Forgotten Memories

by Candis Vargo

  I’m sure you want to know where it is by this point. I didn’t want to keep it in the house for the fear of something happening to it. I remembered buying everything to saddle up Molly for you as she began to grow. When I realized she never liked to be saddled, I knew it would be the perfect place. If you go into the stable and dig through Molly’s old saddles, you will come across a purple velvet bag. Yes it is one of your fathers Crown Royal bags, but it was all I had to hide it in.

  When you find it I hope that you like it. You will always be my sweet Karmalita. My sweet Karma. I love you more than you could ever know. Maybe when you grow up you will have a child of your own, and then you would understand. Please do not let your father know about Adrian, I know it would kill him inside.

  I love you my sweet daughter. Always remember that.

  Love, Mother

  Chapter 18

  After I jumped off of my bed I placed the letter inside of my desk, with tears falling down my face. I made sure I hid the letter underneath some scrap notebooks I had in the drawer. After I thought I hid it well enough I closed the drawer and I transported myself inside the stable. I wasn’t the least bit surprised when Molly was standing inside the stable like she was waiting for me. I felt like too much time has already been wasted with everything and I didn’t want to waste anymore.

  “Where is it girl?” I asked Molly. She reared her head and turned around. “You know what I’m saying don’t you?” I followed her to the back of the stable.

  Once we made it as far back as we could, Molly neighed as she reared her head. I looked around and it didn’t take me long to see the pile of old saddles and blankets in the corner. Not only could you see the layers of dust covering them, but you could smell it too. It smelled like mud after a rain storm.

  I walked over to the pile and began moving the blankets one by one. I wanted to take my time because I didn’t want to risk breaking whatever it was mother had hidden for me. I unfolded each blanket as I picked it up. There was so much dust in the air that I began coughing.

  When I was shaking out the third blanket I came to I heard what sounded like metal clacking together. It felt like my heart stopped as I threw the blanket to my side. When I looked down I saw it. It was a small, purple velvet bag like my mother had said. She wasn’t joking when she said what kind of bag it was. When I looked a little closer I saw the gold embroidery that said ‘Crown Royal’ on it.

  I knelt down next to the bag and I reached down and grabbed the bag with my hands shaking. My heart felt like it stopped for the two seconds it took me to open it. Mother was right, I loved it. It wasn’t a diamond necklace or a sapphire ring. It was nothing of the sort

  It was a beautiful silver charm bracelet with a horse and a few other charms on it. I looked at each charm individually as I rubbed them in between my pointer and thumb. Next to the horse was a charm in the shape of a girl. On the girl it read ‘Daughter’. The next one over from the girl was the closest thing to a real Pixie you could get. It was the average stereotypical Pixie with colored wings that sparkled. Her body was short and slim and her wings were about twice that size. Down the body of the Pixie in small letters it said ‘Believe’. The last charm was an oval shape which looked like it had stick figure drawings on it. The drawings looked like a mother holding her baby. I flipped it over and saw ‘Love’ written on the back of it.

  I could tell that my mother had put the charms on the bracelet herself. Something about that just made it special to me. I balled the bracelet in my fist and held it close to my chest. I quickly realized how much effort my mother had put into making sure I was taken care of after she was gone.

  I wasn’t ready to wear it yet, so I decided I would at least place it in my desk drawer with the letter she had written for me. Even though I couldn’t bring myself to put it on I wanted to keep it safe. I didn’t feel as though I was up to going and trying to find out what my full magical abilities were anymore, so I decided I would simply go to bed.

  ***

  A dark cloak of depression seemed to wash over me as I lay in bed that night. My heart felt as if it was on fire. I couldn’t breathe. The pain of losing Chace was unbearable. There was a ripping at my soul and I felt as if I couldn’t live any longer. I knew it was wrong to feel that way but laying there in the dark, hopelessness and anguish began to take over.

  Before I knew it, I was at the pond again. I saw Chace and I began running at him desperate to hold him in my arms once again, to feel his body against mine once more. I came to a complete stop before I had a chance to make it to him. I saw the Demon. I had to be dreaming.

  I’m dreaming. I know I’m dreaming I tried to tell myself. The Demon didn’t possess the body of a Fallen. Instead it was one of a Vamp. He gave me a sinister grin, showing me his bloody fangs as he advanced toward Chace.

  “No!” I screamed as loud as I possibly could. I tried to move so I could run to Chace. I tried to use all the magic I could expel.

  I couldn’t move. It felt as though there was a force holding me in place, forcing me to watch the fate of the man I loved all over again.

  Chace looked at me with misery filling his face and with a faint whisper, he said, “I love you.”

  The Demon withdrew a sword and divided Chace’s wings from his body. This is a dream. This is a dream. I told myself over and over again as I listened to the screams escape Chace’s mouth. Even though it was a dream the pain was just the same.

  Whatever force that was holding me back finally released me and I ran to Chace. I was finally able to hold him in my arms again, but not under the circumstances I wanted. Tears were falling down like rain off of my face.

  He looked at me and said, “Don’t come for me. The price is too great. I will always love you.”

