Beneath His Darkness (Healing Hearts #3)

by Renee Dyer

  Mustering up the nerve I’ve been lacking for too long, I knock. It feels like it takes an eternity for him to answer. He’s probably wondering who’s at his door. His front desk guy didn’t call up. I begged him not to. I explained that we recently found out we’re brothers and have a rocky relationship, but I’m trying to rectify that today. It was a lie—another one—but I wasn’t sure he would allow me up. Quite frankly, I’m surprised the guy agreed to it and I’m grateful when Tucker opens the door. By the surprise and irritation that crosses his face, I know.

  He would have turned me away.

  “Can I come in?” My voice comes out sounding winded. This is not how I wanted to start things.

  He moves one foot back, allowing me entrance, but says, “Sure, but I’m not here for long. Heading out to see Adriana.”

  I walk past him and start pacing. How the hell do I start this conversation? There’s no good way to say, “I’m here to tell you I set out to destroy your life.”

  “What’s going on Grant? Did something happen between you and Mikos?”

  I stop pacing and stare at him. Mikos? He really thinks I would come here over our father? I really have kept everyone from knowing me.

  “I did something,” I say in a voice devoid of emotion or tone. I resume pacing, needing to move before I come out of my skin. I don’t know if I can tell him the rest. He’s looking at me like he actually cares for me. I can’t bear it, knowing I’ve done the unthinkable.

  “You have to give me more than that, Grant. What did you do?” His voice is soft, like he’s talking to a scared child. Ironic, isn’t it? I feel that way. Like I was back when I was sixteen, I’m afraid of losing a person who should be in my life. But this time, I’ve done it to myself.

  “I hated you so much,” I squeeze past my lips and stop. It feels like my heart is being compressed, like the smallest amount of pressure will make it cease to exist. Does it hurt to hear those words as much as it hurts me to say them? I can only hope the answer is no. “I thought you were the reason I lost my father. Both of my fathers.”

  I can’t look at him, but from the corner of my eye, I see him wipe his hand down his face. That gesture can mean so many things and my brain and heart are arguing over the intent.

  “I thought everyone was lying about you being a good guy. How could you be? You’re an actor,” I huff. “It had to be an act. I convinced myself of that. So, I told myself it was okay.”

  “What was okay? What did you do, Grant?” I can hear fear surfacing in his voice. He’s right to be afraid.

  “You were my enemy. Don’t you get that, Tucker? I spent years despising you, years working out a plan of how I was going to get back at you. I wanted to make you lose everything the way I did. Then, I found out I was wrong about you, but it was too late. The damage was already done. Oh God, Cammie is never going to forgive me, Tucker. And, the irony is, she’s a big reason as to why I was able to see you for the man you really are. She was always telling me to see past my hate and open my eyes so I could see who you really are. Now that I do, I can’t undo what I did to take you down.”

  “Goddammit, Grant, what did you do?” Tucker screams, finally breaking me from the fog I’ve been in for weeks. I see the fear and pain in his eyes and my heart does its final shattering. I feel the last shard drop from my chest, leaving me empty.

  “I’m so sorry, Tucker. I wish I could take it back.”

  “Please tell me what you did,” he begs.

  “I’m afraid to.”

  It took everything in me to admit I’m afraid, but Tucker does the unimaginable. He tells me we’ll figure it out because we’re brothers. I don’t think he knows what to say when I tell him he won’t want to be when he knows what I’ve done. At that moment, I decide I can’t do this. I can’t see his eyes when he finds out. I’m a fucking coward. I make a move to walk past him, but he throws his hand across my chest and eyes me down.

  “Whatever it is, I promise you, we’ll figure it out.”

  I shake my head at him. He doesn’t understand what a monster I am. Maybe that’s why he begs me again to let us work this out. He’s really not going to let this go. After a few minutes of our silent standoff, I take a deep breath and say some words that will forever change me.

  “You have to understand, Tucker, I thought you were the reason I lost the man who raised me. I loved him more than anything and he died loathing me. He couldn’t even look at me. We were best friends before he found out I wasn’t his. I hated you for that. I wanted to destroy you for that.” I watch him caving before me, see the moment he feels bad for me, and I can’t have that. “I sold out the show.”

