.
My heart slams against my ribcage.
“Let’s get out of here,” he says just above a whisper. I don’t know how to respond. “Just you and me.”
“What about your father? Your life here?”
“None of that matters. I can never be without you again. If you were the air I breathed, I would not exhale for fear of losing you.”
He leans over and places a kiss on my lips.
“I know how to get out of here without being caught.” He smiles. The most beautiful of smiles.
Still in our hospital robes we leave the room, our hands intertwined. No one stops us. When we reach the outdoors I inhale the crisp air, it almost stinging my lungs.
“Where to?” he asks. “North?”
He winks at me. He remembers.
Wherever you are is where I want to be,” I say with a crooked smile.
Chapter 73
Phoenix
I stand there. My heart is racing so fast that I fear it may burst through my chest at any moment. The high winds make me shiver and I wrap my arms around myself for warmth. I stare out in front of me, the lights of the city illuminating the night sky. It’s beautiful. Breathtaking. Taking another step towards the edge I reach out for the cold hard railing, my finger gripping it tight. The frosty metal burns my skin.
Lifting myself up, I let the wind whip through my hair, the ever-moving fog rolling in over the hills to the south. Goosebumps break out all over my body, my eyes staring at the endless pit below me. Slowly, I spread my arms out to the side and close my eyes. I listen to the sounds around me. The sounds of love. The sounds of a life worth living. I inhale, happy to feel the cold air stinging my lungs.
Moments later I feel something wrap around my waist and a warmth flowing through every part of me. Reaching down, I run my fingers along his arm, a smile breaking across my face.
“I won’t let you go, Seraph. Ever,” he whispers into my ear.
With a tug, he pulls me from the railing and into his arms. His lips are planted against my neck and I am no longer cold. He slowly sets me down, my back remains against his chest, both of us facing outwards.
“It was here,” I say softly. He squeezes me lightly.
I can’t even begin to explain how much my life has changed since I stood at this very spot five years ago. I thought I had nothing to live for. No one to live for. But that has all changed now. He changed that.
Once we left the hospital we headed North, an eerie sense of mutual direction between us. We didn’t talk too much about what happened between us. It was almost like I couldn’t differentiate between what was real and what was fantasy. To us it was all reality, even though we were technically strangers to each other. Everything I felt for him during my time in the hospital was still there when I awoke. It was the same for him. I guess I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous during our “first time.”
Things in real life weren’t as we expected. When we got to Oregon there was no house waiting for me. Our town had suffered a large fire a few summers back and my father’s house had burned to the ground along with half the neighborhood. I was distraught. Braeden comforted me for as long as I needed it.
I can never explain what happened to us. Why fate chose us but I thank God for it each and every day.
But not every moment of our reality has been pleasant. I had to face my fears but it was much easier with Braeden by my side. It was only a matter of time before Elaina came looking for me. Well, more like she called the cops to do it herself. To be honest, I was surprised she even cared. Luckily, there wasn’t much they could do considering I was an adult and free to do what I wished. Free to be with Braeden. And that was exactly what I planned on doing.
We continue to stare out at the city, holding onto each other. I smile into the crook of his elbow.
“I love you so much,” he whispers into my ear.
I spin around so that I am now facing him, my face against his chest. It only takes a second before I feel his sweatshirt zipped around my torso.
“I can hear your heartbeat,” I say softly. “It’s so fast.”
I look up at him, a smile wide across his face.
“It’s only like that when you are around. It beats for only you.”
I put my head back on his chest. Listening. Listening to my favorite sound in the world. However it’s interrupted when I hear his phone chime. The screen illuminates his face in the darkness.
“Ready, Seraph?” he asks me. “Dinner is almost ready.”
I nod into his chest and pull myself away. We walk the length of the bridge, heading back into the city. I don’t look back. I walk forward, into the direction of my brand new ending.
###
Acknowledgments
I would like to thank:
All the people who have supported me in this journey. Without it, this story would not have been written. You know who you are.
Alex, who has been an incredible confidant since I wrote the very first sentence. I can’t thank you enough.
Dan, who took the time to meticulously go through every single word and make this story readable.
Natalie, who volunteered to be my awesome tester. Your words and thoughts mean a lot to me.
Kate, who at the beginning of this adventure let me pick apart her brain and momentarily live the insane life of a psychiatric hospital aide.
And the biggest thank you goes to my readers. You all took a chance on me and my novel. I will be forever grateful.
I also want to take this time to give a shout out to a very important organization off
ering support and knowledge on this tragic situation. “To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.”
If you or anyone you know suffers from suicidal thoughts, please call 1-800-273-8255.
Author Bio
Stephanie Rolls is a native of the Bay Area, where she attended culinary school and obtained a degree in baking and pastry. When she is not baking, she spends her time reading and writing. Stephanie reads anything - from biographies of her favorite president to the most popular YA series. Inspired by her surroundings, she has written her first YA novel, based in San Francisco, her favorite city. She currently lives with her boyfriend and their five-year-old pug.
Contact Me
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Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30