by Ash, Nikki
“Yes, I do like what I see, very, very much.”
“And what do you see, Mr. Cooper?”
He continues to rub his hands over my belly then bends down to give it a kiss. “I see the most beautiful woman carrying and protecting our baby.”
He lifts his hands up from my belly and moves them to my breasts gently palming them. “I see beautiful voluptuous tits. They are preparing to one day nurse our baby.” I squirm at his touch. Pregnancy has definitely made my body more sensitive.
He moves up to my face putting his arms on either side of my head and kisses my eyelids. “I see the most amazing brown eyes that look at our daughter and me with such love.”
He kisses my lips softly. “I see the most kissable lips. These lips are mine.” And with that he presses his lips back to mine, pushing his tongue through and sucking on my tongue. Our lips move together like they are puzzle pieces that fit together just right.
Too quickly he pulls away and moves back down my body. “Mmm… and this sweet pussy. I am definitely looking at this.” I can feel my cheeks blush. I don’t know how after all this time this man can still make me blush but he does.
He licks up my center from bottom to top. “I want to taste you, baby girl. I want to make you come on my face.” And who in their right mind would argue with that? Not me!
Cooper continues to lick and suck devouring my pussy until I am at the brink of an orgasm. My legs tighten and my muscles clamp down on him and I moan loudly as my climax barrels down on me.
He pulls his body back up mine, and places his arms on either side of my head with his fingers threading through my hair. His hard length is pushing into me as he slowly enters me. Looking into my eyes with so much love that I want to pocket it all and store it away, he says, “I am looking at my entire world. Thank you for giving me a second chance. I love you so much.”
“I love you, too.” And for the rest of the night, Cooper makes love to me showing me why giving him a second chance was the best decision I ever made.
Fighting with Faith
Dedication
To Cindi, who told me that in life all one needs to have is faith.
Prologue
Kayla
Nine years ago…
“I think I should be allowed to date. I am fourteen years old and will be fifteen in May, which is only three months away. I am a freshman in high school and plenty of girls are dating. I get good grades and I wouldn’t let dating affect my schoolwork in any way. May I please go to the movies?”
Both of my parents are sitting on the couch – backs straight, chins up in the air, in the same stuck up way they always sit, like they are better than everyone else in the world. Nancy and David Peterson are big time divorce attorneys in South Florida and treat everything and everyone like it’s a business deal including parenting. I learned a long time ago that when I want something it is best to approach it like one would in business. I called their secretary, scheduled a time to meet, and after them only rescheduling three times – which I personally don’t think is good business practice – here we are in our living room where I am attempting to state my case as to why I should be allowed to date.
If I had to bet I would say my parents never even dated. They probably sat down and negotiated their entire relationship. I have never even seen them hug or kiss my entire life.
“Who is this boy you would like to go on a date with?” My mom asks keeping a straight face.
“His name is Jake. His dad works at the accounting firm you guys do your taxes at.”
“Is Jake your boyfriend?” My mom questions me further and I can already see the trial beginning. We might be in our living room but my mom is no stranger to bringing her work home. She lives and breathes law. There’s a reason why my brother, Zach, and I practically live at Liz’s house. We can’t get away with anything here unless we are extremely careful.
I think about this for a second trying to figure out which answer will allow me to win the argument. I would imagine a parent would want their daughter to be in a relationship if she is going to go on a date, and while Jake isn’t technically my boyfriend, I am hoping that will change after we get to go out.
“Yes, he is my boyfriend.” I dart my eyes back and forth between my parents gaging their reaction.
My parents quickly glance at each other but give nothing away. This is why they are such good attorneys. They can keep a straight face better than the poker players my dad occasionally watches on television. Zach and I could get in the worst trouble ever at school and my parents would approach the situation calmer than anybody I have ever seen. They stick to the facts and never let their emotions show (I am not even sure if they have any).
“Do you love him?” My mom’s question throws me off and before I answer I need to get myself together. Does she even know what love is? I didn’t think those words were even part of her vocabulary. She sure as hell has never said those words to anybody in this home that I know of.
“Not yet but I think I could over time.” I reply honestly hoping this will work in my favor, showing my parents I am taking this whole thing seriously. She may not say the words but I can’t imagine her daughter loving someone would hurt the situation. It’s not like I am trying to go on random dates. I am interested in one person specifically. That has got to give me some points.
“Sweetie, I think it’s time we have a talk.” My mom smiles but it almost looks like she is in pain, like having to spread her lips up to form the smile is actually painful for her. She looks at my dad and he nods his head and excuses himself. Oh great! She is about to give me the birds and the bees’ talk. Fabulous! Do my parents even have sex? I mean I know they must have done something because they had my brother and me but still… Unlike the noises we hear at my best friend Liz’s house coming through the walls of her parents’ room at night when I sleep over, I have never heard noises coming through the walls of my parents’ room (Thank God!).