  With a calm iciness, he asks me, “What did you do?”

  I downplay it because the pain in his face is killing me. I feel like a louse. He deserves to know the entire truth, but I can’t bring myself to tell him all of it. Instead, a partial truth tumbles from my lying lips.

  “I gave Melanie Kingston the script to the last two episodes of Facing Extinction. And, I don’t just mean my scenes. I found the weak link in the writing team, the person who was tired of living in the shadows of Eddie ‘the fucking genius writer’ Carmichael. I did what I had to do to get him to give me those episodes. They didn’t even tell me they were going to kill me off. When I read it was your character who was going to do it, I completely broke. I gave her everything.”

  I can’t read his face. His emotions are changing too rapidly to keep up. I think he wants to kill me, protect me, and throw up all at the same time. I’ve really fucked things up. He should be kicking me out, but instead, he tells me we’re calling Eddie because I need to come clean. Then, we’re calling his agent so he can start spinning the story in our best light and he’s getting his lawyers involved because I’m going to need the best in my corner. He finishes his list by telling me he’s switching his flight to New Hampshire and booking me on it with him because I sure as hell won’t want to be here when the shit hits the fan.

  I try to tell him this isn’t his fight, but he insists this is what Stavros’ do for each other. He even cracks a joke about being scared what Grams would do if he didn’t help. I want to laugh with him, but I can’t find any humor in this. He must sense my mood and the fact that I’m about to take off to handle things myself because he tells me I have an hour to go pack a bag and get back to his place. He finishes by saying I better not make him come find me.

  I don’t know why I listen. I’ve never been one to give in before, but this time I do. I nod and he gives me a reassuring smile. It tells me we’ll get through this and somehow, things will be alright.

  I hope I’m not fooling myself.

  Chapter Thirty Seven

  Grant

  I’ve been in the spare room at Adriana’s from the moment Tucker and I arrived. They spew happiness from their pores around each other and I can’t take it. I want them to have that. They deserve it. I just can’t have my mood bringing them down and I don’t deserve to share in what they’ve created.

  Adriana has tried coaxing me from the room, but I’ve politely turned her down each time. Tucker has stood outside the door a few times, too, telling me he’d like for me to come out and hang with them. I’ve explained I don’t want to be a burden. No matter what they say, I can’t face them. Shame keeps me isolated.

  The talk with Eddie keeps rolling through my head. He was furious. I thought he was going to kill me. I didn’t blame him for being angry, but somehow, he kept a clear head. He told Tucker to keep me out of Vancouver for as long as possible and let him devise a plan. He also figured out that I wasn’t being completely honest. Even through his shades, I could feel his penetrating gaze. I told them I had given the entire season’s episodes to Melanie and that Davyd was the writer giving them to me. I refused to confess what I had to do in order to get the scripts and luckily, Eddie didn’t press for that information.

  Before we left his place, Eddie placed his hand on my shoulder so I would give him my full attention, and
asked the question that is still bothering me.

  “I understand why at sixteen you raged against Tucker, but as you got older and matured, didn’t you ever start to think your anger was misplaced?”

  I tried looking into his eyes through the darkness of his glasses so he could see the honesty in my answer when I simply said, “No.” That was the truth. I was so warped by my hatred and need to get revenge, I never stopped to think about what I was doing or whether it was right. Now that I’m able to look back on it, I see that I was wrong. Tucker didn’t take anything from me.

  A door slams downstairs and the house falls quiet. I wonder what the hell that’s about, but I stay in my square of seclusion. Several minutes go by and it’s still silent, so I figure all is good.

  The door slams again. What the Christ is going on? I open my door and walk into the hallway to Tucker carrying a soaked Adriana toward their bedroom.

  “Look,” she says, “I’ll be your sister soon.”

  I stand there with my mouth open, unable to form words, staring at a gorgeous ring while Tucker keeps walking with her. Sister. Shit, I haven’t gotten used to having a brother yet.

