by Rosa Sophia
“If it hurts to talk, don’t say anything, just let the medication work.”
They remained quiet for a few minutes. He breathed through his mouth, and she wondered if it hurt him to breathe through his nose. She couldn’t imagine what he must be going through.
“I…I think the pain medi…medication is starting to work,” he said, moving his head slightly on the pillow. “It still hurts, but not as bad.”
“Thank God. What does it feel like?”
“Like knives. Stabbing. When it’s the worst, that’s what it feels like. It’s like someone just comes up to you and stabs you in the face, over and over, but there’s never a wound. Right now, it’s receding…I mean, I can feel the pain pullin’ back along each…each branch of the nerve. It burns, aches. Those pains are constant. They never go away.”
“Orion, isn’t there something else they can do for you?”
“There is. I hope. That Botox, I hope it works.”
“I do, too.” She squeezed his hand gently. “Can I kiss you, Orion?”
The question was a bold one, but she wanted to comfort him somehow.
“No…not now,” he said. “It would hurt.”
“Really?” It was too much to bear—the thought of such an affectionate gesture causing pain. She hated seeing him this way.
“Yeah. Just…just stay with me.”
“I will. Sheriff Ryder is staying, too.”
The weak noise that came from between Orion’s lips sounded almost like a chuckle. “He’s got no reason to.”
“He cares about you.”
“I know. Don’t know why.”
“Don’t say that, Orion. I care about you.” Heat rushed to her cheeks, and her vision blurred again with tears. “You can’t…you don’t know how much you mean to me. These past few weeks have been—”
“I know. Just…be here. Hold my hand. It hurts.”
“I am, I am,” she whispered, forcing back a sob.
She thought of her father, and how her emotions froze over when it came to him. She couldn’t feel anything. He was dying of a brain tumor; yet, she still couldn’t dredge up enough sensation in her cold, broken shell of a soul to feel any compassion for the man who’d hurt her so much. The one man who should’ve cherished her more than any other, but who had failed.
When it came to Orion, she couldn’t contain the multi-faceted sensations that poured through her. The more she thought about it, the more she knew Sheriff Ryder was right. She would have to be careful—they both would—because she barely knew what love was, or how to approach it. How to deal with love, how to nurture it.
“I wrote you a poem,” she whispered.
As if to show he was listening, his left eye rolled about to stare at her, the lid fluttering.
“A couple nights ago. I couldn’t stop thinking about the night in the park.” She felt her face flush. “When you kissed me for the first time. I have some of it memorized. Would you like to hear it?”
He shut his left eye for a moment, then re-opened it, nodding slightly.
Tammy thought for a moment, recalling the words. So as not to make a mistake, she closed her eyes and spoke slowly. “Orion crossed the sky many lifetimes ago, when they had different names and faces, still walked together…wanted to be near each other, but couldn’t figure out why. They had no words.
“Sometimes, the light of the moon is bright, and other times, it’s obscured by clouds…so thick they hide reality, so dark they lend to paranoia, fear…” She braced herself for the following words as Orion tightened his fingers around hers. “Will you betray me? They both wonder, knowing in their hearts…they would never betray the other. Orion crossed the sky on the night she’ll remember forever…unable to describe the sensation, they just allow it…and know this moment is forever. They can relive it again and again…the night Orion crossed the sky.”
She took a moment to steel herself before she opened her eyes. She wanted him to like it, to love it. A part of her hoped he would be proud of her for writing poetry, since it was something he did on a regular basis. Poetic mechanics. Who would’ve thought?
She caught his gaze, and the corner of his lips turned up slightly. As if it hurt him, he quickly banished the smile, but not before he whispered, “I love it. And I love you.”
Her breath hitched and she gasped.
“Orion.” Holding his hand with both of hers, she said, “I love you, too.”