“Kayla, I know that at fourteen you want to believe in love but the truth is love doesn’t exist. Love was created by hallmark to get people to spend money on each other for all sorts of holidays like Valentine’s Day and Anniversaries. If you go back hundreds if not thousands of years ago, marriages were arranged. The original contracts were made to preserve power, to forge alliance, acquire land, and to produce legitimate heirs. The churches eventually got involved which again helped to preserve the power in the churches.”
What the hell! This is definitely not the type of talk I was expecting…
“The truth of the matter is, up until the nineteenth century, marriage and love didn’t even go hand in hand. Don’t get me wrong; I am not against love because without the loss of it, your father and I wouldn’t make a living, and you and your brother wouldn’t be living as comfortably as you are. But as your mother, I am going to tell you what all my clients should have been told before they made the decision to get married for all the wrong reasons. You do not fall in love. It’s a fake emotion that people are led to believe is real. It’s ok to have fun: Date, go to the movies, and enjoy being a teenager. Get good grades and go to college to make something of yourself. Of course, I would love for you to go to law school but to be honest I am not sure you would be up for the challenge. My point is make sure you pick a career where you can bring something to the table in a marriage one day. Make sure you are completely independent, and more importantly make sure the man you pick is financially stable.”
Oh. My. God!!! She continues her speech…
“What I am trying to say, Kayla, is that when the time comes for you to be in a relationship, you don’t do it based on love. Love isn’t concrete. You do it based on mutual respect and on what you both can bring to the table. Every day in court I hear the same excuse, ‘I fell out of love’, but what people don’t understand is that love is in your head. Money, education, goals, values, religion, political affiliates are all concrete reasons to base a relationship on. Love, on the other hand, is abstract. It ch
anges constantly. Do you understand what I am saying?”
I open my mouth and then close it. I don’t even know how to respond to this. I decide to go with the first question that pops into my head. “Do you and dad love each other?”
“I care about your father and he cares about me. We have mutual respect for each other. We met in law school and knew we would be compatible. We both had the same goals, came from the same upbringing, and vote for the same political party. We work well together. That’s why after over twenty years we are still married. At fourteen years old, you can’t possibly know where this boy is going in life. Anything you know about him is simply based on abstract thoughts and feelings that can and will change over time, and I can assure you Kayla, those feelings will be your downfall.”
The truth is I always suspected my mom felt this way but it didn’t feel real until she verbally confirmed it. Now I can no longer pretend because she put it all out there. My mother doesn’t believe in love.
“I just don’t understand. I know you see people divorce a lot but what about all the people who are still married? The couples who kiss and hug and love each other…why wouldn’t you at least try to feel that way?”
I know I shouldn’t push it but I just don’t understand why she would keep herself from love. I see it on the television and I see Liz’s parents and it seems like something everybody would want in their life.
“Kayla, building a relationship based on emotions does not create a solid foundation. Like I said, emotions change. Would you build a home on the ocean? No, because the waves change. They get bigger and smaller. The tide can be high or low. You never know what you are getting. It’s what you enjoy about surfing. You build a home on a concrete slab on the ground because you know it will be stable.
“You are too young to understand but seventy percent of marriages end in divorce. It’s why people have to hire your father and me, and why they end up having to split up the house and kids and assets; they base their foundation on an emotion that changes instead of thinking logically about the issues that matter like if he is able to balance his checkbook… Does he plan to have a 401K? What type of investments will he consider? What kind of family does he come from? None of those things have anything to do with love.”
I want to tell her that none of that makes sense but I know she will just argue with facts like she always does. It’s pointless to argue with either of my parents. I know how I feel about Jake. He is sweet and popular and to be honest I don’t care whom he is going to vote for in the next election or whether he can balance a checkbook. I think my mom is wrong, and I will prove her wrong. When she sees that love is real, she will understand not everybody is like her clients or herself for that matter.
So instead of arguing I nod my head and agree. “I understand. So, can I go out on a date with Jake?”
She releases a heavy sigh. “Yes, Kayla. Just please remember this conversation. I don’t ever want to have to say, ‘I told you so.’ I would rather you be smart and not make stupid, reckless decisions in the first place so that I won’t have to clean up whatever mess you make just like I have to do with my clients.”
Kayla
Three months later…
“I’m going to do it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am totally sure. I love Jake and I know he loves me, too.”
I have been dating Jake for three months now and things are going good. Clearly my mother had no idea what she was talking about because I am falling in love with Jake and I don’t see it changing any time soon.
“Ok, Kayla. If that’s what you want to do, I will support you. Not that there’s much I can really do to support you in this…”
I am sitting on the beach with my best friend Liz. I just finished surfing while she sat on the edge of the water on her blanket reading her latest romance novel. We both recently turned fifteen and are about to be sophomores. Liz is the ultimate best friend. We met in Kindergarten and have been inseparable ever since. Most people who don’t know us question our friendship because we are the definition of opposites attracting. While Liz is the shy, quiet, book-obsessed type, I on the other hand, am more outgoing. I love life. I love to have fun and if it wasn’t for my book-loving best friend I probably wouldn’t even pass my classes. This year I was made cheer captain and I got Liz to join. I know it really isn’t her thing but I love that we get to see each other after school and at games. What I love most about Liz is that she accepts me for who I am and allows me to make my own choices without ever judging. Which is exactly what she is doing right now.