  Tucker turns with his fiancée in his arms and says, “I think the word you’re looking for is congratulations.”

  Adriana giggles and adds, “We’re having a celebration party as soon as we’re dried off. You aren’t allowed to say no, so get ready to come out of that room for the night.”

  They disappear into their room. “Congratulations,” I finally manage to choke out.

  Over an hour later, I’m in the kitchen, waiting with them for everyone to arrive. I’ve helped Tucker set up two laptops so Grams, Eddie, and Cammie can join in the fun. I haven’t seen Cammie in close to two weeks and my insides are twisting at even seeing her face tonight.

  “Relax, brother. You know she misses you.” Tucker pats me on the shoulder.

  I don’t say anything back because what I want to say would bother him. She shouldn’t miss me. I’m not good for her and Tucker shouldn’t call me brother so easily.

  The doorbell rings and a redheaded bombshell walks in. Holy shit, is she hot. Her man thinks so, too, by the way he’s eyeing me down. Calm down, dude, no offense meant. Just noticing she’s gorgeous.

  Red struts right up to Tucker, plants a kiss on his cheek, and pinches his ass. I laugh for the first time in what feels like years. My throat burns from the act.

  “Hmm. Who is this hot piece of ass over here?” Red purrs. “This has to be your brother, Hot Stuff. What is with the fucking gene pool in your family? Hot Damn!”

  She walks over to me with her hand out. “I’m Mick. Pleasure’s all mine Mr. Tall, Dark, and If Only I Were Still Single.” She pinches my ass, winks, and walks back to her man.

  What just happened?

  Her man walks up to me. “I’m Blake and you, my friend, just got Micked.” We both laugh as we shake hands.

  I greet the rest of Adriana’s friends as they arrive. They aren’t as outgoing as the redhead, but they seem like they’ll be fun to party with. Things are going well until a trio of guests arrive. Adriana’s mom walks in with her brother and Victoria. My night that was looking up takes a nosedive. Tucker warned me that she was ‘friends’ with Adrian, but I didn’t realize that meant she’d be coming to this party. The last thing I need is for her to rub my nose in how colossally I fucked things up. I think I’ll be escaping upstairs as soon as no one is watching.

  The pizza arrives, everyone has drinks, and I’m doing my best to act like I belong amongst this group of people who obviously adore each other. Even Vic has found her place among them. I do not belong here. After I eat, I’ll make my retreat. That’s when they’ll be logging into Skype anyway. I can avoid hurting Cammie and stop feeling like a bug under a microscope.

  I bring the empty boxes out to the trash and use this time to pull my disappearing act. When I step inside, I see the ladies gushing over Adriana’s ring and the guys are congratulating Tucker again. It’s perfect. I quietly walk past the distracted crowd and head away from the commotion. I place my foot on the first stair when I hear, “Just where do you think you’re going?”

  I half turn to see Victoria standing there with her hands on her hips.

  I knew her not saying anything to me was too good to be true. “Listen, Vic, tonight is about Tucker and Adriana. I’m sure you have plenty to say to me and I deserve all of it, but let’s not ruin things for them. They deserve a great night. That’s why I’m going upstairs. You don’t have to be bothered by me anymore.”

  I start to turn when she says, “I get it now. Why you did what you did. I don’t hate you anymore. I thought nothing would ever change my mind about loathing you.” I cringe at her words, though I deserve to hear them. “But, knowing the truth, I realize you have reasons for being how you are. I’m sorry for all that’s happened to you.”

  “I don’t want your pity.”

  “You don’t have it. There’s a difference between being sorry for the tragedies a person has gone through and feeling sorry for someone. I don’t feel sorry for you. You’re a strong person, Grant Andrews. Don’t forget that over the next few months. Now, your brother is expecting you to be at his party. I think it would upset him if you left.”

  I think I’m in the Twilight Zone.

  Vic heads back to the party and I follow her. Adrian asks her a couple questions and I know they’re about me, but she smiles the entire time she answers them. That’s the Vic I wanted her to be, strong and happy.

