by Ash, Nikki
I hear my phone going off and when I look at the clock I see it’s morning. My body is sore from last night and it reminds me of Jake using me for sex before dumping me. I look at the caller id and see it’s Liz.
“Hello?”
“Are you ok?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I am not ready to share how badly Jake hurt me even with my best friend. I know I will eventually but right now I am too embarrassed.
“Have you been on Myspace? Jake is telling everybody he had sex with you and dumped you.”
“What?” I get up out of bed and then remember I fell asleep after crying and never got dressed. I quickly throw on some clothes and then run over to my computer and log into my account. I click on Jake’s name and scroll down his wall where all the comments are, and sure enough he is bragging to his friends that he got in my pants and WON A BET!!
She finally gave it up.
About time! Took longer than I thought it would.
Was she any good?
Damn, I knew you would get it in before the summer.
“I will call you back!” I say to Liz and hang up.
I continue to scroll down the comments and read every nasty thing he wrote about me for everybody on social media to see. I think about everything I thought I felt and everything I thought he felt. It was all a lie. My heart hurts so damn bad. I don’t ever want to feel this way again. If this is love, then I don’t want it. My parents might not hug and kiss all the time, and they are not exactly what one would call nurturing but I have never seen them cry or be upset. I have never seen them in pain or hurt each other the way I am hurt right now.
While I am looking over the comments there is a quick knock on the door and then my mom walks in.
“Kayla, your dad and I are going to head out…”
I look up at her and she stops speaking.
“Kayla, what’s the matter?” She comes to my side and kneels next to me so we are at eye level. I don’t want to tell her what happened but I need my mom right now, so I decide to tell her a shortened version of what happened.
“Jake and I broke up and he is talking crap about me to his friends. Everybody is going to be talking about me at school.”
My mom’s face turns into what looks like a sympathetic frown and I think maybe she will comfort me and give me some mom wisdom but instead she says what I knew all along she would say.
“Kayla, I told you this would happen. I hope you take this as a lesson learned. When you open your heart, you are going to get heartbroken. Instead open your mind and be smart about your decisions. At least it happened now instead of years from now when you would have had the opportunity to make even worse decisions.”
She looks at my computer screen before I can hide it and she stands straight up glaring down at me.
“Did you sleep with him, Kayla?”
“Yes, and he’s telling the whole school.”
Of course, my mom doesn’t even attempt to sympathize with me in any way.
“That’s great. So not only did you not listen to me but also you allowed your ridiculous emotions to tarnish your reputation as well as your father’s and mine. You know we do business with Jake’s father. Hopefully in the future you will think about what happened when you make decisions based on emotions. I swear, Kayla, sometimes you can be so obtuse. It’s why you will never go to law school. You have to think with your brain and not your fickle emotions.”
“I’m sorry. I thought he loved me.” I can feel the tears welling up and I have no idea why I am even trying to defend myself. I hate that I have let my mom down and disappointed her once again. I hate that I am an embarrassment to our family. But what’s even worse it that I hate that she was right about love. I wanted so badly to prove her wrong.
“Well now you know the truth. There’s no point in crying over this. Learn from it.”
I nod my head ok. As she turns to walk out of my room she says, “Your father and I are heading out to get lunch. Would you like anything?”
I shake my head no and then she closes the door behind her.
And in this moment, I make a promise to myself to never disappoint my parents again. I will never give my mom another reason to say, ‘I told you so’. The fact is my mother was right. Love only causes heartbreak and it hurts like a bitch. It is not concrete and you don’t use it as a stepping-stone. I did and look where it got me, tumbling down the stairs headfirst with no one here to catch me. Fuck that! And fuck love. I vow to never fall in love again.
One
Kayla
Present day…
Living in Florida has its perks. For one, the sunshine is amazing. It is February, and in many other states, the snow is still coming down, while here in sunny South Florida, it is a beautiful eighty-five degrees. I am lying on the lounge chair in my bikini soaking in the sun by the pool. I can smell the ocean breeze in the air, and it’s such a tease. I am only a few yards away from the beach and that beautiful ocean water yet I can’t even do what I love which is surf. I mean I guess I could but I am not sure how well that will go over. Surfing requires balance and now that my belly is beginning to swell, my balance is definitely not what it was before. I look down at my stomach and smile to myself. At only sixteen weeks pregnant, if you didn’t know my condition you would think I had a few too many beers and fries, but that is not the case. I rub my belly and take a sip of my orange juice that is sitting on the deck table next to me.
I am excited to become a mom. When my best friend, Liz, got pregnant right before our freshman year in college, she couldn’t find the father and so we worked as a team to raise her daughter, Bella. Because of that, I am not ignorant to the fact that having a baby isn’t going to be easy, especially since I will most likely be raising the baby on my own most of the time. However, unlike the situation Liz was in all those years ago, I have since graduated from college and have a degree in physical therapy.
“Kayla, I am leaving for work. Have you thought more about what you plan to do?”
I look over and see my mom standing just outside the backdoor.
“I haven’t made any decisions yet.”