26
Chapter Twenty-Six
He took her hand and guided it gently toward the rusted rotor, at eye level with them thanks to the lift that suspended the car in the air. He felt her hand trembling in his, and almost laughed at how unconventional the entire thing was—romancing a woman over an old Plymouth.
Instead, he showed her what he was talking about while he placed his other arm around her waist to draw her near.
“See that?”
“Uh-huh.”
“That’s the cotter pin. We gotta take that out next.”
They both froze for a moment.
There was a loud clang as something hit the metal worktable nearby.
“Ahem,” a voice sounded out. “How’s the lesson going, Orion?”
He stepped away from Tammy, crossing his arms over his chest and the long-sleeved dark blue shirt he wore. “Hey, Pete. Everything’s cool.”
“I can see that.” Pete—who was in his late forties, stocky, with blue eyes and a receding hairline—stepped up near Tammy, who rubbed her dirty hands on the ragged jeans she wore. Pete noticed, and handed her a clean shop towel. Smirking, he added, “Tammy is proving to be a very talented little mechanic, but your lover-boy distractions aren’t helping us get this car back to the customer.” He winked.
Tammy blushed, her cheeks turning deep red in the chill that pervaded despite the heated garage.
It was late September, just a week and a half after the pain attack that had sent him to the hospital. Since then, he’d been in and out of work, and sometimes, he wasn’t much use when he was there.
Shocking both Orion and Pete, Tammy had jumped in without being asked to, without even considering the shop’s liability issues or the fact that she had no real experience.
It came to her naturally. He couldn’t help but marvel at her. He didn’t think she realized how brilliant she was. Her logical mind solved each problem with ease, and even though she wasn’t particularly strong, she still worked fast with the help of pneumatic tools.
He noticed Pete had been watching her closely.
And he could tell something was up, because Danny hadn’t shown up for work that morning.
“I ordered lunch,” Pete said, gesturing for them to follow. “Come on, let’s head into the break room.”
As if indulging a curiosity she’d had for some time, Tammy blurted, “Are you related to any of the other Johnsons in the area?”
There were more than a few of them. Orion suspected Alex probably knew something about it, being the town historian.
Pete guffawed, the sound coming from deep in his heavy belly. “My family’s been in Wyoming for generations, but not always in Clearwater. I was raised here. I kinda lost track of all the Johnsons, and my son, Zane, will tell you he gets confused at our family reunions.” As they stepped into the break room, Pete chuckled, his hands on his hips. “My late wife, God rest her soul, always used to tell our boy to be careful who he went out with. And damned if he didn’t end up on a few dates with a cousin last year.”
“We don’t talk about that,” Orion chided. “You know how my good buddy Zane gets when anybody brings that up.”
“Oh, yes.” He sent Tammy a serious glance, but his eyes betrayed his mirth. “Have a seat, kids.”
On the table were two large pizzas, a liter of soda, and three cups. Pete handed them each a paper plate, and they dug in.
“Thanks for lunch, Mr. Johnson,” Tammy said, her bangs slipping over her face.
“Call me Pete.” He took a few bites of the vegetable piz
za, then washed it down with Coke before speaking again. “This isn’t completely social. I—”
“I knew it.” Orion leaned back in his chair. “You usually only treat us to pizza when there’s a special occasion. So, what’s the occasion?”
Pete wiped his hands on a napkin and met Orion’s gaze. “Danny walked out.”
“Huh?”
“He quit. Called me just before we closed yesterday and said he wasn’t coming back. Wouldn’t say why. But Zane thinks it’s something to do with his girlfriend. She’s going off to college, and maybe he’s following her. I don’t know.”
“So, we’re celebrating that?” Perplexed, Orion took a bite of his pizza.
“No.”
“Then what?”
Tammy was halfway through her first piece. She almost choked when Pete finally said what he had to say.
“I need a new mechanic, and something tells me Tammy wants a job.”