  “Tuck, Adri, I’m so happy for you guys,” booms through the kitchen. “Yeah, congratulations you two.”

  I turn to see Eddie and Cammie’s faces on the same screen. She’s smiling until she sees me. The flinch is visible and I want to kick myself for the pain I’ve caused her. Tucker and Eddie told her what I did. Her eyes mist over and I can’t keep looking.

  “Want to see my ring, Cammie?” Thank God for Adriana. I don’t know whether she saw the interaction between Cammie and me, but nothing about it was good. She’s no longer my buttercup.

  Grams pops up on the other screen and I can’t stop my smile. I’ve had a few phone conversations with her and in just a short amount of time, I’ve come to feel like I’ve always known her. She knows the truth, too. She told me she’s disappointed in my initial decision, but she’s proud that I came forward with the truth. The night I talked to her about it, I was floored when she told me, “Pain can make us do awful things. It can morph us into people we don’t recognize, but love…love can inspire us to greatness.”

  I told her I didn’t think I was capable of love because I wasn’t sure I had a heart. Her next words, I’m still trying to process. “Poppycock. You’re my grandson and the one thing I know of every person with Stavros blood is that they are led by emotion. Emotion comes from the heart, Grant. I guarantee yours beats strong. You just have to learn to listen to it.”

  I want her to be right. I want to believe I can correct all that I’ve made wrong, but I learned a long time ago, you can’t move mountains.

  I stay around the outskirts of the party, answering when spoken to. I also chatted with Grams a little. I know she wanted me to talk to Cammie, but this party is not the time for that. Tucker asked me to stick around after everyone left. He mentioned Eddie needed to talk to the two of us and I’ve been freaking out since.

  The lawyers said the networks are coming after me full-bore. I expected that. I don’t know exactly what that means, but it can’t be good. Tucker’s agent has already put together press releases and is waiting for his lawyer and the network’s legal team to approve them before it all goes public. I can’t imagine what else Eddie has to say on top of that. I want to kick everyone the fuck out so we can get on with the conversation, but this is Tucker’s moment and I won’t take it away from him.

  He’s lost enough and he’s losing more because of me.

  I hear Cammie say she has to head home. I watch her say goodbye to Tucker and Adriana through
the screen. She’s still so beautiful. Her eyes scan the crowd until she finds me. I wish I could say something, anything, to make things better, but there’s nothing that will change what I’ve done. I shake my head and avert my eyes to the floor. When I look back up, she’s gone. Only Eddie’s face fills the screen.

  The others must have taken Cammie’s goodbye as it being the end of the party because things quickly break up after that. One by one, they hug and kiss the happy couple, offering extra congratulations. Tucker and Adriana beam with joy. I feel like an interloper being here.

  When all the guests are gone, Tucker tells Adriana we have to talk to Eddie for a few minutes. She looks nervous, but she tells him she’ll wait up for him before giving him a kiss and heading toward the stairs. I’m grateful that she didn’t stay. I have no idea what bomb Eddie might drop.

  “Did you warn Davyd you were going to tell the truth?” Eddie blasts at me.

  “Excuse me?” I try not to have an attitude, but I fail. I went to them with the truth and I don’t appreciate the accusations now. I know I shouldn’t be so uppity considering the circumstances, but dammit, I’m done being accused. Ask me if you have a question, don’t just fucking assume because I’m normally the asshole.

  “Did you tell Davyd you were coming to us?” I can see he’s getting angry.

  “One, there was no us. I went to Tucker and he had me go to you, and two, no, I didn’t warn Davyd. The last time I spoke to him was the night of Tucker’s benefit. I told him our deal was over. He was pissed, but I haven’t spoken to him outside of work since.”

  “Are you sure?”

  What the fuck did he not understand about what I just said?

  “Are you deaf?” I ask.

  “Whoa, whoa, guys,” Tucker interjects before either of us can say anything else. “This is a highly volatile situation we’re dealing with. Let’s all step back a second and realize we’re on the same team. Eddie, what’s up with Davyd?”