“I didn’t say that.”
“Yeah. You didn’t. So, do you want me to head over to your place when I get off?”
I needed to clear out as much mess as I could. If Kat walked into that mess she’d lose it. Her perfect house was now damaged, and I was determined to assess the full damage for myself. “Yes. There’s a hidden key attached to a magnet underneath the fender to the riding mower. It’s in the shed. That key opens the front and kitchen door. I have no idea what’s there to eat, but help yourself. We’ll call when we get close.”
“I can’t wait to see you. We’re going to get through this, Kat.”
She was quiet when she replied. “Okay.”
Kat was withdrawing. If she thought she could push me away she had another thing coming. Nothing would stand in my way this time, especially not a dead guy. “Don’t you dare give up on us. I know what you’re doing.”
“I’m not doing anything,”
“You’re pushing me away because you think it’s the right thing to do. You think you caused all of this to happen. Kat, you didn’t make him put that bottle to his mouth. You didn’t make him raise his hand to a woman. He did all of that himself. I know you feel guilty, but he could have chosen other paths. He didn’t have to viciously hunt you down and you know it. If he found my parents address, he very well could have gotten their phone number. Please, Kat, just think about it. We all know you’d never hurt someone intentionally. You did what you had to do to get free. You said it yourself.”
“He’s dead because of me. Nothing you say will change that. Now, I’ve got to come home and face all the people that loved him. They never believed he did those things to me, so they’ll never understand that this was an accident.”
“He was drunk. It was confirmed through blood tests. Those people can say whatever they want, but they can’t deny the damn truth.” I hated fighting with her, but didn’t see an end to it. Kat couldn’t let herself heal. Instead she was determined to keep punishing herself because she felt it was the right thing to do. I would convince her she was wrong. I just wasn’t sure how to do it yet.
“I love you, so much,” I whispered into the receiver.
“I love you, too.” I could hear her sniffling on the other end of the call. It tormented me.
“I’ll be there waiting for you tonight. We’ll get through this together. I promise.”
When the call ended, I was set on getting my workload done early so I could make my way over to Kat’s place. Unfortunately, from being gone for a week, I had a pile to sift through. Hours went by before I was able to finish up. My intentions of getting to the house in time to clean up anything out of place was turning to crap.
I rolled in probably an hour before I expected them to arrive. Nothing could have prepared me for what I found inside. Things hadn’t just been thrown around. The pungent smell of gasoline filled my nostrils. I opened all the windows and doors before searching for where it was coming from. When I found which room it was I almost wanted to throw up.
Gas cans were laying sideways on the carpet. I picked them up and carried them outside, hoping to alleviate some of the stench. When I came back in to reassess the damage I still couldn’t believe my eyes. He’d set fire to their bed. A giant charred black spot was all that was left of the mattress.
In the corner I saw an extinguisher. He wanted her to know that he’d only burned this item. This was all intentional. It took everything I had in me to not break more shit because I was so irrefutably angry.
Since I knew I had to get some of the mess cleaned up, I started with what I could get out of the house. I threw away the bedding, placing it in garbage bags. I tossed out the area rugs, thinking maybe they still had remnants of gasoline on them. I closed the bedroom door to keep the smell confined to one room.
Then I looked around the rest of the house. Plates had been thrown in the kitchen, leaving shards of sharp porcelain everywhere. Curtains had been torn down. The couches were flipped. Tables were tipped over, and everything that had been on top of them. He’d trashed the entire house with the exception of B’s room. I didn’t know whether to even be grateful for it since he’d damaged so many other things.
Since I knew B was going to have to walk around the house, I began the task of picking up the shards, one by one. Though daunting, I felt the need to do everything I could to prevent from Kat freaking out, which I knew she was still going to do. One can only take so much before they reach a breaking point. This was clearly not going to go over well.
After nearly thirty minutes of picking up the larger pieces, I started looking for a vacuum. Before I turned it on I got a call from my dad.
“Hey, it’s not a good time,” I said as I answered.
“I was calling to see if the girls got there safely.”
“Not yet, but I’m glad they haven’t. Dad, her ex trashed the house. He set their bed on fire, destroyed her property. It’s a damn mess. I don’t know what to do.”
“Have you tried cleaning some of it up?”
“Yeah, but it’s not a one-man job. I’ve never seen anything like this.”
“I can’t believe she got involved with someone like that. I hate to say it, but I’m glad he’s no longer going to be around to harm her. She doesn’t need that kind of role model around Brooklyn.”
“I wouldn’t let him near her even if he was around. The only male influence my daughter needs is from her real family.”
“Listen, Katy was a mess yesterday. She made a few calls to notify Bobby’s family. I’m guessing it didn’t go very well. Apparently they didn’t know the side of him that you saw.”
“I figured.” It wasn’t to help me though. “Listen, I better get off of here. I need to at least clear a path for when B gets in the house, otherwise she’s going to have to be locked in her room.”
“Do the best you can. Once they’ve arrived pull your mother aside and get her to help with replacing whatever is damaged. She’ll know where to find everything, and how to have it delivered. You know there is a positive to this, Brooks.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“You’ll have all new things that he didn’t use. If I were you I’d buy a new bed anyway. In fact, it’s the first thing I would replace.”
