“It broke my heart when you left. I felt like I was being punished.”
“My brother fooled us both. Don’t let it get to you. We’re together now, Kat.”
“Please be patient with me, Brooks. I know I said I couldn’t move forward, but I also can’t lose you. I just feel like I ended his life. I feel responsible and I’ve got to work that out on my own. You understand, don’t you?”
“You hurt me earlier. I keep letting myself fall harder for you each time. The thing is, when I do that and you push me away, it hurts worse. All I can tell you is that no matter how many times I’ve tried to not love you, it’s never happened. So you can push me away. You can tell me you don’t want to be with me, but I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stalk you if I have to.”
Kat giggled. “I told you where I hide the house key. You’ve been invited in.”
“Good because I was planning on having a copy made in the morning.”
“Promise?”
I peered down at her with a smile on my face. “Yes, I promise.”
The next morning I awoke to find Kat still on top of me. I tried to scoot her off without waking her, but it was impossible. Her eyes flew open. “I need to go to work.”
She grabbed my hand when I tried to step away. “Will you be back later?”
“You’ve got a hard day ahead of you. Are you sure that’s what you want?”
She nodded.
“Woman, you’re so confusing.”
“Please?”
I leaned over and kissed her. “I’ll see you later. I love you. Give B a kiss and tell her I’ll be here after work.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life. No matter what happens, you’re always there to protect me. Sometimes I think my parents made you that way, like they somehow connected us so I’d never be alone.”
“I hate to break it to you, but I loved you way before they died and I promise that they didn’t put any spells on me. It happened because I wanted it to. There’s no other reason that I want to be there for you. No one makes me do it. I do it because it makes me happy. It makes me feel close to you, even when you’re not paying attention.”
I winked at her before stepping out of the room.
When I left for work, I felt better than I had the night before. We were going to get through this, no matter how many obstacles stood in the way.
Chapter 55
Since I knew Kat was spending her whole day making arrangements for Bobby’s funeral and getting in touch with their mutual friends, I took it upon myself to work on my own little project.
With the help of my mom, who was left at the house still watching B, I was able to get the measurements for curtains, bedding, and even replacement area rugs. On my lunch hour, I went to the stores that my mother suggested and picked up replacements of all the things Bobby had ruined during his rampage.
It felt so good to pick out things for Kat. I wanted to give her the world, and this was just the beginning of it.
When I got back to base, I made a few more calls ordering a new bed. It was a special kind that I figured Kat would enjoy. I knew I certainly would.
After gathering a couple of my buddies, we headed over to the store to pick up everything else I needed, including the new mattress. Then, before we arrived, I called home to check on her.
“Hello?”
“You’re crying? What’s wrong?” I didn’t like that she was having a hard time and hadn’t reached out to me.
“I just got off the phone with Sarah.”
“That bad?”
“Well, they all loved him. They could never believe the things that I said he did, and of course, I got blamed for everything that happened, including him coming to D.C. and losing his life. She even said that the whole town was going to hate me and I needed to prepare myself for it.”
“Kat, listen to me. You’ve got to calm down.”
“Sorry.”
I wished I knew a better way to console her. “We’re going to get through these next couple of days. Mom and I will be by your side the whole time. I don’t give a shit what those people think of you. I know the real Katy; the one that cares about other people and leaves her life and everything behind because she’s disappointed them. I know the girl that lost her parents and somehow grew up to be an amazing mother. And last but never least, I know the woman that loves someone with her whole heart, no matter how far away they might be. Please, try to calm down. I’ll be there around four. I’ve got to stop and do something first.”
“Brooks?”
“Yeah?”
She sniffled as she responded. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Yes, you do. Go take a hot bath. Close your eyes and think about B’s smile. Think about how happy she is when you walk into the room. Think of things that make you happy. Just try to relax.”
“I’ll think about you, Brooks.”
I can’t even begin to explain how much of a relief it was to hear her saying that to me. “Without clothes. That always seems to change my mood.”
I heard her attempt to laugh. “I’ll try that.”
“That’s my girl. I’ll see you in a bit.”
Kat never expected me to show up with bags, and she certainly couldn’t have known I’d bring a few guys to give me a hand. The look on her face was priceless. “Hey. Now before you freak out I just want to say that I did my best picking out something you’d like. If it’s no good, we’ll take it all back and pick out something else.”
I put the bags down on the coffee table and kissed her. “You didn’t have to buy me anything.”
I’d already started walking back outside to get more. “If I’m going to be living here, then I need to pitch in.”
When I came in again I noticed she was already going through the first set of items I’d brought in. She seemed so delighted, and I couldn’t help but smile. Finally I’d done something right. “I can’t believe you did all this. Did you take off early?”
“No. I ordered it all on the computer and it was ready when I got off. Mom suggested it.”
Kat seemed pretty shocked. “This is pretty amazing. I can’t believe you did this.”
