Pushing Limits (Fighting Love: Book 1)

by cross, kali

  “Not big enough for me. After all the scrutiny when Angela was killed, I almost thought I was used to this kind of negative attention. I guess I was wrong. It still sucks, and it hurts exactly the same.”

  I hate everyone whispering around me, the stares…the judgments. I thought after Angela died, I could slink back into obscurity. I never wanted to go through that hell again. The press and paparazzi were relentless.

  “It’ll be ok. People will find another scandal to talk about soon enough. Listen, I made arrangements to come down next weekend. I’ll be there next Friday night around eight. I’ll call you when I land, ok?”

  “Ok, I’ll be waiting for your call.”

  “Great. I’ll see you later. Love you!”

  “Love you, too,” I say.

  I try calling Tommy. Two rings. The phone goes to voice mail. He’s avoiding me?

  My phone pings:

  I don’t share.

  I open the attachment to the text, and it’s a video of Bobby kissing me. The problem is it cuts off early before the point where I slap the shit out of him. The original sender is “Anonymous.” I drop to my knees starring at my phone, and I let the sobs come.

  Chapter 17

  I text Sally:

  Please come home now. I need you. Please.

  My phone pings:

  I’ll be there in 10.

  I stare at my phone, willing it to change, for his words to disappear, for others to appear. The words lay on the display. Unforgiving and unchanging. The door opens, and Sally walks in. She rushes to me, still sitting in the same spot on the floor, my heart in pieces on the ground beside me. “Honey, what happened?”

  I show her my phone, and she opens the attachment and runs the video. “I told you to watch out for him.”

  “I did!” My eyes widen. My voice trembles with defiance. “I slapped the shit out of him a few seconds later, but the video is cut early.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me about it?” she asks, her face wrapped in concern.

  “You weren’t here and I handled it.” I shrug my shoulders, studying my phone. “What’s to tell?” I lean my head against the wall. “That I’m a complete idiot and I should have never put myself in the situation in the first place?”

  “Amber, this is exactly what you share with your friends. I could have helped you.” She squeezes my hands, her eyes fill with reassurance. “He wouldn’t have found out this way. I also would have made damn sure he knew about the slap. You can bet your ass on that. Have you tried to text him or call him?”

  “I tried to call and he sent me to voicemail. You know. Two rings and then voicemail? He hit the ignore button.”

  “How do you know?” Sally tilts her head with a confused expression.

  “Two rings, Sally,” I sneer at her and look away, “then right to voice mail.” I hug my arms around my legs. “Shit what am I going to do? I don’t want this. I didn’t do anything wrong. I told him I was going to study with people from my class. It was only Bobby and me, and I didn’t want to worry him. Was that wrong? Maybe I should call him and explain that?”

  “Ya think?” She crosses her arms and stares at me with raised brows. “You started out lying about the whole thing.”

  “I sent him a couple of texts saying I needed to talk to him for the sole reason of telling him what happened.” My eyes pop open.

  “That just made you look guilty after he got this text. Who do you think sent it?”

  “I have no idea who it could have been. As far as I know, he only knows Chadwick, you and he’s met Tracy. I have no idea who could have sent it. It doesn’t matter. What should I do?”

  “I would call him and leave a voicemail explaining that it was not a consensual kiss. Saying nothing makes you look like you either don’t care or you were caught and figured it wouldn’t matter anyway.”

  “Ok. I’ll do that.” I try his cell phone again and after two rings, it goes to voicemail.

  His voice says, “You’ve reached Tommy, and I can’t come to the phone. Leave your name and number, and I’ll get back to you.” I can’t breathe, I want to hear his sweet voice, not a message. I need to explain. I feel sick, like my whole world has dropped out from under me.

  I leave him a message, “I got your text and I wanted to talk to you. The video you got, from God knows who, is missing the ending. It’s not what it looks like. Please call me. Please, baby.” I sniff and wipe away my rolling tears.

  I start to cry, and Sally holds me as I sob. I stay there wrapped in her arms, on the floor for a while. I’m not sure how long.

