Love Survives (Love Suicide #2)

by Jennifer Foor

  “I’m never washing my face again,” I teased.

  “You’re so sick.”

  “Love sick. That’s what I am.”

  “Just go to sleep, Brooks. We have a long way to drive in the morning.”

  “Fine. I love you long time. Just remember that while you’re getting your rest. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

  Later, after Kat fell asleep in my arms, I remained awake. I’d been up thinking for hours, trying to find a solution to her worries. She was so concerned about my parents and Brooklyn. I knew there had to be some way to make the transition easier for everyone involved. That’s when it hit me. I knew what to say, all I had to do was run it by her first. “Kat, wake up.”

  She squinted when she opened her eyes. After checking the clock she seemed pretty annoyed. “Go away. I’m sleeping. It’s not even morning,” she whispered.

  “I have an idea that might make you feel better. Come on, wake up. The sun will be up soon. Don’t you want to know what it is?”

  She leaned her head on her hand, like it was the only thing keeping it upward. “Fine, talk.”

  I could see that she was falling back asleep, but didn’t care.

  “You’re all upset over me not knowing about Brooklyn. You think that they’re going to flip out on you or something. I think I have a solution. What if we told them that I knew the whole time? I haven’t been home and they suspect there is a lot of reasons why I’m remaining at a distance. It would only make sense that part of it was because of the baby. If we told them that you didn’t want Branch to know, they’ll believe us.”

  She yawned, but looked right at me anyway. “Brooks, the only problem with your story is the part where I run off and get married to a stranger. How are we going to even begin to explain that?”

  “We won’t tell them that either. They don’t need to know. Look, we all make mistakes. Last week I felt like my whole life was worthless. I thought you’d moved on and started a family with someone else. I wanted to bury myself ten feet in the ground and never look back. I don’t care about the details of when or who. All I care about is us. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a family to visit on the holidays? It’s better for them to know her when she’s small. That way she’ll never remember a time when they weren’t a part of her life.”

  She shrugged. “Of course, it would be wonderful, but I think you’re assuming that they’ll forgive me. I hurt them, Brooks. Just because you’ve forgiven me doesn’t mean they will.”

  “Kat, I love you and I love B. I don’t care if it’s been four days or four years. Nothing is going to change for me. Don’t you get it? You’ve given me everything and you still think that you’re this horrible person. You’ve always been a part of my family and you know it. Family forgives.”

  “I am a horrible person.” She just kept blaming herself as if I hadn’t been a part of the reason she left her life behind. “Brooks, I ran away from everything, had a child that you never knew about, and let another man, who beat me on occasion, raise her. What part of that is forgivable?”

  I pressed my hand over her mouth, so she couldn’t say anymore. “All of it. It’s true, but you also assumed that we were through. Then you thought I died. If something ever did happen to me, I’d want you to find happiness. Besides, after seeing you for five minutes, I knew you were still in love with me. After that, I didn’t care so much. Granted, I was pretty pissed that first night.”

  It was rough knowing that Kat assumed I was dead. I don’t know how long she would have gone on living like that, perhaps the rest of her life. That made me so sad because I knew we’d all be missing out on little Brooklyn.

  “I could spend the rest of my life apologizing to you and it will never be enough. What if we don’t work out? What then?” Was that a real question? Was she serious?

  “First of all, I’ve already forgiven you, at least for the Brooklyn part. Now, me being a guy, I can see where you’d think that Bobby was a good catch. He seems nice on the outside and given your circumstance, I can understand how him offering to take care of you was a good idea. What I don’t understand is how you could let someone physically hurt you more than once. That is what bothers me. It’s the only thing that I can’t let go of, especially since I’ve spent my whole life looking out for you.”

  “I’m weak. Losing you broke me. Knowing what we could have been shattered my soul. Once I knew I’d made a horrible mistake, I just ran. I didn’t stop driving until I was sure that I wouldn’t be found. Facing any of you would have been impossible. I thought I had things under control, but I started getting sick and then I discovered I was pregnant. I know my decisions were prompted by desperation. I’ll admit to that. I’ll also admit that after time, I developed feelings for Bobby; feelings that may or may not have blinded me from a lot of things. The problem with falling for someone else was that I knew I was letting you go. When I thought you’d died, I snapped. I think a part of me died with you that day even though you obviously weren’t dead. I gave up hoping and settled for what I already had. Was it a mistake? Probably. At the time, I didn’t have many options.”

  “Not until I showed up,” I added.

  I took her hand into mine and laced them together.

  “When I found out you were alive, I didn’t even tell him. I ran right to you. I had to see you, to touch you and know that it was real. You can’t imagine what I went through. I was miserable. It was hard to even take care of B. My heart hurt for her never being able to know you. I couldn’t let go because I wanted to believe that someday we’d be together. I’ll always run to you, Brooks. It’s why I know that this time is different. Our time apart taught me that my life is nothing unless you’re in it. B needs her real father, not a replacement. She needs to grow up understanding what real love feels like. I will do anything to make what I did up to you and prove that no matter where I was, or who I was doing it with, I never gave anyone my whole heart. I fell in love with you when we were children and it’s never gone away.”