I sat down beside her and ran my hand over the soft part of her face. “I’d do anything to see you smile, Kat. Put your feet up and start opening packages. I’ve got to go back outside and help my buddies with something.”
“Your buddies?”
We all took a corner and began carrying the heavy mattress in through the doorway, and then to the bedroom. I couldn’t see Kat’s face, but I was pretty sure she was shocked.
After we got that positioned, we then carried in a new area rug to take place of the ruined one. The whole time they were in the house I couldn’t wait for them to leave so I could give all my attention to my girls.
I saw my friends out and thanked them, promising a case of beer to each for their assistance. Once I was back inside, I picked up Kat and carried her into the bedroom, sitting down on the soft mattress beneath her.
“So, how does it feel? The Internet said it’s the most sold bed in America. The rug is even softer than the one we had to throw away. It matches all the new bedding. Mom picked them out based on what you had before.”
The memory foam made me excited to sleep at night. I hoped she liked that kind of comfort. Her old mattress felt kind of hard. “It’s great, but there’s just one problem.”
“What? Too soft? I know some people like a bed to be firm.”
“No. It’s too comfortable. I don’t see how you’re ever going to get any action when I fall asleep as soon as my back hits the bed.”
I laughed before pulling her close to me. “Am I allowed to kiss you or are we still waiting?”
She closed her eyes and separated her lips just enough to tell me she was ready. “Waiting only prolongs the inevitable.”
I kissed her slowly, running my wet lips over hers. “I don’t think I have to worry about you falling asleep on me. I know ways to keep yo
u alert and ready.” Right as I began to run my hand between her legs the door came open and in popped B.
“Hey, Daddy will be outside in just a second. I need to talk to Mommy about something first. Go on with Mom-mom and I’ll meet you there.”
She hopped down and went looking for her grandmother. When Kat met my stare I think she saw the intent in my eyes. I wanted her.
She still kept me from touching her there. “What’s wrong with you?” I questioned.
“Don’t you dare do it. I need time, Brooks. I can’t just spit on a grave that hasn’t even been dug yet.”
I just shook my head. Sure I was disappointed, but I was willing to wait. “Look, now I get that you’re worried I’m going to push you, but I won’t push for that. Kat, I will wedge myself so far into your life that you won’t be able to get rid of me, but I wasn’t going to ask you what you think I was. In fact, I wasn’t going to ask you anything.”
“Sorry. What was it?”
“While you were in the hospital, I stopped by and had my appointment with the medical board. It seems that my injuries are more severe than I thought. They’re going to have to do surgery, and they’re not real sure that they can fix the damage.” I was lucky to be seen in Bethesda on such short notice, but after they’d examined my records they knew what the results would be. I think they also appreciated that they weren’t going to have to fly me out there since I was already in the area.
I saw her looking down at the scars on my arm. “What does that mean?”
“Well, depending on a few factors, I may not be able to stay on active duty. I know I can’t pass a normal physical evaluation. Without feeling in my hand and arm, I can’t operate the machinery that I was trained to use.”
“You said it didn’t bother you.”
“It doesn’t. For the most part, I can’t feel much of anything. I just assumed that it was alright. But I can tell that sometimes I lose the feeling and control over it.”
She put her hand over her mouth. “Jesus, you picked me up before. You just carried a mattress. What were you thinking?”
I lifted my fingers up to run them over her lips. “I was thinking that I’d waited my whole life to be with you and hold a child that we shared together. When the opportunity was in front of me, I couldn’t refuse it.”
“So, it’s our fault you may not be able to work?”
I shook my head. She was just being silly now. “Even if it was, I wouldn’t be mad. I’ve got plans for us, Kat, and they don’t involve the military. Getting out wouldn’t be that bad. I could get a job and we’d be fine.”
“I still can’t believe that you want to be with me. So much has happened. If you were smart, you would have forgotten about me a long time ago.”
“We’re a family. I’ve doubted myself for many reasons in my life, but deciding to love you was never something I ever considered giving up. That probably makes me a fool. I really don’t care what anyone thinks about it. We can be something beautiful together and that’s all I need to know.”
Kat smacked me lightly on the chest. “Stop doing that.”
“What?” I played innocent.
“Making me love you even more.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” I quickly changed the subject. “I’ve got some paint outside. I’m going to need to paint the ceiling before we can get the sheets on the bed. I bought you the nice thick ones like we had growing up.”
Kat rolled over as if she was going to spectate only. “I guess I’ll just lay here and watch.”
I kissed her on the nose before standing up. “Sounds good to me.” Right before stepping out of the room I stopped to ask her something else. “So, did you get everything taken care of today?”
Kat leaned up on her elbows. “For the most part. The church is basically taking over and everyone pretty much made it clear that I wasn’t going to be welcome. They all think I’m a terrible person. I know you don’t see it, but maybe they’re all right. How else could I feel so happy to start over with you, in the midst of a tragedy?”