  My phone pings and I snatch it up, staring at the display.

  I won’t go through this again.

  I can’t.

  I need time.

  I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk.

  My guts feel like they’ve been ripped out as I whisper, “I think I’m falling in love with him.”

  Sally strokes my hair, and says sadly, “Oh honey, I’m so sorry.” Hugging me gingerly, her voice is soft as she says, “I’m here. It’s going to be ok. We’ll get through this.”

  ***

  The days flow into one another. All filled with studying and tests. That’s about all I can handle. I spend every moment studying. I can’t seem to bring myself to leave the room except to go to class. I hang out with Sally and Karen, but that’s it. We watch movies and study together. Sometimes we play quarters but after ending up crying and curled in a ball on the floor, they try to keep the drinking to a minimum. They’re sweethearts and still try to persuade me to get out, go to a club or out to eat, but I always say no.

  I try to text Tommy a few times, but I never get an answer. I even tried to call him and tell him how I felt about him, desperate to make one last ditch effort. He didn’t pick up, so I hung up.

  Bobby sits next to me in poli-sci now. I moved every time he tried to sit next to me for a few weeks, but after a while, I gave up. It’s an aching reminder of what I’ve lost, but it feels like penance, too. He knows what happened through Jerrod, I’m sure.

  He asks me out about once a week, taking my declines in stride. Every week, he asks saying he hopes I will feel up to it soon. I cancelled Aunt Patty’s visit, telling her I was too busy with school. Sally’s brother came and went. He was only here for an overnight stay anyway, so it was easy to beg off when she offered to introduce us.

  The whole campus is a buzz about the serial beatings. Every few weeks or so, some new waitress is beaten when she leaves work, all with the same footprint on the back. Jenna, the waitress who waited on us at the Hole in the Wall, was assaulted the next night after she got off work. The police advise all women in the area to walk to their cars in pairs late at night or have a security guard walk them out. The only pattern that emerges is the footprint, that and all the victims are waitresses and strippers. Other than that, the police have nothing else to go on.

  My advisor requests a meeting shortly before midterms to review all my grades. Professor Stewart is actually quite pleased with my progress. That’s about the only good thing over the last few weeks. My grades rock. I’m sliding up on a four point grade average.

  Sally stays at home most nights. I think she’s concerned about me. The beatings have her worried. She’s talked to the police a few times, but they think it’s a coincidence that she knows some of the victims. Apparently, quite a few girls from campus are friends with more than one of the victims. It still gnaws at her.

  I don’t care what her reasons are. I’m just glad she’s around.

  I can’t look at my phone anymore these days. It’s a painful reminder I’ve lost Tommy. I used to check it every day, hell, every hour, for the first few days. But after the first week slipped by without a text or a call, and then the second week, the message sinks in. It’s over. I’ve lost him. I wasn’t honest, and he let me go.

  It’s ironic. The thing I hold most dear is what cost me. I demand honesty from everyone and that’s what undid our relationship. I let him in for
a mere moment and ran back into the shadows too scared to let him really see me. I kept everything hidden, kept important events to myself, tried to handle things on my own. I showed him yet again I didn’t need anybody. That I didn’t trust him.

  I still cry myself to sleep every night, even after two months. I still dream about him. I wake up and for a moment, I think he’s still there. I feel his touch, his kiss, his strong arms around me, and then I realize, again…I’m alone.

  ***

  “Amber, how are you? I haven’t seen you around campus lately.” Lily gives me a strange smile. What’s that look for?

  I have no idea why she is in our room. They are seated at the kitchen table, and there are glasses of wine on the table. Sally gives me awkward glance, and I shake my head. Please God, do not tell me she is sleeping with that chick again.

  “Lily.” I turn to Sally and say, “I didn’t know we were having company tonight. Don’t let me interrupt, honey.” I glide my hand across her shoulders, kiss her lightly on the cheek, and flash a wicked grin at Lily. I walk to the bathroom door mustering up as much sex kitten bravado as I can and close the door.

  The walls are thin so I put my ear to the bathroom door to listen as Lily blows a gasket. This will be fun!