  “Me too.”

  She shook her head, like she wasn’t satisfied. “No, I think I even remember the exact moment. We were all three in the tub together. I guess we were around five. I’d asked my mother if she’d stop making me take baths with you two because Branch made fun of me all the time. Remember he used to point at me and laugh because I was different?”

  I had to smile. It was fun thinking back to those days. “Yeah, I remember. He only picked on you because he liked you.”

  “Don’t take up for him.” She slapped me lightly on the chest. “Anyway, this one time he said I was ugly. It made me cry. You pushed him against the faucet and it cut his back. He got out crying and ran and told on you. Then you looked right at me, as innocent as it probably was, and told me-”

  I cut her off. “You’re pretty to me. That’s what I said, wasn’t it?”

  She seemed shocked that I remembered.

  “Well, you were always pretty, until you hit puberty. Then you became beautiful.”

  I could tell I’d earned brownie points.

  “I don’t deserve you,” she said against my lips.

  Being this close to her was so sensual. Everything about her body screamed for my attention. It was hard to stay focused.

  “You know, Kat, I told my Mom once that I was in love with you. I think we were around ten and we’d all three been up in the tree house playing. You had those Barbie’s up there and Branch kept throwing them out and making you climb down and get them. About the third time he did it, I grabbed his arm and yanked it until he cried. I remember him running to tell on me and when Mom asked me why I did it, I looked right up at her and said ‘because I love her’. I think my mom always knew that it had never gone away. She even suspected something the night of our first kiss, or maybe my brother ran in and tattled about what we were doing. She kept giving me an evil eye all night, silently accusing me of something. Maybe I just felt like we’d done something naughty. At any rate, she knew how I felt about
you. So did my dad. He pulled me aside when you started dating Branch. He told me that there were plenty of other girls out there for me. He didn’t get that I didn’t want any other girls. It’s the reason I started bringing random girls home. Part of it was because I thought you’d get jealous and want me instead of Branch. The other part was because they both pulled me aside and asked me if I was okay with you being with him. I couldn’t admit that I wasn’t. Mom made a huge deal trying to keep me occupied while you were doing your own things and making out with Branch. Finally, I knew they wouldn’t stop until I showed them that I didn’t care. It wasn’t always an act. Some of those girls were fun.” I began to chuckle quietly while I waited for her to respond.

  “I guess I deserve that.”

  “Stop. Kat, no matter who I was with, in my eyes, they were always you. Besides, I wasn’t innocent. I lost my virginity to a girl who didn’t even know it was me. You could hate me forever for that one alone, but I went and did it twice, because I couldn’t say no to you. I couldn’t go and get Branch when I knew I could be what you wanted. I used to dream that halfway into it you’d say you knew it was me the whole time. I was pretty messed up.”

  “You know, the first time, it was only my second time. It’s probably why Branch didn’t even understand what I was talking about. I wasn’t running around sleeping with your brother. It took me a long time to do that. Maybe I always knew that it wasn’t right.”

  “Damn, if I’d have known that I probably would have told you, seeing as I know I was better. I watched a lot of porn while you were out with my brother. You can learn so much if you turn the volume down and fast forward through the story part.” It was so easy to be honest with her. I couldn’t help share every detail about myself.

  “Eww, don’t tell me that.”

  “You should see the collection we had overseas. It gets real lonely.”

  “I wish we could go back.”

  “Don’t,” I said as I pressed my lips on the top of her head. “We’re here now. All of that bullshit that we’ve gone through has only made what we have stronger. I’m not living in the past, Kat. It’s time to move forward. I’ll be by your side if you want to divorce Bobby. If you’re not ready…”

  “Not ready? It should have never happened. I think everyone is forgetting that I didn’t marry him because I wanted to. I married him because I was out of options. Bobby was good to me for the most part, but I will definitely be divorcing him, the sooner the better.”

  “Just checking. So, about the plan. Will you go along with it?”

  She looked me straight in the eyes. “I’ll do whatever you want me to, Brooks.”

  Hmm, that was the wrong thing to say to a horny man. “Don’t tell me that. I’ll start making lists.”

  Just as Kat reached below the covers to check me out, we heard a sound coming from the other bed. There she was, our little girl, awake and curious. “There’s my girl. Come up here. Let’s get Mama.”

  While we wrestled and played I could tell Kat was still thinking about seeing my parents and introducing them to our little girl. I wasn’t though. I knew they’d love her and be grateful to have Kat back in their lives again. It was just going to take a little push on my part to make sure it happened. When we all went back to sleep I was optimistic about our trip, but only time would tell if it helped or hurt us.

  Chapter 42

  When I woke up bright and early to someone smacking me in the face, I had to smile, because I knew who the culprit was. “Good morning, sunshine,” I whispered to keep from waking up her mother.

  B touched my nose. “Daddy.”

  “Let’s change your diaper and go get mama some coffee. She needs her sleep.”