  Slowly, Chace disappeared from my arms as they became filled with ash. The Demon just stood there, laughing. I screamed as my heart felt like it was being torn into a thousand pieces.

  “Kill me! Take me you son of a bitch! Not him! Just fucking take me!” I yelled at the Demon before he disappeared into the dark. The sound of his laugh echoed all around me. I cried uncontrollably with my face buried in my hands.

  The force I felt holding me down before, now felt like it was pulling me. I felt like I was literally sucked out of my dream.

  I knew I woke up when I could feel the comfort of my mattress and the heaviness of my blankets. I didn’t want to open my eyes and face reality; instead I held them closed as tight as I could, with tears falling just like they were in my dream. I curled up into a ball like I was trying to hold my insides together. I knew I was going to fall apart, if I hadn’t already.

  My love was gone. The pain was unbearable. I didn’t realize I was still screaming until my father suddenly appeared in my bedroom. I felt the force of his weight hit the mattress as he flew himself on it. I don’t know what I expected from him, but he instantly wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. Somehow I managed to see through the tears filling my eyes and saw that he too had tears in his.

  “Karma, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but listen to me. I know the pain you are going through. I promise I will find a way to make this right. I swear I will find that Demon and I will send him back to Hell,” he said as he began to rock me like he was holding an infant.

  Father did know the pain I was feeling, I knew that. I also knew he would try to find a way to help, but with all the riddles and all the secrets from the Coven I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get Chace back.

  I felt like I was nothing without him. I was sure that I wouldn’t survive with him gone. I knew it was wrong for me to feel that way, but I just didn’t give a shit anymore. Chace was my soul mate, and without him my soul was shredding apart.

  I needed to see Molly. I knew I had to get out of here. I didn’t want to hurt my father but I hated for him to see me cry. I used my magic to appear outside in front of the stable.

  I walked inside the stable and saw Molly lying in her stall slee
ping. I sat next to her and leaned my head on her soft neck. She could always sense me, so I wasn’t surprised when she felt my distress and nudged me with her nose. It was like she was telling me she was here for me. I stood up and Molly readied for me to fly on her back.

  The moon was bright and the stars glistened as we galloped toward the woods at full speed. Molly took me to the pond where I collapsed on the grass, exhausted from all of the pain of losing my soul mate.

  I would rather get sliced by a thousand swords than endure this pain. I would welcome the pain of the swords compared to what I felt right now.

  Molly lied down in the grass next to me, staying as close to me as she could. The smell was sweet. The only sounds were the sound of Molly and me breathing.

  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a glimmer of light. Looking toward it, I noticed it was directly above the water. Molly followed me as I stood up and I felt strangely at peace. The light began to fluctuate like a star at night, and I saw my mother.

  Blinking several times I thought to myself, I’m losing it. I’m really losing it. Unless this is another dream, I’m losing my fucking mind.

  I thought my blinking would make her vanish. It didn’t. Mother was just as beautiful as I remembered. She was shining like the night sky filled with stars.

  Her mouth wasn’t moving, but I could hear her talking to me.

  Karma. Karma. She kept repeating my name until I realized her voice was in my head.

  I am out of my fucking mind I thought.

  She kept saying my name until I finally chose to listen to what she was saying.

  Karma, listen to me my dear. I have only a few moments before the magic is gone. You need to listen. You must focus on your powers. I know it is hard to understand, but they are all around you. Your power is your savior, it is the only way. Do not lose your strength. Your strength is what carries you. The charm my sweet Karmalita, the charm.

  “The only way for what?” I asked her.

  She began to fade in and out like I was losing focus.

  “Wait! Mother! Please, don’t go!” I ran toward the edge of the pond with my arms extended.

  My sweet Karma, I heard her voice once again. I love you my dear. I am always with you.

  She faded completely from my sight and her surrounding glow vanished. I was left wondering what she meant about my powers and if I really saw that I thought I did. I knew one thing for sure, as soon as I went back home I was going to put on my bracelet.

  It’s been so long since I have seen my mother and losing her again sent a wave of sorrow through my body. I missed her as much as I missed Chace and I wished she was here to help me through all of my troubles. The stars were glistening and a cool wind blew through my hair. I was glad Molly was standing next to me, providing the moral support I needed. I never wanted to leave this place. The pond seemed to be my beginning and my end. Where my hopes and dreams both bloomed inside of me and faded out from my reach. Leaving here meant I was giving up on the hope of my mother appearing again and I longed for her comfort.

  This was last place that I saw Chace. The pond held my memories of the warmth within his eyes and the sensual touches that talked to my soul. I hoped if I sat here long enough they would both somehow find their way back to me. Maybe we could all be together again and the pain within me would ease. But I knew that it was impossible. The strength of that knowledge was like death its self. I would never understand how one person could go through this much internal suffering and be able to live through it.