“Just make sure you are safe, ok?” She says softly clearly embarrassed to even be talking about this subject.
“I will. I promise.”
“And make sure you use protection.” Her cheeks turn pink.
“I know.” I try not to laugh.
“You don’t want to get an STD.”
“I know.”
“And you are sure you are ready? I heard it really hurts.”
“I will be ok. I am sure Jake knows what he is doing.”
The summer is about to begin and my boyfriend of three months, Jake, is about to go away for the summer. He has been begging me to have sex with him and I am going to do it. I love him and I believe he loves me. No, we haven’t said the words to each other but tonight I am going to tell him. We will have something to remember each other by and when he comes back from vacation we will pick back up where we left off.
“This is going to be great. I will call you as soon as he leaves. My parents are working late tonight on a case and my brother is spending the night at your house with your brother.”
We get up and head back to our neighborhood, which is right across from the beach. Liz’s house is before mine so when we approach her house, we hug goodbye and then I walk a little further down the street to my house. I throw my surfboard onto the sidewall and use the outside shower to rinse the sand and salt off my body before I go inside. Today was a great surfing day.
Once inside, I call Jake to let him know he can come over in an hour. I jump in the shower, shave my legs, and throw on a cute navy-blue halter-top and white shorts. I blow-dry my naturally blonde hair quickly. It’s naturally straight so I don’t have to do anything else with it.
At exactly five o’clock Jake knocks on the door and I let him in. I’m not going to lie; I am nervous about tonight. While we have made out like a million times and he’s felt me up plenty of times, we haven’t gone any further. I am a virgin, and I am ok with this because unlike my parent’s beliefs I believe in love. And Jake is the one.
“Hey, babe. You look hot.” Jake reaches for my waist and pulls me into a kiss. Once the kiss is over we walk over to the couch and sit down.
“So, I have been thinking and I am ready.” He looks confused at first about what I am referring to but then his eyes go wide when he realizes what I mean. He doesn’t say anything. He nods his head and takes me by my hand leading me up to my bedroom clearly not wanting to waste any time. Unlike me, Jake is not a virgin. We haven’t really talked about it but I know he’s been with a couple girls at school. I do know I am the longest relationship he has had which should say something about us.
After he closes the door behind us, he pulls out a condom from his wallet and places it on the bed and gives me a huge smile. He takes his shirt off and then his pants and boxers while I just stand staring at him. I am suddenly completely freaking out on the inside but I mimic his moves and remove my clothes as well. He takes me by the hand and moves us to the bed.
* * *
“Damn, babe. That was good.” I am lying on the bed, naked, and in pain next to Jake. I am not sure why people are so big on sex because Ouch! That shit hurt. Jake clearly enjoyed it based off his noises and grunts and calling out my name at the end, but as for me, no, that was not enjoyable. It felt like it lasted hours but in reality, it couldn’t have been more than a couple of minutes. In my head, I imagined kissing and holding and word
s of love being whispered but none of that happened.
I roll over to face Jake, pulling the covers up my body. He smiles at me like he just won the jackpot. It might have not been the best sexual experience but the look on his face is worth it. It’s got to be love. I am sure over time it will get better.
“Kayla…”
“Jake…”
We both say each other’s names at the same time and laugh. He tells me to go first so I do.
“I love you, Jake.”
“Kayla.” He says my name and I am waiting for ‘I love you, too’ to follow but it doesn’t so I wait for him to say something. He stares at me for a few seconds and his mouth turns into a frown.
“Kayla, babe. It’s been fun these last few months, but it’s about to be summer. I’m about to go away and you will be here.”
“I know that, but you will be back.” I get this tightening feeling in my stomach and it feels like I am going to throw up.
“Look Kayla, I like you but we are young. I am sorry but I don’t love you. To be honest I don’t even want to date anybody this summer. I just want to be single and have fun. You get that, right?”
I can feel the tears welling up threatening to spill over. If I didn’t know it’s scientifically impossible for the human heart to physically break from somebody’s words, I would be scared my heart is literally shattering into pieces.
Jake gets up from the bed putting back on his clothes. He goes to the bathroom to throw the condom away and then comes back into the room. I am still lying in bed frozen unsure of what to do. I just gave this guy my virginity but more than that, I gave him my heart. I told him I love him and was so sure he felt the same way, when all along he never felt love towards me at all. Suddenly my mom’s words come back to slap me right in the face.
He gives me a chaste kiss on my cheek and before walking away says, “No hard feelings, Kayla. Seriously, it’s been fun.” And before I can even respond he is out the door. I don’t see him out. I don’t lock up the house. I curl up in the fetal position, and cry myself to sleep.