“Well, I hope you have thought about what we have talked about. You can live here as long as you need to but do you really want to once again raise a baby without a father? There is nothing wrong with giving the baby up for adoption. Successful men do not want to be with a woman who has an illegitimate kid in tow.”
“Mom, I want this baby and I am not looking for a man anyway, so it doesn’t matter. Plus, Bella does have a father and Liz and I did just fine before he came back into the picture.”
“You are never going to learn, Kayla. How many times will you make horrible decisions which require your father and I to help clean up the mess while embarrassing this family?”
“What are you cleaning up? I am staying here temporarily. You don’t have to do anything.”
“Not yet! Wait until you have to deal with custody and child support. A child is forever, Kayla. Once again you made poor choices out of lust and supposed love, and look where it got you! When will it stop? How many times do we must have this conversation? I swear sometimes I don’t even think you are my kid.”
Without waiting for a response, she huffs and walks back inside closing the sliding glass door behind her clearly ending the conversation.
I have only been living back in Florida for about six weeks but I know I really need to focus on getting a job. I am fortunate that as a physical therapist there’s quite a few options and I have some amazing references but I am not sure what I want to do yet. I liked my old job but moving was something I had to do. If I am honest with myself, I haven’t put forth the effort into finding a job because somewhere in the back of my mind I know this isn’t really where I want to live. It’s simply the only option I could think of at the time.
I am what you would call a runner. Life is good, too good to be true… I run. Life turns to shit; I feel like I can’t handle it… I run. Life get
s confusing; I have to make a decision… I run. I am way better at handling other people’s lives than my own. For the last five years, I have focused on Liz and Bella. We both went to school and both took turns caring for her daughter. I used the two of them as an excuse to never date. Don’t get me wrong, I have had my fair share of one-night stands but I never allowed it to turn into more. I am not interested in love and it’s not interested in me either.
I am currently living in my parent’s pool house and it’s ok. I could have gone back to my old room but decided the pool house would give me space from my parents, especially my mom. If I hear her say I told you so one more time I just might kill her. Yes, she was right about Jake all those years ago. Yes, she was right about my current situation I get it. Everything I do is wrong. I am a continuing disappointment in my mother’s eyes. Luckily my parents work a lot and are rarely home but I still really need to get my own place soon. Time is running out and unfortunately, I have nowhere else to run to so I am going to have to make a decision. I look out at the crystal-clear pool water and think to myself tomorrow. Tomorrow I will attempt to get a job. Tomorrow I will figure out my living situation. Tomorrow I will deal with the reality that I am pregnant and haven’t told anybody other than my parents. Today, I will swim a few laps in the pool. It may not be the ocean or surfing but at least it’s in the water.
After spending the next thirty minutes swimming laps, I realize it’s lunchtime and decide to go inside the main house and make myself a sandwich. I grab my towel and dry myself off, throw it back on the lounge chair, and then walk inside. I am thinking a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is sounding really yummy right about now. Ooh! Maybe a peanut butter and jelly with banana… Pregnancy cravings are the weirdest. I watched Liz go through it but experiencing it firsthand is something else.
I pull all the ingredients out of the cabinets when I hear the doorbell ring. It’s only noon here and with my parents at work and my brother at school, I can’t imagine who would be at the door. I don’t bother covering myself up. I left my towel outside in the back and whoever is at the door will just have to deal with seeing me in my bikini. Without checking the peephole, I swing the door open and come face-to-face with none other than my best friend, Liz. I don’t know why I didn’t think about this. She told me she was going to be in Miami and begged me to join. I should have known she would make a stop to see me. Damn pregnancy brain!
“Hol-y Shit, Kayla! Are you pregnant?” She looks down and I instinctively attempt to cover my protruding belly but it’s too late. My bikini is as tiny as it gets. Only then do I realize she isn’t alone. The whole damn gang is here with her standing in my parents’ doorway, and everybody is staring right at my stomach. Liz’s fiancé Cooper who owns the gym I used to work at, their daughter Bella, our friend Hayley who is the medic at Cooper’s Fight Club, Kaden, the guys’ trainer and friend, and Caleb who fights for the UFC and is my ex-roommate. But more importantly who is also standing on my door front is Bentley and on his arm, is the bitch he is dating, Sophia.
For a beat, nobody says anything and I remember she asked me a question. Apparently, they are all waiting for my answer. Although, I am pretty sure it’s meant as a rhetorical question because anybody who knows me knows my stomach pre-pregnancy was as flat as a board. Not that I do so much to work out other than surfing but I am naturally a tiny woman with amazing genetics and a fast metabolism, standard size breasts, small stomach with toned legs and arms from my years of surfing. The only feature of me that contradicts my many years of surfing is my naturally pale skin that never tans. I look down at Liz and notice her golden brown tan I have always been envious of. The girl doesn’t even like the beach and has beautiful caramel skin. Oh! Did I mention Liz is pregnant too? She looks so adorable with her little belly, and she is so happy…
The sound of a deep throat clearing causes me to snap out of my internal thoughts, and when I see the look on his face, my skin goose bumps, and not in a good way; more like in a oh damn, shit is about to get real way.