  “You know, we were fine until Amber came into the picture.” She snaps, “You’re really sleeping with her, aren’t you? That wasn’t just a joke. You are, aren’t you? You couldn’t keep your hands off me when we were rooming together, why should she be any different?”

  Sally sounds desperate, but she’s still firm. “We weren’t fine. I told you weeks ago I couldn’t do this, hell…wouldn’t do this. You chose not to listen. You chose to ignore everything I said. Hell, everything Maria Gonzalez said. I told you I was moving out before Amber even showed up. Don’t bring her into this.” Sally’s voice rises, and her tone is clear but very loud. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. You will never be out. EVER. I am DONE. I can’t do this anymore. If you leave me alone, I’ll have to go to Chadwick to talk to her about harassment charges. Don’t make me do that. In fact, I think you should go to Maria in the morning and have her move you to another dorm. I don’t want to see you. Even in the hallway.”

  “You can’t go to Chadwick,” Lily pleads. Her voice rises as she whines. “I work in that office with her every day. I’ll be humiliated. Please don’t, baby. Please.”

  “Ok, but I need you to move, even if it’s to another floor. We’re done, and I can’t see you every day.”

  “You know, your new roommate is not who you think she is.” She says, venom lurching from her voice. “She was in a gang, and she was involved in a shooting last year where one girl was killed. She did nothing to help that girl, either. She even refused to testify at the trial. She didn’t even go to the funeral, and the girl was her best friend.”

  Oh, fuck no! She did not say that. My ears pound as the blood rushes to my head. A cold shiver rises up my spine, and my hand trembles as I reach for the door. Swinging it open, it slams against the wall.

  Charging Lily, I shout, “You fucking sick shit, how dare you?” My hand is up and slapping as hard as I can across Lily’s face, all the fury bubbling to the surface. “You do not know what you are talking about.” I scream into her bowed face, “Shut the fuck up!”

  Lily turns to me, her hand on her face where I slapped her.

  I scream, “How dare you, you fucked up bitch. I didn’t refuse to testify at the trial. There was no trial. They never found the guys. I loved Angela Garcia. How fucking dare you!” I lunge at her, but Sally catches my arms.

  Lily sees her opportunity and takes it. Rearing back, she punches the shit out of my face. I see stars, and my knees give out, a tiny trickle of blood seeps from my lip.

  “Awww, did I hurt you?” she asks coldly, wiping the blood from my lip. She examines the red dot on her finger with a cold indifference.

  Still holding me, Sally yells, “Get out of here Lily, before I call the campus police.” I struggle to get free. “Now!”

  Lily flounces to the door. Turning to look back at us, she takes her finger with my blood on it and wipes it deliberately down the door jamb. A cold smile creases her lips, and she leaves, quietly closing the door behind her.

  Sally immediately turns to me. “Are you ok? Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” She lifts my face so she can get a good look.

  “Fuckin’ underhanded bitch. I can’t believe she sucker punched me.” I touch my lip and wince.

  “I would have let you go, but I know you would kick her ass.” She looks over my face saying, “Big mark on your cheek, the lip might swell. She walloped you hard. Seeing stars?”

  “Yeah,” I snap. My ears are ringing, and I whisper, “Ow,” as I cradle my head in my hands. “At the least, she’ll leave you alone. Nice move, threatening to go to Chadwick.”

  Sally jogs to the bathroom and comes back with a wet washcloth. Wiping away the blood from my lip, she says, “I want her out of my life. Do you want to call Maria and report this?”

  “Nah, not worth it. You should probably take a picture just in case.”

  Sally snaps a quick pic with her phone. Turning to the fridge, she fills a bag with some ice. Handing it to me, I wince when I feel the cold against my lip.

  ***

  “Summer break is next week. What are we doing?” Sally jumps on the bed, her eyes dancing like a little kid at Christmas.

  “Uh, I don’t know. I have finals to worry about.”

  “You’re kidding, right?” she asks, like I just popped her bubble.