I felt it necessary to walk back over where she was and kneel in front of her. “Kat, you’re human and you’re coping. If I wasn’t here, life would be different, but I can’t let what’s happened come between us. I won’t. Only you and Bobby know what happened in that truck. You can blame yourself for the rest of your life if that will help you cope. The fact is that, he forced you into that vehicle, after breaking a protective order and hunting you down, with every intention of harming you, or maybe even worse. Wake up and see what I see because nowhere does it say that defending yourself can be construed as murder. You were trying to survive in a dire situation, one where your life felt threatened. If they can’t understand that, then screw them. They weren’t your real friends anyway.”
After gathering all the supplies, I went back into the bedroom. I hopped on the bed and looked at the ceiling close up. “I need to seal the spot. I checked earlier, and it didn’t go through. He must have put out the flames as soon as they started to get high. One coat of this primer and couple coats of the paint should do the trick. If you hate it, I’ll rip out the drywall and replace the whole area.”
“You know how to do all that?”
“Do you think I just wear this uniform and walk around all day looking sexy?” She obviously did.
She laughed at me. “Of course not. I just didn’t think they taught you stuff like this.”
“Woman, you’ve got a lot to learn about the things I know.” I bent down and touched the tip of her nose with a wet paintbrush.
Kat reached over and ran her hands up my shirt. She knew it would make me crazy. “I’m a more hands on kind of learner.”
I sat the paint can down and hovered over her, prepared for whatever she had in mind. The painting could wait. “Let’s get started then.”
Chapter 56
The next couple days seemed like they had been before all hell broke loose. The house was finally put back together. I’d repaired any dings or holes that had been put in the walls. My mom had made sure every square inch was scrubbed clean. Kat was able to rest her hip knowing that we had everything taken care of for her. I had to admit that my mom being there during the day was a godsend. In the evenings she made dinner for when I was set to arrive home. I appreciated knowing that she was making sure Kat stayed off her feet, but also that B had someone to keep her occupied.
In the evenings I spent all of my time with the three of them. My most favorite part was when it got close to bed time. B would nestle her body up against mine while Kat always sat next to us. I’d put my arm around her and enjoy being this close to them at the same time.
As the days got closer to Bobby’s service, I could sense Kat getting nervous. She wasn’t snappy, but it was clear she had a lot on her mind.
During the day, I focused on getting my financials together for the realty company back in D.C., so that I could attempt to buy back Kat’s parent’s house. I still hadn’t mentioned it to her, but knew without a single doubt, she’d appreciate it more than any other gift money could buy. It wasn’t just her childhood home. It was where all of her special memories with her parents still remained.
I could picture us raising our family there. It seemed like the good choice to make, especially since my career options were about to change.
Lucky for me I had a great resume to provide, and with a couple military bases, NSA, and even the FBI within driving distance, I’d have a ton of options to apply for.
The night before Bobby’s funeral, after I’d put B to bed and made sure my mom was comfortable in the cleaned up guest room, I climbed into bed next to Kat and pulled her in close. “Stop worrying about tomorrow, woman. It’s just another day.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have to go there and face all of them.”
“I will. I’d be happy to accompany you.”
She turned and gave me a questionable look. “Seriously? I can’t show up to Bobby’s funeral wi
th you. It’s wrong in so many ways.”
“I’m the father of your child and your best friend. What’s the big deal?”
“It’s inappropriate, Brooks. I’m going alone. That’s the end of this discussion. Let it be.”
I ran my hand through a clump of her long brown hair. “You’re feisty tonight. You’re like a female lioness.”
“Don’t be funny. You’re freaking me out about showing up. Brooks, you can’t be there.”
“Calm down. I won’t come.”
Kat wrapped her arms around me. “Don’t get mad. I just can’t handle anymore negative drama. I feel like tomorrow will finally close a lot of doors for me. I’ve lived here and made friends. Now I’m worried I don’t have any left. It hurts.”
“You’re never alone, Kat.”
“I know. It’s the point though.”
I kissed her nose and then her lips. “I love you. Everything I do is because of that.”
“I know it is. That’s why you’re the man of my dreams, Brooks. You always know what I need. I love you for being you.”
That night while she slept I tossed and turned, even with a new mattress. It wasn’t that I was uncomfortable. I was worried about her getting into a situation and me not being there to save her. She wasn’t going to like it, but I was going to show up at the funeral even if I had to hide it from her.
I’d borrowed my friend’s car to ride to the funeral in. It had tinted windows, making it easy for me to be there without being seen. It wasn’t hard to spot Kat’s car as she pulled in. I watched her hobble out toward a group of people. After I knew she wasn’t looking around for me, I pulled into a spot closer and cracked the window so I could hear what the people were saying to her. It hurt me so much that she was going there alone. I had a terrible feeling I couldn’t shake. That’s why I put on my military dress apparel and went even after she’d told me not to.
Right away I could hear hostility as the people addressed her.
Love Survives (Love Suicide #2) Page 34