We both chuckled. “Yeah, you’re funny. I don’t think Kat would be laughing though. I’m pretty sure this is only going to break her heart.”
“Brooks, try not to push. Katy is a good girl. She’s just having a rough time. I get why you’re upset, but you’ve got to put yourself in her shoes. She obviously cared about him whether you want to hear it or not. They were married, son. This is something she’s going to have to deal with for the rest of her life.”
Of course my dad was right. It wasn’t fair to blame Kat for being so irrational. For two years she’d given herself to Bobby. As much as that hurt me, I had to accept it, or else I’d never be able to handle the way people were going to look at us as a couple. “Let me know about the house next door. I think the sooner we get out of here the better.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow. Have your mother let me know they’ve arrived safely. Give Brooklyn a kiss from me.”
“I will. Thanks, Dad. Thanks for everything.”
“Just make sure you two keep coming around. It was a pleasure having everyone home again.”
When we hung up I felt a little better. I just needed to prepare for Kat’s arrival, and her upcoming nervous breakdown.
Chapter 54
I knew they’d be tired when they arrived, and Kat would be stiff from the long ride. From the moment the vehicle pulled up in the yard I started to worry. I looked behind me at the mess that I couldn’t manage to make any better. It was going to be a long night.
When I heard the car doors opening I rushed to greet them. Kat seemed pleased to see me standing there waiting to pull her into my arms. “I missed you.” We kissed first before she walked into the mayhem.
“Daddy. Me get out.” B wanted to be free
d from her car seat, and I couldn’t wait to be the one to do it.
“There’s Daddy’s bug. Did you miss me?”
She took my hand immediately, making me feel like a million bucks.
I don’t know how I expected her to react when she first set eyes on the place. A part of me wished I could have hired a crew to come in and just empty the place out. It certainly would have been better than it was. “I’ve been cleaning since I got here. I didn’t want you to see it like this.”
Kat covered her mouth as she walked from room to room, noting the damage.
When she was ready to open her bedroom door I pushed myself in the way. “Kat, let’s get you settled first.”
“What is it? What did he do?” She was already in tears, brought on by the shock of it all. I couldn’t begin to imagine how betrayed she felt.
“You need to remember that this is just a house. Everything in here can be replaced.”
“The fumes are still bad,” I said before she could walk in and see the worst for herself.
“What has he done?”
“I already bagged the bedding and the fire extinguisher. I’m assuming this was all some sick message, considering he’d been prepared to put the fire out before it got out of hand. Like I said before, we can replace all of this. I can buy us a new bed tomorrow. With a couple cans of paint and some fresh carpet we can get the smell out of here and you’ll never even be able to tell it ever happened.”
She stood there, shocked, shaking her head. “Don’t you get it? This is all my fault. Everything! He did all of this because of what I did to him - what we did to him.”
I tried to grab her shoulder, but she shoved me away. “Please, Kat, you’re not thinking clearly.”
“My husband is dead because I broke his damn heart. We did this to him. It didn’t have to be like this, Brooks. Stop acting like we’re just going to be happy and move forward. There is no moving forward. I’ll never forgive myself. I can’t even begin to think about it.”
My mother was in the other room with B, probably wondering what the hell was going on and all I could do was stand there watching my life turn to shit. Fear struck me as I began to contemplate what this detour meant for our relationship.
“Kat, don’t make me leave. Please talk to me.”
She closed her eyes when she spoke. “I won’t ask you to leave. Your mother and our daughter are here.”
“You just need time. That’s what this is, right? We’ll get through this?”
“Maybe. It’s too much right now, Brooks. I’m not trying to hurt you and this isn’t about our love. There will never be anyone but you. I know that. I need to sort things out in my head before I can do anything.”
I hated it. I hated the idea of getting her back only to be shoved aside while she sorted things out. Why couldn’t we do it all together? “So what am I supposed to do? Do I come here every day and pretend that it’s okay to not be able to touch you? Do I avoid eye contact because looking at you is like shards of glass being driven into my eyes? I’ve waited for you, Kat. I’ve been so God damn patient. If I could take the pain away from you I would. I’d do anything to keep you from hurting, but I can’t accept that we can’t be together. I won’t let you push me away this time. Do you hear me?”
I grabbed both of her arms, forcing her to give me her full attention. “Look at me, Kat. Look me in the eyes and swear to me that we’re going to get through this.”
“What if we don’t?” I couldn’t believe she was saying it. Her tears meant nothing to me because she was brutally damaging all hope we’d work this out. With each word I felt like a wall was being shoved up between us.
I started shaking her, trying to get her to snap out of it. She couldn’t possibly think we were better off being separated. “Don’t do this, again.”
“Brooks, what if I can’t move forward? Look at my house. A man is dead. Our love is like poison and everyone around us ends up getting hurt. How much more has to happen before you see that?”