  I’d never changed a diaper in my life, so I paid close attention to the one I was taking off, in order to be able to put the clean one on. At first I felt like I was invading her privacy. I mean, she was a little girl, and I was a grown man. While she laid there smiling at me, I finally understood that this was a normal natural thing any father would do. I had to get used to it because from now on I was going to be pitching in. It was surprising when B helped me fasten the diaper. She grabbed her dress out of the bag and swung it around. It took me a second to figure out the buttons, but finally she was dressed.

  As soon as I threw on a pair of pants and a shirt we were out the door, searching for some coffee to wake mama up with. Kat was never a morning person though our daughter seemed to be the happiest as soon as she woke up. I saw many future moments together between the two of us.

  After we got two cups of coffee, and a fresh apple juice for B, we went back into our hotel room. Kat was already sitting up in the bed, probably wondering where the two of us had gone off to. She smiled when she saw what I was carrying. “Wow, I could get used to this. Oh my gosh,” she noticed B was dressed. “You did that?”

  “She helped.”

  Kat covered her face. “You’re the sweetest.”

  “Anything for my girl. I wanted you to be in good mood when you woke up. Plus, my little bug needed some juice for the ride.”

  We stayed until Kat could get dressed and then got back on the road. I couldn’t remember ever being so excited to go home, but I’d also never had everything I wanted within an arms reach.

  Little B had no idea what she was getting ready to enter into. She couldn’t know that she was about to meet two people that would cherish her every move.

  She was about to be spoiled, and I couldn’t wait to watch it happen.

  Kat on the other hand needed a stiff drink. She was a ball of nerves while I drove, and as we pulled onto the street I thought she was going to vomit.

  “We’re in this together, Kat,” I reminder her as we pulled up.

  I helped get B out of the vehicle while I waited for her mother to follow. I half expected to have to carry her the rest of the way since she was being so stubborn. She looked right at me as I put B down and knocked on the door. I watched her taking a step backward and grabbed her hand before she was able to chicken out.

  The door opened, and all eyes were on us. My mother pulled Kat into her arms. This was insanely beautiful to watch. It was like everything she’d been scared of was being lifted away. “Katy, oh my God. I can’t believe it’s really you.” They both began crying, not letting go of each other. Then my mother gasped. She slowly removed her hold on Kat and looked up at our little girl. Never once had she noticed that I was holding a child. B clung to the string on my hoodie, hiding her face from the person she didn’t know yet.

  “Mom, I think you should let us in.”

  She backed up while staring at our daughter. Once we got into the foyer, B turned and began looking around. That’s when she knew, without a doubt, that this little girl was my child. “I’d like you to meet my daughter, Brooklyn.”

  My mom lost it, covering her mouth as she began to bawl. I walked up and hugged her. When she pulled away, she just kept looking at her, crying. B swatted at her face. “No cry.”

  It was hard to see my mom so shocked. It broke my heart to know she hadn’t ever met her before. I guess I wasn’t even thinking that I’d just met her too. “Hi. I’m your grandma, Brooklyn.”

  “We call her B, so she doesn’t get confused when she hears my name,” I explained.

  My mom turned her attention to back to Kat. She was so distraught, and I understood why. Everything was coming around full-circle, and although it was something she needed to get through, it still didn’t make it easy. “I’m so sorry.” She managed to get out.

  Then my dad walked into the room. He was looking down at his camera. “Sorry, I just needed to replace the batteries.” He looked up and saw us standing there, two women in tears, me with a big smile, and a child completely confused.

  “Hey, Dad. Long time no see.” I was trying to break the ice though I don’t think it worked.

  It was apparent he didn’t know what to say. The poor man just kept looking at us, as if he were in some kind of dream. “Look, w
e know we have a lot of explaining to do. Can we get settled for a while first? B needs a fresh diaper and I know she’s probably starving.”

  My mom took over as if she knew exactly what to do. “I’ve already made a turkey, and Dad got those sweet rolls you both love.”

  I stopped her. “Mom. Breathe. I know it’s a lot to take in, but we’ll be here for a week, so how about we take a breather, go unpack and meet you in the dining room?”

  She nodded. “Okay.”

  B wanted to get down. I wasn’t about to fight her. I knew she wanted to explore. There were a lot of cool things around the house to get into. She looked up at my mom and started swinging her body from side to side.

  My mom bent down to her level. “Do you want something to drink?”

  “Chocate mulk.” My little bug knew exactly what she wanted, and she also used her cuteness to make sure she got it.

  I watched the woman that raised me smile while tears still ran down her cheeks. “Well, okay. Let’s go see if we can find some of that.” She looked up at Kat. “Is it okay? I can change her if it helps?”

  Kat handed her the diaper bag. “Sure. Thank you.”

  It was nice to see my dad walk over and pull Kat into a hug. I could tell they were both so happy to see her, with or without our huge surprise. “Welcome home, Katy.”

  Kat was still a mess as she clung to the man. “I miss you. I missed you so much.”

  When I knew she wasn’t going to let go, I took it upon myself to remind her that we had plenty of time. “Let’s go up and get settled.”

  One thing I hadn’t pegged on was my dad tearing up. I couldn’t remember ever seeing it happen. “We really missed you. Both of you.”

  I shook his hand out of respect. “I’m sorry it’s been so long, Dad. We just needed time.”