Bentley steps forward clearly done with waiting for my verbal confirmation that I am indeed pregnant, and asks the question he wants to know. “Am I the father?” Don’t worry, it’s not about to get Jerry Springer up in here (hopefully).
Kayla
Six years ago…
One week in Miami. Need I say more? Liz and I get one week in the hottest, sexiest city in the world to party it up before we are thrown back into jail, and by jail, I mean school! We have finally graduated high school and do we get a break? Of course not! After our week in Miami we will be moving to Las Vegas, Nevada to attend college at the University of Las Vegas. I know what you are thinking. How can I complain when I will be spending the next four years in Sin City? I get it, I do. But how can I fully experience what Las Vegas has to offer when in two short months I will be stuck sitting in college classes, writing essays, and studying for test after test?
On the bright side, I do have two months before school begins. Unlike my bookworm best friend who is insisting on taking summer classes, I will not be starting until the fall, which means parties, guys, and more parties with guys. I am not sure how many I will convince her to go to with me, but the fact that we are sitting in a resort in Miami, she is wearing the cute little black dress I bought her without her knowledge, and has agreed to go to a club with me tonight, gives me hope that once we are in Las Vegas she will continue to submit to my best friend charm.
We get to the club and walk to the back of the line. Liz is completely self-conscious about her dress even though she looks beyond beautiful. She has the most amazing body that goes to waste because she dedicates her entire life to school. She is thick and curvy in all the right places and her little black dress accentuates all those curves. Her gorgeous curly brown hair is flowing down her back and she doesn’t even need to have an ounce of makeup on her face because her skin is naturally flawless.
On the other hand, I am in a super cute silver sequins dress that helps to push up my breasts giving me a little more cleavage. I am not a member of the itty-bitty-titty-committee but they definitely aren’t naturally voluptuous like Liz’s breasts are. I have on light makeup, just some smoky eye shadow and lipstick. I am in matching silver fuck-me heels, and I am ready to show my fake id and do some serious partying.
Just as Liz is getting restless and I am afraid I might have to tie her up and drag her inside, the oversized bouncer-slash-doorman comes over and tells us a VIP guest has invited us in. VIP? You sure as hell don’t have to tell me twice! We show our id’s and head into the club.
The music is pumping, the lights are pulsating throughout the club, and I am in heaven right now. I have been to more than my fair share of high school parties but this is nothing like those. I look over at Liz and she is just as mesmerized by the scene in front of us as I am. This is our first time in a club and if I can make a prediction, it will not be our last.
We head to the dance floor immediately and begin dancing our asses off, grinding on each other, on other people. The music has me in a trance and when I look over to check on Liz I see some hot guy all over her After a couple of songs I notice he is leading her away. We lock eyes and she confirms all is good. That’s all I need to know. Liz is probably the smartest damn person I know. I continue to watch her and see she is heading up to VIP. That definitely makes me feel better knowing she is just going to be a few feet away from me. I decide I will dance some more with these hot guys down here and join her in a few.
After quite a few songs, I can feel my body covered in a light sheen of sweat so I decide to head up the stairs to find Liz as well as to rehydrate. The bodyguard stops me and I explain I am with people who are in the VIP area. He tells me to show him who I am with. I walk past a few booths until I see Liz sitting on the same guy’s lap from earlier, but my eyes don’t stop on them. Just past them is the sexiest guy I have ever laid eyes on. He has blond hair shaved short but still long enough to grab ahold of in bed and dark navy-blue eyes,
like the color of the water when you paddle out to a deep area of the ocean. His intense eyes lock with mine for a second and it feels like the wind has been knocked out of me. I can’t stop looking at him. His arms look strong and he is built but not too built. He’s perfect. He must sense me ogling the shit out of him because he looks at me again but this time he gives me a knowing smirk, then begins to trail his eyes down my body. That’s right, baby. Eat your heart out. Liz’s guy confirms I am with them and the bodyguard makes a grunting noise and then walks away.
I approach Liz and her new man friend and he gives introductions. His name is Cooper, and his friends are Kaden, Caleb, and Bentley. The only name I am concerned with is Bentley. He is my target, and judging by the way his eyes are intently stuck on me, I would say I got this shit in the bag. One thing I learned from Jake is, if I use the guy I can’t be used, and I will be damned if I am ever used again. I also learned Jake sucks in bed (as well as the other high school guys I’ve been with) and I’m glad to be done with high school to hopefully find a guy that actually knows what he is doing. After my one shitty time with Jake I hoped it was him and not me that was the problem but the truth is most guys I have slept with have no idea what they are doing so I am beginning to wonder if maybe it’s me.
I have learned a few things the last couple of years.
One: Guys are nothing like the characters in the movies and books. They are selfish as hell and are only out to pleasure themselves.
Two: Guys have no idea if a girl really orgasms during sex. Trust me, I have faked it enough to know this.
Three: It’s easier to give myself an orgasm than rely on a guy to do it for me.