That was it. I couldn’t hear anymore of it. I had to walk away. I refused to let her see me upset. I didn’t say goodbye to my mother, or even little B. I simply rushed out into the dark yard, jumped in my truck and drove away.
For a while I coasted down the side roads, blaring the music to hide my sadness. I was so close to having it all, only for it to be taken away from me again. What was it about our love that made things so difficult for us? Why couldn’t we ever find a common ground and settle into it?
I didn’t understand.
The longer I was away the more I missed her. I drove by the house several times seeing that the lights were still on. It killed me that she wasn’t calling. She was angry, but so was I. Maybe it was best if I gave her time to calm down, even if it killed me to do it.
It was one in the morning before I pulled back into her driveway and parked my vehicle. I didn’t get out, but instead crouched down and planned on sleeping it out. Just because she hadn’t asked me to come back didn’t mean I was going to give up. Not this time. I couldn’t handle it. I refused to let Bobby’s death ruin our chances at being a family. We had too much to be thankful for.
An hour later my cell phone started to ring. I jumped before seeing that it was her number calling me. “Kat, is that you?” I had to ask because it could have been my mother.
I could hear her sobbing on the other end of the call. “Yes. It’s me.”
“Please don’t cry.”
“I can’t sleep. All I keep thinking about is being without you. I feel so sick over it. My head is all over the place. I feel like everything is my fault, but I also know that there’s no possible way I could ever give up on us. I just feel so lost, Brooks.”
This was such a relief to me. I couldn’t bear it either.
“Babe, I’m not going anywhere. I promised you that no matter what happened I’d stick around, and I meant it. You’ve got a lot going on, but in time you’re going to see the big picture. You’re going to know without a doubt that we should be together. I know I get hardheaded about you. It’s only because I’ve waited so long to start our life together. Now we’ve got a little girl to raise. As much as I hate that you’ve got baggage, it doesn’t mean I’ll give up. Nobody is going to come my way and take your place. You have my heart, Kat. You always have. Please calm down. I hate it when you’re so upset.”
“I know I love you and I know I’m supposed to be with you. That’s never been my problem.”
“Yeah, I know. I feel the same way.”
“Will I see you tomorrow?” It was music to my ears.
“Do you want to see me?”
“Of course.” My stomach started turning with excitement. Our time apart had helped her calm down.
I got out of the truck and walked up to the side door, opening it while I spoke. “How about now?”
Kat was smiling when our eyes met. “I thought you left?”
We both hung up our phones at the same time.
“I did. I drove around for a while and then came back, seeing as I had a feeling you were going to need me. I can see now that I was right.”
“What if I didn’t call?”
I shrugged. “I’ve slept in worse places than a truck. I would have gotten up and drove in to work. I wasn’t leaving you three girls here alone. Since you obviously needed some space, I gave it to you.”
“Your mom was nice. We talked for a bit. I told her about Bobby. I may have left out a few details, but she knows everything there is to know. I can’t tell whether she hates me or not. I think I already hate myself enough for the both of us.”
“She doesn’t hate you. Didn’t she tell you that you were her daughter, just a few days ago?”
“That was before she knew I was a lying, married, awful person.”
“Do you hear yourself?”
“It’s true.”
“You lied because I asked you to. I told you to keep it from them because I thought it would be easier. I didn’t know Bobby w
ould show up, and if I had, we could have been prepared.”
She pointed to the living room seats. “Will you come sit with me?”
“Will you let me?” I didn’t want to overstep her boundaries.
“I’ll always let you. Stop asking such stupid questions. You never have to ask me.”
I kicked off my boots before sitting down next to her. “Come here.” I put my arm around her and pulled her down against my chest. “Try to get some rest.”
Our hands laced together as she got comfortable “Please don’t go anywhere, Brooks.”
“You are on top of me. I don’t see how I could sneak out without you noticing.”
“Will you tell me a story that I’ve never heard?”
“Let’s see. Can it be about anything?”
She nodded. It felt great to have her in my arms. This was where she belonged.
“Before I left for boot camp, I asked Branch if he planned on marrying you someday. I don’t know why I did it. I guess maybe I just needed that push to tell me that I was doing the right thing by leaving. At any rate, he told me that as long as I wanted you, he’d have you. Do you believe that cock sucker said that?”
She laughed. “Yeah. I do.”
“Anyway, that’s not the best part of the story. While he thought he’d damaged my ego, I laughed, thinking about the two times that I’d been with you that nobody knew about. Then I said the first thing that popped into my head. I asked him if he was alright with knowing that when you were with him if it bothered him that you pretended it was me.” I cackled to myself. “You don’t have to tell me if you ever did that, but it made me feel better saying it to him.”
“I’m sure it pissed him off.”
“Yeah. It didn’t matter. I left, and he got to be with you. He got to live with you and spend countless hours in your presence while I was so far away from everyone.”
“How did you get through it?” She asked.
“I thought of you. I drew pictures of you and wrote you letters that I never sent. I hooked up with other soldiers, but they weren’t anything spectacular. To be honest, I stayed busy most of the time. It wasn’t until I was in bed thinking of you that it got hard.”
Love Survives (Love Suicide #2) Page 33