  “My aunt is threatening to visit.” I patiently smile at her. “I have to have a great GPA, or I can’t get a motorcycle. If I don’t get a bike, I’ll be stuck taking the bus to my job interviews. I would prefer I didn’t have to do that. Look the grades will be updated in an hour. Let me print them out, and I will think about making some plans. Let’s have a beer. You want to see if Karen wants to come down to our room for a beer? We can play quarters.”

  “No.” She stands, looking down at me. “I am done with this dorm room. I need to celebrate. We are going to go for a beer somewhere, anywhere but here.”

  “No.” I say firmly, turning back to my books in a vain attempt to ignore her.

  “Amber, if I have to carry you out over my shoulder, I’ll do it.” Her eyes narrow, her lips set in a thin line. “I can’t stay in and party here anymore.” I guess my look of total hopelessness softens her heart. “What if we go over to the student union? It’s two blocks away and still on campus. Can we please go out?”

  “Ok. But, I’m going like this. I am not getting all dressed up.”

  Sally looks at me in my jeans and purple tank and says, “Put on some makeup, and it’s a deal.”

  “Why?” I ask with a sneer.

  “Because I asked you to.”

  “Fine.” I trudge into the bathroom, slap on some makeup, and grab my book bag, looking at her with a total lack of enthusiasm. “I’m ready.” She sighs and pushes me out the door. We stop at Karen’s and knock. Hearing giggling and muffled voices inside, we wait for Karen to make it to the door. I roll my eyes at Sally when Karen answers the door with without-a-doubt, just-fucked hair.

  “We’re heading to the union to wait for grades to post. Do you think you can manage to forfeit a few minutes from fucking to have a beer with us?” I ask dryly.

  “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, Amber,” Karen says with her hand on her chest. Never mind that she is wrapped in nothing but an elaborately twisted sheet. Who does she think she’s kidding? Melissa thankfully is long gone, having moved out a few weeks after Karen grew a backbone. I’m sure Jerrod becoming a permanent fixture in her room had little to do with it.

  “Hi Jerrod!” I shout into the room, keeping my eyes on Karen.

  “Hi Amber!” he yells with a chuckle.

  “Get out of bed, and let’s get a beer.” Sally yells over Karen’s head.

  “Ok, let me get some pants on,” Karen turns awa
y from the door to probably give him a dirty look. He calls out, “Mind if I ask Bobby to join us?”

  Both girls look at me and wait. “That’s fine.” I grumble.

  We walk over, and Bobby is waiting for us on the front steps. He’s his usual charming self. Holding the door open, pulling out my chair, getting up to get the beer and something for me to eat. I can’t help but look at Sally, trying to gage her reaction. She doesn’t seem to care.

  We hang out, drinking beer, and talking about school and summer break plans. The clock tower bell rings four times. I open my laptop and log onto the college’s website. I enter my user ID and pin and wait for the information to load. I’m so excited. I know it’s going to be good. Lord knows, I’ve done the work. My grade point average comes up. I stare at the screen. Certain I have made some data entry error, I look at the detail for each class. Nope, still the same. My heart sinks. I hit refresh. Again. Again. Again. Damn it!

  Sally notices me pounding on the keyboard as I page through trying to get the GPA to change. “What’s wrong, darlin’?”

  I look at her as my stomach drops, “My GPA is one point seven five. That’s not right! It can’t be. My GPA should be three point seven five, not a one point seven five. How is this possible?” What if my mother sends me somewhere else now? Another school? I can’t do another school. I can’t leave. These grades are wrong. Shit! “This is wrong. How do I go about getting this fixed?” My eyes search my friends’ faces in a flurry. “What if they can’t fix it? Oh my God, I’m going to be sick. If my mother finds out about this, she will rain down a shit storm on my ass.” My pant, my face feels flush. “Shit, she’ll move me again. Fuck!”

  “Calm down. We’ll find out what the problem is. Here, let me check mine.” Sally takes the keyboard and inputs her information. “My GPA is about what I expected – three point five.” Pushing the computer to Karen, “Here Brainiac, check yours.”