  My heart ached like it was a time bomb counting down its final second. I could have let myself feel as though I was going to die without them here with me. I didn’t. I somehow found the strength inside of me; maybe it was my true nature of an Angel coming out. Whatever made it happen it didn’t matter. The only thing I knew was it felt as if the fire in my soul changed direction. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get my mother back but I still had a chance to save Chace. I knew that with every shaky breath in I had in my body and with my entire soul that I would get Chace back. I wouldn’t stop until he was in my arms again, until I could feel his rough callused hands caressing me once again. Nothing but my eternal death would stand in my way because without Chace I was already dead on the inside.

  There was not a sound in the forest and the peacefulness of my oasis was as comforting as Molly standing next to me. I had so many questions and I always felt like this place held all of my answers. I asked myself, how did my mother come to see me? How could I get her to come back?

  With a sudden change of the wind I could swear I heard an abnormal noise in the lining of trees behind me. It almost sounded like a raspy breath from a ravenous animal that spotted his prey. Chills slithered down my body as Molly swiftly stood on alert.

  Molly started nudging me like she was trying to get me on her back. Whatever the sound was from I saw it frightened her. I never second guessed her judgment so I flew on her back and she began to take off. We were running in the opposite direction of the way we came, running away from that petrifying noise. Molly was at full speed and I lost track of where we were. Branches were flying past me, scratching every inch of my skin that was exposed. I didn’t understand why it frightened her as much as it did me but I was grateful she was running from it, whatever it was.

  “What’s wrong Molly?” I asked. I don’t think I would have been as panicked if it wasn’t for her behavior. I knew for her to act this way something wasn’t right.

  She just snorted as kept running through the trees. Now that I no longer heard the noise I glanced behind us. I instantly wished I never looked back. I saw a glowing green object that seemed to be swerving through the tree. I tried to estimate the distance and I was relieved that it seemed far enough away. I had no idea what it was but I knew it felt wrong.

  A moment later I recognized where Molly was taking us. We were at Chace’s house before I knew it. The pain of losing him hit my body like a Mac truck. I had to grab hold of my stomach with one hand and Molly’s mane with the other to keep from falling off.

  Molly ran to the back of the house by wooden double doors I never even knew were there. She pushed them open with her head and walked us inside. When we entered Chace’s house I jumped off of Molly and locked the doors.

  Molly stood at alert and was panting hard from running. I took a deep breath and caught the scent of spring and trees. Chace, it was the scent of him.

  I forced myself to walk farther into the house. I walked to the bed where we made love for the first time. We were a perfect match. His hands knew my body better than my own. I remembered how tender he was and how much I never wanted that moment to end.

  Thinking of the way he was discovering every ounce of my body, I remembered that I may never feel his body close to mine again. I might not ever feel the love and passion in my life again. I felt tears build up in my eyes. It took me a moment to notice there was white chalk on every window. It looked like something Em would write inside of her circles when she would cast spells. I went to get a closer look when I heard a knock at the door.

  Molly looked like she was ready for war, something that was out of character for her. Walking over to the door, I looked through a peephole and sighed. It was only Ethan.

  “It’s ok Molly, it is just Ethan. He was probably sent for us,” I said as I opened the door.

  “Ethan! I’m glad you’re here!” I said feeling reassured.

  “I heard that you had taken off. Your father was worried so I came to look for you. Roland is waiting for you back at the house,” he said with a smile that reminded me of a fox.

  Molly had her ears back and was trying to get between Ethan and me.

  “What is Molly’s problem?” Ethan hissed.

  “She got spooked at the pond and she brought me up here. I think she is still worked up.” I patted Molly’s neck.

  “You should come with me. Let me take you home. It’s not safe here in the woods, not after what happened to your Fallen,” Ethan said with plea
ding eyes.

  It wasn’t until he tried to step inside the house when I realized Ethan couldn’t come inside the house. I forgot how Vamps couldn’t enter a house unless they were welcomed. I don’t know why I felt comforted by the thought but it made me decide I shouldn’t leave with him. Right now I only trusted to be with a handful of people and he wasn’t one of them. Not at the current moment anyway. There was something in his eyes that sent a chill down my spine. Maybe it was because I longed for what he and Em had together. I was jealous that they got to spend their lives together when Chace and I had such little time. He was able to see the woman he loved and be with her. I could do no such thing.

  It was as though Roland knew how uncomfortable I was at this current moment. He reminded me of something similar to heroin from a movie when he emerged from the darkness of the forest and ran up to the door.

  “Karma, you had everyone worried! Come on. Let’s get you back to your father,” Roland said as he tried to enter the house.

  Even though I was still uncomfortable I managed to feel a little relieved by Roland’s presence so I decided I would walk back home with them. Molly held a grudge toward Ethan the whole way home. I knew mares could be hormonal but damn she was moody. Ethan didn’t speak on the way back to my house; instead he stayed toward the back of the group. Molly stayed by my side and Roland took it upon himself to follow her lead. He walked beside me on the opposite side of Molly. I swear I saw Molly try to bite Ethan a few times and I just laughed inwardly.

  Chapter 19

  After promising my father I wouldn’t go anywhere alone I tried to look up as much information as I could about the Princes of Hell. Since I told everyone I found information on the internet I decided I would start there. I did, but with no prevail.