Orion slapped her on the back. She gulped, appeared to compose herself, and covered her mouth with a napkin. Then she slowly slid the napkin down. “Me? A job?”
“Sure. You two have been seeing each other for several weeks, and…well, to be honest, I considered it might be a bad idea. You’re young. If you break up, we could have an uncomfortable situation on our hands here at the shop.” He leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table. “If you say yes, I need you to promise me that if something goes wrong between the two of you, it won’t affect your work. You gotta be careful working on cars. These things belong to our customers, and if anything went wrong—”
“I’ll take it. I’ll do it,” Tammy interjected, her eyes wide, her tone furtive. “But knowing all that could go wrong, why are you still offering me the job?”
“Because I can tell you’re going to be one hell of a mechanic. Maybe even better than this kid.” He nodded toward Orion, then winked. “No offence.”
“None taken.” Orion grinned.
“Besides, I’m in a pinch. It’s just me and Orion, and winter’s a busy season. People’s cars get banged up, coolant lines freeze, and all them old ladies want us to install their windshield wipers.” He chuckled. “But in all seriousness, while I’ve observed you working, Tammy, and while I’ve seen the two of you together…I think it’ll be fine. I’m happy to train you, give you all the knowledge I’ve got. I can tell this is what you want.”
“It is, it is!” She was practically bouncing in her chair, which made Orion love her even more. To see her happy filled him with excitement, too.
“Orion works full-time, but I’ll only need you part-time for now. If he has any pain attacks, you can cover for him and make a little extra. And you’ve already been helping out. I want you to know we both appreciate it.”
Orion placed a hand on her thigh and gently squeezed. He wasn’t sure he could express how grateful he was to her, for being in his life and for being there for him when he was at his worst. But he would find a way. Perhaps by writing a poem.
“Thank you so much, Mr.—Pete. Really, thank you, thank you,” Tammy gushed. “I really need a job, this will be great, I just know it!”
Pete chuckled. “Eat your pizza. It’s getting cold.”
27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Tammy headed home for dinner that evening feeling more elated than ever before. She’d left her parents’ house in late August, and freedom was turning out to be better than she could’ve possibly expected. It hadn’t been a full month, and yet, she’d met someone, and she’d even found a job. It seemed too good to be true. Paranoia crept up within her as she realized she was expecting something to go wrong.
Stepping across Main Street, she spotted Old Bruce with his thumb out. He was leaning on his cane, his bad leg extended like a broken branch about to fall off an ancient tree.
“Hey, Bruce.” She had to speak loudly so he would hear her.
“Oh, Tammy.” He lowered his thumb, wavering slightly where he stood. “And how are you today?”
“I’m fine. Just got a job!” she blurted out.
“Good, that’s great. Doing what?”
“I’m a mechanic.”
His eyes narrowed. One corner of his mouth lowered. The wrinkles on his face seemed to droop further, if that were possible, and he cocked his head. “You know, sometimes, I can’t hear out of my right ear, due to a swimming accident when I was a young one.” He chuckled weakly. “I coulda sworn you said mechanic, but that can’t—”
“Yes, it’s true. I’m a mechanic.” The words seemed alien to her, but she loved every syllable.
“Well. A young lady mechanic. Wouldn’t you know it.” He shrugged as if resigned to the idea, even though it seemed strange to him. “And where’re you headed now?”
“Dinner. You?”
“Tryin’ to get to my sister’s place. Not many people drivin’ by this evening.” He extended his thumb again. “It’s her birthday, ya know.”
“Oh! Tell her I said happy birthday.” She shuffled her feet. “I mean, when you get there. If I had a car—”
“I know, kid, I know. You hurry home now.”
“See you later.”
She headed down the street toward the apartment building, discovering she felt guilty at her joy when someone like Bruce appeared to have so little in his life to be happy about.
* * *
When she stepped inside, she smelled garlic and tomato sauce. As she entered the kitchen, a cozy heat met her, and she saw Clara peeking into the oven before shutting the door.
“Whatcha making?”
Clara shot upward, slapping a hand to her chest and shrieking. “Oh my God, you scared the crap out of me!”
“Sorry.” Tammy cringed. “I didn’t mean to.”
They both knew the reason why Clara startled so easily. The horrors they’d seen made comprehension between them simpler.
Clara stepped across the room and wrapped her arms around her. They’d held each other and cuddled like this so many times in the past. Closing her eyes, Tammy couldn’t help but flash back to those moments in the attic of her parents’ house, when both girls hid from her father when he was drunk. He always took out his rage on them.
The thought made her clutch Clara tighter, and heat rushed to her face as she held back tears. Grief threatened to emerge, but she squashed it down as she always did. Unable to face those feelings, she set them aside. One day, they would come out, she knew. But she wasn’t ready for them yet.
“Are you okay?” Clara held her at arm’s length and eyed her as if knowing the turmoil that was raging in her heart.
“Yeah. I’m okay.”
Raising an eyebrow, Clara shrugged. “If you say so. To answer your question, I’m making baked ziti. I think it’s done.” She stepped over to the oven and turned it off, then slipped on an oven mitts before pulling out the steaming casserole dish and placing it on the stovetop. “I just finished my homework. Gaven’s working late at the library.”
“You had off tonight?”
“Yep.” Clara grinned. “I love my job. Wait…something’s up.” She tossed her oven mitts on the counter. “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” Tammy slumped into a seat at the small kitchen table.
“There’s a glint in your eye, if that’s the word I want. How was your day?”
She couldn’t hold it back any longer. “I got a job. I got a job at the shop, I’m working at the shop.”
“Wow, don’t talk so fast. You mean the garage? You got a job at Pete’s?”
“Yeah!”
“Oh, that is awesome. I’m proud of you.” She dished out two generous helpings of baked ziti and brought them to the table. “Want some water?”
“Sure.” Tammy was bouncing in her chair again like she had at lunch. She couldn’t contain herself.
Clara filled two glasses of water and grabbed a couple napkins before taking a seat and placing a glass in front of Tammy. “Okay, fire away.”
“Danny, the guy who wa
s working with Orion, quit yesterday. So, Pete was in a pinch and he asked me if I wanted the job. He saw how I helped out when Orion couldn’t work as fast, or as well, and he said I was a good mechanic. He said I could work part-time, and they’ll train me, and, oh…Clara, I’m so excited! I can’t believe this is happening. I’m really a mechanic.”
“What do your parents think of this?”
“They don’t know yet.” She bit into her dinner, which was delicious; her cousin was turning out to be an amazing cook.
“What do you think Aunt Nan will say?”
“I don’t care.” She stopped eating to look up at Clara. “And I care even less what Dad will think.”
A heavy silence descended upon them as they ate, forks clinking gently against their plates. Finally, Clara sipped her water and cleared her throat. “Your mom called me today. Uncle Harris is doing worse. He’s going in for another round of chemo.”
Tammy said nothing.
“She, uh…she wants you to go over, Tam.”
“What the hell!” She tossed her fork down on her plate. “What’s the deal with this happening all of a sudden? I’ve been gone from there less than a month, and all of a sudden, Dad has a fucking tumor?”
The words rushed out of her, and she realized she’d become so much more brazen since leaving. She never would’ve talked like this a few weeks ago, and it amazed her that such a short time could cause her entire life to unravel and change so quickly.
“Do you know anything about how they found it?”
“No. Just something about Dad having vertigo, I don’t know.”
“Maybe they knew already and just didn’t say anything.” An expression of recognition seemed to cross Clara’s face. “Do you remember…”
A heavy silence passed between them. They both stopped eating, and it was as if they were transported back in time.
“What?” Tammy mumbled.
“I don’t know, sometime last month. Maybe it was earlier than that. Do you remember what you said?”